Line #82 Funny/NedsDeclassifiedSchoolSurvivalGuide


1	* From "The First Day":
2	** Backpack Boy falling on his back like a tortoise.
3	** After a last-minute haircut by his mom, "Coconut Head" is born.
4	** Cookie and his fluffy jacket. Take in mind it's September, in California.
5	** Ned and Cookie being dismayed for being selected as the "[[UnusualEuphemism alternative family]]" in Life Sciences.
6	* "THEY GAVE ME THE LOCKER AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE!"
7	* When Mr. Monroe posts the first cuts for sports tryouts, he gets absolutely crushed by the mob of students before making this hilarious remark:
8	-->'''Mr. Monroe:''' Some nice shoes in this school!
9	* The RunningGag with hall passes in the earlier episodes:
10	-->'''Teacher:''' Hey! Do you kids have hall passes?
11	-->''(Every student in question simultaneously holds up their hall pass above their head without even turning to face the teacher)''
12	-->'''Teacher:''' ''Quickly'' Okay great
13	-->''(The teacher walks off without a second thought)''
14	* Ned getting the runs in Guide to: Double Dating.
15	-->'''Moze:''' I ''told'' you to avoid spicy food! It goes right through you! Remember that time your mom made Mexican and you spent the whole night--\
16	'''Ned:''' NOT HELPING!
17	* Moze being the only person not sick in her English class despite all her attempts to get herself sick to get out of her oral presentation in Guide to: Sick Days.
18	** Funnier still because since she is the only one not sick, she is giving her presentation to an empty class (well, besides her teacher) and thus not affected by the peer pressure.
19	* Ned looking lovingly at Suzie, Suzie looking lovingly at Loomer, and Loomer looking lovingly at Moze in Guide to: a New Semester. Moze being the only one weirded out by this sells it.
20	** "Cool" Cookie. 'Nuff said.
21	--->'''Moze:''' This whole "P. Cookie" thing scares me a bit.
22	* Moze and Cookie tricking Ned into volunteering to run the school newspaper.
23	-->'''Cookie:''' ''(nudges Ned)''\
24	'''Ned:''' Newspaper? Forget it. Writing ''bad''.\
25	'''Moze:''' ''(shoves Ned)''\
26	'''Ned:''' You have no power over me!\
27	'''Moze:''' What about the power of the press? You could run the Howler and mold the thoughts of hundreds.\
28	'''Cookie:''' The pen is mightier than the sword, and the newspaper is the mightiest sword of them all!\
29	'''Moze:''' Take ''charge'' for once in your life, Ned Bigby! Are you a man or a mouse?\
30	'''Ned:''' ''(inspired)'' Mr. Monroe, I want to get my hands stained with the ink of freedom!\
31	'''Mr. Monroe:''' Great! Any other volunteers? ''(crickets chirping)''\
32	'''Moze:''' ''(laughing)'' I don't want to write for the stupid school newspaper!\
33	'''Cookie:''' [[IronicEcho Writing bad.]]
34	** Ned gets his revenge by trapping Moze and Cookie with a net and forcing them to help him. And even though Moze agrees to do it normally, Ned still insists on using the net.
35	* Ned's tips on girls before getting Moze's help.
36	-->'''Ned:''' When it comes to girls, remember: they wear shoes on their feet and smell nice.\
37	'''Moze:''' And?\
38	'''Ned:''' That's all I've got! Girls are complex!
39	* From the GrandFinale:
40	-->'''Ned:''' ''[on the phone]'' Hey... I need you to get me some clothes.\
41	'''Moze:''' What?\
42	'''Ned:''' I'm naked, and I need you to get me some clothes.\
43	'''Moze:''' ''[annoyed]'' Why don't you get your girlfriend to do it?\
44	'''Ned:''' Because I'm ''naked.''\
45	'''Moze:''' I'm next in line to see the Wild Boy!\
46	'''Ned:''' I repeat -- ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis I'm! NAKED!]]''\
47	''[cut to Moze outside the door to the room Ned is hiding in]''\
48	'''Ned:''' ''[from inside the room]'' Are you ''NUTS?!''\
49	'''Moze:''' Well, that's all they had at the gift shop.\
50	'''Ned:''' I'm supposed to meet Suzie for lunch! What am I gonna tell her? "I saw the Wild Boy skirt, and I just ''had to have it?!''" ''[GilliganCut]'' Then I saw the Wild Boy skirt, and I said, "I just have to have it."
