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History UsefulNotes / InteractingWithPersonsDifferentThanYourself

7th Apr '15 8:00:29 PM Tauros113
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* ''Do not try to someone to your lifestyle or belief system.'' As long as they're not harming anyone or forcibly interfering with the rights of others, they have just as much right to live their life the way they see fit as you do.

to:

* ''Do not try to convert someone to your lifestyle or belief system.'' As long as they're not harming anyone or forcibly interfering with the rights of others, they have just as much right to live their life the way they see fit as you do.
19th Oct '14 11:07:04 PM justanid
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* RESPECT. If you want to be respected as someone who is not a creep or a JerkAss, this is the very first thing to keep in mind. In general, respect for someone means to not invade their personal space (whatever they see that as), to not force them into interactions or activities they are obviously not comfortable with engaging in or find distasteful/taboo/offensive (e.g. don't badger the vegan to eat meat and berate/tease them for not doing so, don't tell someone who says they are in an asexual relationship to "break it off because YouNeedToGetLaid!") to not use the DirtySocialTricks on them in manipulation, and to, unless you have direct reason from your interactions with that person not to do so, to treat them as responsible human adults, the same as you would wish to be treated.
* Do not assume you are smarter/more capable/more real/more ''human'' because you are ''not'' something or you ''are'' something. If you do, you're almost a guaranteed bigot, especially if this "something" is related to gender/sexuality, race, religion, ability status, or similar.
* Whatever you may have heard about or seen in the media, ''ignore it'' for the most part. Learn what the person is like from what they choose to tell you - but also keep in mind they do not exist solely to educate you about their differences from yourself. If you feel overwhelmed or unprepared, some media sources are fine - just try to find somewhat reliable sources, balance them with what you see of the community personally, and keep in mind that Hollywood and the mainstream news media, especially in the area of small minority cultures and subcultures, but sometimes, sadly, still even on things like race and gender, can get it ''so wrong.''
* Keep in mind that you are not someone's close friend unless you are and they consider you such, and that you are not their doctor, lawyer, psychiatrist/psychologist, priest/pastor/imam/rabbi/whatever or the like, unless you have that title and ''are'' serving in such a professional capacity (and even if you are, snap judgment or demands to change based on your own experience is rarely if ever a good idea). And above all else, you are not omniscient or a MessianicArchetype. What does this mean? It means you can express concern, but if your expression of concern is met with being asked to back off or butt out (or a nonverbal means of such) ''do so.''
* Do not read cultural or personal differences as personal rejection or disrespect. For example, for several cultures (specifically some Native American and East Asian cultures) and for people on the autism spectrum, direct eye contact and sometimes direct touching of someone who is a stranger is considered rude and offensive. So someone who is not looking you in the eye and not hugging you, even if you are from a culture where eye contact and hugs are almost mandatory, may be trying their best to be polite, not rude. As another example, some people who live in "small space" cultures (Japan is ''heavily'' notable for this, but similar versions exist in other settings - ironically enough the US DeepSouth has something similar, despite having much more open space - a gossip culture tends to create the "small space" even if physical space is larger) tend to keep to themselves and be concerned for both their and your privacy. This may seem disturbing or rude, if you're used to the idea that everyone who shares a space (from living together to working together) must become best friends forever or even FriendsWithBenefits and share even the most intimate, private details of their lives - except it's not, it's an attempt to maintain privacy for everyone unless/until a friendship beyond proximity develops. There are ''many'' other things like this - but assuming good faith is a great workaround here, to assume the issue is "we're different" rather than "how dare this person do this to me?"
* Similar to the above, friendship and relationships are seen to develop differently in many cultures. Some cultures and some people may believe ''proximity alone'' demands intimate friendship and even sexual or romantic relationships - as in, you must be involved and deeply concerned with the people you live/work with or around. Others believe there are levels of friendship and/or that especially romantic or sexual connections have requirements, sometimes specific to the person or subculture as well as the culture itself.
* Also similar to the above: people from various cultures and subcultures have ''incredibly'' varying demands of privacy. Some will share even the most intimate personal, health, financial, and sexual details of their lives in great detail with anyone, some will believe in sharing none of the above and/or being reserved with anything but small talk, and there are many gradations of this. The generally respectful thing to do is default to the person who is most interested in privacy. As in, even if in your culture everyone is somehow obligated to detail everything down to what their genitals look like, that ''does not'' give you the right to demand someone who is from a more private culture or subculture to share such information, and if you ask anyway, it ''does'' give them the right to not answer or even tell you to not ask. Also, people who are more private (either in general or in regard to sensitive topics from finance to sex) are ''not'' automatically "liars" or "shady" or dangerous - especially if there is ''no reason'' for the information to be known (e.g. if you are not at risk for exposure to HIV, you ''do not'' need to know if someone has HIV or not, and if you are not directly financially supporting someone meaningfully or investigating a financial crime on behalf of law enforcement or for a lawsuit, you have no need to know the status of their bank account). Someone who says "mind your own business" or "I don't feel comfortable discussing that" or changes the subject, ''even if they have shared information before,'' isn't necessarily trying to hide something or do something wrong - most of the time they are not, they simply don't think you are entitled to the information.
* And of course '''DO NOT try to convert him or her to your lifestyle or belief system''' As long as they're not harming anyone or forcibly interfering with the rights of others they have just as much right to live their life the way they see fit as you do.
* Do not pretend to be the boss of another person, unless you are actually paid for the gig.
* Do care for the problems they tell you, but set boundaries.
* Show interest in their interests and encourage them.
* Do not use others. Never ever...
* Do not abuse or demand or erode another person.
* Remember the other person is human too.

