And now we reach the end - all that’s left is two chapters, the epilogue, and the afterwards. I don’t really see why it needs an epilogue and an afterwards, but given that the story had both a prologue and an introduction I guess I can at least credit it with being consistent.
So going into the final chapters there’s a bit of a problem: The main antagonists are all dead, which begs the question of what there’s going to be for a climax to keep us engaged. The story seems almost aware of this, as it has now resorted to a non-linear narrative gimmick wherein it jumps back and forth between the present, which is the big climactic battle against the masses of generic mooks (and Stern, I guess, but it’s not like she was a significant character in any capacity and her thing amounts to like one page of stuff) and the two days leading up to it, which largely amounts to Littlepip talking to allies and gathering her forces and organizing stuff.
She talks to the hellhound dude and gets information, the alicorns come and ask Velvet for help in making alicorn males - apparently they heard she could use her magic to grow bones and got the wrong idea - and they meet a variety of characters including Lionheart, a Canterlot Ghoul batpony guard who speaks in the Royal Canterlot Voice, Gloom, a zebra person, and that bit hints at colorful personalities who might’ve been entertaining had they shown up earlier. Or maybe. Lionheart’s shtick largely amounts to recycling a joke from the show. So maybe it’s better that he didn’t show up sooner and demonstrate that he's basically Loud Howard from Dilbert.
Speaking of recycling jokes from the show, chapter 44 does it’s damn best to cram as many funny lines from the show into it, including “I really like her mane” and a groaner of a lesbian joke taken from “Bridal Gossip.”
Speaking of, we have a lot of Littlepip trying to make us buy her relationship with Homage has any...thing to it at all.
I’m not going to comment on the big climactic battle because I don't really care. Given that Littlepip has gone off the deep end, I have absolutely no reason to root for the heroes. Furthermore, with the major leaders of the factions dead there isn’t any tension. As such, there really isn’t any reason to be invested in the final battle. So honestly there isn't a lot to comment on. There is, however, a lot of Littlepip talking with her allies about stuff.
One thing of note is there’s a bit where there’s a dialogue between Velvet and Littlepip where the latter justifies her murder of Autumn Leaf, and the justification is all “What were the alternatives? Doing the memory orb thing? Trying to convince him while he was paralyzed?” Well, I dunno. Might’ve tried, if it was good enough for the Wonderbolts. And failing that, it’s not as though having a high-profile hostage you could use as a bargaining chip would in any way be useful. I guess that’d just be stupid.
Hmm. That bit of cheery sarcasm there just makes me think that I may have missed an opportunity with this liveblog. Instead of aping Yahtzee, I could’ve done my thing like Yes Man from New Vegas.
...
“My liveblog was reprogrammed. To be NICE! Really, really nice!”
“That’s not mass murder. Not when you do it.”
“Ha ha, that’s not funny... Velvet getting her leg cut off...”
“You... blew it up!... I can’t help but admire how brave you are for doing that. It’s going to make everything so much more... challenging! Yeah...”
“And if everyone turns on you for plunging the Wasteland into all-out war, we’ll just shoot at that, too!”
“Did I just say terrorism? That’s not a very nice word.”
Ah well, too late for that.
Then that’s followed by a bit where Littlepip asks Velvet why she bothered to help the hellhound. Velvet’s all “He wouldn’t done the same for me,” to which Littlepip replies “I doubt that.” “Does it matter?” “...No.”
To the story’s credit, Velvet has gotten a bit less annoying since she rejoined the party, and the story is pulling all the stops to go “see? She’s totally not a strawman, honest!” what with the alicorns asking her for help and her doling out anesthetic spells etc etc. But at this point in the story it’s a little too little and a little too late. Yes, that discussion about the hellhound is all nice and stuff on its own, but between Littlepip’s cold-blooded murder of a defenseless enemy and that delightful scene where the heroes' allies melt the brains of those communications officers with Canterlot broadcasters, it rings more than a little bit hollow.
Xenith finds the meteor and has a crisis of faith.
Gawd talks about how great things are going on her end, and how they’re going to start the New Canterlot Republic. Well, I certainly have an easy time imagining that a pony Cassandra Moore is gonna pop up in those ranks, so I’ll give the story credit for that. I also look forward to the part where they pay mercenaries to dress up as raiders and attack settlements so that they’ll want to join for protection.
And of course, Littlepip discloses her master plan about using the SPP to blow up the pegasus agriculture. “Wait, isn’t that pretty much exactly what Red Eye was doing?” someone asks. “No, it totally isn’t, we’re totally not as bad as he is!” she says.
