Line #55 Funny/WhatIf


1	!Blog.WhatIf
2
3	A number of the What Ifs are hilarious due to the completely insane, but perfectly logical, conclusions (and, sometimes, the sheer insanity of what is being logically considered in the first place). Others are hilarious for the irrelevant but amusing tangents the author sometimes goes off on.
4	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/1/ Relativistic Baseball]]. A question about pitching nukes a city. Of course, in that case, the question wasn't exactly straightforward. Still, the conclusion, in context, is arguably one of the funniest things on the site: A careful reading of official Major League Baseball Rule 6.08(b) suggests that in this situation, the batter would be considered "hit by pitch", and would be eligible to advance to first base.
5	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/4/ A Mole of Moles]]. No insane ending, but it nevertheless involves a moon-sized ball of meat and fur that periodically erupts in plumes of boiling guts.
6	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/6/ Glass Half Empty]]. The standard optimist-or-pessimist question leaves people with shards of broken glass embedded in their faces (Optimist: "Free glass!")
7	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/8/ Everybody Jump]]. A rather simple question of kinematics becomes [[ApocalypseHow a dire civilisation-ending catastrophe]]. Not because of the kinematics at all (which amount to nothing), but simply because the question presupposes magically gathering every human into one location, with no implied way back home.
8	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/10/ Cassini]]. A detailed and thoughtful exploration of climatic interactions concludes with ''Radio/APrairieHomeCompanion'' being attacked by fire ants and alligators.
9	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/12/ Raindrop]] features some absolutely brilliant bits of wordplay, one in each of the last two paragraphs:
10	--> Fear reigns supreme as the world fears rain supreme.
11	--> ...and the unexplained meteorological phenomenon is simply dubbed a “Skrillex Storm”—because, in the words of one researcher, “It had one hell of a drop.” (The book changed this to "dubstep storm".)
12	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/13/ Laser Pointer]]. A question on light ends with the moon becoming a rocket engine and Earth suffering a [[ApocalypseHow Class 4 Planetary Apocalypse]].
13	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/19/ Tie Vote]]. A question about elections ends with this gem, with an image to match:
14	-->...when one of the Florida electors reaches into the hat to draw a name, he or she is struck by a falling cocaine bale, the hat is hurled away within the next few seconds by a tornado, and the elector is obliterated minutes later by a meteorite impact.
15	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/21/ "Machine Gun Jetpack":]]
16	--> ''(Stick figure has attached a rear-facing [[GatlingGood GAU-8 Avenger]] to the top of a car.)''
17	--> '''Cop:''' Do you know why I pulled you over?\
18	'''Stick:''' No.\
19	'''AltText:''' actually, what i'm confused about is 'how'.
20	* In [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/23/ "Short Answer Section II"]], Cueball has a hypothetical printer that can ''literally'' print a sheet of money once every minute. So, now he's trying to figure out what the annual income of that is.
21	--> "Let's see...$400 per minute...and there are ''[[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hj7LRuusFqo 525,600 minutes]] in a year''...dammit [[{{Theatre/Rent}} RENT]]!
22	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/24/ Model Rockets]]'s punchline is a CallBack to [[http://xkcd.com/1133/ Up Goer Five]].
23	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/30/ Interplanetary Cessna]]: The second illustration has a reluctant pilot screaming [[BigNo “NOOOO!”]] and is being forced to enter the airplane.
24	--> '''AltText''': i do not want to go to space today
25	** The description of how well a plane would fly on [[DeathWorld Venus]]:
26	--->The upshot is: Your plane [[ByNoIMeanYes would fly pretty well, except]] it would be on fire the whole time, and then it would [[FromBadToWorse stop flying]], and then [[CriticalExistenceFailure stop being a plane]].
27	** He then describes how the plane could fly fairly well in the upper atmosphere -- and then realizes that the category-5 hurricane-force winds and sulfuric acid would also be very bad.
28	--->Venus is a terrible place.
