??? Urgh... Where am I? What happened to me? The last thing I remember is being dragged out of my cell... Everything after that is a tad bit fuzzy... I wonder why I'm here?
???: "Hello there! Glad to meet you!"
??? GAH! WHO ARE YOU D:>
???: "Welcome to the world of POKEMON!"
???: You didn't answer my question, you creep! Who the fuck are you! D:>
???: "My name is OAK. People affectionately refer to me as the POKEMON PROFESSOR"
I clap my hands over my ears. Does he have to be this loud? I can hear him perfectly fine.
???: Um sir, can you please not yell? I'm only standing right here-
Prof. Oak: "I CAN YELL IF I WANT TOO! AND FOR AGITATING ME, I WILL YELL AT YOU FOR THE REST OF THIS DAMNED INTRODUCTION ! THIS WORLD ..."
He pauses for a second before picking up a Nidoran♀ and throwing it at my face. The Nidoran♀ didn't waste any time and started clawing at my face.
Prof. Oak: "IS INHABITED FAR AND WIDE BY CREATURES KNOWN AS POKEMON! FOR SOME PEOPLE, POKEMON ARE PETS..."
I tuned out the old fart's exposition. Partially because of the fact that it was boring as hell and partially because there was a fucking Nidoran on my face trying to claw out my eyes. We've got to have money priorities man.
Eventually, I get the psychopathic Nidoran off my face and throw it back at Oak. He recalls the Nidoran and leers at me, royally pissed off.
Prof. Oak: "ARE YOU DEAF, MORON? WHAT GENDER ARE YOU?"
I wanted to make a witty comeback about the perceived irony of that statement, but I decided it wasn't worth it. For annoying the senile man would only make this experience more painful than it already was.
???: I am a girl sir.
Prof. Oak: "FANTASTIC, NOW WHAT IS YOUR NAME?"
A sheet was shoved in front of me, with a blank spot to enter my name. I though about giving me some awesome name to make myself look cooler, but that would make me look like an ego-stroking jackass. So I answered truthfully.
When I face Oak again (my face covered in scratches that will probably be infected if not cleaned soon) has brought in a young boy around my age.
Prof. Oak: "THIS IS MY GRANDSON, YOU HAVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE YOU WERE YOUNG. WHAT IS HIS NAME, AGAIN?"
This is tragically hilarious. Even though I have never met this kid in my life, he thinks I was the boy's childhood friend. To add salt onto this kid's wounds, he forgot his name, and let ME decide it. I would hate being in this kid's situation right now... but it would still be better than a Nidoran to the face.
I am handed another sheet to sign, I decided to betroth this kid with whatever name I could think of at the time. A name he would live with for the rest of his life.
Prof. Oak: "OKAY THEN, HIS NAME IS NOW CAL!"
Cal: "HEEHEEHOOHOOHAAHAA"
Okay, Cal was not making that ungodly demon laugh a second ago.
Prof. Oak: "YOUR POKEMON ADVENTURE IS ABOUT TO UNFOLD. SEE ME IN MY LAB LATER, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE RACHEL!"
And then, I black out.
The Secret Board of Shadowy Figures: "We are trusting you to be the Starter Pokemon of the latest super soldier admitted to the area."
???: <All is well Shadowy Figure! I vill not let you dohwn!>
The Secret Board of Shadowy Figures: "You have let us down many times before. If it wasn't for the fact your mother keeps on nagging us every time you mess up. We would have quickly fired you."
???: <Ah, mumzy was ahlways zhe best. Ahlways looking out fhor her little poppet~>
The Secret Board of Shadowy Figures: "That is beside the point. You will help the S.B.S.F achieve it's goal of heralding in a new generation of hyper-intelligent super soldiers by informing us about the maturation of this girl. Correct?"
???: <Yes sir! Little do they know I have my own plan for this super soldier! Ones that DON'T involve shadowing figures!>
The Secret Board of Shadowy Figures: "You're speaking in a normal room voice."
???: -Beat- <Sooo I aaaam. Little do they know->
The Secret Board of Shadowy Figures: "You're on thin ice, [REDACTED]. Don't mess up now."
-Blip-
[REDEACTED] does a mocking imitation of the S.B.S.F head, before going back to planning his nefarious plan for our protagonist.
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