Garfield: Quickie
Garfield is playing ringleader. There's a glass of water on the floor. Garfield directs our attention to Odie the Amazing, who is about to do a death-defying dive into a glass of water. Odie is suddenly less enthusiastic about this stunt. Garfield gives him some brute-force encouragement in the form of pushing, though Odie resists. Odie does fall, but Garfield soon follows.
Meanwhile, Jon is reading a book. Suddenly, Garfield, his head stuck in a glass, is pursued by a dog dish stuck on Odie's body. Jon observes that when you own pets, there's never a dull moment.
("Friends Are There")
"This show is K-rated. No adults unless accompanied by a kid."
(Let's just see you enforce that. ;) )
Garfield: Garfield's Moving Experience
Jon reads that he needs to add a cup of whipped cream to something, but he decides that since mayonnaise is the same color, it'll do as a substitute. Garfield finds Odie playing in front of the recliner. He tells the viewers to watch. He runs for the recliner and lumps for the back of the chair. The ottoman springs out, sending Odie crashing into something. Garfield says it took a brilliant mind to figure that gag out. (The writer?) Odie recovers, dusts himself off, and kicks the ottoman.
Jon brings out a bowl of brown... glop, and calls for Garfield to come get it. He sets it on the table just in time for Garfield to land in it. Jon says, "Take your time." Garfield tastes it from his own cheek. Jon identifies it as peanut butter and fish-head stew with pickles on the side and optional chocolate sauce. (There's a recipe for that? And it calls for whipped cream? I'm not sure mayonnaise wouldn't have been a better choice...) Garfield is relieved, thinking it might have been food.
Upon being set on the floor, Odie starts licking the stuff off him, but Garfield warns him not to do so at that time. Odie doesn't heed him, so he ties Odie's tongue in a bow. Jon takes Garfield outside so he's not present when Jon's cooking. (Not sure why; his presence didn't make it turn out awful, and doesn't necessarily spare him the pain of taste-testing it.) This suits Garfield, who hates being around acts of cruelty. He drops Garfield on his feet. He gives Jon a chance to apologize, but has the door shut in his face in mid-word, flattening it. His face, I mean.
Garfield decides to find a different place to live. He figures demand is high, and that the "cute kitty" routine should work. He fluffs up his head. He says it's disgusting; I'm inclined to agree, but not for the reason he means. Without a matching body, his head looks bumpy, not cutely fluffy. He tries it on two people; they pass him by. He returns his fur to normal, asking if they know adorable when they see it. Apparently, a little-ish... I'd guess 7-9-year-old girl finds his standard appearance adorable. Yellow hair in pigtails with green holders, blue sweatshirt, white shirt, light blue skirt, light blue shoes. She asks if he has anyone to take care of him; he shakes his head. (Liar, liar, fur on fire.) She decides to take him home and make him nice and comfy. This sounds good to Garfield.
Odie whimpers upon seeing him go. Not one to carry a grudge, it seems.
The girl — unnamed thus far — asks if the kitty-witty wants a nappy-wappy, making Garfield, well, sicky-wicky. He starts to think he made an error. He worries about what kind of house he's going to live in. The girl points it out. It's a two-story affair, the steps taking you up to the first-and-a-half story. There appears to be a golden chandelier over the front door. The fountain out front is styled like a cartoon bag of money. The girl explains that it's just their weekend home, and that they usually live in a much bigger place. Garfield wonders if it's called "Texas".
He jumps out of her arms and runs past many trees up the walk to a previously unseen door at ground level, which is equipped with a pet door. This particular door seems to lead to the kitchen, but maybe that's just where we cut to. He, of course, stops at the refrigerator, and calls the setup "luxury". He steps on a pedal which opens the refrigerator door. The lighting inside of it is extremely bright blue. It reminds me of those things they use in nail places (there's one in our Wal-Mart, and the machine I'm referring to is visible from the checkout lines, so I don't even have to go in to see) and some barbershops. I guess the refrigerator keeps the food sterile. He figures the refrigerator has its own ZIP code, and is therefore the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. The girl comes up to him and deduces that he's hungry. An astute observation. She'll get him some nice, yummy food. He likes the way she thinks... or so he thinks. (She leaves the door open. Yeah, don't kick it closed or anything, kid.)
