Welcome back.
Previously...you know what, fuck giving a recap. All you need to know is that we finally see Percy Jackson after him being MIA in sixteen chapters. Yes. Six-fucking-teen.
...and while I curiously looked into the reviews, I found one.
- "To all the good, righteous people who are flaming this story...yes, I know this story is the most terrible and offensive thing ever to be placed on this Earth, but let me give you all some advice...don't review."It's simple. Want this guy's stories to leave forever? Want him to stop? HE WILL NOT, PEOPLE. And no matter how hard you try, he will refuse to get his crap off this site. His account has been hacked into before, and that did not stop him. And all your angry reviews are the fuel for his so-called "fanfiction"."I am getting sick of all the hate just by writing this. So my advice to you is...do not review. Don't read, it will only get you angry, which is unhealthy. So go on with life. Eat some ice cream. Lick the grass. Read a good book. Just DON'T review any of Thomas Finnegan William Brown's stories."That's it. I'm done reviewing his fics. I hope this will be of some help to anyone...which it probably won't be. Nothing can stop the hate, can it?"
Dude. I wish I would. Unfortunately?
I AM A FUCKING CRITIC. IT'S MY JOB TO BEAT DOWN HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE SHIT. AND DO YOU THINK I EVEN ENJOY LIVEBLOGGING THIS? FUCK NO!
(is shaking with absolute rage)
And besides, my shit aren't flames, they're critiques. If they're just flames, then my liveblog would have been shut down by now. And some of my anger was pointed to those who wanted me to liveblog it. Why? Because, no matter how much I try to escape by being "the Carter fangirl", I will forever be associated with liveblogging...this.
Even though, ultimately, it was my fault for doing it. I did want for it to end after three installments. Hopefully this will deter me from liveblogging the stories again.
And for all those who want to do liveblogs of this some more, if there are any future stories...your. Fucking. Funeral. I'll be done with this, I will never associate myself from this series ever again.
...so, as much as I truly despise continuing, let's move on with...
Chapter 17: A Warrior is Fescue--I Mean Rescued
Percy walks closer to Jason—so close to scare the Prayer Warrior. To death, even though Jason doesn't die. (What's the point in saying that?)
Also, his breath stinks. But not of fish. Apparentally, our former "hero" is a humanitarian. The narrator notes how much of a damn shame it is, since Percy's in the company of evil.
...you know, as if he wasn't evil enough back then in the last few chapters.
Percy fights Jason—oh, wait, silly me. He fakes him out, then he starts slashing at Jupiter. Declaring that the evil God thought he brainwashed him, but he was wrong.
Wait, what?
That's...buh...wha...how the fuck did Percy fake the god out? Hell, why didn't he escape himself when he had the chance, now that we know that he's clearly capable of fighting on his own?!
...there is not enough sake in the world to dull the pain.
For that matter...did Percy actually eat the flesh? How did he manage to keep his breath smelling God-awful (no pun intended)? How, story, how?!
...anyway...Jupiter declares that Percy will never beat him. And calls him a "weird sicko bastard". Actually, the both of you are weird, sicko bastards. Then announcing that he hopes that they have a nice death. And then he flies around on a cloud shaped like the late, great...and apparentally evil Steve Jobs.
Wait, what?!
I don't want to know why Jobs is evil. I seriously don't.
Then Jason makes a moving declaration.
- Jason: "When I find you I will squeeze you into a million peace before sending you to jell where you will be turtoqured for many years to come. You will suffer, I swear it! You will die at my hands!"
Jupiter hears that, and he mocks Jason for a bit, and then he's gone. After that, Jason and Annabeth leaa—ohhhhhhhhhh, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
(twitches)
...w-wasn't she dead and drowned? Granted, at least Grover's staying dead, but...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
...you know what? At this rate, considering how it's going...I've reached the Despair Event Horizon. There's no way that this story's going to be better. Like Todd In The Shadows when he reviewed Kesha and Lady Gaga, among a few others (Enrique Iglesias' "Tonight (I'm Fucking You)", I'm looking at you), I'm very much running out of material to critique with this story. So I'm going to take a page out of Oancitizen/Kyle Kallgren and say thus...
"Sure, Why Not?"
Sure, why not? Jason and the revived Annabeth rejoin Ebon(ies, apparentally, the scientist released his clone a bit too early), Jerremy, Piper, and Leo after the oh-so-anticlimatic battle against the fucking Roman Gods. Sure, why not? The aforementioned curb-stomp slaughter against the Roman Gods.
