Gah. I just read two chapters of a Harry Potter fanfic called Lily's Changes. Who the fuck put that on the fanfic recs page? It's utter shit. I almost feel like I owe Kkat an apology.
But that's enough Harry Potter fic for now. Back to ponies. Brightly-colored pastel ponies are sure to make me feel better.
Now, The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine. You know, there's an interesting parallel to be made with Rose Potter. Both of them are essentially retread fics that just go over the events of canon. Both of them star a gender-flipped protagonist. Both of them take a property aimed at eight-year-olds and put in gratuitous sex.
Yet I feel Dusk Shine is better. For a number of reasons. First, Dusk Shine isn't as terrible of a character as Rose Potter is. While Rose is a massive sue, Dusk isn't, though I feel his personality is a bit lacking compared to Twilight Sparkle. Also, Dusk has the decency to get hit in the balls with a crowbar every once in a while, so it's easier not to hate him. For another thing, while neither of them are particularly good, Dusk Shine is actually funny for reasons that are intentional, as opposed to Rose Potter, whose story is all about unintentional humor. Also, the author of Dusk Shine is a troper, which means that he at least has a semblance of familiarity with storytelling, even if he kinda just cites tropes and pop culture references for the sake of it.
Where it probably comes closest in terms of "fuck you" is in its characterizations. To be true, Dusk Shine's versions of the mane six are greatly exaggerated from the original versions. But at least it's funny and colorful. I mean, I've been reading forward in Rose Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. After derailing Neville in book one, the author decides to just have Neville replace Ron in book two, taking all of his lines while Ron himself is more or less written out of the story.
But at least Dusk Shine has an idea: "FIM as a harem comedy." Rose Potter is just a retread with a "better" protagonist.
But let's get back to Dusk Shine! We move into the "Sonic Rainboom" arc, starting with "Rainbow Dash is Best Pony: The Premiere"!
You see, before Spritebot Enterprises produced guns, lasers and other weapons en masse, Princess Celestia was one of the few ponies to own a personal firearm.
Oh yeah. Now I remember why I didn't cover this when it came out. Backstory stuffs. Celestia having a gun. And yes, that "Spritebot Enterprises" thing is, in fact, a reference to Fallout Equestria. So Celestia has a gun that is apparently literally made of "pure, solid awesome." And that gun made the first sonic rainboom.
Then we move onto the scene from the show with the whole Flutteryay thing. Of course, if you recall the Dragonshy episode...
Fluttershy deeply inhaled with all her might.
“FUS-RO-DAH!!!”
Anyway, Rainbow Dash is stoked that Fluttershy can actually cheer, and then Tank shows up and she's all "ughh, this again."
You know that feeling you get when you’re part of a fandom (like Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, or maybe even a show for little girls), and you want to introduce this fandom to all of your friends? You know, so you can talk about it with them and stuff? Some of you have succeeded, and you now live in a private circle of fanboys that can talk endlessly about the new episode or whatever. Some of you have failed, having grown a bit distant from your friends because they can’t get their heads wrapped around your new interests. Others are still trying, getting a couple of your friends to convert but are still annoying ‘outsiders’ to death about how awesome this show can be.
How very meta. Subtle, too.
And we're treated to brief flashbacks of Fluttershy trying to get Rainbow Dash interested in pets. Fluttershy desperately tries to get her to take the tortoise.
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
Then the scene changes to Dusk Shine and Trixie in the lab and...
And then the story uses this
◊ illustration.
Oh no. We're going into Double Rainboom.
So... yeah. Dusk is working on that talent enhancer thing when Rainbow Dash barges in, hiding from Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash finds out about the thing and that gets her excited at the prospect of being more awesome.
“Wait, what?” Dash said in confusion. “But you made the damn thing! How can you NOT know what it does??”
“I just don’t, okay?” Dusk retorted.
“So, how are you supposed to find out?” questioned Rainbow Dash.
“Well... first we would have to judge how it affects rocks, plants and lab rats,” said Dusk. “You know, non-pony test subjects.”
“Uhh... Dusk? Plants and rocks don’t have cutie marks,” Dash pointed out. “That’s gotta get in the way of the research, dontcha think?”
Both Trixie and Dash want to try it out, but Dusk is all no that's dangerous and stuff, but he entrusts it to Rainbow Dash, who goes “As the Element of Loyalty, I swear I will not take a single sip of this potion.”
See if you can guess how that's gonna turn out.
So then Fluttershy shows up and Rainbow Dash hides, and Fluttershy tells them about the Young Fliers' Competition.
The author also has a habit of referring to characters as things other than their names. For example, Fluttershy is "the pink-maned doormat," or "the animal rights hippy."
Though Fluttershy figures she's hiding in the closet, blah blah blah, she really wants to go with her to Cloudsdale, which Rainbow Dash agrees to provided that if the judges say the tortoise goes, the tortoise goes.
So we fast forward to them in Cloudsdale the day of the competition. There are the bullies.
“Didn’t kicked out, bub,” Dash said stubbornly. “Just quit in order to go into university early. In case that two-celled brain of yours can’t remember, you need a degree in order to be captain of your town’s weather team.” She then made a gesture of flipping the middle feather of her wing.
“Oh, for the love of-YOU WERE IN THAT RACE, DUMBASS!!!” shouted a frustrated Rainbow Dash. “There were literally dozens of witnesses of that thing! A kid even recorded the whole race on his phone, and now the video’s one of the most watched thing on youtube! What, you think I got this cutie mark just by lying about it??”
Also, are Hoops and Dumbbell gay in this? I like that tumblr.
Then Dusk and friends arrive, complete with the cloud-walking spell.
But there's a difference. In this fic, Rarity doesn't get the glimmer wings. Instead, it's...
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