Dissolve to the dining room, where there's an incredibly long table with one ostentatiously tall chair at each end, two lit candles about a third of the way from one end to the other, and standard salt and pepper shakers at the opposite end from where Garfield is. Which makes sense; if you're assuming the cat wouldn't use them, you don't want to position them so that you have to pack some GORP for your trip to get salt and/or pepper. Garfield is looking through binoculars for signs of food. Our first clue of its approach is the girl's voice. Garfield think first that it'll be filet mignon, but then decides it'll be bigger, like a whole rib roast. No, bigger, like they'll barbecue a cow, or even a whole herd. Well, no, the covered plate she's bringing is much too small for a cow, let alone a whole herd. (Well, maybe if they're Lilliputian cattle...) She sets it down and lifts the lid. Garfield is disappointed to find a bluish-green mess of mushy gunk. He wonders what it is. It's a special health food for cats, she explains, as she spoons some up. Ingredients: Macrobiotic soy byproducts with wheat germ. She puts it into his mouth, and he eats it, but with a familiar expression. He makes the mistake of swallowing it, as despite his obvious dislike, she takes it to mean he likes it, and says she'll get a bigger bowlful. (A baleful bowlful, it seems.)
Garfield sneaks under the table, then emerges, thinking to try to find real food. He sneaks to the kitchen, and off to the refrigerator, which gleams. He gets in, and makes a withdrawal of: a whole fish (as in, not prepared in any way) sandwich with lettuce and Cartoon Cheese; a ham; a... spinach pie, I guess; a burger; and a cake. Just a light meal, as he doesn't want to ruin his appetite. He walks into the other room... only to be surprised by the girl's voice. There's a crash, and an apple bounces into the kitchen. The dining room shows some more of the aftermath: broken dishes; brown splotches on the walls, floor, a picture and the tablecloth; as well as a drumstick, a bluish apple, and a golden ham that was previously not golden. (I guess I'd be surprised, too, if someone's voice caused food to spontaneously generate/change.) She holds him, telling him he'd get a tummy ache if he ate all that. (She is blissfully unaware of his capacity for food.) She says it's time for his nappy, anyway.
(AMERICANISM NOTE: For those who don't know, she's referring in a cutesy way to a brief period of sleep, not an article of clothing which prevents the free flow of excretions, generally worn by infants.)
Wipe to the bedroom. There's a stick-figure level drawing of a boy on the wall. It has a solid salmon background. I guess she filled that in herself, as the head is white. The wallpaper is mainly pink with white stripes... for less than a second before it becomes yellow with white stripes.
...On closer inspection, it seems that the entire first... I don't know, let's say 10 frames of this sequence have a pink hue before it's removed.
In any case, Garfield, to his obvious displeasure, is dressed in a pink nightgown and cap. The girl ties up his white bow. He tells the viewers that he didn't laugh when our parents dressed them like that. She picks him up off the bed and lays him in a bassinet. He figures that things can't get any worse. She begins rocking the crib and singing "Rock-a-Bye Kitty". I leave determinations of the quality of her singing as an exercise for the reader. (Need a hint? Check the previous Pot Hole.) Garfield, who at this point, would likely rather be stuck in a cradle supported only by a breaking branch on a windy day than to listen to any more, uses a claw to cut a hole in the bottom up his bed. The girl stops rocking it while she sings the last line. He slides out and makes a run for it. He feels her singing exemplifies cruelty to animals. He feels that people who sing like that should be drug out into the street and shot. (Incidentally, he said that about Binky's singing, too, if you'll recall.)