29	* [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/40/ Pressure Cooker]]: "What’s the worst thing that can happen in a pressure cooker? Science."
30	-->i’m expecting this contraption to get me a nobel prize, assuming it proves powerful enough to blow open the safe where they’re kept.
31	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/42/ Longest Sunset]] kicks off the article by defining what qualifies as a sunset and what doesn't. Examples of the latter include the sun crossing the horizon partway and then reversing direction (AltText: "the sun changes its mind and goes back to bed"), the sun ''dividing like a cell'' and half of it setting ("this is half a sunset"), the sun ''landing on the horizon and hatching like an egg'' ("you bred sun-raptors?"), and a ''[[VideoGame/{{Minecraft}} square sun]]'' that doesn't get a chance to do anything before the narration cuts it off ("aww, man, you didn't even let me try").
32	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/43/ Train Loop]] discusses jet-engine-powered trains.
33	-->Sadly, they never took off. Fortunately, they never took off.
34	** "Ok, putting the jet engine on top didn't work. Maybe we should try something different." So he puts the jet engine on the bottom, so the train can't make contact with the tracks and tips over.
35	-->...why did we think that would work? Forget that idea.
36	* This excerpt from [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/47/ Alien Astronomers]]: "The Sun is really bright[''[[http://www.google.com/search?q=site:craigslist.org+chevrolet+citation citation needed]]''] and its light illuminates the Earth.[''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citation_(horse) citation needed]]'']" Funny enough by itself, but then you check the links...
37	** Another one links to the Wikipedia page for [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cetacean Cetacean]].
38	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/49/ Sunless Earth]]. After a long list of the surprising benefits of a lack of sunlight, the ending bluntly points out we'd end up freezing to death.
39	-->It's the Sun. We need the Sun.
40	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/53/ Drain the Oceans]]. Sure, the oceans would be gone and with them most of the biosphere and planetary habitability, but the real major change is The Netherlands conquering the planet. Also, Munroe decides that since all that water has to go ''somewhere'', the exit portal should be on Mars to avoid any risk of atmospheric re-entry. Innocuous enough as is, but he then specifies that it should be placed directly over [[ButtMonkey the Curiosity rover]], so that it can finally find water on Mars.
41	** In [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/54/ Drain the Oceans: Part II]], after the ocean is finished being deposited at Mars, the Netherlands use the now-empty ocean-draining portal to conquer Mars as well.
42	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/57/ Dropping a Mountain]] calls back to Drain the Oceans. The mountain is dropped from high enough that it pulls an orbital slingshot around the Earth, and crashes into New Netherlands, the now-Dutch-and-watery Mars.
43	--> Oops.
44	* At some point, Munroe started getting creative with his citations. Clicking the numbers in [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/55/ Random Sneeze Call]] reveals these gems:
45	-->However, given that sneezes are far more common than murders,[[labelnote:2]]Citation: You are alive.[[/labelnote]] (...)
46	-->[The control group] was given no allergens at all; they just sat alone in a room for a total of 176 20-minute sessions.[[labelnote:5]]For context, that's 490 repititions of the song Hey Jude.[[/labelnote]]
47	-->The subjects in the control group sneezed four times during those 58 or so hours,[[labelnote:6]]Over 58 hours of research, four sneezes were the most interesting data points. I might've taken the 490 Hey Judes.[[/labelnote]] which (...)
48	** And again in [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/58/ Orbital Speed]]:
49	--->The X-15 aircraft reached space just by going fast and then steering up.[[labelnote:3]]Make sure to remember to steer up and not down, or you will have a bad time.[[/labelnote]]
50	--->The ISS moves so quickly that if you fired a rifle bullet from one end of a football field,[[labelnote:7]]Either kind.[[/labelnote]] the International Space Station could cross the length of the field before the bullet traveled 10 yards.[[labelnote:8]]This type of play is legal in Australian rules football.[[/labelnote]]
51	* When doing the research for [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/62/ Falling With Helium]], Randall made so many requests to Website/WolframAlpha that he got ''his IP address banned''. The image of his ban-appeal request is icing on the cake.