51	** Also when the entire school staff falls through the [[AirVentPassageway ceiling of the principal's office]] while chasing the WeaselMascot (herself a Crowning ''Character (or Creature)'' of Funny):
52	--->'''Principal:''' I'm trying to write next year's handbook, and I can't have any interruptions. ''[Gordy tries to tell him the weasel is right behind him on his desk]'' It can't be that hard to catch a rodent. You four are taking this personally, and it's driving you all mad.\
53	'''All:''' ''[just as the weasel escapes with some papers in its mouth]'' WEASEL!\
54	'''Principal:''' He took my handbook, and it's the only copy I've got! [[NotSoAboveItAll Find! That!]] [[PunctuatedForEmphasis WEASEL!]]
55	** The part where Crubs tells Cookie that he can't go on the field trip and he starts spazzing out on the floor.
56	** Gordy's signal. He tackles Crubs to the ground.
57	--->'''Ned:''' I think that's the signal.
58	** And when they finally get on the bus, Ned sits next to a guy who looks like Suzy from the back.
59	--->'''Ned:''' Yes! We made it!\
60	''(the guy turns around and nods)''\
61	'''Ned:''' ''(with a scared expression)'' Hathathathathah!
62	** "Hey... You guys aren't alien invaders!"
63	*** [[spoiler:This is much funnier when taking the alternate ending into account.]]
64	** Crubbs' shout of horror followed by him almost breaking down when they get back to the school to find it destroyed with a bulldozer parked in the middle of the hall.
65	** '''"BIIIIIIGBYYYYYY!"'''
66	** Cookie trying to explain how dangerous Huffington Gardens is:
67	--->'''Cookie:''' Careful! Huffington Gardens is a dangerous place!\
68	'''Coconut Head:''' But, these are just daisies.\
69	'''Cookie:''' Yeah... But if you eat two thousand of 'em, you could die!
70	** Somehow, the guards mistaking Missie, Coconut Head and Martin for Ned, Mose and Cookie was just funny.
71	* When Cookie sees that Lisa, the nerdy, bespectacled, allergy-prone girl with braces comes back to school looking stunning, he pulls Gordy into the janitor's closet, leading to what probably was the show's [[DemographicallyInappropriateHumour most inappropriate joke ever]]...
72	-->'''Cookie:''' So, do you think the new Lisa's hot?\
73	'''Gordy:''' Um... I can't answer that, due to the fact that I'm ''forty.''
74	* Moze and Cookie's WesternAnimation/TomAndJerry -esque antics involving the spirit stick, culminating in both parties getting stuck to it.
75	-->'''Ned:''' How did you guys...? ''(gestures to bathrooms)''\
76	'''Moze and Cookie:''' Don't ask.
77	* When Ned learns Suzie is frontrunner for Spirit Queen, he rips off a nearby flag and wears it as a cape to impress the judges. Principal Crubbs is impressed and gives him a 7/10, but not without giving him a detention for breaking the flag.
78	* Ned is trying to get a jealous Missy to stop chasing off every girl who talks to him:
79	-->'''Moze:''' Why don't you just tell her the truth? You're not interested in her.\
80	'''Ned:''' Because the truth doesn't WORK on crazy people!!!
81	* The Latvian "Bring Back Moze" Dance (especially Coconut Head's falsetto)
82	* Ned and Moze mimicking Cookie's "Cookie face" in Guide to: Science Fairs.
83	* "Upper Classmen"
84	** Ned is assigned a fifth-grade boy named Palmer, who acts just like Red Skelton's "Mean Widdle Kid". Crubbs and Palmer's classmates run for the hills as soon as they leave him with Ned.
85	** Cookie pretending to be an eighth-grader just to impress Vanessa.
86	** After much grief and injuries inflicted by upper-classmen, Ned decides to use Palmer to his advantage by having him strip Jock Goldman, the appropriately-named eighth-grade JerkJock who had used Moze to get his ex-girlfiend jealous.