to:

* RESPECT. ''RESPECT is a two-way street.'' If you want to be respected as someone who is not respected, respect others. Every society ever has a creep or a JerkAss, variation of this is the very first thing to keep in mind. [[TheGoldenRule Golden Rule]]. In general, general; respect for someone means to not invade invading their personal space (whatever they see that as), to not force forcing them into interactions or activities they are obviously not comfortable with engaging in or find distasteful/taboo/offensive (e.g. don't badger the vegan to eat meat and berate/tease them for not doing so, don't tell someone who says they are in an asexual relationship to "break it off because YouNeedToGetLaid!") to YouNeedToGetLaid!"), do not use the DirtySocialTricks on them in manipulation, them, and to, unless you have direct reason from your interactions with that person not to do so, to treat them as responsible human adults, adults.
* ''Remember that, like you, others are human beings.'' This is especially important while online, where not seeing someone face-to-face can lead to thinking more about layers of technology than
the same as you would wish to be treated.
people behind it. Text is also one of the worst methods of human communication, with even the spoken word only accounting for around [[http://www.nonverbalgroup.com/2011/08/how-much-of-communication-is-really-nonverbal/ 7% of a given message.]] Thus taking anything in written form at face value comes with many problems, so get familiarized with internet etiquette (aka [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette_in_technology Netiquette]]).
* Do ''Do not assume assume'' you are smarter/more capable/more real/more ''human'' because you are ''not'' something or you ''are'' something. If you do, you're almost a guaranteed bigot, especially if this "something" is related to gender/sexuality, race, religion, ability status, or similar.
similar. AggressiveCategorism is not appreciated by anyone.
* Whatever ''Disregard everything from media'', you may have heard about or seen in the media, ''ignore it'' for the most part. are dealing with a person, not a character. Learn what the person is like from what they choose to tell you - you, but also keep in mind they do not exist solely to educate you about their differences from yourself. If you feel overwhelmed or unprepared, some media sources are fine - -- just try to find somewhat reliable sources, sources -- balance them with what you see of the community personally, and keep in mind that Hollywood and the mainstream news media, especially in the area of small minority cultures and subcultures, but sometimes, sadly, still even on things like race and gender, can get it ''so wrong.''
* Keep in mind that you ''You are not ''not'' someone's close friend unless you are and they ''both'' consider you such, yourselves such''. Compassion, encouragement, and that you engaging with others' interests are fine; but [[StopHelpingMe know when to take a step back]].
* ''You
are not their someone's caretaker'', doctor, lawyer, boss, psychiatrist/psychologist, priest/pastor/imam/rabbi/whatever or the like, unless you have that title and ''are'' are serving in such a professional capacity (and even if you are, snap judgment or demands to change based on your own experience is rarely rarely, if ever ever, a good idea). And above all else, you are not omniscient [[TheOmniscient omniscient]] or a MessianicArchetype. [[MessianicArchetype messiah]]. What does this mean? It means you can express concern, but if your expression of concern is met with being asked to back off or butt out (or a nonverbal means of such) ''do ''then do so.''
* Do ''Do not read cultural or personal differences as personal rejection or disrespect. disrespect.'' For example, for several cultures (specifically some Native American and East Asian cultures) and for people on the autism spectrum, direct eye contact and sometimes direct touching of someone who is a stranger is considered rude and offensive. So someone who is not looking you in the eye and not hugging you, even if you are from a culture where eye contact and hugs are almost mandatory, may be trying their best to be polite, not rude. As another example, some people who live in "small space" cultures (Japan is ''heavily'' notable for this, but similar versions exist in other settings - -- ironically enough the US DeepSouth has something similar, despite having much more open space - -- a gossip culture tends to create the "small space" even if physical space is larger) tend to keep to themselves and be concerned for both their and your privacy. This may seem disturbing or rude, if you're used to the idea that everyone who shares a space (from living together to working together) must become best friends forever or even FriendsWithBenefits and share even the most intimate, private details of their lives - -- except it's not, it's an attempt to maintain privacy for everyone unless/until a friendship beyond proximity develops. There are ''many'' other things like this - but assuming good faith is a great workaround here, to assume the issue is "we're different" rather than "how dare this person do this to me?"
* Similar to the above, friendship ''Friendship and relationships are seen to develop differently in many cultures. different cultures.'' Some cultures and some people may believe ''proximity alone'' demands intimate friendship and even sexual or romantic relationships - -- as in, you must be involved and deeply concerned with the people you live/work with or around. Others believe there are levels of friendship and/or that especially romantic or sexual connections have requirements, sometimes specific to the person or subculture as well as the culture itself.
* Also similar to the above: people ''People from various cultures and subcultures have ''incredibly'' varying demands of privacy. privacy.'' Some will share even the most intimate personal, health, financial, and sexual details of their lives in great detail with anyone, some will believe in sharing none of the above and/or being reserved with anything but small talk, and there are many gradations of this. The generally respectful thing to do is default to the person who is most interested in privacy. As in, even if in your culture everyone is somehow obligated to detail everything down to what their genitals look like, that ''does not'' give you the right to demand someone who is from a more private culture or subculture to share such information, and if you ask anyway, it ''does'' give them the right to not answer or even tell you to not ask. Also, people who are more private (either in general or in regard to sensitive topics from finance to sex) are ''not'' automatically "liars" or "shady" or dangerous - -- especially if there is ''no reason'' for the information to be known (e.g. if you are not at risk for exposure to HIV, you ''do not'' need to know if someone has HIV or not, and if you are not directly financially supporting someone meaningfully or investigating a financial crime on behalf of law enforcement or for a lawsuit, you have no need to know the status of their bank account). Someone who says "mind your own business" or "I don't feel comfortable discussing that" or changes the subject, ''even if they have shared information before,'' isn't necessarily trying to hide something or do something wrong - -- most of the time they are not, they simply don't think you are entitled to the information.
* And of course '''DO NOT ''Do not try to convert him or her someone to your lifestyle or belief system''' system.'' As long as they're not harming anyone or forcibly interfering with the rights of others others, they have just as much right to live their life the way they see fit as you do.
do.
* Do And yes, this is all basic, there are loads more ways to not pretend to be the boss a JerkAss, so don't stop here. There's lots of another person, unless you are actually paid for the gig.
* Do care for the problems they tell you, but set boundaries.
* Show interest in their interests
information on [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethics ethics]] and encourage them.
* Do not use others. Never ever...
* Do not abuse or demand or erode another person.
* Remember the other person is human too.
cross-cultural etiquette online, just a search away.