Except that one survives. And we don't get her name. She asks to be forgiven, and in order to do so, she'll reveal where Jupiter is. She does, and she explains that he's off to New Delhi, India (here as New Delta—don't ask). Why would Jupiter, a Roman God, head over there? He's planning to release more, tougher, hopefully-powerful demons.
Yes, apparentally there are demons in India.
The nameless goddess dies...but as it turns out, Jason has tricked her, for she isn't going to Heaven.
- Jason: "She was never going to heaven since she had sinned so much that she could never be forgiven. Anyone that pretends to be a god will die in hell, including those Atheists who believe that they are the own gods. God will punish them for their lives!"
...
SURE, WHY NOT?
And so, the chapter ends with the group flying to New Delhi, disgusted to see such Hindu scum. (Racist much?) They decide to cleanse the area. Indeed, Those Wacky Nazis would be so...GOD!
Remember the traitor subplot that I did not give a shit about? It's still going on. But, hey, before that, Jerremy meets up with his wife, Mary. And they make lovey-dovey blah blah blah (not sex, since they're in plain view—again, why do we have to be reminded of that? I mean, it's rare to see someone fuck in plain sight!) about how they're happy to see each other again.
And Percy—Mary was supposed to say that, but I'll strike that up as a typo—says about how much he loves him, and the kids (presumably males, because Jerremy's family love strong Christian men!) will become strong Prayer Warriors one day. Yeah. Nothing too out of the ordinary there.
Then Mary goes on to reveal that a guy named Bill will reveal where Jupiter is hiding, along with this piece of mysteriousness.
- Mary: "Also, the next time I will see you, you won't see me. Keep your wits about you for nothing is what it seems."
...holy shit. What does it mean? Does it mean that Mary's the traitor? Is she a ghost? An angel? Is she going to die in a Final Destination-esque death?
Well, we don't know, for Mary leaves, and the group heads to New Delhi. From there, they find a man's house, only for it to be empty. Inside is...a semi-cryptic note.
- "THE TRACTOR IS AMONG YOU! PRIEST IN PRIEST CLOTHING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARMED."
...priest in priest's clothing? That has got to be the lamest "wolf in sheep's clothing!" warning ever.
Anyway, the group heads to New Delhi, where after a long talk about how Jesus is their favorite character, they become disgusted at the people living there, worshipping Satan.
...I am not going to say "sure, why not?" there. Because...bleh.
Oh, and they found a witch, but they will wait until nighttime to kill her. Don't ask.
They arrive in Bill's house, and he welcomes the murderers in. He reveals that Jupiter has hidden himself...in the Taj Mahal. What. But it gets worse, for he suggests going inside the area and kill him. How does it get worse, you may ask, you inquiring mind, you?
By Jerremy stating that they must blow the fucking place up, killing everyone inside because they're Satanists, and they don't deserve to live.
Dude, what the fuck?
Bill agrees, and they head off, finding some...Bibles, I presume, that are held by evil witches. They burn them, and they arrive at the Taj Mahal. And yes, they're disgusted because...it's an area where Satan is worshipped.
Again, what the fuck?!
Thomas, you clearly do not know how the Taj Mahal operated. The Taj Mahal is not a worshipping site, it's a fucking mausoleum. One that houses Mumtaz Mahal after she tragically died in childbirth. Shah Jahal, her husband, was so deeply heartbroken by the death (also to note that Mumtaz was his favorite wife), he created the Taj Mahal as a symbol of his love for her. Later, Shah would join his wife when he passed away.
In fact? Listen to this.
- "Should guilty seek asylum here,Like one pardoned, he becomes free from sin.Should a sinner make his way to this mansion,All his past sins are to be washed away.The sight of this mansion creates sorrowing sighs;And the sun and the moon shed tears from their eyes.In this world this edifice has been made;To display thereby the creator's glory."
Why the fuck would the Prayer Warriors destroy that? Furthermore, it's not in New Delhi, it's in Agra, India.
Anyway...the chapter ends with Jerremy hoping that, if it succeeds without a hitch, the Taj Mahal will be gone forever and ever. And Jupiter, and the evil Hindus as well.
...one. More. Installment. One more! I'll finally be done with this shit, at long last!
(suddenly...a dark demon, crawling out of the pits of Hell Jell)
Demon: RIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Why are you here? (shakes)
Demon: I HAVE COME TO SEND YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS TO HELL! YOU DARE TO MOCK ME?!
...wait. Oh, God. You're...(realizes who the demon is, and I look at the arriving Carter, Catherine, Mako, and Matoi. All four are battle-ready, preparing their respective morphers and henshin devices)
Guys. We'll need to use all our might to do this.
Will Rika and her friends be able to escape this danger?
Awaken that soul on the concluding liveblog of The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part II!
