Line #9 Quotes/PortingDisaster


1	->''"I hear the Super Nintendo version didn't have a countdown timer, and actually explained the plot a bit better, but like I said, I played the [[Platform/SegaGenesis Genesis]] version as a kid, so here I am!"''
2	-->-- '''[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]''', "Wolverine: Adamantium Rage"
3
4	->''"And now for the Platform/{{Amstrad\|CPC}} version. What can I say? Words such as travesty leap to mind. Surely there's some mistake. This isn't the ''VideoGame/OutRun'' we know and love. This is something else, something indefinable, something which wants to make you scream and [[{{Headdesk}} bang your head against the nearest solid object]], something you will regret spending your money on."''
5	-->-- ''Computer + Video Games'' magazine
6
7	->''"Do I need to explain why the game sucked? It's called ''Santa Claus Saves the Earth'', and it looked like that, for fuck sake! So do you know what is [[SarcasmMode even better than that]]? Oh, I dunno, compressing it, zooming it in, making the controls stiffer, the visuals shittier, the music even more unbearable, the performance worse, and making it portable! [[SarcasmMode Yay.]]"''
8	-->-- '''WebVideo/{{Caddicarus}}''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TP7EGiaa6W0 on the GBA port of]] ''Santa Claus Saves the Earth''.
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10	->VideoGame/BatmanArkhamKnight'' deserves a place on this list for the sheer bloody horror show that was the PC version of the game. While running OK on consoles, ''Arkham Knight'''s simultaneous PC launch was a disaster. The game ran like shit on an unforgivable number of systems, with skipping and framerate dips that ranged from playable for some to downright unbearable for others. I had one of the better experiences, and it was still fucking atrocious. Absolutely unacceptable from a big-name publisher.''
11	-->-- '''[[WebVideo/{{Jimquisition}} Jim Sterling]]''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nd6I9W_z6Y Top Ten Shittiest Games of 2015]]''
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13	->''Hey, did you hear about ''VideoGame/{{Cyberpunk\|2077}}''?\
14	The Game of the Year, except the versions that are total junk\
15	[[Creator/CDProjekt The publisher]] said the game was running well\
16	But neglected to mention [[TroubledProduction the years of development hell]]\
17	Reviewers said this game we'd all adore\
18	But [[NotScreenedForCritics nobody knew]] about the Platform/XboxOne and [[Platform/PlayStation4 PS4]]\
19	You see, it turns out gaming's biggest sensation\
20	Was a fucking load of shit on the systems from last generation''
21	-->-- '''[[WebVideo/{{Jimquisition}} Jim Sterling]]''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUoo6vv0k2U A Song of Cyberpunk]]''
22
23	->'''''2) Thou shalt make sure your game actually works.'''''\
24	\
25	''We're ashamed to even have to include this. This is like having to ask UsefulNotes/McDonalds to [[CaptainObvious cook the burger before they serve it to you]], or having to remind your dentist not to videotape himself slapping you in the face with his penis while you're under. It's the sort of thing you'd feel ridiculous saying.\
26	\
27	Yet, [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough here we are]], telling the game industry to please only sell us games'' that function.
28	-->-- '''Website/{{Cracked}}''', ''[[http://www.cracked.com/article_16196_the-7-commandments-all-video-games-should-obey.html The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey]]''
29
30	->''Tiertex were infamous for releasing very bad ports of arcade games, and you'll never guess what - ''VideoGame/{{Street Fighter\|I}}'' was no exception. This is the Platform/AtariST version of ''Street Fighter''. Notice that the graphics have been redrawn and now look crap. Notice that it now jerks horribly. Notice that when Ryu does a flying kick, he hovers in the air for a fraction of a second for no discernible reason. Notice the horrible splodges that appear when a character is hit. Notice that I've deliberately left the sound off because there are no sound effects, just a really annoying tune playing the whole time. What you can't notice is that all the special moves have been left out; [[TakeOurWordForIt you'll just have to take my word for that]].''
31	-->--'''WebVideo/StuartAshen''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zUkK14bHDk review]] of ''VideoGame/HumanKillingMachine''
32
33	->''It's kind of like ''VideoGame/PacMan'', only with grating sound effects, horrible visuals, clunky-arse gameplay, and a smaller map. So basically, it's... not ''Pac-Man''.''
34	-->-- '''WebAnimation/DangerDolan''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0yxVucGngo on]] the infamous Platform/Atari2600 port of ''VideoGame/PacMan''
35
36	->VideoGame/{{Doom}}'', even in 1996, was still a big get, and it was generally thought, due to the [[Platform/ThreeDOInteractiveMultiplayer 3DO]]'s power and PC-friendly architecture, it would be a slam-dunk port. Randy Scott and his fly-by-night company, Art Data Interactive, scored the license to sell the game on the machine, but unfortunately, they... [[IncompetenceInc didn't know the first thing about game development]]. They commissioned a single person to port the game and gave them six weeks in which to do so. While it's a miracle they even got it into a playable state, uh... "playable state" is a [[MetaphoricallyTrue subjective term]] here.''
37	-->-- '''WebVideo/MattMcMuscles''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ay0AtiTfIVk The 3DO - What Happened?]]''
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39	->''Even though it’s the first official version that we got, ''do not play'' the [=PS1=] port. Load times are bad and the translation is awful, like making Faris a stereotypical “yarr” pirate throughout. This is the same version that’s available for download on Platform/PlayStation3 and Platform/PlayStation4. Avoid it.''
40	-->-- '''WebVideo/ProJared''' on the Platform/PlayStation port of ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyV''.
41
42	-> ''"Let's have a science experiment: Let's take a beloved game that people enjoy all over the world, and '' extract its soul.''"''
43	-->-- '''{{LetsPlay/raocow}}''', on the Game Boy Advance port of ''VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehog1''
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45
46	->'''Shane:''' If the game was running this bad, ''why'' would you release it? Wouldn't you go "Oh dang, looks like we're having problems optimizing this for the SNES. Shut it down, folks, we done!"\
47	'''Adam:''' Yeah, you'd think that, but that's not what happened.
48	-->-- '''WebVideo/{{Rerez}}''', [[https://youtu.be/x3dcU2JDFS0?t=1798 on the Super Nintendo port]] of ''Race Drivin'''
49
50	->''"This is Videogame/PacMan, and this is someone trying their best"''
51	-->-- '''WebVideo/ScottTheWoz''' on the Platform/Atari2600 port of Pac-Man, "Remakes, Remasters, and Rereleases”
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Context Quotes / PortingDisaster