History SoYouWantTo / WriteASexScene

* "'''BiggusDickus''': the larger a man is, the better sex will be." This is not only false, it is the opposite of true. In general, the larger the man is, the ''more'' preparation and foreplay is required before a woman is ready for him; if this step is skipped, sex may actually be ''less'' enjoyable for his partner. This is especially true since the ''other'' belief about the Biggus Dickus -- that the penis is the primary delivery instrument for female sexual pleasure -- is also wrong.[[note]]To explain ''this'' one, just contemplate a bit of [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homology_(biology) homology]]. Up until they are about 6 weeks old, male and female embryos are physiologically identical. Then hormones kick in, and a little structure in between the legs becomes the penis on a boy and the clitoris on a girl. Meanwhile, a separate structure becomes the girl's labia, which enclose the vaginal entrance, and the boy's... scrotum. Being sexually penetrated is the equivalent of having someone's penis rubbing on your ballsack. Explain this to a man and he will ''instantly'' understand how intercourse does not stimulate the clitoris.[[/note]]

'''Jen''': [[TrueLoveIsBoring Who cares]]? But they're in {{lust}}... Slightly more interesting. They're [[RejectionAffection hurting over someone]]... They're in pain... [[TheLostLenore Trying to forget someone]]. They're [[SelectiveObliviousness in denial]]. They're [[YourCheatingHeart looking for a distraction]]. All of a sudden, sex has just become very interesting and not the obvious choice at all.

This one-sentence chapter focuses not on what they're doing, but rather how they're ''feeling'' about they're doing. It's the culmination of two people falling head-over-heels for each other, and--via GoodPeopleHaveGoodSex--essentially confirms that there is something very genuine between Eddie and Odetta. We know what it ''means'' to them. Even better, it goes the ''opposite'' of IKEAErotica by turning the whole session into a NoodleIncident. Whatever "good sex" is ''for you'', there's room for you to apply it. King doesn't even ''try'' to convince you that Eddie and Odetta had the hottest sex ever, he lets you convince yourself, simply by letting you fill in the details. ShowDontTell is a good rule, but King, like many writers, knows when to turn it around for the occasions when Telling is even better than Showing.

(Quoth [[http://www.tor.com/blogs/2011/10/a-read-of-the-dark-tower-constant-reader-tackles-the-drawing-of-the-three-reshuffle-sections-1-9 one pithy fan]], "Dear god of strange galaxies, thank you for sparing us a long, painful love scene written in overwrought language. Amen.")

Additionally, focusing on emotional details gives you a leg up because all you really need for them is your imagination. What ''would'' a person feel, emotionally, when having sex? Well, it's basically the same things you'd feel. (That was easy!) You'd probably excited; you'd probably be sexually aroused; and you might feel nervous or even scared. Consider the myth of the VaginaDentata, the womanly-parts equipped with teeth that will snip off any offending penis, clean as you please. It's a sort of exaggeration, but it encapsulates a fundamental fear: men are always a little bit scared that, when they share this private and sensitive part of themselves, they won't get it back the way it was loaned out, that it'll come back damaged. There isn't really a gender-flipped version of the trope, but women do share that fear; if anything, it's probably worse, since the parts ''they'' share are internal and more delicate. This particular emotional impulse--and more--is something anyone can empathize with, whether or not they have any real-world sexual experience. And since emotions are the more interesting part of the sex act anyway, at least on page, it never hurts to focus on them.

There are, however, exceptions. The big one is when you're actually writing porn. Under those circumstances, you ''do'' want lots of nitty-gritty details--all five senses, and some varied sentence structure to keep from getting repetitive. Sex is a celebration of physicality, so there should be emphasis on the things that are physically happening. Administrivia/FiveP being what it is, that's all we'll say on the matter; the rest will require you to do your own research. But doing it should be easy, because TheInternetIsForPorn. (Seriously, if you can't find some examples of porn for yourself, you have much larger problems than your current lack of sex-writing skills. Even better, almost any NSFW-story site worth its salt will have its own "So You Want To" section where you can get very detailed and specific advice.)

Repetitive Strain Injury is bad enough when you experience it; now imagine being forced to ''read'' about it. The fact that it's being done to somebody's naughty bits doesn't automatically make it interesting.

Additionally, something needs to be mentioned about the purpose of sex within a committed love relationship (which, to most cultures, is the ideal context for it). You personally, dear troper, probably have a list of things you either think or know you'd like to do with partners--things you know, either from self-knowledge or past experience, satisfy you in bed. Well, most people are the same. Put two people's lists of sexual preferences together and you have... [[{{Dissimile}} a Venn diagram]]. Well, that, and a sex life, but that sex life will probably consist, most of the time, of the activities in the "in common" area of the Venn diagram. When those two people have sex, they are fairly likely to do the same thing(s) over and over again, because they both like it. This is not a bug; it's a feature. Sex frequently acts as a touchstone or a baseline, a way for the people in the relationship to re-connect and re-establish bonds of intimacy that have become eroded by stress, familial responsibilities, jobs, etc. It probably won't be explosive or experimental; it will, in fact, probably be mundane (in the sense of "sticking to the things in the middle of the Venn diagram"). It'll probably be... boring. And that isn't very fun to read.

'''Jen''': [[TrueLoveIsBoring Who cares]]? But they're in {{lust}}... Slightly more interesting. They're [[RejectionAffection hurting over someone]]... They're in pain... Trying to forget someone. They're [[SelectiveObliviousness in denial]]. They're looking for a distraction. All of a sudden, sex has just become very interesting and not the obvious choice at all.

There is a reason why, every year, Literary Review hosts a [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literary_Review#Bad_Sex_in_Fiction_Award "Bad Sex in Fiction" Award]]; there is a ''lot'' of crappy writing when it comes to sex. What you may be surprised to see is that the list of nominees and winners frequently includes authors who are considered literary heavyweights, and this is because writing sex well is ''incredibly'' complex and difficult, even for award-winning writers, who are nowhere near as likely as lemon fanfic writers to be virgins. Sex is both something deeply intimate and personal and at the same time something that society and culture has built up a lot of significance, meaning and morality around, meaning that there is a lot to balance.