52	-->'''''Please provide us with detailed information about what you were trying to do (e.g. type of project, query types, etc.):'''''
53	-->''Calculating how many rental helium tanks you'd have to carry with you in order to inflate a balloon large enough to act as a parachute and slow your fall from a jet aircraft.''
54	* On the ninth illustration with Literature/TheLittlePrince shooting a hoop in [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/68/ Little Planet]]
55	--> '''AltText''': Cleveland-area fans of French children's literature were disappointed by his decision to sign with the Miami Heat.
56	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/74/ Soda Planet]] concludes with a diagram of a person drinking directly out of an apatosaurus. With a straw.
57	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/77/ Growth Rate]] states that if children kept growing at the rate they do just after birth, they would be as tall as Darth Vader by the time they were three. Then there is a picture of Dark Vader and a three-year-old that's caught a beetle.
58	--> '''AltText:''' I find the bug you found disturbing.
59	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/83/ Star Sand]] is relatively tame by ''What If'' standards, but the final image's alt text is amusing: "[[Webcomic/XkcdTime Just to be clear, this image does not update every hour.]]"
60	** Another image describes increasingly large stars as "stars that are heavier, bigger, bluer, younger, (the rest is crossed out) [[Music/DaftPunk harder, better, faster, stronger]]". These are referred to as "Daft Punk stars" in the main text afterwards.
61	* Citation #5 in [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/84/ Paint the Earth]] goes off on a tangent listing things that are not buildings.
62	-->EXAMPLES OF THINGS THAT ARE NOT BUILDINGS: Ducks, M&Ms, cars, the Sun, cuttlefish, microchips, Macklemore, lightning, goat blood, zeppelins, tapeworms, pickle jars, those sticks you use to toast marshmallows, alligators, tuning forks, minotaurs, Perseid meteors, ballots, crude oil, sponsored tweets, and catapults that throw handfuls of engagement rings.
63	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/85/ Rocket Golf]]:
64	** The 237 mph diagram, comparing two circles of nearly equal size: "Bag Full of Golf Balls", and Earth ... which is labelled "Ball Covered With Golf Courses."
65	* [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/91/ Faucet Power]] is about generating electricity from free tapwater using increasingly crazy gadgets before recommending [[StatingTheSimpleSolution defraying costs by selling bottled water]], but two of the [[AltText Alt Texts]] are particularly funny [[TakeThat digs at Youtube pseudoscience]].
66	--> '''AltText:''' This is two steps away from something you'd see on that crazy free energy corner of Youtube.
67	--> '''AltText:''' [=YouTube=] has tons of people who will explain how you can power your house by building an engine that burns that water directly. Also, they have useful info about government weather control and the lizard people from the Earth's core.
68	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/92/ One-Second Day]] starts off with this absolute gem:
69	--> "The Earth rotates,[[[http://www.timecube.com/ Citation Needed]]] which means its midsection is being flung outward by centrifugal force. [[labelnote:1]]Which is still a [[http://xkcd.com/123/ real thing]].[[/labelnote]] This centrifugal force isn't strong enough to overcome gravity and tear the earth apart, but it's enough to flatten the earth slightly and make it so you weight almost a pound less at the Equator than you do at the poles. [[labelnote:2]]This is due to several effects, including centrifugal force, the flattened shape of the earth, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking the fact that]] if you go [[MooseAndMapleSyrup far enough toward the pole in North America]] people start offering you poutine.[[/labelnote]]
70	* [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/94/ Billion-Story Building]], in which Randall attempts to explain to a four-year-old why building a billion-story building is impossible. It's quite hilarious, because you can tell he's making a genuine effort to let the young girl asking the question down gently, but what makes it even funnier is the utter ''absurdity'' of such a building once Randall draws a billion-story-tall skyscraper and compares its size with Earth (It's tall. ''Really'' tall. Like "reaches-past-the-Moon" tall.)
