Why am I getting these instalments out so quickly, you may ask? Well, originally, the first one was supposed to be the opening two chapters, but I thought it might go over the word cap. Besides, if I don't get all this over with quickly, I'll probably end up giving up.
Chapter 2: Open Book (again, bland, and only references one sentence in the chapter)
"The next day was better... and worse." Uh, that could apply to pretty much any day in anyone's life. It's better because it's not raining and, while Mike walks Bella to her next class, Eric glares at her (oh, sorry, "Chess Club Eric"... even though it's never been said he's in the chess club). She's flattered and lords it over them internally. Ugh. At least she remembers everyone's name. It's worse because she can't sleep with the wind echoing around the house (hey, I slept through the outer fringes of Hurricane Rita, I'll decide what echoey winds are), she sucks at PE and trig, and she's dreading Edward's bizarre glares. I don't know what a bizarre glare looks like. Maybe something like this?
B*>C
Also, HOW DARE YOU NOT CAPITALISE "TERMINATOR"??? Ahnold is not pleased. But oh joy, the other Cullens/Hales - or just Cullens from now on, for ease of writing - are there and Edward isn't! And now Mike's crushing on Bella - he's "taking on the qualities of a golden retriever" (so he's furry, he poops in the garden and he likes to jump on people by way of greeting? Gotcha.), and he's hanging around by Bella's desk. Sorry, Mike, she's more into sparkling emos (emoes?). Bella wonders if SHE's the reason Edward's not there, but decides it's ridiculous and egotistical. OK, who on earth is Bella to decide if something is ridiculous and egotistical?
Once Bella gets out of school after whacking a teammate in the head with a volleyball, she heads to the supermarket to get food for dinner. Charlie can seemingly only cook fried eggs and bacon. I'd be happy with eating that every day, but whatever floats your boat, I guess. She cooks dinner, which is not interesting. However, Renee has sent her a load of emails wondering where she is, taking a brief break from not eating and not paying the bills. Bella reads Wuthering Heights. Meyer apparently based Eclipse on it, so that's foreshadowing! Maybe. And Renee's cooking experiments are apparently not always edible. As opposed to mine, which are never edible. While they're eating the fishpaste and strawberry casserole with toaster-fried rutabaga (oh, sorry, steak - could've been some OK comedy if it had been one of Renee's experiments) Bella asks Charlie about the Cullens. Dr. (Carlisle) Cullen is apparently a great man. Not that great from what we'll see later, though. And they go camping every other weekend. See? Not suspicious at all! And come on, how can Charlie not afford a dishwasher?
Edward doesn't show up for the rest of the week. In two weeks' time, Mike and the rest of Bella's slaves - sorry, friends - are planning a trip to La Push Ocean Park, which Bella goes on even though beaches are supposed to be hot and dry. Uh, no. Greenland has beaches, go there then complain how beaches should be being hot and dry. She goes to the library once, but it's poorly stocked and she wants to go to Olympia or Seattle to get books. Yes, go to Olympia so Kurt Cobain's ghost can bitchslap you. And it snows. Wait, when did Bella move to Forks again? Predictably, she hates it. And now there's some corny romantic tension between Mike the Golden Retriever and Chess Club Eric, as Eric throws a snowball at Mike when he's talking to Bella. Good grief. Anyways, on the snowy day, Edward comes back, and he's less pale and tired-looking (SPOILER he's been drinking blood). Then Bella goes to biology and sits next to Edward, who TALKS TO HER OMG.
He has perfect hair/a dazzling face/flawless lips/a quiet, musical voice. BUH. Oh, but his smile's crooked, so he's not perfect at all! They do an experiment and banter awkwardly. Bella was in an AP biology programme in Phoenix, so one more trait of unrealistic perfection - she's really really intelligent but will never be shown as such again. Edward knows waaaaaay too much - he can tell she doesn't like the cold despite having never spoken to her, and he can tell she's "suffering more than she lets anyone see". Actually, if this banter is MEANT to sound awkward, that's some Fridge Brilliance there. And *gasp* we finally learn why Bella moved!
Renee's boyfriend Phil is a minor league baseball player, so he travels a lot. Renee stayed with Bella at first, but it was obvious that she missed Phil. So instead of travelling with Renee and Phil, or moving to some other relative, Bella decides to go to a place she hates. Makes sense. During her explanation, Bella gets frustrated with him for asking (sorry, SAYING) whether some stuff happened a particular way, even though there's no way he could have known. Anyways, Bella's an open book CHAPTER TITLE REFERENCE, except not. Mike says that Edward seemed OK that day and Bella goes home again. As she drives home Edward seems to be laughing at her, standing next to his Volvo. The end.
Comments