Be aware of the setting of your story, the place-and-time it's set in. Throughout the ages, there have been a vast vocabulary of slang terminology concerning sex; throughout the ages, people have used various terms to describe man-parts, lady-parts and the act of sticking 'em together. ''Make sure you're using the right terms.'' Having a knight and his lady suddenly pepper YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe with modern (or modern-sounding) vernacular will break WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief--not to mention, provide you a one-way ticket to the Bad Sex In Fiction awards.[[note]]"Forsooth! Thou and thine ''bald-headed yogurt slinger'' doth bringeth such pleasure to my vajayjay!"[[/note]] RealityIsUnrealistic here too; even terms that ''were'' in use at the time can cause a double-take. Just ask any ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire'' reader how they reacted the first time a KnightInShiningArmor said dropped a PrecisionFStrike.

Sexuality can be especially to write without having experienced it. This is not to say that you absolutely can't write a good sex scene if you're still a virgin, but it can be a lot more difficult. If you haven't had sex, then you should at least do your research, but be warned -- not everything about sex can be found within the pages of a book.

Finally, as TropesAreNotBad, you'll want to familiarise yourself with the SexTropes on this site, but be warned: as we'll discuss, several of them are particularly difficult to do well.

-> ''"You should never have more sex than plot. This is why you should have as much plot as possible."''
-->-- '''Anonymous'''

You will need to devote some time into deciding ''how'' the participants came to ''be'' participating. Why do they want to have sex with each other? It's true that [[{{asexual}} almost everyone]] has a sex drive that makes them want to bump uglies; the libido is built into all living creatures. This explains why the characters want to have sex. It does not explain why they want to have sex with ''each other''. Most people are selective about their sex partners, applying various criteria relating to physical appearance and/or personality and only engaging sexually with those who have passed a minimum number of satisfactory qualities. Presumably, your characters did the same, and emerged with "chemistry"--in which it is shown that Alex is attracted to [trait], that Bryce has it, and that Alex responds positively upon discovering this; and then vice versa in reciprocate. The characters should ''desire'' each other, in other words, emotionally and/or physically.

Anyone who has an interest in sex -- in other words, most human beings, though [[{{asexual}} there are exceptions]]. We're a bit superficial as a species, however, so in general your characters should meet certain standards of beauty and attractiveness, unless you're really determined to challenge dominant cultural mores about sexuality and beauty (or, alternatively, you ''really'' want to gross people out).

But, assuming you ''are'' going to spice it up (and a bit of spice now and again is never a bad thing), keep in mind common sense and [[AnatomicallyImpossibleSex basic anatomy]]; people are only ''so'' flexible. Configurations that seem easy and obvious might not actually be as practical as it sounds; someone has to know where to put things, and it often has to be done blind (since most human beings cannot get both their eyeballs and their partner's genitals near their own genitals at the same time). Actions that seem easy in practice might actually be difficult in theory; the WallBangHer position always looks simple on the screen, but what happens if there's a significant height difference between partners (and/or their junk)?--which [[OneHeadTaller there often is]]? This is ''why'' people sometimes don't experiment: if it doesn't work, the mood is down the drain, [[TheLoinsSleepTonight often in dramatic fashion]]; and even if it ''does'' work it still might not turn out to be enjoyable.

You should have a working knowledge of anatomy. AnatomicallyImpossibleSex is another good way of making yourself look ridiculous or like you don't know what you're talking about. There are some good tips on that page, as well as on "CommonHollywoodSexTraits," but it's only a start. Even worse, the research you need to do probably [[Administrivia/TheContentPolicyAndThe5PCircuit cannot be done on TVTropes.]] Fortunately, there's a whole Internet out there, most of which is [[TheInternetIsForPorn for porn]]. And there's always actual advice columnists, like Creator/DanSavage, Nina Hartley and WebVideo/LaciGreen, to help out.

Finally, a word on IdealizedSex itself, specifically the kind seen in "art erotica" pornography. Because sexuality is still a taboo subject in many places, pornography can end up being many people's first exposure to sexuality as it is actually expressed by real live people. This is not necessarily a bad thing; there's something not only audacious but reassuring about seeing people who are not ashamed to have sex, and indeed who celebrate it. The problem lies in the fact that pornography is a ''business''. It exists to make money... and the way it does that is by selling IdealizedSex. Additionally, it's IdealizedSex ''for men''--the vast majority of pornography is made to be consumed by [[AllMenArePerverts people with testicles]]. As such, it tends to be written, acted, and shot in ways that make men feel desired, powerful and skilled at bedroom arts. Be sure to do research around the subject, because there are a lot of things, particularly concerning the female half of the couple and her pleasure, that pornography will typically elide or even ignore.

No, seriously. It's enjoyable, and provides important functions on psychological, emotional, physiological and reproductive levels, but by and large, it's ''boring'', because it involves doing the same thing over and over again for a while. Let's be honest: a lot of human beings masturbate, and if you are reading this article, you're probably one of them. Ask yourself, right now (silently), what physical motions are best at bringing you to orgasm. Guess what: it's probably just a few things that you do repeatedly. Well, it's the same for most people. And when you are with a partner, that doesn't magically change. You still need those few things, repeatedly, to achieve climax.

There are writers (particularly pornographic ones) who are able to make each sexual encounter unique, distinct and not-boring. Most of us aren't that talented. So, in the event that you are writing sex scenes, one of the best things you can do is minimize the number of them, and vary the tone, approach, activities and location your characters get up to. How and why are they having sex? If the answer is different every time, things are less likely to get stale.

!!Characterization
In Literature/TheBible, the term "to know" is used as a euphemism for getting it on. It seems [[GetTheeToANunnery archaic today]], but it's worth pondering. After all, when you have sex with someone, you certainly ''do'' learn things about them: any blemishes they might be hiding under their clothes, whether they have secret piercings or tattoos, what their actual hair color is when it isn't dyed; how they react when erotically stimulated, how they like to ''be'' erotically stimulated, what they like to do after the act is completed; so on and so forth. This can be used as a sort of subverted SexyDiscretionShot--it allows you to skirt around specific technical details in favor of things that, while very revealing, at least involve body parts that are safe for work.

Additionally, sex can be used for CharacterDevelopment, and should be. Not everybody likes the same things, and what a person likes tends to derive from their personality. Someone with a rosy disposition will probably want soft, intimate encounters--"making love," to use the somewhat hackneyed phrase--while a thrill-seeker probably prefers something more aggressive, possibly more animalistic. However, here you also have ripe space for subversion. One of the reasons sex is daunting is because you are not only physically naked, but emotionally naked as well, and things you might not care to admit are about to come out in the open.