71	** The article starts by comparing a tall building to stacking peanut butter. We have two images accompany it: one of a "blobby castle on a cracker", and one of a whole lot of peanut butter "smushed flat like a pancake". Funny enough, but then you read the alt-text.
72	--->Don't let your dad stop you. If he makes you clean it up, sneak the cans to your room and build the tower on the carpet there. You have my permission.
73	* In "[[https://what-if.xkcd.com/103/ Vanishing Water]]", Randall is asked what would happen if all the oceans and lakes on Earth were to instantly disappear. In the AltText of one of the pictures, he grumbles that this would cause yet ''another'' situation where all life on Earth would die horribly.
74	-->''"Why can't the questions ever be, like, 'what if I saw a really good movie' or 'what if I adopted a puppy'?"''
75	* In "[[http://what-if.xkcd.com/104/ Global Snow]]" a small duck pond full of an inch worth of water made into snow is shown shrinking due to its own weight with a small duck in winter gear sitting on top waiting for it to become a pond again.
76	--> ''[[AltText "I'm a patient duck."]]''
77	* [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/111/ "All The Money"]] starts by postulating that you have a magical spell to summon all the money to yourself. Cue an illustration of Megan seeing Cueball with a pentagram:
78	-->'''Megan:''' Whatchya doing?\
79	'''Cueball:''' Economics.\
80	'''AltText:''' Well yes, I can see [=THAT=].
81	* A hilarious aside near the beginning of [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/112/ Balloon Car]], asked by a Cambridge father on behalf of his 12-year-old daughter:
82	-->Thanks for getting your dad to send in this question! He said not to worry about the "legal and insurance difficulties," so I think it's safe to assume he's taken care of all that.
83	-->''Note to police: If you've recently taken into custody two unidentified underage drivers, a stolen Ferrari, and a bunch of helium balloons, the person you're looking for is '''Phil Rodgers''' in '''Cambridge, UK.'''''
84	* Randall has difficulty opening [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/119/ Laser Umbrella]].
85	--> Stopping rain with a laser is one of those ideas that sounds totally reasonable, but if you—\
86	'''Megan:''' No it doesn't. ('''AltText:''' Why would that sound reasonable. Why would you say that.)\
87	While the idea of a laser umbrella might be appealing, it—\
88	'''Megan:''' It isn't. ('''AltText:''' What's wrong with you?)\
89	Ok. The idea of stopping rain with a laser is a thing we're currently talking about.\
90	'''Megan:''' Fine. ('''AltText:''' But we shouldn't be.)
91	* Some of the questions go unanswered in the "Weird and Worrying Questions" segments. Such as:
92	--> ''Is it possible to drop your teeth's temperature so they shatter when drinking a cup of coffee?''
93	--> Thank you for my new recurring nightmare.
94	--> ''How many houses catch fire every year in the U.S. and what would the best way to increase that amount by fifteen percent?''
95	--> Hello, police? See, I have a website where people ask questions...
96	--> ''(asked by someone named Karl) Can you cry so much you get dehydrated?''
97	--> ...Karl, is everything OK?
98	--> ''(asked by someone named Brittany) Assuming a relatively uniform resonant frequency in a passenger jet, how many cats, meowing at what resonant frequency of said jet, would be required to "bring it down"?''
99	--> Hello, FAA? Is there a "Brittany" on the no-fly list? ...Yes, with cats. That sounds like her. Ok, just making sure you were aware.