Except she really is. I especially like the bit where Life Bloom is all “Oh, so you have a food production megaspell? Or a radiation-clearing megaspell?” And she’s all “Oh yeah, totally.” Except she doesn’t, really.
It’s like gambling all of your kid’s college funds on a roulette spin. Except instead of roulette it’s terrorism.
Hey, I know, here’s a crazy idea: Why not get the elements and activate the Gardens before you fuck everything up? But I guess that would make too much sense.
One problem I have with this story is it has this massive Designated Hero thing going on. It's okay for Littlepip to do such and such a thing, but when other bad guys do it...
- Autumn Leaf points out that Red Eye destroying the cloud cover would make him a horrific mass murderer. But Littlepip having the exact same scheme is totally fine because of the off-chance she'll get the Gardens to work.
- Velvet and Homage, who I assume are supposed to be the main "moral" voices of the story, think that Littlepip murdering all those cannibals was all right, because after she did it they found out they'd been murdering people. That is, assuming that murder can be retroactively justified, because recall that Rattle's list only surfaced after she'd killed everyone. But when Grimstar kills a bunch of ghouls who were planning to take over Tenpony Tower and massacre the inhabitants, he's an asshole and he gets what he deserves when SteelHooves murders him.
- The Enclave doing mind-control experiments on hellhounds? Oh they are fucking evil. Littlepip blowing them all up with a nuke because she has to kill one of her enemies? Eh, acceptable casualties.
- So you've sold me that Deadeyes is an evil bastard. But exactly what reasons am I given to believe that the amoral mercenary leader who's fine with grabbing complete strangers to do her dirty work and is willing to backstab her co-workers is any better?
You see my problem here? And come to think of it, why is the Enclave doing experiments on hellhounds in the first place, apart from the Enclave in the games doing it? They live in the clouds! I imagine that the applications there are kind of limited.
Moving on, Littlepip discloses the existence of the Gardens to her friends and they’re all impressed and they get this idea about Littlepip being the “spark” that brings them all together. And they expect to find the remaining elements in the order of a couple months, even though Spike has been looking for them for the better part of two hundred years and not found anything until now. Interesting hypothesis about Littlepip being the spark, but if she’s out of the picture while playing weathermare, she isn’t exactly going to be there to find the others, is she?
I can’t even really recall the reasons for the big battle scene happening. I guess they just want to take advantage of the chaos caused by the fights between Red Eye’s remnant forces and the Enclave and take over the factories and stuff. Not sure why they’re organizing a strike team on Neighvarro. Littlepip’s already figured that Spike’s dragon breath can get her past the shield, so why is she even going there? Did she just want to make extra special sure that she really couldn’t get past the barrier otherwise?
And while talking about that bit Calamity is all “Only fight in self-defense! We’re not here to murder anyone!” Only for the part of the mission Calamity's on, though. Those communications officers are fair game.
So cyber dragon amounts to fuck all, Life Bloom admits that the Twilight Society are the lamest secret society ever (isn’t the general point of a secret society that they stay in the shadows and manipulate stuff? Not a whole lot of applications for that in the post-apocalypse) and they get out a big fucking sun laser, Derpy and Lionheart set off sonic radbooms, and Xenith fights with Stern. And Calamity has the confrontation with his dad that basically amounts to Calamity telling his dad to go fuck himself and walking away.
They get to the wall, and surprise surprise, Littlepip can’t get through it. She manages to get Spike to breathe fire on her and it works.
And chapter 45, well, not a whole lot to say there. Basically the ending here is supposed to be kind of like the ending of Fallout 3, except less stupid. Even has the whole “sacrifice” blurb. I’ll grant that this story’s finale wasn’t stupid for the same reasons Fallout 3’s was, so points there *.
So she has a monologue about Sacrifice and virtues and how great Rarity is and blah blah blah something about raiders. You may recall that I’ve mentioned on numerous occasions that the raiders don’t make a lot of sense, what with being bizarrely homogenous and evil more or less “because.” With the exception of Fallout 3, the raiders in the games had different groups with their own backstories and shticks and stuff. But I digress.
When Littlepip gets to the central SPP hub, she meets... Princess Celestia! Uploaded into a Crusader Mainframe, no less!
And the bulk of this, the final chapter, is Princess Celestia moping about all her fuck-ups and feeling helpless for the last two hundred years. I think I’ll call her Failestia.
So Failestia lets Littlepip in after much angst about how she’ll never be with Homage or her friends again, but eventually she hooks into the SPP. But first, there’s a reveal – it turns out that this entire story has been her “please don’t hate me” letter to the pegasi civilians!