87	* In the first part of "Boys and Girls", Cookie tries to cheer Ned up after Suzy moves away by having him hang out with boys and do "boy stuff", like smash fruit with a bat. Trouble is, the first fruit Ned smashes is a grapefruit, causing the juice to spray in all the boys' eyes and make them scream in pain (except Cookie, because he's got his glasses). That's funny enough, but the clincher is the next scene of Moze teaching her class on boys, stating that boys like to hang out with other boys and do "boy things." Then, in the background, we see the boys running down the halls, still screaming.
88	** Also, their attempt to cheer Ned up by causing Mr. Sweeney pain with a CashLure by dragging it into a window, but Coconut Head points out the window's open, and Sweeney falls onto the group. A dazed Cookie then says that the next tip for he Guide should be "Beware of sky teachers!" (The attempt doesn't work, baffling even Sweeney himself, [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness who points out that Ned loves it when he gets hurt]].)
89	** The group tries to help Ned with a YetAnotherChristmasCarol-style sequence, with Gordy as the hooded figuring showing Ned around, while Sweeney and the other boys recreate past and present sequences to show the impact of the guide. The topper is the "tipless future" scene that Cookie tacked on to complete this parody: a video showing monkey puppets attacking the school.
90	--->'''Cookie:''' ''[sheepishly]'' It could happen.
91	* Cookie is dressed in drag:
92	-->'''Ned:''' What are you doing?!\
93	'''Cookie:''' Going undercover to find out what Lisa really likes in a guy.\
94	'''Ned:''' I don't think it's ''(gestures to Cookie's get up)'' THIS!
95	** And Loomer falling in love with him.
96	--->'''Loomer:''' ''(in tears after "Simone" left him)'' We had so much in common!\
97	'''Cookie:''' ''(muttering)'' A lot more than you think.
98	* Towards the end of ''Guide To: Vice Principals'', Mr. Monroe, Cookie, Ned, Moze, and Crubbs all hide in a closet. [[ClosetShuffle By the end of that scene, we have Mr. Monroe, Cookie, Ned, Moze, Crubbs, Claire, Coconut Head, AND Martin in there.]] It's, needless to say, pretty cramped.
99	** Moze guilting Ned and Cookie into proving Loomer's innocence by following them around and giving them her "I'm disappointed in you" look.
100	-->'''Ned:''' Fine! You win! But I'm doing it for the guide, not Loomer.\
101	'''Cookie:''' Just stop the look. It burns!
102	* ''Guide to: Embarrassment''. Loomer (and nearly a dozen other kids) have a contest to see who can [[PantsPullingPrank pants Cookie the most times in one day]]. Cookie's workarounds include a [[RunningGag cardboard decoy]], wearing 20 pairs of pants at once and finally wearing a janitors outfit.
103	* The school is performing ''Theatre/RomeoAndJuliet''. Ned tries to stop Spencer (the actor playing Romeo) from kissing/winning over Suzie (who is playing Juliet) while Cookie tries to take over the role of Romeo (which Ned doesn't care about, seeing as his kiss 'won't steal Suzie'). Meanwhile, Moze, who is the stage director, is trying to keep the whole operation running smooth and thus, continuously foils Ned and Cookie's attempts to get Spencer out of the play. HilarityEnsues.
104	** Moze "punishing" Ned and Cookie by making them play Romeo and Juliet for the balcony kiss scene after the original two lead actors are crushed (literally) by Ned's and Cookie's antics.
105	--->'''Moze:''' Yup, it'll be a kiss the audience will ''never'' forget.
106	* In Guide to: Extra Credit, after Ned argues that Moze's model volcano extra credit project is a terrible idea because "it's been on every TV show ever," Ned, Moze, and Cookie give a ''long'' AsideGlance toward the camera.
107	** Then, Moze going so insane and getting so obsessed with building the biggest model volcano ever, even though she had to destroy parts of the second floor, steal concrete and other materials from the school's construction project, and reroute the school's furnace's ventilation, that ''[[ManChild Gordy]]'' has to be the voice of reason!
108	** Cookie actually ending up in an emergency situation (getting stranded in a desert) and finding that he is past his spending limit on his emergency credit card.
109	--->'''Cookie:''' But this is a ''real'' emergency!