Umm... maybe? I mean, it depends on the level of cartooniness. I don't remember seeing anybody get shot with guns in G&F, but if it's like Looney Tunes, where you get black powder all over you and maybe a facial feature is misplaced, or maybe it just makes a hole clean through that doesn't bleed and heals up completely between scenes, then... I'm still not sure I'd want it to happen to her just because her singing voice is unpleasant (her speaking voice is cute without being naturally overly cutesy, I think), but it would be better than a more realistic take on gunshots, which would be right out.
Then Garfield thinks of a worse punishment: having to listen to a recording of themselves. He skids to a stop at a staircase, and slides down a banister. He finds it fun for a couple of seconds until he notices that the bottom of the banister is adorned with a Cupid statue. With an arrow, gleamingly sharp, pointing up the banister. He claws to a stop. Come to think of it, the arrow likely would have missed, but impacting the bottom of the bow still would've hurt. He thinks himself safe, then changes his mind when the girl finds him and picks him up, thinking him bored and wanting to play.
She takes him outside to play with "Boopsie", "the cutest puppy in the whole world". She sets him in front of the doghouse — still in sleepwear — and steps back. Garfield thinks a puppy should be a cinch after Odie. He knock on the front of the doghouse and calls for Boopsie to come on out. Boopsie, of course, is a name to run away from really fast. He sticks his head out and growls. Garfield notes the nominal dissonance. Boopsie comes out, and Garfield runs away from him, losing the cap in the process. The girl, not the best judge of behavioral signals, thinks they're friends already. Garfield scrambles up the brick wall, but Boopsie catches him by the gown. It's torn off, sending him flying over the wall. He runs off. Boopsie is now back with the girl, chewing on the gown. The girl remarks that Garfield is the eighth kitty cat they've lost this week. (Given that it's her weekend home, I wonder if it's the first day of the week or the seventh.) Boopsie thinks, counts on his toes, and barks. She pats his head and corrects herself to nine. They walk off.
Back at the Arbuckle house, Jon is sunk into his chair, and Odie is on the armrest. They seem depressed. Jon thinks they were a little rough on Garfield. (Ohhh no, Jon, don't go lumping Odie in with you on that point. Odie merely reciprocated, and then (literally) licked him; you're the one who put him out. By the way, either he changed curtains, or they spontaneously gained green flowers, a la 'Encounter At Farpoint'. ... That's it! Jon Arubuckle's house is actually a shapeshifting space jellyfish. Maybe if you give it a good dose of non-destructive energy...) He goes to tell Garfield all is forgiven. He goes outside and calls him, soon finding him latched to his face. Jon pries him off and brings him in. Garfield has decided there's no place like home. He tells Odie to look who's back, and sets him on the table. Odie licks him. Garfield starts to tell him not to, but decides to allow it. Jon shows how glad they are to have him back by presenting him with... moose-flavored pancakes in tomato and anchovy syrup. Jon... experimental cooking is not the best welcome. Also, I see green and yellow. ...Spinach and cheese, perhaps? But I don't see syrup, much less the result of making syrup from tomatoes and anchovies. Garfield goes into the closet, puts on a child-sized jacket, takes a pair of suitcases, and leaves, saying he'll take his chances with Boopsie. Jon and Odie look stunned.
Orson's Farm: Quickie
Orson and Booker sit on the seat of a tractor. Orson tells Booker to push on the starter. He does... and it takes off without them! They run after it... then it runs after them! They run into Roy's, where he's bathing. Orson says the tractor's going crazy, but Roy advises simply letting it run until it runs out of gas.
Two problems with that:
- This is a cartoon. The gas tank capacity might only be limited by Rule of Funny.
- For the same reason, the tractor is likely to take an unrealistic path before it does run out. (Even a simple straight line could be problematic in Real Life.) Case in point...
They leave, reassured, but right after they leave, the bathtub breaks through the back wall, followed by the tractor, leaving a tractor-shaped hole. So not only is it going crazy, it's teleporting! It pushes the bathtub at high speed as both hover parallel to the ground. So it's also levitating.
