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Nyperold

[table of contents]
Preliminaries and Episode 1
(Up to episode 7 is a repost from the forum.)

And another! Am I trying to keep from running out of volume 1 of Lucky Star before volume 2 arrives?

(And here's an example. No danger of that; I have up to volume 7 now. That spans a couple hundred episodes, not counting the ones not technically considered episodes.)

Am I just trying to put off the next episode of Ichigo Mashimaro?

(And here's another. I'm well past the episode I was dreading posting about.)

Well, maybe, but I do enjoy it, so.

What do you mean am I going to do all 121 episodes? I certainly intend to! :)

Volume 1

Volume 1's color is blue. It features Garfield in a shower cap "washing" in the waller while Orson looks at the page edges of a book called "Waller World". Apparently, it was written for people who read from the right page to the left. The back has Garfield lying in the shade of a tree.

Disc 1

The first thinpak has Garfield on its cover.

Episode 1

Garfield patronizes and mocks Odie over his doggie coat. Jon calls them to go on their walk. Out comes Odie... followed by Garfield in a sailor suit. He thinks being struck by lightning sounds pretty good...

("Friends Are There")

"You folks have this confused: I'm real, and you're animated."

Garfield: "Peace & Quiet"

It's morning. A paper is thrown. The door to Jon's bedroom opens, and in comes Odie. He gets up on Jon's bed and starts licking his face, making Jon think he's underwater. He wakes up to find that it's Odie... and that the TV in the living room is still on. He rushes down to find Garfield watching the end of a 14-hour documentary on the coat hanger. Jon waves his hand in front of Garfield's face. No response. (Which is the normal response in fiction to someone waving a hand in front of someone else's face. Think about it: how often do you see someone in fiction react in any other way?) Jon feels like an unworthy parent. Garfield flops on his face. The narrator of the documentary invites the viewer to watch a 16-hour investigative report on cotton swabs. AND NOW, BINKY THE CLOWN IS OFFERING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY! But Jon shuts him off to put Garfield to bed.

One wipe (it's an editing term) later, Garfield is put in bed... and Jon is in normal clothes? Odie barks, but Jon shushes him. He has shopping to do, so he has Odie come with him so Garfield can have some Episode Title Drop. He yawns, and sleeps... for about two seconds when he hears a faucet dripping on a pan. His eyes, bloodshot, open one at a time, and he tries muffling it with a pillow. Finally, he leaves, stops the dripping, and comes back. How? He corked the spigot. Then he settles down to try to sleep again. Fat chance; a calliope startles him awake. He wonders who the clown is that's making that noise...

It is a clown. Specifically, Binky. He pulls up in front of the house in a car with a calliope in back. He hops the door and approaches the house. Garfield turns to leave, but is stopped by knocking strong enough to push the door in a bit, enough to see outside from the right range of angles. Anyway, Garfield answers the door. Binky asks if it's the home of Mrs. Edna Fogarty. Garfield thinks "No," but Binky is not telepathic, so he announces his intention to wish her a happy 97th birthday. Garfield doesn't think she'll make 98 if he does. He starts singing a birthday song to the tune of Frère Jacques. When he starts over, Garfield shuts the door and starts to walk away, only to be stopped by knocking. He opens the door for some reason, and is treated to Binky picking up exactly where he left off. This time, he shuts the door and goes back to bed, remarking that his singing is worthy of him being drug out into the street and shot.

But Binky is not so easily dissuaded. He delivers a modified version of that phrase often misidentified as the creed of the United States Postal Service, inserting a bit about a "cat with bad disposition", replacing "these couriers" with "this clown", and not mentioning "swift completion". He goes left of the pathway, turns a corner, stops at the first window... which has now spawned on the opposite wall, replacing the picture of the tree and the little grassy area with the lighthouse in the background. He opens the window and looks in.

(I should mention here that the layout of Jon's house is weird. On the exterior shot, you can clearly see that the front door is between two windows, and there's a garage on the right side of the house as you're facing it. Inside, the door is right next to the corner, and the other wall involved in the corner has windows from which you can see the outside. Incidentally, in the first exterior shot, there's a ball at the corner, but it's not Chekhov's; it's gone when Binky takes the corner.)

Close-up of Garfield. He is suddenly awakened by Binky playing Happy Jacques on a one-clown band with Binky's face on the drum. He finishes with "Shave and a Haircut". Garfield pulls the covers over his head. Binky leans over him and tells him to smell his flower. Garfield pokes his head out as he does so, and is sprayed. Binky giggles uncontrollably. Garfield walks past him, past a recliner, and through an empty doorway. He returns, pushing an office chair into Binky, and out a back window into the garbage. (No kitchen, no garage.) He dusts his paws and shuts the window. Binky is determined to finish; he has another house to do! He runs.

