We open with an author's note covering the I Do Not Own
and complaining about how FF.net deleted the story on first posting because Brian hosted it alongside Starfire and Raven
. Ah, yes... FF.net doesn't allow script fics, and the host segments were in such a style.
I've had to rebot this story without the co-host thing. Seems doinh that was breaking the rules. So I'll have to do it without Strafire or Raven.
...and we have three typos in that small section. I'm feeling generous today, so I'll just assume it was a hastily-added note that he didn't bother putting through his beta. Then again, he never credits betas...
But it will sure ruin the effect.
Somehow I doubt it.
Now we get an attempt to replicate, in text, the "Loading a mission log" intro KND episodes start with. This amounts to a ludicrous amount of spaces between lines.
The title's short for "Personifications Of Worst Evil Require Pretty Unlikely Fellowship Forming". Credit where it's due, that's not a bad acronym.
The story proper opens on the City of Townsville. Which is, of course, under attack. A large, white, clay-like monster wades out of the sea and goes on a rampage.
But never fear, the Powerpuff Girls are here!
"Didn't we see this guy in that old Bill Murray movie?" said Bubbles. "What's it called, Ghostbusters?"
...Consider this a general rule. Brian cannot let a pop-culture reference go by uncited.
The girls proceed to battle the creature, but their abilities have little to no effect. Punching it does nothing, heat rays do nothing, Blossom's ice breath is ineffective.
By the way, here's how Brian writes an action sequence:
'''The girls slammed into the beast with their fists... but it was incredibly soft! Their punches only made the beast laugh.
"It's like punching dough!" said Bubbles.
The monster laughed, and then swatted with a huge fist. The Girls were sent tumbling to the sidewalk and crashed.
"Okay, Girls," said Blossom, getting up. "Let's try something else. Heat vision!"
The three of them aimed, and shot their deadly rays dead center at the monster's chest. The clay started to smoke and bubble.
But the monster only laughed some more. They were only tickling it!
The clay-thing spit a huge wad of goo at them. They tried to scatter, but Bubbles was hit dead center, and enveloped in sticky gunk!
"Yeech!" said Bubbles.
"Buttercup, get her out of there," said Blossom. "I'm going to try something else..."
Blossom flew up to the creature. "Hey buddy," she said, "Chill!"
She took a deep breath, and then blew her ice breath all over the clay-thing! The monster gasped, and then froze in place.
"Well, that takes care of him," said Blossom.
Then the ice started to crack...
"Huh?" she said.
The think burst free of the ice and roared. It whacked Blossom hard, and she fell hard into the side of a building.'''
First of all, get used to seeing exclamation points in the narrative text. Apparently he skipped that chapter of Elements of Style
. Second of all, his beta missed the typo in that last bit. (Then again, he doesn't credit a beta...) Third, could you feel
the excitement? If so, you have to teach me how.
...why does Blossom capitalize "Girls" in her instructions?
Bubbles takes a turn now with her sonic scream. It knocks Stay-Puft down, but doesn't last very long. It hits them with a spitwad, which glues them down for a second until Blossom cuts them out. Further attacks are just as futile.
The monster raids a farmer's market, giving Buttercup an idea. She grabs a load of casaba melons and, as Stay-Puft opens its mouth to eat them, throws herself down his throat.
'''"BUTTERCUP!" shouted her two sisters.
"Why did she..." said Bubbles.
"Hold on," said Blossom. "I think she has a plan..."
The monster gave a strange look. Then it held its stomach for a moment...
Suddenly, the clay-thing started to expand! It swelled, growing to almost twice its size!
The monster groaned, as a creaking noise was heard, and then, suddenly, it exploded, sending wads of white goop all over the city!'''
Come to think of it, he might be trying to replicate the show's announcer's inability to stay calm. Except that he's just as bad about this in shows without
Also: a giant clay monster exploding into a thousand pieces shouldn't be so bland.
Buttercup's sticky but unharmed. She doesn't respond to her sisters congratulating her, because she sees something bad:
'''They looked down, and saw that the glob-like remains of the monster were starting to move! Within a minute, each one of them changed shape, and all of them had grown into a man-sized or smaller version of the giant clay-thing!
They all laughed at the Powerpuff Girls in chorus.
"Well, said Buttercup, "you were right. I took care of that big problem..."
"Uh huh," said Bubbles. "Now we only have to take care of about a hundred [I]little[/I] problems..."
Formatting error in the original. Also, how do you look at something "in chorus"?
SCENE CHANGE! We're now in the unnamed City Of Adventure
that plays home to the KND, where a new chocolate factory is opening. Before anyone can start singing "Pure Imagination"
, it's the "Coco-Lossal Chocolate Factory". That might be a KND reference, but I'm not sure.
A small army of children surround the place, waiting for the free tour following the opening. Among them is Moshi Sanban, sister of Kuki Sanban, KND Numbah 3.
Eventually, a man in a suit came out of the doors of the factory and mounted a podium with a microphone, and the kids cheered.