100	* ''What If? 2'' has more questions, starting with Sadie:
101	--> ''Sadie: Can bees or other animals go to hell? Or can they murder other bees without consequences?'' \
102	A bee shows up with a pitchfork, being called Bee-lzebub. \
103	''(asked by someone named Eli) How many mirrors reflecting (sun)light would it take to kill or, at least, injure somebody?'' \
104	Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I have a favor to ask. \
105	''(asked by Anonymous) What would it take to defeat Air Force One with a drone???'' \
106	'''Randall:''' Hello, Secret Service? [[AcquaintedWithEmergencyServices Yes, it's Randall again...]] \
107	''(asked by someone named Stella) If I were to jump into a container of liquid nitrogen (or dispose of a body in that way), how deep would it have to be for me/them to shatter into frozen pieces at the bottom?'' \
108	I need to know by Friday.
109	* Seeing as it's sealed tight to operate under the sea, could a submarine and its crew operate in space? (Answer: yes, but it would probably break up on re-entry.) This situation comes up while thinking about it:
110	--> '''Sonarman:''' Captain, according to sonar, we're re-entering the atmosphere! \
111	'''Captain:''' No part of this makes sense.
112	* "[[https://what-if.xkcd.com/35/ Hair Dryer]]" discusses what would happen if an indestructible, continuously-powered hair dryer were put into an airtight 1x1x1 meter box. Who would've guessed that the box would burn the Northwest Territories and leave Earth's atmosphere?
113	** However, there is a horrible, tragic downside to this. The electricity bill.
114	** "1.875 gigawatts (I lied about stopping). According to ''Franchise/BackToTheFuture'', the hair dryer is now drawing enough power to travel back in time."
115	** There's a brief HopeSpot: after it reaches the atmosphere, the dial is turned to 0, turning off the hair dryer, causing the box to cool and begin falling over Canada, eventually crashing into a lake. [[YankTheDogsChain And then...]]
116	--->[[Film/ThisIsSpinalTap This one goes to 11.]] [[BeyondTheImpossible Petawatts, in this case.]]
117	* [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/120/ "Alternate Universe What Ifs"]] is a series of unexplained and deadly [[NoodleIncident Noodle Incidents]], but does have some levity via a chart displaying [[BloodSport the average number of player deaths per game in various sports]].
118	** The deadliest sport, with an average of comfortably over ten player deaths per game, is somehow ''beach volleyball''. Note that official beach volleyball is played by [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beach_volleyball#Teams two opposing teams of two players each]], with no substitutions or replacements permitted, meaning the four players have to somehow die at least ten times between them.
119	** Wayne Gretzky is implied to be single-handedly responsible for hockey being deadlier than volleyball in the 90s, as the average hockey death rate ''immediately'' dips from over 10 players per game to less than .2 players once he is "captured". Since hockey matches have twelve players on the ice between the two teams, this suggests Gretzky was regularly performing {{Total Party Kill}}s that included his own teammates.
120	* [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/122/ "Lava Lamp"]] ''inverts'' the JustForFun/RickRoll.
121	--> Lastly, for old time's sake, I'd like to share one final link with you: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8NXO6YxBmU#t=3 The music video for Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up."]][[note]] The link actually goes to a video of a can of pasta being overrun by a lava flow.[[/note]]
122	* This gem from [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/124/ Lunar Swimming]]:
123	--> Swimming underwater would also feel pretty similar. The inertia of the water is the main source of drag when swimming, and inertia is a property of matter[[labelnote:1]]♬ BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY ♬[[/labelnote]] independent of gravity.
124	** The same page also indicates that Munroe "nerd-sniped [him]self trying to figure out whether it'd be possible to do a Slip N' Slide loop-the-loop on the Moon".
125	** Also, his commentary on UsefulNotes/TheSpaceRace:
126	-->'''Kennedy:'''We choose to go to the moon [[BeamMeUpScotty not because it is easy, but because it is hard]].
127	-->'''Audience member:''' Eating this bag of pinecones is also hard...
128	-->'''AltText:''' 'You know, I hear the Soviets are already a third of the way through their bag of pinec--' ::grabs bag:: 'HOMF NOMF HOMF GRROFMPH'
129	* In "[[http://what-if.xkcd.com/126/ Stairs]]" the time and effort required to reach the top of really high stairs is measured in butter. With the note that alternatively one can just ride a motorcycle upstairs. It also talks about the time it would take a slinky to get down from those stairs ... and the result is also given in butter.