Garfield nestles down again, but is awakened by a "Ho ho ho! Merry Birthday!" It's "Santa Clown", coming out of the chimney. Garfield is unimpressed by the moniker. He asks if Garfield has been good this year, and gives him a gift. Garfield reads the tag, which warns that there's a "splut" enclosed. "What's a 'splut'?" you may ask, along with Garfield. He opens the gift.

splut n. A pie, usually cream-based, which is poised to hit one in the face.

The pie-bearded Garfield is now fully reminded of what a splut is. He messily wipes it off, somehow not making a mess. Binky apologizes, and offers a piece of candy. Garfield accepts, and chews on it. ...It's chocolate-covered tabasco hot peppers. His head turns red, smoke comes out of his ears, he jumps up and breathes gouts of flame, and he runs past the laughing Binky into the kitchen, which has returned to existence.

The sink is still plugged up from before, and the spigot has expanded from the pressure. Garfield struggles with the cork. (He should really drink milk instead, but whatever.) He gets the cork loose, and a stream of water jets out, hitting Binky, who's still insisting that he has to wish Edna a happy birthday, even if it means messing with the cat instead of, you know, looking for her, in the face, pushing him out the door that Garfield is conveniently standing by to open. Garfield backs against it, coming to the realization that he's not going to go away until he sees Edna and wishes her a happy birthday, even though he should suspect at some point that he's at the wrong place. Garfield figures he's got to do something.

Binky is through being Mr. Nice Clown. He says he's here to wish her a happy birthday, or else. The door opens. It's Garfield in an old lady wig, spectacles, dress, and shoes. Binky is relieved to see "her", and breaks into his song. Two lines in, we pause him, and Garfield remarks that he's not only getting Binky to finally go away, but he's also giving Mrs. Fogarty a break. He finishes the song, loads Garfield's arms with presents, tips his hat... and goes away. Garfield tosses the gifts aside and goes to bed.

Garfield decides he'll sleep 'til Halloween... or Thanksgiving, since it's longer. Just then Garfield and Odie return with presents. (Now there's neither picture nor window.) They give him his birthday presents. Garfield had forgotten it was his birthday. Odie licks his face. Jon says that he arranged for a birthday surprise while he was out. D'ya think...? Naaah. He probably won't—

The door opens, and in comes Binky, singing his song. Garfield's eyes go bloodshot, and he screams and runs off. A fast-paced, different-keyed rendition of part of "Friends Are There" plays as he runs down the sidewalk and through the desert, and climbs. He reaches the top, where he believes he can have peace and quiet. Only...

"I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER GET HERE!"

Yes. It's Binky, singing his song over and over as we get more and more distant...

Orson's Farm: Quickie

Wade stands alone on a hilly part of the farm. Bo calls him over to see something. He goes over, and runs screaming "A BUG A BUG!" Orson, whom he knocked over as he ran past, calls him a sissy and says he shouldn't be afraid of a bug. Meanwhile, the bug shows itself, standing upright. Bo doesn't even come up to its chin. Orson turns around and sees it. He's perhaps more understanding now...

Orson's Farm: "Wanted: Wade"

It's morning. Orson is reading on a couch by the waller, but we're going to Roy's roost for now. A digital alarm clock hits 6 AM. He hits it with a mallet, and goes over to a stereo system to put in a CD of 101 rooster crows. He remarks that it lets him sleep later, and lies back down. Wade is awake, and remarks, "Another day, another 600 things to dread." He goes and asks Orson if he's up early. Orson got hooked on a book about a wanted criminal. He starts to describe it, but the rooster crows are too distracting, so he goes to see about getting the crowing stopped for the day.

Then Wade notices a bit of "paper" sticking out from under the sofa. He asks Orson if it's his, but he's too far away, and the stereo's too loud. He pulls on it until it tears off. Then he gets the idea to read this thing.

You know what it says. If you don't, well:

"Warning! Do not remove this tag under penalty of law" and some code stuff. Wade realizes that it's against the law to remove the tag from the pillow, but doesn't realize to whom it applies. (They never do explain that in this episode. Or series.) He goes to rake leaves, muttering about "What harm could it do?" and wondering if he could be arrested for it. He tosses the rake aside as he decides to try to go sew it on. However, he steps on the rake teeth as he goes to do so, and gets bopped in the beak. He falls to the ground, his question then echoing in his head and starting up a song.

The scene changes to dark blue with the farm scenery sketched in chalk. A sort of parody of the earlier event plays out, in which Wade deviously lifts up a cushion, grabs the tag, and tears it off, only to be chased by a searchlight...