It has a bit more bearing on discussions of UsefulNotes/{{homosexual}}ity (and is covered in some detail on that article), but one of things modern society still gets confused are "sexual preference" and "gender roles." It is assumed that a man is typically dominant and in control, while a woman is submissive and compliant. In short, men give and women receive. And, because modern society hasn't learned to differentiate yet, the two are believed to be inextricably linked: if you own a penis, you want to be in charge and you must ''want'' to be in charge, always; and vice versa if you happen to have a vagina. (And God help you if you have both or neither.)

Guess what: this ain't true. But ''admitting'' it can be tricky. In general, when a person doesn't conform to what society expects them to be, they harbor insecurities about this non-conformity; a tiny little part of them suspects they might be defective. And revealing it to another person can be harrowing, because that other person might judge you for it. The obvious example is a gay man, who (at least, according to [[CommonKnowledge societal stereotype]], [[BlatantLies which is never wrong]]) is gay because he wants to take the role of a woman during sex, but what about straight men who don't mind being on bottom, or straight women who like to take charge? What about men who like to cuddle, and women who like aggressive, animalistic sex?

And here's where things really get fun: your characters, the ones who are getting it on. (...You ''do'' have genuine {{Rounded Character}}s here, right?) What are the stereotypes that you have led your readers to assume about them? And how can you subvert, zig-zag or even avert them? A woman CEO is presumably dominant in bed, so the obvious subversion is for her to be submissive and tender; what kind of third option can you take? A man who is brash and arrogant would presumably be concerned solely with his own pleasure, so the logical counter-tack is for him to be tender and selfless; what's the subversion? And let's also drag culture into it, since it ''is'' germane to the topic: in Latin American countries, men are expected to show bravado and aggressiveness, but ''also'' to be [[LatinLover passionate, sensitive lovers]]; this is different north of the equator. Context matters when it comes to behavior, so always be aware of what the people around your character expects of him or her, and question whether you're pegging those expectations correctly. Even in America today, sexual mores are changing, and what was true yesterday might be false, or at least deprecated, today.

Another is after two people have already been getting it on for some time. You personally, dear troper, probably have a list of things you either like to do with partners or think you would like to do with partners--things you know, either from self-knowledge or past experience, satisfy you in bed. Well, most people are the same. Put two people's lists of sexual preferences together and you have... [[{{Dissimile}} a Venn diagram]]. Well, and a sex life, but that sex life will probably consist, most of the time, of the activities in the "in common" area of the Venn diagram, and those two people are fairly likely to do the same thing(s) over and over again, because they both like it. So once this pattern is established... Well, OOCIsSeriousBusiness, right? One or both partners can try to shake things up and you can go from there. Why is that partner shaking it up? How will the other respond? ConvenientlyCommonKink gets played far too often here, so what if you went for drama instead and had one partner want [whatever] and the other ''not'' want it? And, of course, it continues to play into the stuff about characterization we just discussed.

If you've decided to simply write erotic fiction and you need a plot structure that lends itself to ExplicitContent, the absolute best place to start is the ComingOfAgeStory. "Adulthood" and "sexual maturity" are intertwined almost by definition. (As mentioned previously, there are some legal pitfalls with taking this approach, but you can always just have your character be a late bloomer.) Another good candidate is the PeggySue plot. It needs to be used differently -- your character gets flung back in time at the ''beginning'' of the story instead of the end -- but it's easy to get the girl if you already know how the story ends. (These stories tend to lean heavily towards {{escapism}}, but there's absolutely room for that in the erotic-fiction genre; in fact, it's arguably ''the purpose'' of the genre.) Other good setups include "Character is new in town," "Character is doing a {{travelogue}}", and, of course, the good old RomanceNovel.

One thing beginning {{lemon}} authors often get wrong is going for too much detail. They want a character's sexual attractiveness to be beyond question, and so they go into long-winded, sometimes tedious description: the exact shade of her golden hair, the precise shape of her clear blue eyes, the levels of her tan as measured in paint swatches from Sherwin-Williams, her specific measurements to the centimeter--70.4-double-D, obviously, because BuxomIsBetter. Sounds good... except to those readers who prefer RavenHairIvorySkin and PetitePride. (And, considering how much people seem to love the AsianHookerStereotype, there may be quite a lot of them.) "But then what do I do?" the Beginning Lemon Author laments. "I can't have someone with ''both'' blonde and dark hair!, or with one big breast and one small one! How do I play this game if I can't win?"

Again, sex can get ... adventurous. But. as previously mentioned, a lot of people ''don't'' get adventurous; they find a routine and stick with it. There's a small core of sexual interactions that are branded "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanilla_sex vanilla sex]]" (link to Wiki/TheOtherWiki), a derogatory reference to the perceived boringness of vanilla ice cream. But it should be pointed out that vanilla is, and almost always has been, ''the'' most popular ice cream flavor in the world, outselling the second one (chocolate) by ''five to two''. Conversely, while we don't have exact data on sales of smoked paprika and chilli-beef flavoured ice cream, we feel confident asserting that for most people it is, at best, an acquired taste. Variety may be the spice of life, but consistency is its meat and potatoes.

But, assuming you ''are'' going to spice it up (and a bit of spice now and again is never a bad thing), keep in mind common sense and [[AnatomicallyImpossibleSex basic anatomy]]; people are only ''so'' flexible. Configurations that seem easy and obvious might not actually be as practical as it sounds; someone has to know where to put things, and it often has to be done blind (since most human beings do not have eyes on their genitals). Actions that seem easy in practice might actually be difficult in theory; the WallBangHer position always looks simple on the screen, but what happens if there's a significant height difference between partners (and/or their junk)?--which [[OneHeadTaller there often is]]? (This is ''why'' people sometimes don't experiment: if it doesn't work, the mood is down the drain, [[TheLoinsSleepTonight often in dramatic fashion]]; and even if it ''does'' work it still might not turn out to be enjoyable.)