130	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/75/ "Phone Keypad"]] experiments with comprehensible phrases that can be produced with key restrictions. The resulting phrases and sentences are ridiculous, and become hysterical when illustrated. The AltText on each image is also very funny.
131	* This passage from [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/146/ Stop Jupiter]], while talking about the budget cuts necessary to build enough probes to perform enough gravitational slingshots to, well, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin stop Jupiter]].
132	-->At some point, in our desperate attempts to stop Jupiter's forward speed, we'd be reduced to stuffing handfuls of rocks and dirt into a burlap sack with a NASA logo on the side.
133	-->''(picture of Cueball and Ponytail doing exactly that)''[[labelnote:Alt text]][[MythologyGag Nixon famously had William Safire]] prepare [[http://xkcd.com/1484/ a speech]] to give in the event that the burlap sack got too full and split open[[/labelnote]]
134	-->Then, believe it or not, we would ''[[SerialEscalation run out of rocks]]''.
135	* How Randall figured out the weight of a 20-inch pizza.
136	-->'''Footnote 1:''' Citation: I just ordered a pizza to check. I usually steer clear of experimental science in these articles, but am willing to make an exception when it involves eating a bunch of pizza.
137	* Discussing focusing the entire energy output of the sun into a 1-meter diameter beam in [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/141/ Sunbeam]]:
138	--> If you were standing in the path of the beam, you would obviously die pretty quickly. You wouldn't really die ''of'' anything, in the traditional sense. You would just stop being biology and start being physics.
139	** The AltText for the illustration of the ''[[Film/{{Twilight}} Twilight: New Moon]]'' DVD:
140	--> My hobby: Vandalizing open-source ephemera libraries to say the Moon's phase was 'new' on the date the Twilight book/film was released.
141	* Discussing planets in a dual-sun system in [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/150/ Tatooine Rainbow]]:
142	-->In the first kind of system, the two stars are close together and the planet goes around them far away. This kind of planet is called a circumbinary planet. In the second kind of system, the two stars are farther apart, and the planet orbits one of them[[labelnote:1]]Not necessarily the bigger one[[/labelnote]] while the other stays far away. This kind of planet is called [[BuffySpeak [the other kind of planet[=]=]]].[[labelnote:2]]I'm sorry, I've just never learned a good word for these.[[/labelnote]]
143	* The conclusion of [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/151/ Sun Bug]]. A firefly large enough for its luminous organs to be as bright as the Sun turns out as large as our solar system, then collapses under its own weight to become the biggest black hole in the universe.
144	* [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/148/ Eat the Sun]] has an interesting line near its conclusion.
145	-->At the end of [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/96 this article]], we imagined a galaxy full of habitable planets, each one hosting 7 billion clones of former solicitor general Ted Olson. ([[ItMakesSenseInContext Don't ask.]])
146	* The footnotes on [[http://what-if.xkcd.com/157 Earth-Moon Fire Pole]] get ''snarky''.
147	-->People can climb poles pretty fast. World-record pole climbers[[labelnote:4]]Of ''course'' there's a world record for pole climbing[[/labelnote]] can climb at over a meter per second in championship competition.[[labelnote:5]]Of ''course'' there are championship competitions.[[/labelnote]]
148	-->...[T]here are three forces pulling on you: The Earth's gravity pulling you toward Earth, the Moon's gravity pulling you away from Earth, and centrifugal force[[labelnote:6]][[RunningGag As usual]], anyone arguing about "centrifugal" vs. "centripetal" will be [[https://xkcd.com/123/ put in a centrifuge]].[[/labelnote]] from the swinging pole pulling you away from Earth.
149	* Footnote 2 in [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/158/ Hot Banana]]:
150	--> Google has a handy tool for looking up the amount of potassium in foods, which even lets you select specific pizza brands. But [[GoodBadBugs for some reason]], if you select Pizza Hut Pepperoni Pizza, your only serving size options are either [[FalseDichotomy "1 slice" or "40 pizzas."]] Nothing in between.