110	* Ned making Palmer dance the leprechaun dance around his desk to increase his luck on his exam.
111	-->'''Palmer:''' But I'm not even Irish!
112	** Moze quitting everything from volleyball to washing her hair just to make more time to study to avoid getting another F, ever.
113	* Moze trying to be "chill" to avoid being like iTeacher in Guide to: Stress.
114	-->'''Moze:''' You all gotta ''chiiiiiillllll''! slumps to floor
115	** Ned freaking out about his relationship with Suzie.
116	--->'''Ned:''' Look! Suzie's ''marrying''! ''(Suzie was just helping someone with homework)''
117	** The trio realizing that they are dressed exactly the same as their "mentors" (Ned and Gordy, Moze and iTeacher, Cookie and Principal Wright) and freaking out.
118	--->'''Ned:''' Maybe it's not so bad, turning out like them.\
119	''(mentors all scratch their butts)''\
120	'''Moze:''' Yeah, it is. ''(they run out the door)''
121	* Cookie's various attempts to find a suitable replacement for his school picture. He hosts tryouts.
122	-->'''Nerd''': (Completely deadpan) They're gonna kill me.
123	** Ned getting covered in feathers and looking like a chicken,
124	* Evelyn asking Cookie to walk her to class in "Guide To: Girls:"
125	-->'''[[{{Tsundere}} Evelyn Kwong]]:''' COOK! WALK ME TO CLASS! ...I mean, walk me to class, please. ''({{beat}})'' NOW, PLEASE!
126	*
127	-->'''Gordy:''' ''(reading Literature/GreenEggsAndHam)'' Who doesn't like ham!?
128	* Moze's "bad girl" antics toward the science subs in Guide to: Substitutes.
129	** The best was probably her tricking the old substitute into thinking that her hearing aid wasn't working.
130	** Mr. Wiener insulting Loomer. Even Loomer laughed!
131	--->'''Mr. Wiener:''' If you put your head in a book instead of your butt, maybe you'll learn something! ''(prop whale bites his puppet's leg off in response)''
132	** The fact that Mr. Wiener is actually Marc Weiner, from the 90s Nick show ''Series/{{Weinerville}}''.
133	* When Cookie and Xavier are trying to run to school, Xavier spots and takes two pairs of roller skates.
134	-->'''Cookie:''' But isn't that stealing?\
135	'''Xavier:''' In my country, we call it ''(foreign word)''\
136	'''Cookie:''' What's that mean?\
137	'''Xavier:''' Stealing! But I'll bring them back later.
138	* Every time Cookie [[WholesomeCrossdresser dresses as Simone]].
139	-->'''"Simone":''' [[CatchPhrase See ya!]]
140	* "Guide to: Lunches"
141	** "One-Bite". As his nickname suggests, [[BigEater he can scarf down food in just one single munch]], even when you don't notice...
142	** Cookie obsessing over the Lunch Lady's predictions, leading him to get an armor (only to get run over by a crowd heading to the lunch room for tacos) and later to eat under the table while having a cardboard cutout of him so the gang can still enjoy his company...
143	** As "One-Bite" strikes again, Ned and his tablemates scarf down the tacos. Cut to all of them ending at the infirmary, with even Cookie's cardboard cutout getting a thermometer.
144	** Nurse Hunsucker's remark about spicy food inspires Ned's payback: a super-spicy "Dagwood sandwich" with practically every spice known to man, including a tiny drop of Tabasco sauce. Seems that'll be the last thing "One-Bite" will ever want to eat...
145	** Speaking of paybacks, the subplot of Suzie temporarily working at the cafeteria for free lunches ends up with her hosing Missy after pestering Lisa (who's also doing the rounds) one times too many.
146	* The class clown auditions in Guide to: Class Clown, which consists of:
147	** Seth and Coconut Head reciting the classic "orange you glad I didn't say banana".
148	** Doris threatening Ned and Cookie.
149	** Loomer and his friends [[ThreeStoogesShoutOut acting like the Three Stooges]], [[spoiler:until they actually start fighting]].
150	** Backpack Boy's [[spoiler:briefly successful]] antics.
151	** Moze attempting to get [[spoiler:the successful class clown]] to ''actually tell a joke''.