Orson's Farm: Wade: You're Afraid
Okay, remember how last time they had a baseball game, but no bullpen? Well, here's a bull in a pen. Eheh.
Booker is walking around in a circle, while Sheldon is dinging and flashing. Booker complains about the lack of activity. Sheldon says he's up to 17,000 in pinball. Then Booker gets an idea and points out Wade, causing Sheldon to tilt. Wade is working in a section of field with red flowers. Booker points out the bull. Booker decides to have some fun with the idea. He walks up to Wade and tells him the bull is loose. It takes a few tries before the idea takes root, but then Wade jumps up, asks us why we're just sitting here watching TV, and runs off repeating this false news. He runs into the henhouse, scaring the chickens, and runs out the other way. He runs up one side of the silo and down the other, then passes Roy and Bo playing some kind of game with blue and pink pieces on a 5-long board. This makes Roy, Bo, and the pieces spin around, each in their own little spin, and turns the board 3x3. When the spinning stops, they and the pieces have swapped sides.
Orson sits in an inflatable chair in his waller and reads Psychology Made Easy. He reads about people who totally lack self-confidence, and wonders what they're like. Fig. 1 comes running through the waller, splattering Orson and book with mud and still repeating his news. At one edge of the waller, he sticks his head in and shivers.
As he walks and drags Wade behind him by the swim ring, Orson asks if he isn't ashamed of himself. Wade is, but not unusually so. Orson asks if he knows what the trouble with him is. Wade lets Orson answer his own question. Orson chooses to do so in song, telling him he's afraid of everything. Specific items listed: the barn, a tree, the water, the dark, the daylight, sun, and shade. He asks what they'll do with him.
Y'know, I'd say a loose bull, especially one that seems as hostile as that one, would be a perfectly legitimate fear if it were true. The song overstates Wade's fears, actually, but while Wade does have a ton of ridiculous and irrational fears, in this case, the actual problem is that he didn't pick up from Booker's behavior that the bull being loose was a lie. Had the bull actually been loose, Booker would have acted afraid, as well, and not just walk up and say it.
Wade admits his fear, but is afraid they can't do anything about it. Orson decides hypnosis might work. Wade is afraid of that. He starts to run off, but is caught by Roy and Bo.
He has Wade seated on a stump, and instructs him to watch the turnip he's swinging as he says typical hypnosis things. When he comes to the part about asking if he understands, Roy and Bo, with expanding concentric circles in their eyes, reply in a dull monotone, "Yes, master." Wade thinks his aim is off.
Orson tries it again. Wade says it won't work, because he's too smart. As he goes on, he falls asleep in midsentence. (Whether this disproves that theory or if it means Wade isn't as smart as he thinks he is is uncertain.) Orson tells him that when he awakens, he'll be the bravest person in the world. Orson tells him to wake up, and snaps his fingers. Wade continues, but not where he left off. Roy tests him by saying it might rain tonight. Bo mentions the possibility of lightning and thunder. This doesn't scare Wade, as he's the bravest person in the world. He walks off. Bo and Roy compliment him on his work.
Booker hunts worms as Sheldon follows. Wade tells them to make way for one brave person, as he goes through on a bicycle, feet up on the handlebars, and eyes closed. They don't get themselves out of the way fast enough, and are knocked out of the way by the bicycle. Sheldon asks if that was Wade. Booker replies that looked like him, but didn't tremble like him. Sheldon points out that he's opening up the bullpen. Wade proceeds to taunt the bull, asking if he's like to be a cheeseburger. Roy thinks undoing the hypnotism would be a good idea right about now. Orson looks for a cure as he runs. Wade calls the bull's sister a leather jacket. Orson says his psychology book will cure him. Roy takes the book and closes the book on Wade's head in mid-taunt, calling it "applied psychology". This returns Wade to normal. Bo advises him to remember that there's nothing to be afraid of.