151	* Someone decides to share [[https://what-if.xkcd.com/14/ this story]] that leaves Randall momentarily confused.
152	-->'''R.D.:''' When my wife and I started dating she invited me over for dinner at one time. Her kitchen had something called Bauhaus chairs, which are full of holes, approx 5-6 millimeters in diameter in both back and seat. During this lovely dinner I was forced to liberate a small portion of wind and was relieved that I managed to do so very discretely. Only to find that the chair I sat on converted the successful silence into a perfect, and loud, flute note. We were both (luckily) amazed and surprised and I have often wondered what the odds are for something like that happening. We kept the chairs for five years but despite laborious attempts it couldn't be reproduced.\
153	'''Randall:''' This...isn’t actually a question. But thank you for sharing![[labelnote:AltText]]i don't know how all these words got on my screen.[[/labelnote]]
154	* ''What If? 2'' has more short answers for questions:
155	--> '''(asked by Freezachu)''' If a snake unhinged its jaw and swallowed a balloon whole, could/would the balloon carry the snake up?
156	---> A snake who ate an balloon is floating, with the answer being no.
157	--> '''(asked by Jack Catten)''' If you were to jump out of an airplane that was traveling at Mach 880980 that was 100,000 feet above the ground in New York City, with skydiving gear, could you survive?
158	--> '''(asked by Karen)''' If there was no water on Earth, would we all live?
159	---> These two scenarios are equally unsurvivable.
160	--> '''(asked by Tukasz)''' I was wondering whether there's a way to use my welder as a defibrillator?
161	---> (with an arc welder with a warning that says "Warning, Do not use at all Lukasz" with as a defibrillator scratched over) You should definitely not use your arc welder as a defibrillator, and after reading your question, I honestly don't think you should be allowed to use it as an arc welder, either.
162	--> '''(asked by someone named Alan)''' Billy the clown is running out of cash and planning on inflating a standard-size party balloon until the material (a form of indestructible rubber) is just one atom thick. How large would the inflated party balloon be?
163	---> [[SarcasmMode It's a total mystery why Billy is running out of cash.]]
164	--> '''(Asked by someone named Michael)''' What would happen if you microwaved a smaller microwave, while the smaller one was on as well?
165	---> (Ponytail is pointing at Cueball with police nearby) You would no longer be welcome in that IKEA.
166	--> '''(asked by Nythil)''' What would happen if you put a human under a g-force of 417 Gs for twenty seconds?
167	---> You would be arrested for murder.
168	--> '''(asked by Eric)''' Which one will most likely come out alive from a glass cube with 1 million hungry ants and a human? Both would be in danger, and if they do get out, Randall thinks the one who put the person and the ants would be in danger.
169	---> '''Ponytail:''' (pointing at Cueball) Hey, look, it's the guy who locked us in a glass cube! \
170	'''A million ants:''' Let's get him!
171	--> '''(asked by Olivia)''' (regarding smallest change creating the biggest disaster) What would happen if every atom gained 1 proton?
172	---> Olivia. '''That is not a small change.'''
173	--> '''(asked by Nate Yu)''' EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE[...]EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
174	---> I feel you, Nate.
175	----
176
177	!ComicBook.WhatIf
178
179	* "What If...No One Was Watching the Watcher?" gives us an issue that takes a break from the normally serious core concept of the series and instead just makes up ridiculously goofy shit. Even the front cover! It's literally Uatu the Watcher in Creator/MarilynMonroe's "blown skirt" pose.
180	* One What If: "What If ComicBook/ThePunisher Was the Stern But Fatherly Type?" This turns the normally trigger-happy crime-killer Frank Castle into a hilariously stereotypical strict father figure who sends the Blob to his room without supper, grounds Electro and forbids him from watching television, forces Doctor Doom to sit in a corner and think about what he's done and makes ComicBook/{{Galactus}} write "I Will Not Eat Inhabited Planets" 500 times on a blackboard no bigger than Galactus' foot, forcing the world eater to get down on all fours to write on it!
