When we last left off the liveblog, the battle turned into a Curbstomp Battle. This Dungeon Crawler is turning into a Turn-Based Strategy. Where the strategy is to hit the monster until it dies. I need something to spice things up. What to do, what to do.
Ackbar: It’s A Trap!
AHH! OF COURSE! THAT’S IT! THERE’S REALLY JUST ONE WAY! TO FIND OUT WHICH ANIMAL’S BEST!
Ackbar: ... Uh, Psyga?
HOLD A CONTEST! OF SPEED! AGILITY AND GUTS! THAT WILL PUT EACH PET TO THE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST!
Ackbar: PSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
{snaps out of song} Yes, Ackbar? {flutters eyes}
Ackbar: A trap is what you need to spice up your adventure! I’ve seen your maps, and they’re just blank rooms with four walls! You need a trap or two in each room to make it more exciting! Here, let me make a room for you, just so you can see what I mean.
Don’t forget style, that should be considered!
Ackbar: I’m not gonna be singin’ your damn pony songs however. So either play this map or be bored.
... Party pooper. Alright. May the games begin.
Ackbar: And may the best pet- FRAK!
Ha! I made you sing!
The heroes enter the room as an arrow flies towards Alice and hits her. (I rolled twice for this armor check because there are two archers on both sides. Oh and Kobolds have a plus three when it comes to crossbows.) Her shoulder was stabbed by the arrow. (Her HP dropped to 1)
Cora: ALICE!
Drew: We’re ambushed! They’re coming from the walls!
What is this?
Ackbar: Part of a good trap is to have an ambush! I placed a wall for Kobold Archers to get behind and snipe people with their crossbows.
I asked for something to spice things up! Not downright kill people! Do you want the Liveblog to end?
Ackbar: ... No. I expect you to see this as a challenge.
Fine. Let me see the map... Ah. I see... Oh, and no initiative for this battle. It’s Barendd, then Drew, then the Kobolds, then finally Alice and Cora can choose to move.
Drew then sees that the walls also have doors to get in.
Drew: We will attack the archers hiding behind the walls!
Barendd: Cora! Get Alice to safety! We will deal with the archers!
Cora: Right!
Cora drags a hurt Alice away from the archers as Barendd and Drew get into the walled room and begin to attack the Kobold archers. Drew manages to stab one Kobold in the shoulder. The kobolds, equipped with only arrows began to retreat. Barendd and Drew run at the Kobolds and attack them with their weapons again. Drew slits the one Kobold’s throat while Barendd missed the other Kobold. As Drew’s dead Kobold fell, another one was seen, firing his arrow at Drew. The arrow entered the skull of Drew as it made a crunching sound. He fell back, dead. (AH HELL NAW!)
Cora: DREW! (DAMN IT!)
Alice: Cora... let me heal him... (Yeah! Do it!)
Cora: Alice! You’re crazy! You can barely support yourself! (Screw you! I want to save Mary Sue!)
Alice: Hit him with a magic missile. I’ll heal Drew... Please, hurry.
Cora: Fine...
Cora runs to the Archer and fires off a Magic Missile at the Kobold, knocking him back a few feet. Alice crawls to the fallen Drew and begins to heal him. Barendd however, is trying to cleave his way through the Kobold, but keeps missing. (Dumb fabric dice) The Kobold fires off another arrow at Alice, killing her as it hit the heart. (AAAAAAAH!)
Cora: BARENDD! WE’RE THE ONLY TWO LEFT! (SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! OUR HEALER IS DEAD!)
Cora fires off another Magic missile, killing the Kobold. (PWNED!)
Barendd: WHAAAAAT! YOU BASTARDS WILL PAY! (OH FUCK YES! Screw plus 1, it does jack shit. Plus three! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH FORCES!
)
Barendd swings his axe overhead and has it come crashing down on the Kobold, splitting him in half (AMERICA!) he then ran to another Kobold in front of the dead Kobold and sliced through him. (CLEAVE MOFO!) The axe went into the armor, but was stuck there. (I am done with this he missed bullshit. 1D10 -3 (the number I rolled) nets me a seven) The blood seeped out of the Kobold as it died too. The Kobolds ahead of them fired the arrows, both going into the armor, but by this point, they don’t even care. They both ran towards the Kobold and attacked them. Cora ran and bonked a Kobold over the head with her staff while Barendd tackled the other Kobold and pushed him to a wall, crushing the Kobold’s rips as it too died. (YEAH! YOU SHOW THOSE GUYS!)
Last Kobold In This Room: Mercy! Mercy! Da boss wants his treasure kept secret!
Cora simply grabbed the Kobold by the neck and squeezed. [Strength DC = 15. Cora = 15 = Success!] SNAP! The neck was broken as the Kobold slumped to the ground dead. (DAMN!) Cora then went to the end of the hall. [Search DC: 10. 11= Success] She then noticed something wooden.
Cora: Cute. They even set up some arrow traps.
Cora then gets out a torch, lights it with a spell (-.5) and burns the trap. (We’re so not doing the traps)
Cora: Barendd! There should be another trap parallel to you!
Barendd looks for the wooden arrow trap as well. [Search DC: 10 – 5 for being informed = 5. Barendd = 9 = Success]
Barendd: I see it!
Barendd then swings his axe into the trap, causing it to malfunction. The two remaining adventurers exited the long and narrow hall and met in the center of the hall.
Cora: ... They died... Alice and Drew are dead now... I... I haven’t learned any healing spells... Loot their corpses. We won’t let their deaths be in vain. (Lol, now Cora’s a munchkin. To be fair, it does fall in her Lawful Evil Alignment)
Barendd: You CRAZY?
Cora: Barendd, we need all the help we can get now. You are the only other person left. I’ll loot Alice, you loot Drew. (lol)
Barendd: ... What are we here for? What are we DYING FOR, YOU GODDAMN STUPID BITCH? (My thoughts exactly)
Cora: Fine... I’ll tell you... The Ruby of Pyros is a jewel said to hold mystical powers. Legends say if you bond with the jewel, it will transform you into a half dragon. I want to have this power... so that I can rule over all...
Barendd paused for a minute before lifting the halfing by the neck. (!)
Barendd: You bitch. You and your damn ambition! I ask only one thing. One thing that will redeem you!
Cora: F-fire away...
Barendd: You let me be your second in command. You become a dragon, I become The Dragon! (What happens when two evil characters are left alone)
Cora: Deal! Now put me down!
Barendd does so.
Cora: Now: loot the corpses. We will move when we’ve completed our looting.
And so the two adventures began to strip away all the items their fallen comrades have gained, with Barendd taking Drew’s equipment and Cora taking Alice’s. Soon, they went to the door and opened it, the two destroyed arrow traps falling into pieces, and Alice and Drew left to rot away.
... Fuck. You. Ackbar.
Ackbar: Hey, that was exciting, no?
... Yeah! Barendd totally went Guts on those Kobolds! And an evil alliance? BADASS! Wow, thank you, Ackbar, you just made this more exciting!
Ackbar: Good... But I liked your hatred... HHHTHTHTHTHTTH...
... Awkward... Alright, Ackbar, you’re promoted to sub-GM. You make the maps while I prep the plot. I, meanwhile, must work out some things. Stay tuned for the next part!
Comments
