Chapter 7
- Yep, Pip's lovestruck alright, despite the fact that Velvet has only spoken to her once, and that was to trick her in a fashion that humiliated her in the eyes of the whole Stable. I keep having to remind myself that Pip's a mare as well, which isn't really a problem outside a small pet peeve of mine.
- If bad guys were good shots, every story with guns would be over much sooner.
- Man, is there anything that little gadget can't help with?
- "Terminal" is at least a better password than "password".
- Pinkie Pie was hoarding drugs. Lovely.
- Living Goddess? Sounds like an Alicorn.
- Pip is a pretty cool mare. esh takes rockets and doesn't afraid of anything.
- If you wanted to keep anypony from following you, you should have deleted the access code from your PipBuck before you ditched it.
- I'm with Pip on this one. Saving a pony's life is one thing, but actively helping slavers afterwards is another.
- Whoever said that they read all of Velvet's lines in Rarity's voice, I can't help but do the exact same thing here.
- Huh, it would appear the Kkat more or less predicted the Royal Canterlot Voice. In any case, they're in pretty deep shit now.
- Not putting yourself in the shield two steps behind you isn't heroic, it's stupid. Velvet's judgment isn't very good, is it?
- And it's even using plural first person pronouns! Verdict is still out on whether it is Royal "We" or something like Venom from Spider Man. In any case, that's kinda creepy.
- Evil Gloating always gets you killed. I guess it's hard to learn when the first time you make that mistake, you die.
Thoughts on Chapter 7:
I'll be frank here, Velvet did not make a good first impression on me. Sure, she's just trying to help, but she's being really stupid about it. I doubt she even realized that even if she was there of her own free will, the slavers would have killed her if she ever tried to leave. They'd be stupid not to. The action is still good, though, even if healing potions seem to only exist for Good Thing You Can Heal moments. I still can't get over how creepily similar that alicorn was to canon Luna, despite this coming out long before Luna Eclipsed.
Chapter 8
- Nasty guilt trip dream is nasty.
- Something random, but why is a pony talented in music able to use medical and defensive spells? I mean, sure, she has "Remedy" in her name, but that's not her established talent. You'd think she'd have sound modulation or amplification spells.
- So... her cutie mark is incorrect? I don't think that's how it works. Why would you ever get a cutie mark in something that's not what you want to do with your life?
- So she is distantly related to Rarity. Figures.
- You know, Pip, considering how many useful spells with cooldowns that the PipBuck has, you would probably benefit from wearing two at once.
- Velvet, you picked the wrong world to be a pacifist in.
- Ooh, a griffin? Too bad it's evil.
- A sledgehammer? Something with a blade on it would be far more effective.
- And friendly fire continues to be a bitch. At least she knows how to spread the love.
- Okay, if you telekinetically brake the train in you condition, Pip, I'm calling hax.
- That works. You did the smart thing. Somepony had to.
- Good, I was thinking they had forgotten about the caboose there for a moment. And the Watcher is finally making himself useful beyond cryptic advise and vaporizing a bloatfly.
- Wait, so it was wrong of Pip to shout at the Watcher when it was willing to let a bunch of ponies die just so it could remain secretive?
Thoughts on Chapter 8:
Nothing much to comment on with the action scenes, as they're pretty much par for the course at this point. The main meat of the chapter was Velvet's character bit at the beginning, and it really only managed to add to the feeling of "wrongness", for lack of a better word, that her character gives off to me. The weirdness of her cutie mark and talents don't make any sense to me, and is dangerously close to breaking canon. She still doesn't appear to be too bright, and has only survived in the Wasteland thus far though sheer luck as far as I can tell. Combine all of that with the fact that Pip is in love with her and she sticks out like a sore thumb in this story. Like an OC in a fic that just isn't quite written right to fit in with the canon setting and characters, but not bad enough to set off the reader's Mary Sue alarms. Hopefully Character Development kicks in to correct the situation.
Chapters 9 and hopefully 10 to come tomorrow.
Comments