152	--->'''Moze:''' ''I'm telling you, '''he's FUNNY!!!'''''
153	** Arguably ''any'' joke [[spoiler: the good class clown says]].
154	--->'''Don't they (Crubbs and Sweeney) make a cute, evil couple?!'''\
155	"Look, my mom said if I was caught goofying off in class, it wouldn't be pretty. And by ''it'', I mean my mom."
156	** Cookie's sound effects machine, even [[ComicallySerious Crubbs]] admitted it was ActuallyPrettyFunny.
157	** Gordy's attempt to help Ned be a better class clown after his feeble first attempt.
158	* Two Words: [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Cowboy Cookie.]]
159	** Cowboy Cookie '''YIPEE-YIPEE-YEEHAAAAWWWW!'''
160	* Moze helping Ned find another girl after Suzie moved by speed dating with some notable contenders include: a girl who doesn't bathe, a girl who snorts like a pig, one who just says she likes kissing boys and forcefully kisses Ned, Cookie in his Simone disguise, and the last girl.
161	-->'''Last Girl:''' ''(very deep voice)'' Well, it was nice talking to you, Ned.
162	* The climax of ''Guide to: Dodgeball'' is just one huge Franchise/StarWars parody, from Cookie going to the "Dark Side" with Loomer (complete with a voice-distorting helmet ''a la'' Darth Vader), Loomer playing the part of Palpatine, and Coach Dirga telling Moze to "use the Force" (that is to say a ball with "FORCE" scrawled on it).
163	* The outfit Coconut Head wore when trying out basketball: [[RummageSaleReject a black shirt, a blue wrestling singlet, black socks and black dance shoes.]] The show goes out of its way in saying how wrong his outfit (and haircut) were.
164	* In the Video Projects episode, Ned wins a coin toss to do a ninja movie over a space epic. Cookie goes behind his back and makes a space epic with him looking like Mace Windu and Ned relegated to a background character who gets vaporized (still wearing his ninja garb).
165	** The video with Martin playing ninja with a broom, and the reactions around it (students might soon forget about it, but teachers take more time).
166	** Martin's video actually saves the day for Ned and Cookie after Ned accidentally records himself feeding the Life Sciences baby over the project and all that Cookie has left is the special effects disc.
167	** Loomer's original video project: Literally filming paint drying.
168	** Mr. Wright trying to look "cool" on Moze's documentary features him driving a motorbike with an attractive lady (who thinks they're filming a commercial) while Loomer praises him [[BadBadActing in the most wooden way]] imaginable.
169	* Any time Crubbs starts [[GlassesPull whipping off his sunglasses dramatically]]. In one case (in a possible shout-out to ''Film/{{Airplane}}''), he's ''wearing three pairs and whips them off one at a time''. Typically, it's always accompanied by a dramatic sound effect, which just makes it funnier.
170	** And when "he's watching them like this" -- and proceeds to do a bizarre set of poses with his glasses.
171	* In "Guide To: Social Studies" a FreezeFrameBonus shows the cafeteria serves some variation of chipped beef every day. One even being Chipped Beef ''on a stick''
172	** Principal Wright setting up quarters in unusual places, such as in the middle of the hall or in the boys' restroom, because he can't bring himself to tell his mentor, Mr. Pal, that he is in charge now.
173	** Mrs. Knapp, the Social Studies teacher, [[MeaningfulName spends her time sleeping]]. But she's also a light sleeper as she wakes up after Cookie accidentally drops his notebook while asking Lisa to make a project together so they can go on a weekend trip. Mrs. Knapp then assigns Cookie with Evelyn. Cue Cookie making his "Cookie face"...
174	* The RunningGag of people pulling out a cardboard cut-out of themselves to exit a conversation they don't want to be a part of. Not just for the fact they somehow have them conveniently nearby, but also how they always manage to match the outfits they're wearing which would imply they have several.
175	* In "Project Partners", Loomer shambles the halls dressed as a mummy from his and Moze's Ancient Egypt project, terrifying anyone he passes in the halls. When he comes across a group of girls and proceeds to do the same to them, his cronies (not knowing it's him) loudly declare "Protect the women!!!" and proceed to beat him with mops.

Context Funny / NedsDeclassifiedSchoolSurvivalGuide