Oh really? Yeah, Orson remembers that the bullpen has probably not been closed. Indeed, the bull, for whom the world seems to be a giant red cape, is at the open part of the gate. Roy points out that this is a time to be scared. They all run screaming, Wade jumping into a watering trough. The bull bears down on Roy, who tries to convince the bull that he shouldn't be harmed, on the basis that he's a vegetarian. Wade muses that it's because they were trying to help him. He decides it's time he stopped being a coward... then wonders if he said that. Roy hides behind a tree, leaving the bull to look around. Roy sneaks off. The bull starts bashing the tree, thinking to knock Orson, Booker, and Sheldon off their branch. Orson does fall, onto the bull's back. The bull runs off with Orson clinging to his back.
Wade gets the bull's attention. He stops, throwing Orson off, and starts after Wade. At some point, Wade decides that the charging bull is too close for comfort, and takes off running, himself. Roy thinks Wade's done for, but Orson has an idea. After Wade passes, Orson runs out in front, whipping out his turnip! He tries to hypnotize the charging bull! Orson gets more and more desperate as the bull approaches... but it works just in time, handily negating the bull's momentum, as well.
So what's Orson's command? "Go back into the bullpen"?
No, he just makes the bull think it's a chicken. The bull instantly begins clucking and flapping its forelegs. Wade bemoans the return of his cowardice. Bo points out that they, too, were scared; Roy also points out that Wade tried to save them. Orson explains that bravery is about overcoming your fears for a good reason. (How about using your fear of something other than your own safety to do what needs to be done? And hey, isn't fear to some extent what leads us to put bulls in pens in the first place?) He thinks Wade might be naturally braver than Wade himself thinks. Roy thinks everything is back to normal.
Oh yeah...
Remember the bull?
Booker and Sheldon run up, hurrying them to the chicken coop...
...where the bull has taken up residence.
Orson amends Roy's statement to "almost normal". Roy decides that if the bull lays an egg, he's getting out of there.
Garfield: Quickie
There's a bunch of food on the table. Garfield looks at the food, considering it a banquet. He lists some the foodstuffs: baked ham, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, corn... then he finds a mysterious golden-brown object. He classifies it in the crescent roll family. Leaning on the ham, he points out that true gourmets aren't afraid to try new foods, and gulps it down. He finds it a bit dry, with subtle flavor.
Then Jon comes along and asks if Garfield's seen his sweat socks. This sends Garfield into disgusted convulsions.
Garfield: Good Mousekeeping
Garfield is in bed, as is part of his wont. An alarm clock rings, prompting Garfield to look at it. He gets up, stretches, and checks his agenda for 2:00. The entry: nap. He remarks that if you have no schedule, your important things don't get done. Odie, ever the bright one, is begging from Jon while he's cooking. Jon tosses him something, and asks him to close the refrigerator door. (How long has it been standing open? I'd hate to have to pay these cartoon characters' electric bills...) Odie goes to do so, but before he gets there, a quarter-wheel of Swiss wiggles and sprouts legs. (It stands alone. Ba-dum-tish!) When he gets there, the cheese hops out and runs off, confusing Odie.
The cheese runs by Garfield, who notices it. He asks us if we saw it. Gives new meaning to "fast food", huh? (Hey, he made a similar joke...) He runs after it, and take the cheese, revealing that there was a mouse inside. It takes a couple of seconds, but the mouse realizes that there's something missing. He notices Garfield looking stern, and immediately goes into plead mode. Garfield eats the cheese himself, and asks why he would want to eat a mouse. The mouse points out that the cats on TV always do. (Correction: the cats on TV always try, but seldom succeed... and never keep them down even when they do.) The mouse goes to the TV and clicks the remote.
Conveniently, the show that comes on when the TV comes on is a stereotypical cat-chases-mouse cartoon. As usual, the predator and prey run at precisely the same speed through a repeating hallway. The mouse is calling for help, as the "evil, nasty cat" intends to eat him. The mouse escapes into a mousehole, and the cat splats flat against the wall from the force of his pursuit. The mouse outside the TV cheers on his Show Within a Show counterpart. Garfield is horrified. The SWAS cat has been hit with a piano, and the SWAS mouse is saying it's what cats deserve for eating mice.