...to a red area with white-outlined bricks, purple-outlined sidewalk slabs, and tags in both colors. He keeps running.

Fade to the inside of Booker's place. Booker is lying in bed. Then he leaves bed sneakily, but it's no good; Orson intercepts him and sends him back to bed, where he returns with alacrity.

Fade to a pan across a series of pseudorandomly-placed signs as Wade looks back and forth. Only a couple of odd ones at the end: "No Yogurt" and "No John Wayne Impressions". Wade runs as the signs shrink into the distance and fireworks explode.

He sees a Wanted poster on a tree. He tears it off, but there's another one underneath, so he tears that one off too, only to find another one, and he starts tearing them off in rapid succession.

Fade to a farm scene, but this time, the background is pink. Sheldon is riding a wind-up truck, until it's swiped by Wade. He runs off until he sees four police cars and Roy in a police uniform approaching. He takes the truck and slaps manacle-style handcuffs on him. He experimentally pulls on them. No good. The song ends.

Yep, Wade's still on the ground.

Now we're in a courtroom where the predominant color is some kind of orangey brown. Lanolin, Bo, Booker, and Sheldon are in the jury box, Roy is the baliff, and Orson is the judge. Wade gulps. Orson tells him what he's charged with, and asks how he pleads. Wade bites his nails like sawdust flying off a power saw. Then he admits he did it, he's glad he did it, and that he'd do it again. Orson sentences him 9999 years in prison. Wade is just glad he didn't get life.

A bulldog and a rat are in a cell. The bulldog robbed 50 banks and 60 stations. The rat robbed 70 banks and 90 gas station and stole the Klopman Diamond. He asks Wade what he's in for. He admits to his paltry-sounding crime. The other two gasp and run for the bars, the bulldog shaking them and the rat clinging to the bulldog. Wade comes to. He doesn't want to go to prison, so he runs off to sew the tag back on.

Meanwhile, the rooster crows are still going. Orson wakes up Roy by shaking him, and tells him he has his earmuffs on. Roy says he can't hear him because he has earmuffs on. Orson points out that the folks next door called the police to complain. He tells Roy to turn the noise off. Roy says he can't hear Orson, tells him to wait until he turns the noise off, and starts fiddling with knobs.

Wade is still running, but slows down as he realizes that they wouldn't put him in jail over a tag. He says he's too nervous, and doesn't think the police would be looking for—

He then sees what he's just rested his wing on. A POLICE CAR. This protects-and-serves to reactivate his fears, and he runs yelling.

Inside Roy's place, the stereo equipment is stuck, which is what Roy says he gets for buying it from a horse. Percussive maintenance is not working.

Wade runs into Roy's place. WHAM. He breaks the stereo, which Orson remarks is one way to stop it. Wade begs Orson to hide him and get him an attorney named Murray, and that he didn't mean to do it. Orson asks what he did, and Wade answers, thinking the police are here for him. Roy laughs heartily at Wade thinking he was in that much trouble. Orson guarantees that Wade's not going to jail. Just then, a voice that should be suspiciously familiar comes from a megaphone: "We know you're in there; come out with your hands up!" They panic, knock out the back wall, and run away.

Back at the police car, we now see that it was Booker, Danno. He thought it sounded neat. Sheldon is dubious that he should have done that. Booker asks what harm can it do.

The three "fugitives" flee the scene.

Garfield: Quickie

Garfield is looking boredly out the window with one arm propped up on its elbow and the other lying down. Along comes a spider. Garfield goes to squash it with the window, but it jumps out of the way. Also, the pane breaks. Also, the window frame falls out. Also, the wall falls down. Also, the other walls and supports fall down. Garfield looks on the bright side; he got rid of the spider. ...Except that it's running in front of his face. The roof falls the rest of the way, covering him.

Garfield: "Garfield Goes Hawaiian"

Jon is on the phone, getting an update from Liz on a new cat disease: the Hawaiian cat flu. Jon repeats the name, but isn't worried, as Garfield never gets sick. In comes Garfield in a grass skirt and lei and a flower tucked behind his ear, dancing the hula. His eyes each have a circle around a tiny dot. Jon is so stunned as to not hear Liz's voice trying to get his attention.

At the vet's office, Jon voices his suspicion that Garfield has the HCF. His temperature is 101 F (38.33 C), which Jon thinks is a fever, but which Liz says is normal. Garfield reveals it to us as the temperature of microwave lasagna. She tells him to give him the medicine she'll prescribe, and not to mention Hawaii. Jon says it aloud: "Don't mention... Hawaii?" Garfield does a different dance while Liz explains that he'll start dancing like that whenever he hears "Hawaii". Jon tests it again while Garfield's trying to catch his breath. Garfield dances the hula, then goes under a piece of equipment as though it were a limbo stick. Liz tells him to take him home and give him the medicine. "Either that or plan a luau," Jon remarks.