Another is after two people have already been getting it on for some time. You personally, dear troper, probably have a list of things you either like to do with partners or think you would like to do with partners--things you know, either from self-knowledge or past experience, satisfy you in bed. Well, most people are the same. Put two people's lists of sexual preferences together together and you have... [[{{Dissimile}} a Venn diagram]]. Well, and a sex life, but that sex life will probably consist, most of the time, of the activities in the "in common" area of the Venn diagram, and those two people are fairly likely to do the same thing(s) over and over again, because they both like it. So once this pattern is established... Well, OOCIsSeriousBusiness, right? One or both partners can try to shake things up and you can go from there. Why is that partner shaking it up? How will the other respond? ConvenientlyCommonKink gets played far too often here, so what if you went for drama instead and had one partner want [whatever] and the other ''not'' want it? And, of course, it continues to play into the stuff about characterization we just discussed.

Again, sex can get ... adventurous. But. as previously mentioned, a lot of people ''don't'' get adventurous; they find a routine and stick with it. There's a small core of sexual interactions that are branded "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanilla_sex vanilla sex]]" (link to Wiki/TheOtherWiki), a derogatory reference to the perceived boringness of vanilla ice cream. But it should be pointed out that vanilla is, and almost always has been, ''the'' most popular ice cream flavor in the world, outselling the second one (chocolate) by ''five to two''. Variety may be the spice of life, but consistency is its meat and potatoes.

Sex scenes have to deal with law in a way that most other fiction doesn't. Specifically, there are laws governing the depiction of sexual congress. The quick rule of thumb is that the folks in the fiction need to be above the "[[https://www.ageofconsent.net/ age of consent]]" for RealLife, non-fiction folks--IE, they are legally permitted to consent to sexual activity and are no longer subject to the JailBaitWait. And that's where it starts getting complicated, because basically every government on the planet has set its own limit on the wait. All 50 states in America have set them individually; most have set it at 16, but a few have also chosen 17 and 18. The place that set it the highest, Bahrain, put it at 21; Nigeria set it the lowest, at 11(!). And here's the thing: if your story is to be legally consumable in any given place, it needs to comply with ''that place's'' laws. So, while your story might ''take place'' in, say, Washington State, where the age of consent is 16, it can't be legally consumed in California, where it's 18, unless it would be legal if it ''were'' taking place in California. (This is actually one of the justifications for SoCalization when it comes to explicit content.) The question you'll get sued over is not, "Is it legal for your characters to do it;" the question is, "Is it legal for your consumers to ''imitate'' it."

Again, sex can get ... adventurous. But. as previously mentioned, a lot of people ''don't'' get adventurous; they find a routine and stick with it. There's a small core of sexual interactions that are branded "[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanilla_sex vanilla sex]]" (link to TheOtherWiki), a derogatory reference to the perceived boringness of vanilla ice cream. But it should be pointed out that vanilla is, and almost always has been, ''the'' most popular ice cream flavor in the world, outselling the second one (chocolate) by ''five to two''. Variety may be the spice of life, but consistency is its meat and potatoes.

Aside from the Bad Sex In Fiction awards, which are typically a master class in SugarWiki/FunnyMoments, there are also fan-driven blogs and communities that focus on the same thing. A good place to start is "weepingcock," a LiveJournal community dedicated to celebrating the best howlers from fan fiction. There's also "Smart Bitches, Trashy Books," a site compiling snarky reviews of romance novels. Occasionally they branch out into more generalized fare, such as this article: "[[http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/blog/10-things-i-hate-about-sex-scenes Ten Things I Hate About Sex Scenes]]."

In RealLife, there's lots of props available for the adventurous lovers who like to spice things up; keeping in mind the above about the sex being more about your character than the sex itself, however, this will depend on who your characters are, the type of story you're writing and the sex they're having. (There is also some stigma to the use of toys, due to sometimes-shortsighted attitudes towards sex; it's believed that a man shouldn't need them because [[AManIsNotAVirgin he always has partners at hand]], and a woman shouldn't need them because [[AllWomenArePrudes she doesn't like sex]]. So if you involve them, expect some knee-jerk denouncements of your characters as vile degenerates.)

You should have a working knowledge of anatomy. AnatomicallyImpossibleSex is another good way of making yourself look ridiculous or like you don't know what you're talking about. There are some good tips on that page, as well as on "CommonHollywoodSexTraits," but it's only a start. Even worse, the research you need to do probably [[TheContentPolicyAndThe5PCircuit cannot be done on TVTropes.]] Fortunately, there's a whole Internet out there, most of which is [[TheInternetIsForPorn for porn]]. And there's always actual advice columnists, like Creator/DanSavage, Nina Hartley and WebVideo/LaciGreen, to help out.

You should have a working knowledge of anatomy. AnatomicallyImpossibleSex is another good way of making yourself look ridiculous or like you don't know what you're talking about. There are some good tips on that page, as well as on "CommonHollywoodSexTraits," but it's only a start. Even worse, the research you need to do probably cannot be done on TVTropes. Fortunately, there's a whole Internet out there, most of which is [[TheInternetIsForPorn for porn]]. And there's always actual advice columnists, like Creator/DanSavage, Nina Hartley and WebVideo/LaciGreen, to help out.

Finally, a word on IdealizedSex itself, specifically the kind seen in "art erotica" pornography. Because sexuality is still a taboo subject in many places, pornography can end up being many people's first exposure to sexuality as it is actually expressed by real live people. This is not necessarily a bad thing; there's something not only audacious but reassuring about seeing people who are not ashamed to have sex, and indeed who celebrate it. The problem lies in the fact that pornography is a ''business''. It exists to make money... and the way it does that is by selling IdealizedSex. Additionally, it's IdealizedSex ''for men''--the vast majority of pornography is made to be consumed by [[AllMenArePerverts people with testicles]]. As such, it tends to be written, acted, and shot for men. Its objective is to make men feel desired, powerful and skilled at bedroom arts. Be sure to do research around the subject, because there are a lot of things, particularly concerning the female half of the couple and her pleasure, that pornography will typically elide or even ignore.

No, seriously. It's enjoyable and provides important functions on psychological, emotional, physiological and reproductive levels, but by and large, it's ''boring'', because it involves doing the same thing over and over again for a while. Let's be honest: a lot of human beings masturbate, and if you are reading this article, you're probably one of them. Ask yourself, right now (silently), what physical motions are best at bringing you to orgasm. Guess what: it's probably just a few things that you do repeatedly. Well, it's the same for most people. And when you are with a partner, that doesn't magically change. You still need those few things, repeatedly, to achieve climax.