And the SPP is fired off-screen. As are the Gardens. Whole thing’s a bit of an anti-climax, honestly, which is to be expected when the actual climax happened two chapters ago.
And then there’s an epilogue that takes place two weeks after she blows up the sky, conveyed with a broadcast from DJ Pon-3, along with an interview with Velvet Remedy. And DJ Pon-3 is promoting Littlepip’s memoir here. So I guess this qualifies as her coming clean about Sheriff Grimstar’s murder, so I guess I got egg on my face there. And there’s a hilarious joke about the story having an editor. Well, it’s not a joke, but if I’m supposed to believe that Life Bloom edited this thing, then I’m drawn to the conclusion that Life Bloom is a shitty editor.
So, let’s take a step back. So this story is basically a “please understand why I did this” note so that the refugees don’t hate her... Okay, let’s consider, for example, me. I find this character and her actions kinda distasteful, and she’s fictional. Now, if I were one of these pegasi civilians, and she’d just destroyed my home, my food supply, my government and military, possibly be responsible for the deaths of friends and/or family members, or thrown a substantial wrench into my livelihood... Somehow I don’t imagine this would do a whole lot to make the refugees more charitable towards her. And there’s a moral about forgiveness.
If you follow the thread, there’s a bit where the author responded to my point about how I don’t like the fact that I’m supposed to root for Littlepip despite her turning into a hypocritical cartoon supervillain, and she said that I’m not necessarily supposed to root for her, just understand why she did what she did. But I find that more than a little difficult to believe. I can buy that with things like Sweeney Todd, or Assassins, or Thelma & Louise to name something that isn’t by Stephen Sondheim. But when nearly every character meant to be sympathetic rallies behind her as the big hero, praises her as the Lightbringer and savior of the wastes, and generally gives her the messiah treatment with nary a calling out on her bullshit, and then she receives the aid of Pinkie Pie and Princess Celestia... I'm getting mixed messages, if you catch my drift.
And then there’s a ten years later afterwards thing, where they show how everything’s all fine and dandy, in case you're an idiot like me and thought Littlepip's plan was terrible. The gardens got activated after all, the alicorns are making babies, Fluttershy got turned back into a pony, there’s a hellhound sanctuary, Velvet and Calamity got hitched, Homage is able to make conjugal visits to see Littlepip, and any and all unsavory implications of the protagonists’ actions are conveniently ducked away from, save for a bit about the ghouls leaving Equestria in large groups due to the radiation being gone.
And so that’s Fallout: Equestria. I guess I could read A Mare Worth Fighting For, but I hate those two characters and don’t feel like reading about them having sex and Littlepip’s aversion to dildos.
It’s not horrible. There’s some really clever plotting and well-constructed backstory and worldbuilding, and the author has a real flare for detail and a sense of place. Dialogue and character interactions are okay and there’s nothing really wrong with the prose on a technical level. And there are a number of times when the story actually gets pretty good, such as chapter 9, which is in my opinion the best chapter in the story. And the stretch from chapters 18 to 20 actually had me concerned for a moment that I’d actually like the story. If the entire fic were like those chapters, then yeah. I’d totally be a fan of this thing. Also, Red Eye’s cool. Best character in this thing.
The main problems with the story, from my perspective, are its inconsistent pacing, boring violence, and unlikable characters. Maybe if the protagonist weren’t such a dick or if she didn’t angst so much, or if the supporting cast had any likable characters, or if the story could contrive solutions to conflicts other than dull action scenes, or if the action scenes weren't boring, it’d probably be more enjoyable.
But too often it seems that even when the story approaches something good, it steps away. The use of lines from the show is always going to be a crapshoot on whether viewers will find it funny or annoying, and their use in this fic varies on both ends of the spectrum, but the problem with them is the humor relies too much on them. That and lesbian jokes. Those aren’t very funny, either.
In the end I find the whole thing was kind of just an unpleasant mess with occasional glimpses of something more interesting, and I don’t think it deserves the pedestal it gets placed on by this fandom. I certainly think Equestria Daily deserves a slight smack on the head – they post A Mare Worth Fighting For and yet they reject Clarity because it has a paragraph where the narrator conveys in very flowery, non-explicit prose, that he had gay sex. Double standards much? I guess that if nothing else, I can credit the story for having been very fun to talk about (pathetic as that might be on my part), so it generates entertainment on that front. Though not for very much longer, as I don't think anyone else likes talking about it with me.
And so that’s it. The thing I started this Liveblog for is done.
...
Shit, what do I do now?
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