1 | ->'''TSA Agent Dennis:''' NCIS? That anything like CSI? \ |
2 | '''Tony''': Only if you're dyslexic. |
3 | |
4 | ->'''Gibbs''': [[NoodleIncident Some idiot smuggled a koala onto a submarine.]] Grab your gear! |
5 | |
6 | ->'''Kate''': I can't give him Air Force One's floor plans, they're top secret! \ |
7 | '''Gibbs''': [[LampshadeHanging Come on, Agent Todd. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.]] |
8 | |
9 | ->'''Ziva''': [''at the copy machine''] Die, you stupid machine! \ |
10 | '''[=McGee=]''': She seems unfazed. \ |
11 | '''Tony:''' Those are standard Mossad-style copy machine assault tactics, [=McGee=]. She's fine. |
12 | |
13 | ->'''Franks:''' My brother and I married the same woman twice. \ |
14 | '''Gibbs:''' Twice? \ |
15 | '''Franks:''' She was a ''hell'' of a woman, Probie! |
16 | |
17 | ->'''Tony:''' Suspect is claiming he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another. \ |
18 | '''Abby:''' That happens to girls too. At night some guy seems all dark and gnarly, then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works in a bank. \ |
19 | '''Tim:''' I used to work at a bank. \ |
20 | '''Abby:''' Your tat is real. And you don’t disappoint me. |
21 | |
22 | ->'''Ziva:''' What's the matter, Tony? Afraid of a little pussy...''cat?'' |
23 | |
24 | ->'''Tony:''' You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem. \ |
25 | '''Saleem:''' You're still bound. You're lying. \ |
26 | '''Tony:''' I can't lie, and I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you [[ChekhovsGunman my boss]] was a sniper? \ |
27 | [=*BLAM*=] |
28 | |
29 | -> '''Ziva''': Oh! My first time was in a weapons carrier! \ |
30 | '''Abby and [=McGee=]''': Of ''course'' it was. |
31 | |
32 | ->[''after surviving a [[StuffBlowingUp car bomb]]''] \ |
33 | '''Tony''': Boss? You remember when I said I never felt better? [''{{Beat}}''] I lied. |
34 | |
35 | ->'''Gibbs''': What seems to be the problem, Marine? \ |
36 | '''Cpl. Werth''': ... \ |
37 | '''Gibbs''': ''[[DrillSergeantNasty WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, MARINE?!]]'' \ |
38 | '''Cpl. Werth''': I want to kill someone, sir! |
39 | |
40 | ->'''Gibbs''': Tony, it could have been us every damn day of the week. Sometimes it has been. You want to worry about something, worry about tomorrow. |
41 | |
42 | ->'''[=McGee=]''': [to [=DiNozzo=]] What are you in, some kind of 12-step program for recovering mysogynists? |
43 | |
44 | [[folder:Gibbs' Rules, 0 - 51]] |
45 | # Never Screw Over Your Partner. |
46 | ** Never let suspects stay together. |
47 | # Always wear gloves at a crime scene. |
48 | # Never be unreachable. |
49 | ** Don't believe what you're told; double check. |
50 | # If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other person if you must. There is no third best. |
51 | # You don't waste good. |
52 | # Never say you're sorry, it is a sign of weakness. |
53 | # Always be specific when you lie. |
54 | # Never take anything for granted. |
55 | # Never go anywhere without a knife. |
56 | # Never get personally involved on a case. |
57 | # When the job is done, walk away. |
58 | # Never date a coworker. |
59 | # Never, ever involve lawyers. |
60 | # Bend the Line, don't break it. |
61 | # Always work as a team. |
62 | # If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it. |
63 | # --- |
64 | # It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. |
65 | # --- |
66 | # Always look under. |
67 | # --- |
68 | # Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation. |
69 | # Never mess with a marine's coffee, if you want to live. |
70 | # --- |
71 | # --- |
72 | # --- |
73 | # Two ways to follow someone: either they never notice you, or they ''only'' notice you. |
74 | # If you need help, ask. |
75 | # --- |
76 | # --- |
77 | # --- |
78 | # --- |
79 | # --- |
80 | # --- |
81 | # Always watch the watchers. |
82 | # If it feels like you're being played, you probably are. |
83 | # --- |
84 | # Your case, your lead. |
85 | # No such thing as a coincidence. |
86 | # If it feels like someone is out to get you, they are. |
87 | # --- |
88 | # Don't ever accept an apology from someone who just sucker-punched you. |
89 | # --- |
90 | # First things first, hide the women and children. |
91 | # Always clean up your mess. |
92 | # --- |
93 | # --- |
94 | # --- |
95 | # --- |
96 | # --- |
97 | # Sometimes, you're wrong. |
98 | [[/folder]] |
99 | [[folder: Gibbs' Rules, 52 - ]] |
100 | [numlist: 52]] |
101 | # --- |
102 | # --- |
103 | # --- |
104 | # --- |
105 | # --- |
106 | # --- |
107 | # --- |
108 | # --- |
109 | # --- |
110 | # --- |
111 | # Always give people space when they get off an elevator. |
112 | # --- |
113 | # --- |
114 | # --- |
115 | # --- |
116 | # --- |
117 | # --- |
118 | # Never trust a woman who doesn't trust her man. |
119 | # --- |
120 | # --- |
121 | # Always be open to new things. |
122 | # Never meet your heroes. |
123 | # --- |
124 | # --- |
125 | # --- |
126 | # --- |
127 | # --- |
128 | # --- |
129 | # --- |
130 | # --- |
131 | # --- |
132 | # --- |
133 | # --- |
134 | # --- |
135 | # --- |
136 | # --- |
137 | # --- |
138 | # --- |
139 | # --- |
140 | # When you walk away, don't look back. |
141 | # --- |
142 | # --- |
143 | # --- |
144 | # --- |
145 | # --- |
146 | # --- |
147 | # --- |
148 | # Never tell Gibbs he's being audited. |
149 | [/numlist] |
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