This depends on the overall mood of the work and the scene, but since sex is -- in a lot of cultures -- tied in with intimacy, romance and love, then it's hard to avoid tapping into these qualities. This doesn't mean it has to be happy, of course; two people who have fallen in love and are having sex for the first time may be, but someone who is having an affair may give rise to completely different themes and moods.

Often, full nudity, although this does depend on the characters and the situation. There are entire companies that do nothing but sell skimpy scraps of cloth that a woman will wear for five minutes before being divested of it by her partner, who is now presumably inflamed with desire. And in a right-here-right-now kind of mood in the bathroom of the nightclub, ditching all your clothing is not very smart: you may have to re-garb rapidly if discovered. There's something marvellously dirty about a woman hitching her skirt, an guy unzipping his flies, and just getting up against the wall.

Anyone who has an interest in sex. We're a bit superficial as a species, however, so in general your characters should meet certain standards of beauty and attractiveness, unless you're really determined to challenge dominant cultural mores about sexuality and beauty (or, alternatively, you ''really'' want to gross people out).

The answer is, "[[KnowWhenToFoldEm Don't play]]." You aren't going to appeal to everyone, and nobody gives a hoot nor understands what a 32B bra on a 28-25-30 and 5'7" and 77kg woman means or even looks like. Don't try to create a character who is physically attractive to all human beings ever; that's impossible, even if you try to cover your bases by having a petite pale redhead waif, a big black 6-footer with large tits and short hair, and so on. We've covered a bit of it above, and we can also start getting into ValuesDissonance; [[http://youtu.be/Xrp0zJZu0a4 standards of beauty are relative to place and time]]. Your better strategy is to create a character who is ''emotionally'' attractive, a likeable protagonist that The Reader can root for. This kind of CharacterDevelopment is a fair bit easier than creating the perfectly attractive woman; and even if not, CharacterDevelopment is a skill it ''never'' hurts to put a few levels into. Once you have this character that your readers like and are rooting for, then they will be happy if she succeeds at getting her heart's desire (and/or loins' desire), regardless of what she looks like. So don't make your characters ''attractive''. Make them ''lovable''. (Proof of concept: ''Series/UglyBetty'', though of course one can make arguments about HollywoodHomely.) Or, to put it another way, the Helen of Troy you want is not the WorldsMostBeautifulWoman but the LauncherOfAThousandShips.

To start, unless you're writing a masturbation scene, you need at least two characters. The genders (and numbers of participants) of your characters are totally up to you, although see below concerning 'Pitfalls'.

You will need to devote some time into deciding ''how'' the participating characters came to ''be'' participating. Why do they want to have sex with each other? It's true that everyone (well, [[{{asexual}} almost everyone]]) has a sex drive that makes them want to bump uglies; the libido is built into all living creatures. But most people are also selective about their sex partners, applying various criteria relating to physical appearance and/or personality and only accepting as sexual partners those people who pass all the tests. Presumably, your characters did the same, and emerged with "chemistry"--in which it is shown that Alice is attracted to [trait], that Bob has it, and that Alice responds positively upon discovering this; and then vice versa in reciprocate. The characters should ''desire'' each other, in other words, emotionally and/or physically.

And now that Alice and Bob desire each other, how did they come to ''act'' on this desire? It's a known fact that AllLoveIsUnrequited; for every Bob, that Alice gets to sleep with, there was also Charlie, Dana and Evan (and maybe more)--people Alice ''wanted'' to have sex with but didn't get the chance to. Why was this consummation denied? Because there's a negotiation that goes on, as both parties figure out chemistry and sort out their feelings and decide whether the other person is someone they want to sleep with. Sometimes this can be a long, drawn-out RomanceArc (for which we already have an article, [[SoYouWantTo/WriteALoveStory So You Want To: Write A Love Story?]]), ending in wedding bells and a traditional consummation; on the other extreme, it may be a one-night stand or a casual hook-up. But whatever negotiation happened, it affects the tone of the resulting sex: TheirFirstTime, GladToBeAliveSex, MustNotDieAVirgin, one night stands... Or maybe it's two people who have been together for a while and it's an anniversary, or it's someone's birthday, or someone got a promotion. Or they're just watching TV and one of them gets horny. But in some way, our two characters, Alice and Bob, need to be brought to the point where they not only ''want'' to do it, but they feel comfortable ''acting'' on their wants.

First off, do you feel comfortable writing an actual sex scene? If not, then don't force yourself to. SexyDiscretionShot, DidYouJustHaveSex, BedmateReveal, and DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything exist for a reason; readers don't need enormous flashing neon signs saying "THEY BONED" to understand that characters had sex. The reader will be able to pick up on and will consequently share your discomfort; possibly okay if you intend for the reader to be discomforted, but disastrous if you don't. Don't be afraid to cut from the lovers getting intimate to a post-coital hug or the morning after if that both works for your story and makes you feel more comfortable.

Consider also what genre you're writing in, and how the sex fits in -- if, indeed, it does. If you're pornography or erotica, then naturally your reader will understand and expect that anything goes, and anything that contains erotica or romance will have an audience that will generally expect the OfficialCouple to get things on at some point, or at least won't be surprised if they do. Other genres may find sex a bit more difficult to naturally include, however; if your characters are constantly on the run from the ZombieApocalypse, then, whether they fall in love or not, they might not easily find the time or opportunity to get busy with each other.

Assuming you are comfortable writing a sex scene, then your next choice is the characters who are actually going to be having sex. This is quite important, as different people have sex in different ways -- a pair of young lovers losing their virginity together will have sex differently from a couple married for twenty years having make-up sex after an argument, who will in turn have sex differently from a sex addict hiring a prostitute for an hour of no-strings-attached relief, and so forth. The physical procedures might be identical, but the ''motivations'' are totally different--as are the experiences each person hopes to get ''from'' the act. VariablePlayerGoals exist in sex too.

