History WarpThatAesop / LiveActionFilms

** Remember to close all astral doors behind your, demons are weak to closed doors.

** Remember to close all astral doors behind your, demons are weak to closed edoors.

** If a guy is chasing you with a gun, a bludgeoning and a bookshelf dropped on the head is a heroic defense that won't be seen as excessive in the slightest.

* ''Film/ForrestGump'': If you do what you're told, never question authority and drift through life without direction or purpose, you will become a football star, a war hero, a ping-pong champion and a millionaire. People who want to question authority and actually engage society in tumultuous times are just the product of child sexual abuse, will end up addicted to drugs, live miserable lives and die of AIDS.
** Doubly funny, given that must of the people involved in that film actually have had to deny that warped Aesop.
** Also, it's perfectly okay to go running to a faithful (and now wealthy) childhood friend for security and shelter after squandering most of your profligate youth on attractive bad boys who mistreated and abused you. And because your friend has both a mental handicap and a trusting nature, you can even convince him your illegitimate child is his without fear of him doubting you!

** If a guy is chasing you with a gun, a bludgeoning and a bookshelf dropped on the head is a heroic defense that won't be seen as excessive.

* ''Film/AmericanPsycho'': If you work in a boring office job and wanna live out your '80s slasher fantasy dream, just stop taking your schizophrenia meds!

* ''Film/AngelsInTheOutfield'': God approves of cheating.

** The rest of the world won't even try to stop a disaster that will end all life on Earth until it is already too late. Only the United States has any agency in world affairs. It's not like [[WebVideo/CinemaSins anyone who watches the sky for a living would notice this]].

* ''Film/{{Trainwreck}}'':
** ''(noun)'': A woman who has her own place, a steady job at a magazine company and a devoted boyfriend who is either a {{Hunk}} or a surgeon to sports stars; but sleeps around, smokes weed and hasn't settled down by the age of 30. Hear that, ladies? '''You're a failure unless you become a housewife!'''
** ''(noun)'': A 2015 romantic-comedy starring Creator/AmySchumer.

** Serial Killers and Demons get an edgy astral lair to afterlife in and have a chill time.

** If you really want to go to an acting school, put all your eggs in one basket and plan no alternatives.

** A sign of a dangerous demon is "They look like [[Film/ThePhantomMenace Darth Maul]] mixed with [[Series/ANightmareOnElmStreet Freddy Krueger]]." (Not a bad guideline actually!)

* ''Film/RacingStripes:'' It's not irresponsible at all to bet the house and farm that is your livelihood on the outcome of a horse race.

*** The criminal justice system is completely incompetent because sentencing criminals to prison isn’t enough tent reform them and get them to learn a lesson. To get these criminals to become truly repentant of their crimes, you should instead sentence them to death no matter the transgression unless they agree to cut off a piece of their own body

* ''Film/{{Scream}}:'' All serial killers are bound by the conventions of formulaic horror movies.

* ''Film/{{Signs}}'': God meant for aliens to kill millions of humans, so we could learn to appreciate our fellow survivors more.

* ''Film/SlumdogMillionaire'': Those impoverished, starving Indian kids you see on TV, they're not millionaires. That's not because they live in a country struggling to survive after years of Western oppression; not because of their culture's rigid caste system; not because socialism strangles their economy, not because they aren't given the opportunities. No, they're not millionaires because "It Is Written".
** Or, more simply: ''WesternAnimation/{{Aladdin}}'' is a completely plausible and realistic story if you swap the Genie for a gameshow host.

** "Hi, I'm Creator/JimCaviezel, and if you want to stop child trafficking, just keep buying tickets to my movie". [[note]]'''Peter Farrelly:''' [[Film/GreenBook Ditto for racism!]] '''Gus Van Sant:''' [[Film/{{Milk}} And homophobia!]] '''James Cameron:''' [[Film/{{Avatar}} Don't forget colonization!]] '''Greta Gerwig:''' [[Film/Barbie2023 And the patriarchy!]][[/note]]

* ''Film/TheOogielovesInTheBigBalloonAdventure'': If you have something stuck on top of a tree, just climb up, fetch it and jump off to safely.
** You should be very worried that your partner is going to fuck a fish.
** Cheer up your disabled friends with gifts they can't possibly use, and really rub it in with an awful song and dance number.
** It's perfectly safe to lean over tall structures at approximately 47.9°.
** A guy walks up to you wearing a cowboy costume and offers bubbles? Go into the back of his truck, you'll join him in a wobble and have a great time together!