181	* "What If Thanos Turned Galactus into a Human Being?" is the central story of the issue. Rather than kill him as he attempted to, Thanos subjects Galactus to the worst possible punishment...being turned into a human being! And not just any human, but Music/ElvisPresley! Not just a good lookalike, but the King himself! Cue Galactus Presley being taken in by a kindly Elvis fan and making it big as the King himself on a comeback tour until Adam Warlock tells him who he really is and his role in the universal balance. Cue Galactus...deciding to stay as Elvis. Even Uatu's having fun nonetheless, grinning as he attends one of Galactus Presley's concert tours.
182	-->'''Uatu:''' I may be the Watcher, but right now, I'd prefer to be the Listener!
183	* "Adventures in Spidey-Babysitting", where Spider-Man is forced to take his mutated son Spidey-Baby with him while crime-fighting. One highlight of the story is when Hydro-Man is defeated by being trapped inside Spidey-Baby's diaper. Definitely not one of Morris Bench's better days.
184	* A one-page story at the end of an otherwise standard issue poses the question: "What if Magneto were in an elevator with Colossus, Iron Man, and Doctor Doom?" The final panel shows him struggling to step out of the elevator with the other three attached to him.
185	* "[[https://cboproductions.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/whatifeveryonewhodeverbeenanavengerhadremainedanavenger.jpg What If Everyone Who Had Been An Avenger Remained An Avenger]]" shows a story where the Avengers are now a BadassArmy of various heroes. Sounds good, right? Well, Iron Man decides to assemble all of them to stop...a candy store robbery. Cue the Avengers forming a ThunderingHerd and all charging towards the candy store, while the original members decide that wasn't such a hot idea after all.
186	* Issue #34 is a collection of absurd one-page gags that are pure silliness. [[https://imgur.com/a/wKKJw Some highlights from the single panels]]:
187	** Galactus tries to get some money by pawning the Silver Surfer. Much to his dissatisfaction, the man running the exchange tells him the price of silver is going down.
188	** "What if Reed Richards had ''not'' invented unstable molecules?" posits a reality where the [[MySuitIsAlsoSuper Fantastic Four's outfits don't accommodate their powers.]] [[RubberMan Reed Richards]] gripes about nobody taking him seriously due to his belly button showing, [[{{Invisibility}} Sue Storm]] laments that she lacks the daring to be an InvisibleStreaker, and [[WreathedInFlames Johnny Storm]] keeps burning all his clothes off whenever he uses his powers.
189	--->'''Johnny Storm:''' Anyone know where I can get asbestos jockey shorts?
190	** A sighted Daredevil [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere runs away]] from his RoguesGallery, refusing to fight them because "they look dangerous!"
191	** Thor gets a haircut, only to find that his helmet now falls over his eyes because his hair was holding it in place.
192	** "What if Spider-Man Had Married the Black Widow?" has an outcome that riffs off the nature of spiders: we're shown the aftermath of Peter Parker being ''eaten'', complete with a BurpOfFinality from Natasha Romanov.
193	** Tony Stark owning an automobile plant instead of a weapons factory results in him building a car-themed suit and being dubbed "The Invincible Limo-Man".
194	** Bruce Banner not having MagicPants results in the Hulk [[HandOrObjectUnderwear sheepishly covering his naughty bits with his hands]] while letting out a very quiet "Oops."
195	** "What if The Silver Surfer, White Tiger, Night Rider, Iceman and Moon Knight fought Wendigo in a snowstorm?" Answer: a blank white page.
196	** One of Aunt May's potential superhero identities in "What If Aunt May Became a Super Hero?" is the Astonishing [[{{Pun}} Ant-Aunt]].
197	** The final comic is "What Will Happen when Creator/StanLee Reads This Issue?" He is not amused.
198	--->'''Stan Lee: YOU'RE ALL FIRED!''' 'Nuff said!

Context Funny / WhatIf