Finally, you may want decide how glamorous you decide to make things. There have been many discussions about the unrealistic nature of IdealizedSex, CommonHollywoodSexTraits and AnatomicallyImpossibleSex, but they still sell well despite being unrealistic--or rather, ''because'' they are unrealistic. It may be hard to believe, dear tropers, but a fairly large percentage of human beings are in long-term sexual relationships, meaning they can get laid without too much effort. Yet such people still go to porn--in droves!--despite it being wildly unrealistic and having nothing to do with what they get in bed at home. Why do they still consume porn? ''Because'' it's not what they get in bed at home; ''because'' it offers them something they want but can't get. (And not just kinky stuff either, though that does make up a fair bit of it.) The appeal of porn is its idealized, unrealistic nature. And it's one of the most financially successful markets in the world, so they must be doing ''something'' right. So do feel free to romanticize it, if that is your inclination. Just remember that it is possible to go over the top.

Sex is something intensely personal in many ways. This, consequently, means that it can be especially difficult to write without having experienced it. This is not to say that you absolutely can't write a good sex scene if you're still a virgin, but it can be a lot more difficult. If you haven't had sex, then you should at least do your research, but be warned -- not everything about sex can be found within the pages of a book.

And finally, please remember that the larger majority of people who can consume your erotic scene (legally, at least; more on that next) are probably no longer virgins. (According to TheOtherWiki, the average American first gets it on when they're [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_sexuality_in_the_United_States 17 years old]].) They know what they're talking about. More importantly, they know what ''you're'' talking about. This makes it harder to sneak research failures past them.

Sex scenes have to deal with law in a way that most other fiction doesn't. Specifically, there are laws governing the depiction of sexual congress. The quick rule of thumb is that the folks in the fiction need to be above the "[[https://www.ageofconsent.net/ age of consent]]" for RealLife, non-fiction folks--IE, they are legally permitted to consent to sexual activity and are no longer subject to the JailBaitWait. And that's where it starts getting complicated, because basically every government on the planet has chosen to set its own definition of "age of consent". All 50 states in America have set them individually; most have set it at 16, but a few have also chosen 17 and 18. The place that set it the highest, Bahrain, put it at 21; Nigeria set it the lowest, at 11(!). And here's the thing: if your story is to be legally consumable in any given place, it needs to comply with ''that place's'' laws. So, while your story might ''take place'' in, say, Washington State, where the age of consent is 16, it can't be legally consumed in California (where it's 18) unless it would be legal if it ''were'' taking place in California. (This is actually one of the justifications for SoCalization when it comes to explicit content.) The question you'll get sued over is not, "Is it legal for your characters to do it;" the question is, "Is it legal for your ''consumers'' to ''see'' it?"

The very obvious answer is to simply not write about characters who are of nebulous legal status. Despite what the CompetenceZone would have you believe, people who are 20, or 35, or 60, or even 75 can (and do) have good sex that would be fun to read about. The counter-argument is that the ComingOfAgeStory is often linked to sexual maturity... and we all know that teenagers can get pretty horny. So if you decide to plunge into this quagmire, ''be careful''. By the time an American is 18 years old and has passed even the most stringent forms of the JailBaitWait, there is [[https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/american-virgin/ a 60% chance (according to a recent study)]] that s/he is already a non-virgin. Crazy though it sounds, you ''can'' get in legal trouble for depicting fictional under-18-year-olds having sex, even though 60% of non-fictional, RealLife Americans do so. RealityIsUnrealistic when it comes to fictional depictions of sex, and having facts on your side ''will not'' protect you.

Be aware of the setting of your story, the place-and-time it's set in. Throughout the ages, there have been a vast vocabulary of slang terminology concerning sex; throughout the ages, people have used various terms to describe man-parts, lady-parts and the act of sticking 'em together. ''Make sure you're using the right terms.'' Having a knight and his lady suddenly pepper YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe with modern (or modern-sounding) vernacular will break WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief--not to mention, provide you a one-way ticket to the Bad Sex In Fiction awards.[[note]]"Forsooth! Thou and thine ''bald-headed yogurt slinger'' doth bringeth such pleasure to my vajayjay!"[[/note]] Heck, perception trumps reality: even terms that ''were'' in use at the time will cause a double-take if they're still used today. Just ask any GeorgeRRMartin reader how they reacted the first time a KnightInShiningArmor said "fuck."

Of course, hunting down the right terms can be difficult, because the slang wasn't necessarily documented. At that point, it's kind of up to you. In the ''Literature/EarthsChildren'' series, Jean Auel just talks around it--there's one euphemism, "manhood," but that's it, and that's impressive considering the series is basically erotica. Creator/GeorgeRRMartin, for ''ASongOfIceAndFire'', traced the etymologies of several terms, discovered they descended from Middle English, and said, "Screw it: it might be an AnachronismStew, but at least they're from the same ''era''." The closer to today you get, the more freedom you have... at least in English-speaking languages. Let's not even ''talk'' about what things were called in Sanskrit, or Farsi, or Latin. You get caught between a rock and a hard place: if you use the wrong terms, audiences will yell, and if you use nothing at all, audiences will yell. Metonymy is your friend. Good luck!

On the whole, however, sexuality can be a minefield, especially with regards to creative writing. While attitudes towards alternative sexualities are gradually shifting and liberalising, we’ve still got a long way to go and, deeply unfair though it may seem, for the most part mainstream publishers, producers and audiences still tend to favour the (for want of a better word) ‘typical’ pairing of a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman. This does not mean to suggest that depicting (or, of course, possessing) sexuality outside of the so-called "norm" is inherently wrong or bad in and of itself; it is, however, generally a bit harder to break into the mainstream by depicting it, and if you’re going to attempt to do so this is something you should keep in mind.

Finally, a word on IdealizedSex itself, specifically the kind seen in "art erotica" pornography. Because sexuality is still a taboo subject in many places, pornography can end up being many people's first exposure to sexuality as it is actually expressed by real live people. This is not necessarily a bad thing; there's something not only audacious but reassuring about seeing people who are not ashamed to have sex, and indeed who celebrate it. The problem lies in the fact that pornography is a ''business''. It exists to make money... and the way it does that is by selling IdealizedSex. Additionally, it's IdealizedSex ''for men''--the vast majority of pornography is made to be consumed by [[AllMenArePerverts people with testicles]]. As such, it tends to be written, acted, and shot for men. Be sure to do research when it comes to the matter of ensuring that the female half of the couple also has a good time.