Jon attempts to give it to him while trying to explain why without saying "Hawaii". Garfield prevents himself from being medicated, and thinks Jon is being ridiculous. Jon says, "Macadamia nuts," and Garfield does some sort of dance before falling flat on his back. Jon asks if he'll take his medicine now.

Jon calls Liz, reporting that he refuses to take it, but is interrupted by Odie, barking and tearing up a shirt. He scolds Odie for it, cuing Garfield to skateboard by in surfer shorts.

Jon sets his ingredients out to cook something, possibly a pineapple upside-down cake. He lists ingredients, but when he reaches the canned pineapple, Garfield hulas by and eats it.

Jon lies in the tub and sighs about Garfield dancing like that every time he says Honolulu. Garfield surfaces and gets out in a snorkel mask and flippers. (Snorkels, by the way, don't work that well underwater.)

Jon and Odie are watching TV. Jon starts, "If Garfield doesn't take his medicine..." leaving the rest as an exercise for the viewer. Just then, the host of a show announces that they'll be doing silly animal stunts, and invites pet owners to bring their pets, as they might win $1000. Jon decides that with Garfield's malady (which is supposedly going around, but which Jon seems to be treating as unique) will enable him to kiss all his financial worries ALOHA! (Hey, it's 1988.) Cue Garfield dancing by, playing a ukelele. Jon covers his mouth and watches.

At WBOR, the receptionist boredly screens the next applicant: an octopus who tap-dances to old Wayne Newton records while knitting a sweater. Panning left to the tune of "Tea For Two", we see a parrot on a man's arm, and Garfield and Jon entering. Garfield prepares to snag the bird, but is restrained.

The parrot is called up next. He does impressions: the first subtitle says Bill Cosby, but I've never heard him sound like that. Maybe I've just heard the wrong stuff. Next, Pee-Wee Herman, then Jack Nicholson, Bob Hope, Harry Callahan, and Mr. T. The receptionist decides that it needs work. Jon's next with Garfield. He tells her that Garfield dances whenever he hears the word Hawaii, or anything closely related. He whispers it, though, so he won't start doing it. The receptionist thinks it's the silliest things she's heard all day, and tells them he's on the show, and for them to be back that night. (She doesn't have to see it happen first?) Garfield is first surprised that he's going to be on TV, and then remarks that it took them long enough.

Jon gets dressed up, singing to himself that he's going to be rich. Garfield notes what Jon's singing, and figures he'd better be healthy if he's going to be on TV, so he takes the medicine. Unsurprisingly, it tastes awful. Jon walks by, telling him it's time to go. Garfield says his public awaits, and hopes he doesn't have to sign autographs, as cats can't write.

At the studio, there's a dog barking Camptown Races. Garfield brushes his fur, still not knowing what they expect him to do. The parrot echoes his thought in Lorenzo Music's voice, or an approximation thereof. The dog leaves the stage and the host comes on. He says that he's told the final contestant is one of the silliest acts they've ever had. Jon comes to bring Garfield to the stage. The host introduces them. Garfield wants first billing next time.

The host asks what Garfield does. Jon puts Garfield down and says that he dances the hula when someone mentions Hawaii. Garfield... doesn't, and says he doesn't. Well... thinks it. You know. Jon repeats it, thinking maybe Garfield didn't hear. Jon repeats his assertion, and thinks Garfield must be nervous. He tries Hawaii, Honolulu, surfboards, ukeleles, and Don Ho, but Garfield has his dignity. Jon brings out a lei and grass skirt and tries some more: Maui, cane sugar, "Book him, Danno!", pineapples, and volcanoes. Jon decides to shoot what little dignity he has left down the drain. He puts the accoutrements on himself, and starts singing "Hello, Hawaii (Can I Come Over?)" from Garfield In Paradise... badly. Garfield notices, stares in disbelief, and does something pretty close to a Face Palm, but not quite. (I think he's protecting his ears.) The audience, meanwhile, is cracking up at him. The host cracks up at him, too, pronounces him the silliest act they've ever had, and awards him the $1000. Garfield remarks how he got Jon on the show, but Jon gets the money.

At home, Jon is updating Liz (over the phone) on Garfield's condition: cured. Liz warns him to keep Garfield inside for a while, because of the Alaskan cat flu. Jon repeats the name, and starts to ask how he'll know if Garfield has it... but then sees Garfield mushing Odie through the living room, and realizes that Liz's explanation won't be necessary.

Next time: Episode 2!
18th Dec '10 9:48:01 PM flag for mods
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