Garfield turns off the TV, calling the show a horrible thing to put on television, and asking if that's the sort of thing they let children watch. The mouse points to the show as proof. Garfield offers himself as, at minimum, an exception: he chases hamburgers. In their favor is the fact that they're easier to catch and taste better. The mouse is astonished, but is eager to spread the good news to his fellow mice over in the alley. (He seems to be the only mouse with scleras.) They enter the house through a vent in the side.
Jon pours Odie some Bow Wow brand dry dog food. Odie eats a first bite, but before he can take a second, two mice start running away with the dish! Odie goes over to investigate, but the mice stop and lower the dish. He goes to take another bite, but the mice start off again. Odie growls, then barks and runs after it.
Jon reads a recipe. As he reads each item, mice run by with it.
- 1 qt. milk
- celery
- 1 dz. eggs (one mouse carries each one)
Then place in refrigerator. The refrigerator is carried by, on the table. This is too big for Jon not to notice, and he calls for Garfield. He shakes him awake and tells him the house is filled with mice, and "You Know What to Do." Indeed, he does. He... goes to the phone book to try to find an exterminator. Jon takes the phone away (not that Garfield could use it himself, anyway), pointing out that as the cat, it's his job to get rid of the mice himself. Garfield proposes a trade: Jon catches the mice, and he'll mess up the dinner. Jon tosses him into the kitchen and goes to wait for results.
A mouse has a cream pie. Garfield jumps out, startling the mouse into throwing the pie into the air. Garfield grabs him, then walks, thinking the mouse-catching easy. Then he remembers the pie. Lemon meringue? SPLUT! He releases the mouse in surprise and licks the cream off his face. It was peach. (A peach cream pie? Sure, why not? Just because I've never heard of one...)
He chases a mouse with a vacuum cleaner. The mouse runs under the recliner, and Garfield vacuums under it. Upon seeing a large bulge pass through the hose and into the body of it, he thinks he's got the mouse. Umm... no. A mouse would not cause a bulge like that. So what would? Garfield opens the vacuum cleaner door... and Odie sticks his head out and slurps Garfield before hopping out. Garfield thinks you'd have to be pretty dumb to wind up there. Jon sticks his head out and coughs. (Okay, Odie alone might've made that big a bulge, but even Jon all by himself would've been bigger than that.) Garfield remarks that being bigger only means you'd have to be that much dumber.
Garfield tries an Acme Mouse Suit next. He claims to be the grand supreme mouse, and tells them to follow him. He heads outside... only to be pursued by a herd of cat-tle.
Mice conga past as Garfield lies there. Jon tells him he calls himself a cat. He thinks maybe he'd like to make the mice feel more welcome. Send out for pizza, and stuff. He points out that they've eaten everything in the kitchen... except his avocado and peanut butter stew with French dressing. (Another stew with peanut butter as a main ingredient?) This gives Garfield an idea. He swipes the pot of stew and runs off with it, Jon protesting that it's the last food in the house.
Garfield sets it out for the mice to eat. They dig in hungrily, as Garfield notes the rottenness of his own action. After a few seconds, however, the mice find themselves gagging and falling over from the awfulness.
Jon has decided to get another cat, one that can catch mice. Garfield opens the door... and lets the disgusted mice flee. The last mouse is the one from the beginning. He knew cats were sneaky, but didn't think he'd stoop to rat poison. Garfield closes the door behind him. Jon compliments his work.
Garfield finds himself hungry. He goes into the kitchen...
...only to see for himself that it's been utterly ransacked. Jon tells him not to worry; they still have his stew!
Over in the alley, where the mice eat when they don't know of an actual house they can eat from, Garfield and Odie show up in mouse suits, saying they're signing up, as the mice are eating better than they are.
Next time: episode 6!