Avoid, avoid, ''avoid'' both PurpleProse and BeigeProse. "Throbbing manhoods plunging into velvet folds" and the like are an instant way of taking the reader out of your work and making you look ridiculous. At the same time, "he inserted his penis into her vagina" is a bit... clinical. Both MillsAndBoonProse and IKEAErotica are strongly discouraged; you're presumably not writing a 'just-the-facts' sex manual, but at the same time even Mills & Boon and Harlequin are starting to move away from the overwrought, florid and metaphor-abusing purple prose that previously characterized their works. Purple prose will make people laugh. Beige prose will make them yawn. There ''is'' some sort of middle ground to be found--"puce prose", maybe?--and you should aim for it. Obviously, YourMileageMayVary as to what it is, but it's still better to strike ''a'' middle ground of some sort.

Finally, you may want to put some thought into your tone--not in the sense of "loving" vs "angry" vs "voracious," as above, but in terms of how glamorous you decide to make things. There have been many discussions about the unrealistic nature of IdealizedSex, CommonHollywoodSexTraits and AnatomicallyImpossibleSex, but they still sell well despite being unrealistic--or rather, ''because'' they are unrealistic. It may be hard to believe, dear tropers, but a fairly large percentage of human beings are in long-term sexual relationships, meaning they can get laid without too much effort. Yet such people still go to porn--in droves!--despite it being wildly unrealistic and having nothing to do with what they get in bed at home. Why do they still consume porn? ''Because'' it's not what they get in bed at home; ''because'' it offers them something they want but can't get. (And not just kinky stuff either, though that does make up a fair bit of it.) The appeal of porn is its idealized, unrealistic nature. And it's one of the most financially successful markets in the world, so they must be doing ''something'' right. So do feel free to romanticize it, if that is your inclination. Just don't go too far. Even someone actively seeking out IdealizedSex or AnatomicallyImpossibleSex may be turned off if you take it so far as to make it ''completely'' unrealistic or unbelievable.

And finally, please remember that, unless you're writing for a typically-quite-young fandom (and if you are, why are you writing explicit content?), many (if not the majority) of your readers will probably ''not'' be virgins. (According to TheOtherWiki, the average American first gets it on when they're [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_sexuality_in_the_United_States 17 years old]].) In other words, they know what you're talking about, and any research failures you commit ''will'' get picked up on.

Sex scenes have to deal with law in a way that most other fiction doesn't. Specifically, there are laws governing the depiction of sexual congress. The quick rule of thumb is that the folks in the fiction need to be above the age of consent for RealLife, non-fiction folks--IE, they are no longer subject to the JailBaitWait. And that's where it starts getting complicated, because "age of consent" is a nebulous legal term that most regions set for themselves. All 50 states in America have set them individually, between 16 and 18. The lowest age, 14, is found in various European countries; the highest, 21, was set by Bahrain. And here's the thing: if your story is to be legally consumable in any given place, it needs to comply with ''that place's'' laws. (This is actually one of the justifications for SoCalization when it comes to explicit content.) The question you'll get sued over is not, "Is it legal for your characters to do it;" the question is, "Is it legal for your ''consumers'' to ''see'' it?"

The very obvious answer is to simply not write about characters who are of nebulous legal status. Despite what the CompetenceZone would have you believe, people who are 20, or 35, or 60, or even 75 can (and do) have good sex that would be fun to read about. The counter-argument is that the ComingOfAgeStory is often linked to sexual maturity... and we all know that teenagers can get pretty horny. So if you decide to plunge into this quagmire, ''be careful''. By the time an American is 18 years old and has passed even the most stringent forms of the JailBaitWait, there is [[https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/american-virgin/ a 60% chance (according to a recent study)]] that s/he is already a non-virgin. Crazy though it sounds, you can get in legal trouble for depicting this in fiction, even though 60% of non-fictional, RealLife Americans do it. RealityIsUnrealistic when it comes to fictional depictions of sex, and having facts on your side ''will not'' protect you.

Avoid, avoid, ''avoid'' both PurpleProse and BeigeProse. "Throbbing manhoods plunging into velvet folds" and the like are an instant way of taking the reader out of your work and making you look ridiculous. At the same time, "he inserted his penis into her vagina" is a bit... clinical. Both MillsAndBoonProse and IKEAErotica are strongly discouraged; you're presumably not writing a 'just-the-facts' sex manual, but at the same time even Mills & Boon and Harlequin are starting to move away from the overwrought, florid and metaphor-abusing purple prose style that previously characterized their works. Purple prose will make people laugh. Beige prose will make them yawn.

Oh, and if you do try either of these style? Don't later try and tell people IMeantToDoThat, even if you did; ''no one'' will believe you. ''Especially'' if it happened to get you nominated for the Bad Sex Award mentioned above. Overall, both of those styles are a minefield you're better of staying clear of.

Be aware of the setting of your story, the place-and-time it's set in. Throughout the ages, there is a vast vocabulary of slang terminology that has grown up around sex; throughout the ages, people have used various terms to describe man-parts, lady-parts and the act of sticking 'em together. ''Make sure you're using the right terms.'' Having a knight and his lady suddenly pepper YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe with modern (or modern-sounding) vernacular will break WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief--not to mention, provide you a one-way ticket to the Bad Sex In Fiction awards.[[note]]"Forsooth! Thou and thine ''bald-headed yogurt slinger'' doth bringeth such pleasure to my vajayjay!"[[/note]] Heck, perception trumps reality: even terms that ''were'' in use at the time will cause a double-take if they're still used today. Just ask any GeorgeRRMartin reader how they reacted the first time a KnightInShiningArmor said "fuck."

Of course, hunting down the right terms can be difficult, because this isn't necessarily the kind of thing that was documented. At that point, it's kind of up to you. In the ''Literature/EarthsChildren'' series, Jean Auel just talks around it--there's one euphemism, "manhood," but that's it, and that's impressive considering the series is basically erotica. Creator/GeorgeRRMartin, for ''ASongOfIceAndFire'', traced the etymologies of several terms, discovered they descended from Middle English, and said, "Screw it: it might be an AnachronismStew, but at least they're from the same ''era''." The closer to today you get, the more freedom you have... at least in English-speaking languages. Let's not even ''talk'' about what things were called in Sanskrit, or Farsi, or Latin. You get caught between a rock and a hard place: if you use the wrong terms, audiences will yell, and if you use nothing at all, audiences will yell. Metonymy is your friend. Good luck!

