...
I don't want to do it. I really don't. Not only does this fic even break the rules in regards to explicit stuff and soapboxings, but so does this liveblog. And any fucking time I try to liveblog this piece of shit, I go insane. It's like...it's draining my will to be a normal human being.
I'M IN DESPAIR! THIS STUPID FUCKING FANFIC HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!!
But I must—must!—press on. So let's continue.
Previously, Ronan and his band performed shitty songs, and it would be likely that we would never see them again. I hope. Then he swapped sides for, like, the umpteenth time in a row. And it was revealed that Taliana was his mom. And, apparentally, it was not okay with him.
Try wrapping your head around that.
Now we continue with...
Chapter 15: THE MOTHRA. But Wouldn't It Be Cool if Mothra Did Make an Appearance Here?
We have our Author's Note, where Jake rages about the negative reviews, and he's still grounded. And he's bitching about his brother, Benji. And he also advertised Katie's story. It's not really helpful to the story, so let's move on.
Ronan refuses to believe that Taliana is his mom, but Madara tells him to accept it. Even she reveals said Awful Truth to Ronan. He doesn't take it well and teleports to a cliff near the sea.
I'm really...baffled by the turn of events, still. And it's been several months since I last liveblogged the story. Apparentally, it's okay for Ronan to fall in love and have Wooden Ducks with Mandy (his daughter!), but it's not okay to pull an Oedipus.
How much do you want to bet that Ronan would stab his eyes out? Wait, no, then that would ruin a good piece of literature.
Still...both of those things? They're not okay. Ronan is still a sick, sick man. As is the author.
Anyway, Sakura shows up somehow and repeats the truth...and Ronan is suddenly okay with this. Like...he suddenly accepts it. I'm sorry, what?
Sakura then goes on to say that they'll need to divorce Taliana, and after that, they'll run away forever. Ronan accepts it, and then they try to teleport back...buuuut they end up going to the future instead. Somehow.
Whoops.
Then Mandy shows up, alive! You...probably don't want to know how she got herself revived. You really don't. And so, the three teleports back to the dojo.
From there, Wooden Duck #31 occurs. With a fucking katana and other unpleasant stuff. Let's move on.
The next day, the family talks a little bit until Taliana shows up. She tells him to get his ass back to the dark side, but Ronan refuses. They fight a bit until, the very next day (seriously! Don't they get tired out?), Madara shows up and kidnaps Sakura and Mandy. Again. This causes Ronan to join (again!), and they...fly off into the...night. Even though it explictly said it was the next morning.
Later, the bad guys plan, and they decide to destroy the Shinobi Nations. They start with a house, and living there is Benji, the stand-in for Jake's real-life brother. You have three guesses as to what happened with the character, and the first two don't count.
In the pool, Taliana and Ronan confess their love to one another. Wait, wasn't Ronan upset about marrying his damn mom?! But all logic flies out the window as they engage in Wooden Duck #32. And Taliana drowns during it.
You don't want to know how she managed to do that.
Ronan, gentleman that he is, screams at Taliana after giving her CPR. Then she wakes up—turned out that she's alive! Truly, this story and reality don't often meet.
In the dining room, Madara decides that Sakura and Mandy should die. Yet another argument and Wooden Duck (#33 this time) occurs, and Mandy dies. Again. And to make things worse?
Everyone is okay with this! Everyone is okay with the sudden death of...gah.
To make a long and stupid story short, Ronan turns into his "mystical Japanese spirit dragon" form, stomps on Madara, and said bad guy flees. The next day, Sakura's kidnapped yet again, then she's saved (making the entire kidnapping plot worthless), and then they go on with the divorce proceedings. And yes, they kidnap Taliana. OUR HEROES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
The chapter ends with Sakura and Ronan attempting to divorce Taliana, but Madara objects it. Somehow. I've since long given up on trying to make a damn lick of sense with this story.
Chapter 16: Da Tripe. I Will Give Him Credit for Admitting that the Story's Tripe.
Skipping past the Author's Notes, we continue where we left off: Madara objecting to the divorce. Turned out that it was a damn hoax: the judge is evil. Somehow. He throws out the divorce hearings.
After the group left the courts, Madara blasts the entire family. And he...um...well...
Okay, I can't really do this anymore. I simply can't. The only other way to liveblog this is to simply skip past the Wooden Duck scenes, as they really serve no purpose. And to skip past the irrelevant shit, but...
No. I can do this. I must be strong, dammit.
Long story short, Madara does bad things to Sakura (this won't count as a Wooden Duck), so Ronan headbutts him in his dragon form. Taliana engages in the brief Wooden Duck #34, and it somehow helps Madara regain his strength. They leave, and so does Ronan and Sakura, first by going to the regular dojo...then to space.
I am not kidding. And allow me to pull a Kyubey and reveal an awful truth. For, you see, even though they managed to find a dojo (a dojo in space. Seriously), they would have approximately one minute and thirty seconds to live. For they would run out of oxygen to breathe, and they would be turned into—essentially—blue, bloated corpses.
But hey, let's ignore the crazy person who's applying logic.
Wooden Duck #35 occurs, and yes, Taliana shows up during it. And they are sucked into a black hole. Normally, this would have killed them, ending this awful tale. But nope.
They arrive in a desert, and Taliana reveals a secret. She's Sakura's evil twin. Seriously. Of course, it's all a dumbass ploy by Madara, and Taliana isn't really Sakura's evil twin at all.
Then what was the fucking point of revealing the evil twin idea?! Isn't it all pointless?
And then...we get the biggest reveal of all. They found the key to destroying the universe. Who's the key? Ronan himself.
Allow me to take some time to explain this a little bit further. This is the part where, in a normal story, we get some build-up. Here, that's where the plot will end for now, and we'll get a shitload of filler. Now, I would decide to skip to Chapter 65, where it's said that the story continues. But I'm a completionist. And several of the filler chapters are important to the overall plot.
Anyway, Ronan tries to kill Madara and Taliana, but he fails. They flee. The next day, Ronan receives his divorce from Taliana, and Wooden Duck #36 occurs. During it, to end this chapter, Ronan's best friend interrupts them and says that Taliana (who is apparentally Sakura's evil twin again...screw it, moving on) has formed a band. And now, they will have to face off in a battle of the bands contest.
...what was this about never seeing the band again? (looks up) Oh, fucking dammit!
Well...that's Part 8. Expect the next many installments to be a lot shorter, as I'll try to compress the chapters into summaries. Will my sanity slip more? What kinds of stupid shit will occur? Will any of it be relevant to the overall plot?
Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Naruto Veangance Revelaitons!
Comments
