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Ephraim 225

[table of contents]
Psycho Penguin reviews F-Zero: Maximum Velocity
Someone in the comments mentioned a reviewer named Psycho Penguin. So I checked this guy out and.............ugh. He has so many awful reviews I didn't know where to start. Take the Super Mario Advance review, for instance. He basically says, "Yeah, it was a cool game on the SNES but it sucks now!" without really giving a reason WHY. And the Pokémon Snap review is basically "ALL YOU DO IS PHOTOGRAPH POKEMON THIS GAME IS AWFUL WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA" several times over. Maximum Velocity is rather lackluster for an F-Zero game. People preferred F-Zero GX, sure, but Maximum Velocity is still as good as the SNES game.

And he said this game was OVER rated?

F-Zero is one of the best racing games ever created, and it still provides hours of fun nowadays. So, it was pretty much a no brainer for Nintendo to re-release the game on Game Boy Advance, since they were going to port over several old SNES games. However, just like their rather crappy port of Super Mario Advance, F-Zero: Maximum Velocity is just not that good. It's better than the awful Super Mario Advance, but that is really not saying much. Maximum Velocity is a Maximum Disappointment, and there is absolutely no excuse for the piss poor job Nintendo did with the ports of these games.

Maximum Velocity is not a port. And since you have yet to give any real reason as to why Super Mario Advance is bad, I have to ask: How is that one bad?

I want my money back. This game cheated me out of several hours which could have been spent playing a much better game.

And WHY did you spend hours playing a game you didn't even like?

The race course designs are average, but there's a major flaw here. This is not F Zero. The race courses do not allow for high speeds, since you need to turn so damn much. Therefore, if you try to go at a high speed, you will end up crashing into the wall, since you can't really break as quickly as you would like to. Since you have a power meter, you will soon end up burning out.

..................................................................................................... No. Fucking. Shit.

What was the reason for this? Did Nintendo really think that F-Zero needed all these sharp turns? Yes, it does require the game player to develop more of a strategy if they want to complete the race in a decent time. However, F Zero has never really been about strategy, it's always been about fast speeds and hyperactive vehicles.

So you'd rather just go in a straight line forever.

You don't really get any cool vehicles, as the vehicle select screen you get when you start up the game indicates. F-Zero had some of the coolest vehicles in the history of racing, but Maximum Velocity has some cheap ripoffs that still go mighty fast, but as I already mentioned, going fast isn't going to get you anywhere.

Oh I get it, You Suck so bad you couldn't unlock any of the secret cars. Lovely.

Even though the game encourages you to use a certain amount of strategy, it still goes mighty fast. If you take your eyes off the action for one second, chances are you will crash, and lose valuable seconds. The opponents start to get tougher as you advance in stages, but some of them are just a little too tough. We're talking 'severe gravity law defying'' good here. Regardless, the game did go mighty fast, and that was good, but it didn't mesh too well with the shoddy course designs, so F-Zero completely strikes out here.

This game may break the speed limit, but that's still no excuse to not use your goddamn brain while driving.

Due to the high amount of unlockable secrets, like new vehicles and areas, etc., the game has a little bit more replay value than the average game.

So you DO know about the secret cars. Shame you were too drunk to unlock them.

F-Zero: Maximum Velocity is the definition of a game that tries to be too innovative for its own good. Rather than keep the classic formula that made F Zero such a classic, they decided to tweak the format and add a new racing style.

Dude, it's exactly the same as the SNES game! Idiot!

The problem is they left in the fast paced frenetic style of F-Zero, so the two formats really don't clash well at all.

No, the real problem is that you're a terrible driver!

F-Zero: MV is a barely average game, which makes it simply unbearable for F-Zero fans like me. Combine this hack job with the awful Super Mario Advance, and the first two SNES ports on GBA need to be forgotten about quickly, since they suck so bad.

THIS ISN'T A PORT AAAAARGH

So let me get this straight, his argument is that it's different, so it sucks?! Or is he saying that F-Zero shouldn't require too much thought or skill?! That's a new one! I'd certainly love to hear what he thought of GP Legend! Falcon Punch (TM), What an Idiot!
3rd May '11 11:56:21 PM flag for mods
comments
Ah yes. Psycho Penguin. Quite the big shot on the Game Faqs review front. When I wrote that comment, I had not seen his reviews for years. Looking back, that was my idiot phase. I just paid attention to him because his reviews were elaborate. (A good reviewer is Vegita. His reviews on the Virtual Boy, Gauntlet 64 and Hylide are actually very funny) He flip flops quite a bit on how elaborate his reviews are though. His Chrono Cross review is something to behold. I really want to see you do his Ocarina of Time and Mario 64 reviews (3/10 and 1/10 respectively).
Emperordaein 4th May 11 (edited by: Emperordaein)
Indeed, that would be fun.
SpellBlade 4th May 11 (edited by: SpellBlade)
Wow... this can barely even be called a review.

.

That aside, how do you do that quoting thingy with the blue-grey slightly indented text?
Sabbo 4th May 11
@Emperordaein: I saw the Chrono Cross review. Now I really want to play that game just to see if he's shitting me or not. I bet he is.

@Sabbo: Use [[quoteblock]] and [[/quoteblock]] for quote blocks.
Ephraim225 4th May 11 (edited by: Ephraim225)

Ephraim225 4th May 11 (edited by: Ephraim225)
^^That's or you could read Let's Play Chrono Cross on the LP Archive. Where The Dark Id manages to give the game a much more reasonable overview. Although some of Psycho Penguin's complaints were valid.
Emperordaein 4th May 11
Thanks.

Relatedly, you can use [==] to show wiki markup without the need for spaces and whatnot.
Sabbo 4th May 11
(The markup goes between the equals signs.)
Sabbo 4th May 11
You're welcome. And I found the edit button. You need to be viewing all the comments at once to see it, for some reason. i.e. This link
Ephraim225 5th May 11
Honestly, I'm more upset by the fact that he hates on Super Mario Advance, which was a remake of SMB 2. A remake drastically superior in every way to the original. I seriously don't know what there is to not like about that game.
EponymousKid 5th May 11
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