Alright, so we’re actually getting a plot for once, though it’s driven more in Chris-Chan’s favour rather than Sonichu’s, but considering that Sonichu is a species rather than a character, it might be that the title refers to the race and not the title... Okay, that’s a long stretch, so let’s riff...
Okay, so after a ship tease supporting Megagi x Bionic and Megan x Chris-Chan (Ironically, after this, Megan gets Put on a Bus because Real Life Writes the Plot), we learn the next crystal is located... in the past? How does that work? Oh, apparently they can just do that. And then Magi-Chan probes Chris-Chan’s mind and instantly knows where and when the crystal is because Psychics can do that apparently... Well, you're just makin' all this shit up! Oh, what, you're the only one that gets to make shit up?
Okay, so apparently, this crystal bonked Chris-Chan on the head and opened some lockers to his imagination or whatever... Basically this is the fictional version of the time Christian got hit in the head by a basketball. And I only know that because I had to read up on Bionic’s origins off the wikia.
And then there’s a cutaway gag ala Family Guy? What? ... Fuck it.
Yeah, apparently there’s this Family Guy gag, which Chris-Chan tells Seth MacFarlane that he has full permission to make a sketch based off this gag. Well, he has one thing down. The completely out of nowhere joke that lasts longer than it should actually feels like it should be in Family Guy. At least in the season with all those Conway Twitty jokes. Actually, I should be quoting Zechs for this one. Since this entire episode is POINTLESS! Anyways, Magi-Chan says that they can go back in time by... going around the earth counter clockwise... {goes to a wall and bangs on it}
Time travel does not work like that! If you go around the earth counter clockwise, guess what? You just go around the earth. This was drawn sometime around March 5th, 2007, when Sonic The Hedgehog 2006 came out. You know, the very glitchy as hell game with that princess everyone wishes would die in a fire and the plot device of there being, oh I don’t know, TIME TRAVEL!? YEAH! THAT GAME! Shit, why didn’t Christian just take a cue from that game and pull off the Chaos Control time travel power? It’s easy to do and you could probably repeat it with two Sonichu Crystals if they have the same properties as Chaos Emeralds. So they go back in time via a sphere and there’s this blonde Lois Griffin that appears at the end of the episode and I have no idea what the fuck she’s doing there OR WHO THE FUCK SHE IS!
Sorry. I think I crossed the breaking point long ago and now I snark at this at every chance I can take. Our heroes go through a time tripping ride as we see a nice Bender cameo. Not sure the context, but if its based off Bender’s Big Score... Yeah, I’m gonna have to call out the author on this one. See, there’s no portal back to the future, which is what the art is implying for Bender. It could be that it’s based off Roswell That Ends Well... then it would also be stupid since 1) it would be the entire Planet Express ship, and 2) Bender would have been headless.
Chris-Chan laments on how time travel works more like a Stable Time Loop in this setting. Guess that explains why they don’t use this to go back in time and prevent Crystal or Chris-Chan from being trapped into the mirror. Sonichu tells Chris-Chan that it makes sense, since in Futurama, Fry became his own grandfather and even though he went back in time with the code, he still was forced to go back to the future to ensure he'd go back to the past.
And to show that it is more based off Bender’s Big Score, the time code is used. So they go back in time, where they see young Chris talking to this dude named Joe to tell him some angst. What’s weird is that young Chris lacks the Yuna-style heterochromia, so that begs the question of what caused it. Rarely in fiction is it caused by normal circumstances like diseases or genework, so it might be something odd and possibly more interesting than this stupid story. Chris-Chan tells us that whenever he reads a story, he replaces all the characters in his head with Sonic Characters... Shit. He knows about Fanmakes!
He then gets bumped in the head, creating Bionic. Who... appears in his world? HUH? Uuugh... Merging reality and fantasy like this is soooo confusing... Let’s find something less confusing and more grounded in some rules. They grab the crystal and, ah, the time code apparently brings people back to the future even though it’s established that it can’t do that. Maybe it’s possible with Magi-Chan’s sphere... I don’t know or care. Heck, I don’t even care about that stupid Bevis and Butthead cameo.
So after more stupid ship-teasing, Chris-Chan is Put on a Bus and that’s pretty stupid to put the hero of the arc on a fucking bus, but hey, at least Sonichu is back in the spotlight for once. In fact, they barely notice that Chris-Chan is gone, and when he is, they’re shocked. Sonichu puts it as something along the lines of Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence, but Chris-Chan puts it as being put on hiatus. Not even kidding with that one. He actually called it a hiatus.
So back to... PFFFFFFFFT HAHAHAHAHA! Okay, I can totally see Palazzo doing the Gendo Pose... That’s how generic of an anime villain he’s becoming. Anyways, we have this Legion of Doom and they plan to take over the universe. And Palazzo’s never seen again. BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Meanwhile, Chris-Chan is in the time void and... Okay, what the fuck is going on? Apparently he’s getting messages from the future and things aren’t looking so good. There’s this guy named Joshua... The Sonichus win that battle or whatever... Megan dumped him (byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)... And then 4-cent Garbage? This is fucking confusing. This guy is cranking Reality Subtext Up To Eleven and making it Reality Context. You know, who the hell would actually get what is going on without the use of the Wikia? It’s this kind of shit that has me turn to said Wikia and see just what in the hell this is all referencing. This is the bad kind of All There in the Manual. It’s meant to provide background information and interesting tidbits, not become the fucking Mind Screwdriver!
AND THEN WE GO TO THE JET SET RADIO SONICHU! ... Do I even want to read this? No. I don’t think so. I think I am done here. This was a stupid Sonichu issue through and through and I feel stupid for reading it. Tune in next time for the... BEACH EPISODE?