You should have a working knowledge of anatomy. AnatomicallyImpossibleSex is another good way of making yourself look ridiculous or like you don't know what you're talking about. A few quick tips to get you started: [[BiggerIsBetterInBed bigger is not always better; in fact, real people are far more likely to have bedroom problems from a penis too big rather than one too small.]]; even the GagPenis can naturally only be so large before the man's ability to have sex (or even live) is significantly affected. And globally speaking, 5" [u]+[/u]1" is the average range of dick size; four inches is definitely adequate, five inches is perfectly average, six inches is already big, seven inches is pretty rare, and anything beyond that is well out of the ordinary. The vagina is not a magically flexible opening that can accept anything of any size without tremendous pain or discomfort for its owner; the vagina unaroused is about 4" deep but expands a bit, and almost all the nerve endings are in the first inch, and trying to hurriedly insert anything of any size if it's not wet and aroused is going to end in discomfort. Trying to hilt with a large cock can be very painful for the woman, and before you ask, yes, it is possible in some positions with very deep penetration, a long penis jabbed in roughly can poke the cervix uncomfortably, and an even longer one with some luck can nudge an ovary painfully enough to get a guy literally kicked out of bed. The hymen is not ''inside'' the canal; it's across the opening. Do some basic research before you start; again, no one's going to buy the "IMeantToDoThat" defense on this one.

The research you need to do probably cannot be done on TVTropes, but there's a whole Internet out there. The "CommonHollywoodSexTraits" page has a section on the improper practices sometimes found in media, which may be a good starting point. And there's always actual advice columnists, like Creator/DanSavage and Nina Hartley, and Laci Green, to help out.

You should try to avoid making your sex scene too gratuitous. SexSells, but it's quite easy to tell if a creator has just thrown a sex scene into the story out of nowhere just for the purposes of titillation, or to cynically get people interested in their work. The sex scene should arise organically (so to speak) from the events of the novel as a whole--it should make sense that these people are choosing to have sex at this particular moment without it feeling like the author is forcing them to purely for sales.

Similarly, be wary of the AudienceAlienatingPremise. If you have kinks that tend to occupy something of a niche, then spending a lot of time focusing on them is a good way of making your reader uncomfortable. It’s a simple fact of life: some fetishes, for better or worse, are socially frowned on. Unfair? Possibly, but there it is. You might think [[NoodleIncident doing that sort of thing with chickens]] is just a harmless bit of fun, but there's a good chance that, except for a relative few, most of your readers are going to strongly disagree, and you’re not going to force them to change their minds by including your kinks in graphic detail in your story.

Finally, a word on IdealizedSex itself, specifically the kind seen in "art erotica" pornography. Because sexuality is still a taboo subject in many places, pornography can end up being many people's first exposure to sexuality as it is actually expressed by real live people. This is not necessarily a bad thing; there's something not only audacious but reassuring about seeing people who are not ashamed to have sex, and indeed who celebrate it. The problem lies in the fact that pornography is a ''business''. It exists to make money... and the way it does that is by selling IdealizedSex. Additionally, it's IdealizedSex ''for men''--the vast majority of pornography is made to be consumed by [[AllMenArePerverts people with testicles]]. As such, it tends to be written, acted, and shot for men. Be sure to do research when it comes to the matter of ensuring that the female half of the couple also has a good time. Hint: fast jackhammer sex that changes position every couple of minutes isn't particularly fun for anyone, penetration alone simple does not satisfy most girls sexually and usually cannot bring them to orgasm by itself, no matter how big the penis or hard the pounding. Additionally, porn likes to skimp on dealing with lubrication, especially for anal; getting her wet and warmed up, and keeping her wet, is absolutely essential to good sex, and dry sex is not much fun, period, even for the man. Additionally, trying to start anal by just ramming in to begin with is a great recipe for a painful mood killer. Take it for what it is, and do additional research accordingly.

The [[CaptainObvious very obvious]] answer is to simply not write about characters who are of nebulous legal status. Despite what the CompetenceZone would have you believe, people who are 20, or 35, or 60, or even 75 can (and do) have good sex that would be fun to read about. The counter-argument is that the ComingOfAgeStory is often linked to sexual maturity... and we all know that teenagers can get pretty horny. So if you decide to plunge into this quagmire, ''be careful''. By the time an American is 18 years old and has passed even the most stringent forms of the JailBaitWait, there is [[https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/american-virgin/ a 60% chance (according to a recent study)]] that s/he is already a non-virgin. Crazy though it sounds, you can get in legal trouble for depicting this in fiction, even though 60% of non-fictional, RealLife Americans do it. RealityIsUnrealistic when it comes to fictional depictions of sex, and having facts on your side ''will not'' protect you.

And finally, please remember that, unless you're writing fanfic for a typically quite young fandom (and if you are, why are you writing explicit content?), chances are that many if not the majority of your readers will probably not be virgins and have firsthand experience with the subject at hand. (According to TheOtherWiki, the average American first gets it on when they're [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_sexuality_in_the_United_States 17 years old]].) In other words, any research failures you commit ''will'' get picked up on.

Sexually-explicit scenes have to deal with laws in a way that most other fiction doesn't. Specifically, there are laws governing the depiction of sexual congress. The quick rule of thumb is that the characters involved need to be above the age of consent for humans--IE, they are no longer subject to the JailBaitWait. And that's where it starts getting complicated, because the "age of consent" is a nebulous legal term that most regions set for themselves. All 50 states in America have set them individually, between 16 and 18. The lowest age, 14, is found in various European countries; the highest, in Bahrain, is 21. If you want your story to be legally consumable in any of those places, your story needs to comply with ''that place's'' laws, not just those of the location it takes place in. "It's legal for the characters" is not the same as "It's legal according to the laws that govern the ''readers''," and that second criteria takes higher precedent.

If you're just writing fanfic or publishing for the Internet, this still matters. For Internet publication, the website is considered to physically "live" at the location of its servers, and the laws for that city, region and country hold sway over your story. If you don't want to comply with them, you'll need to find a different website to distribute through. If you intend to get published in treeware format, you basically need to comply with everything in the language you're writing in. (You'll probably have an editor to help you, at least.) Whatever the case, you'll need to do some research.