10th Sep '14 10:06:33 PM MyTrainIsOff
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Added DiffLines:

* Do not abuse or demand or erode another person.
10th Sep '14 4:09:54 AM MyTrainIsOff
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to:

* Do not use others. Never ever...
* Remember the other person is human too.
10th Sep '14 4:06:31 AM MyTrainIsOff
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to:

\n* Do not pretend to be the boss of another person, unless you are actually paid for the gig.
* Do care for the problems they tell you, but set boundaries.
* Show interest in their interests and encourage them.
8th May '14 9:51:45 AM SeptimusHeap
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* Keep in mind that you are not someone's close friend unless you are and they consider you such, and that you are not their doctor, lawyer, psychiatrist/psychologist, priest/pastor/imam/rabbi/whatever or the like, unless you have that title and ''are'' serving in such a professional capacity (and even if you are, snap judgment or demands to change based on your own experience is rarely if ever a good idea). And above all else, you are not omniscient or TheMessiah. What does this mean? It means you can express concern, but if your expression of concern is met with being asked to back off or butt out (or a nonverbal means of such) ''do so.''

to:

* Keep in mind that you are not someone's close friend unless you are and they consider you such, and that you are not their doctor, lawyer, psychiatrist/psychologist, priest/pastor/imam/rabbi/whatever or the like, unless you have that title and ''are'' serving in such a professional capacity (and even if you are, snap judgment or demands to change based on your own experience is rarely if ever a good idea). And above all else, you are not omniscient or TheMessiah.a MessianicArchetype. What does this mean? It means you can express concern, but if your expression of concern is met with being asked to back off or butt out (or a nonverbal means of such) ''do so.''
2nd Feb '14 2:24:46 PM TigerHunter
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* Do not ask if they eat fish; most ethical vegetarians would consider that an insultingly stupid question considering a fish is obviously an animal.
** Asking is actually better than presuming. For an ethical pescetarian, asking for vegetarian food is a lot easier, but they might actually appreciate it if fish were offered. As stated above, it's better to learn from a person if they are willing to share than to just assume you know why they're a vegetarian. As with anytime you might ask a question another person could find "insultingly stupid", preface it with "I have a stupid question..."
29th Oct '13 8:23:57 PM Xota
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Added DiffLines:

** "Pescetarian" refers to eating fish (and/or invertebrates), in addition to plants and possibly dairy and eggs. It may be religious, ethical, or health related. Where exactly someone draws the line (and why) can differ from person to person.
29th Oct '13 8:19:23 PM Xota
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Added DiffLines:

** Asking is actually better than presuming. For an ethical pescetarian, asking for vegetarian food is a lot easier, but they might actually appreciate it if fish were offered. As stated above, it's better to learn from a person if they are willing to share than to just assume you know why they're a vegetarian. As with anytime you might ask a question another person could find "insultingly stupid", preface it with "I have a stupid question..."
5th Oct '13 7:00:50 AM kchishol
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* Do not ask if they eat fish; most ethical vegetarians would consider that an insultingly stupid question considering a fish obviously an animal.

to:

* Do not ask if they eat fish; most ethical vegetarians would consider that an insultingly stupid question considering a fish is obviously an animal.
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