Nitpick: you mount a lectern, you walk up to a podium. Also, that phrasing has serious Not What It Looks Like
"Is this thing on?" he said. "Oh! Thank you all for coming, boys and girls! Now, I know you're all very anxious to see what lies within, but first things first... if I may have the scissors, Smithers..."
Just as the man cuts the ribbon, a ship tears its way through the landscape, approaching the factory. It's the Sweet Revenge
, and Captain Stickybeard's pirate crew has arrived to raid the factory.
'''"Good work, mateys," he said. "Now lets break open this depository..."
Two of his men opened the front doors to the factory, and their eyes all opened wide. Vats of cooling chocolate and nuts stood among conveyor belts holding candy bars in the process of being molded and wrapped dominated the area.
"Sugar me timbers!" said the leader. "It's a virtual treasure chest of confectionary ambrosia! Hurry up mateys, load up the booty!"
But then, another rumbling was heard outside the far wall. The pirates turned towards it.
Suddenly, a huge armored vehicle rammed through the wall!
"Blazes, Captain!" said one of the pirates. "It's a tank!"
No it wasn't. It was the S.T.A.N.K.'''
So the villains
open the door, but the heroes
drive through a wall? It's bad enough they have to clean gum off of this place, but now the grand opening has to be delayed to fix the wall. Nice Job Breaking It Heroes
The KND pile out of the tank to confront Stickybeard, who doesn't understand how they knew he would be coming:
'''"For a number of reasons," said Numbah One. "One, the opening of a candy factory is your type of target!"
"Two!" said Numbah Two. "We recently had a run-in with Knightbrace, and he was only too willing to tell us that a 'certain cavity covered pirate' had a big scheme cooking!"
"Three!" said Numbah Three. "A lot of kids, including my sister, reported having their brochures for this event stolen, and the thief left mini-Snickers wrappers all over the place! And you really upset her, by the way..."
"Four!" said Numbah Four. "We sighted some of your pirates lurking around here yesterday evening, obviously casing the place!"
"And five," said Numbah Five. "Well, you haven't done anything really crummy in a while, so we figured you were about due!"'''
Six, the author felt the need to spit out exposition about events the audience wasn't allowed to witness!
Stickybeard refuses to go quietly and attacks. This is not a good idea. Brian uses the fight for a series of Establishing Character Moment
'''Two of the pirates charged for Numbah Three, thinking to take out the softest member first.
"Hi, pirates!" she said.
She lifted her teddy bear rifle, and the two looked dumbfounded.
"Bye, pirates!" she said. She fired, and the stuffed animal exploded on impact. Two enemies were down, and they were far from the first enemies to underestimate Numbah Three.
"Wheee!" she yelled, dancing atop her downed foes.'''
She isn't that
'''Two more of them rushed Numbah Four, obviously not knowing that a frontal assault was usually suicide against the team's combat expert. He leapt into the air and brought his feet down on them, knocking them senseless. No sooner than his feet has touched down than he drew his mustard gun and fired the super-charged condiment at two others, blasting them prone.
"What a bunch of wieners..." he said.'''
You'd think they would have figured that out by now. This isn't the first time they've fought these people. Mooks never have the best memories, do they?
'''Three of them approached Numbah Two, who pointed his weapon.
"You guys like candy so much," he said, "Try this!"
"Yer bubble-gum gun doesn't scare us!" said one of them.
"This is a new improvement over the bubble-gum gun," said Numbah Two. "A jawbreaker blaster! Great at breaking jaws... and other things..."
He sprayed a burst of the hard candy at the three of them, and they howled in pain.
"Guess you guys are getting your just desserts!" he said, laughing.'''
And nobody groaned? Numbah Two is canonically bad at the Bond One Liner
. Also: I thought these weapons were supposed to be non-lethal. Getting a jawbreaker to the head at ballistic speeds would kill you pretty easily.
'''Numbah Five did a flip and brought her foot down on another pirate. She aimed her blender-blaster at another two.
"Numbah Five's gonna put you on deep-freeze!" she said. She aimed, and a blast from the weapon covered them with ice.
"Hmm, frozen, candy-covered pirates," she said. "Wonder if we could interest Ben & Jerry's?"'''
Hair-filled ice cream? Eugh. Sounds worse than chocolate-covered cotton
Meanwhile, Numbah One was blasting at every pirate who came near him, all of them having the vain idea that the team would surrender if their leader fell. They were wrong, of course. Even if Numbah One were to be taken down, which was unlikely, the team would fight on.
Because there can be no windows by which the villains can win. Brian has a bad tendency to stack the deck in the heroes's favor this way. This will become more obvious as we go on.
The KND continue their Curb Stomp Battle
until Stickybeard decides to bust out a secret weapon. It's a modified barrel of soda acquired from Mr. Fizz:
'''"Aye," said Stickybeard. "I used his technology to mix soda with an ingredient of my own... pop rocks!"
"Uh, guys," said Numbah Four. "Doesn't something... happen when you mix soda with pop rocks?"'''
Not according to the Mythbusters
Either way, it's a cannon. He fires off a warning shot, and the chapter ends with Our Heroes in trouble on both sides of the crossover divide.
Relatively painless, being a first chapter, but we can already see action's not Brian Corvello's forte.