* ''Film/PayItForward'': If you're nice to random strangers, you'll get showered in media attention, a new father, and millions worldwide mourning you when you die!
** You ''will'' die though, and not too late.

* ''Film/ThePrincessBride'': If you kill one person, you deserve to die, no matter what reparations you offer or how long it's been. But if you become a pirate lord and kill a whole bunch of people, it's no biggie as long as you quit as soon as you get reunited with the love of your life!

** How is "stay away from cannibalistic doomsday cults" a warped aesop? That actually seems like really good advice.
** Someone you know dying in a freak accident is perfect justification to kill your son, no matter how repulsive you found the idea immediately before said accident.

* ''Film/{{Taxi}}'' (US remake): Screw drivers education! All you need to do is sing "Everlasting Love" while driving and you can go from not knowing how to get out of parallel parking to stuntman levels of driving skill.
** Also it's perfectly acceptable to bring civilians with you while pursuing criminals who committed an armed robbery.

** Corporations and the wealthy are AlwaysChaoticEvil.

** Walter Cronkite is Dan Rather's Uncle.

** [[MightyWhitey A lone, white American man]] will do more to stop child sex trafficking in Central America than the Central American government ever will.

** "Hi, I'm Creator/JimCaviezel, and if you want to stop child trafficking, just keep buying tickets to my movie". [[note]]'''Peter Farrelly:''' [[Film/GreenBook Ditto for racism!]] '''Gus Van Sant:''' [[Film/{{Milk}} And homophobia!]] '''James Cameron:'''[[Film/{{Avatar}} Don't forget colonization!]] [[/note]]

* ''Film/StarTrekIIITheSearchForSpock'': The death of your first officer: Risk your life and career to bring him back. The death of your son: Yeah, whatever, a moment's BigNo and out.
* ''Film/StarTrekInsurrection'': Finders keepers, losers weepers! If you're the first to discover a planet with rejuvenating powers, then ''the whole planet'' is yours and yours alone, and anyone who wants to share these powers, particularly within your own group, can fuck off and (quite literally) die!
* ''Film/StarTrekIntoDarkness'': Vulcans display racist tendencies, so not only is it appropriate to be racist it's also logical.

* ''Film/Barbie2023'': The only way to have a fair and equitable society is for women to run everything and for men to just be [[LivingProp living props]] with no other purpose other than to stand around and look pretty. Men shouldn't have power, because if they do they'll inevitably become oppressors and make everyone miserable.

* ''Film/SavingChristmas'': In a religious debate, ViolenceIsTheOnlyOption.

** St. Nick was an AxCrazy fundamentalist that would cripple you for life if you were a Christian that wasn't Christian ''enough''. God help you if you ween't Christian at all.
** If people think your movie is SoOkayItsAverage, then it's obviously a conspiracy to undermine whatever group you are in.
** Christianity itself encourages materialistic excess. All that stuff about "giving everything to the poor" was just the Bible being poetic.

* ''Film/TheThing1982'':
** [[{{Pyromaniac}} Burning everything]] solves all problems.
** When people don't trust you, it's perfectly okay to hold them at gunpoint and tie them up.
** TheComputerIsACheatingBastard.

** If you're escaping the law and the train you've hitched a ride on is out of control, with the lead locomotive's brake shoes burnt off, don't just jump off and run into the woods, just hang on for the ride and hope it'll stop eventually!
** TakingYouWithMe is a far better option than surrending to the person trying to bring you to justice, especially if you're outside in Alaska during the coldest time of the year.

** How illogical.
** Uh, given there was ''no way TO bring his son back'', I don't think that quite works.
** How dare you try to make this make sense? [=KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!=]
** Have we forgotten his whole "I've never trusted Klingons" speech from VI?
*** You mean the one that was [[WhatTheHellHero called out]] in the movie itself, and ultimately ''disproved''?

* ''Film/MiamiVice'': When attempting to recreate [[Series/MiamiVice one of the most charismatic and popular shows of all time]], be sure you strip away everything that made it popular to make it stand on its own, including fashion, music, plot and even chemistry between the two lead actors.

* ''Film/{{Get Out}}'': If you ever meet a black person that doesn't speak, act, or dress like the stereotypical depiction of a black person, it's perfectly fine to mock and ridicule them behind their back and/or meet them with fear and suspicion. ''Non-conformity is evil.''

* ''Film/{{Ghostbusters 1984}}'': Strapping sirens and flashing lights on your car gives you permission to drive like a maniac without getting a ticket.