History RefugeInAudacity / RealLife

18th Jul '16 7:48:12 PM kingsizedump69
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* When Henri IV of France and Navarre was excommunicated by the pope, he retaliated by excommunicating the ''pope''. Which is completely impossible. Possibly the most epic use of, "No, you are!" in the history of the world.

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* When Henri IV of France and Navarre was excommunicated by the pope, he retaliated by excommunicating the ''pope''. Which is completely impossible. Possibly the most epic use of, "No, you are!" "no u" in the history of the world.
7th Jul '16 8:22:42 AM BigJaredMonkey
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* The Danish as well: not only di they ''actually want to save their Jews'' (you have no idea how rare that was), but their regional SSPF (Shutztaffeln und Polizei Fuehrer) ''supported their decision''. Not because he liked Jews, mind, but because his orders were "to remove the Jews question from Denmark" and he was opposed to the use of murder to do so (both on principle and for ideological reasons). The Danish resistance sailed the entire Jewish population of Denmark over to Sweden in one night while he sat by and let them do it. When Reinhard Heydrich found that he'd been completely cheated out of ''any'' role in rendering Denmark ''Judenrein'' (Jew-less/Jew-free), he threw a fit but was ultimately unable to do anything about it. As his boss Himmler pointed out, the Danish SSPF had followed his orders to the letter.

to:

* The Danish as well: not only di did they ''actually want to save their Jews'' (you have no idea how rare that was), but their regional SSPF (Shutztaffeln und Polizei Fuehrer) ''supported their decision''. Not because he liked Jews, mind, but because his orders were "to remove the Jews question from Denmark" and he was opposed to the use of murder to do so (both on principle and for ideological reasons). The Danish resistance sailed the entire Jewish population of Denmark over to Sweden in one night while he sat by and let them do it. When Reinhard Heydrich found that he'd been completely cheated out of ''any'' role in rendering Denmark ''Judenrein'' (Jew-less/Jew-free), he threw a fit but was ultimately unable to do anything about it. As his boss Himmler pointed out, the Danish SSPF had followed his orders to the letter.
28th Jun '16 3:14:58 PM Ur-Procyon
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Added DiffLines:

*** [[spoiler:"We wanted to release a Windows version as part of Windows 98, but sadly, Microsoft has effective building security."]] Oh snap.
9th Jun '16 3:38:27 PM Trogdor
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* Tommy MacPherson was a Scottish officer who got 23,000 Germans to surrender when after voluntarily winding up in their territory he bluffed that he had tanks, artillery, the French military and the Royal Air Force waiting for his orders. The Germans didn't think he could possibly have been bluffing, because who on earth would be stupid enough to head into enemy territory and demand their surrender if he didn't have a significant amount of firepower behind him?

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* Tommy MacPherson [=MacPherson=] was a Scottish officer who got 23,000 Germans to surrender when after voluntarily winding up in their territory he bluffed that he had tanks, artillery, the French military and the Royal Air Force waiting for his orders. The Germans didn't think he could possibly have been bluffing, because who on earth would be stupid enough to head into enemy territory and demand their surrender if he didn't have a significant amount of firepower behind him?
15th May '16 1:52:37 PM erforce
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* While not as outrageous as Wallenberg, Oskar Schindler's similar work on behalf of the Jews deserves recognition here. Schindler's CrowningMomentOfAwesome was successfully ''ordering'' Concentration Camp Authority security personnel to return a trainload of Jewish children en route to [[UsefulNotes/TheHolocaust the Auschwitz-II/Birkenau processing facility]] (where the 'unfit' would be euthanized) by lying about the SS Main Business Office having designated them "essential workers" (those with skills vital to Germany's war effort, and so even during ''Operation Reinhard'' could not legally be euthanized). "Essential workers" at a munitions factory that he operated for several years using (and protecting) many Jewish workers, while deliberately never producing a single working artillery shell. Yes, [[CaptainObvious this is the same Schindler]] that Creator/StevenSpielberg [[SchindlersList wrote a film]] about. As depicted in the film, Schindler's argument for the essential nature of his child workers was that nobody else had small enough hands to polish the inside of 8.8cm shell casings. Fortunately for all involved, none of the SS guards he argued with had any background in munitions, and thus were unaware that artillery shells are not polished on the inside.

to:

* While not as outrageous as Wallenberg, Oskar Schindler's similar work on behalf of the Jews deserves recognition here. Schindler's CrowningMomentOfAwesome was successfully ''ordering'' Concentration Camp Authority security personnel to return a trainload of Jewish children en route to [[UsefulNotes/TheHolocaust the Auschwitz-II/Birkenau processing facility]] (where the 'unfit' would be euthanized) by lying about the SS Main Business Office having designated them "essential workers" (those with skills vital to Germany's war effort, and so even during ''Operation Reinhard'' could not legally be euthanized). "Essential workers" at a munitions factory that he operated for several years using (and protecting) many Jewish workers, while deliberately never producing a single working artillery shell. Yes, [[CaptainObvious this is the same Schindler]] that Creator/StevenSpielberg [[SchindlersList [[Film/SchindlersList wrote a film]] about. As depicted in the film, Schindler's argument for the essential nature of his child workers was that nobody else had small enough hands to polish the inside of 8.8cm shell casings. Fortunately for all involved, none of the SS guards he argued with had any background in munitions, and thus were unaware that artillery shells are not polished on the inside.
14th May '16 4:19:41 PM nombretomado
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* [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Algernon_Parsons Sir Charles Algernon Parsons]] [[KnightFever OM KCB FRS]] pulled one that very well could've gotten him blown to smithereens. After developing the steam turbine engine to a high level of practicality, he tried to sell the technology to the [[BritsWithBattleships Royal Navy]] for propelling warships, but they showed little interest. So, he had a small turbine-driven steam yacht, the ''[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Turbinia]]'' constructed, and proceeded to ''crash the Spithead Navy Review at [[QueenVicky Queen Victoria's]] Diamond Jubilee'', darting back and forth between the lines of battleships and easily outrunning the picket boats trying to catch him at the then-unbelievable speed of thirty-four knots (a high speed for a ship even today). With Her Majesty and her top naval officers sufficiently impressed, two turbine-equipped warships were built in the next two years.

to:

* [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Algernon_Parsons Sir Charles Algernon Parsons]] [[KnightFever [[UsefulNotes/KnightFever OM KCB FRS]] pulled one that very well could've gotten him blown to smithereens. After developing the steam turbine engine to a high level of practicality, he tried to sell the technology to the [[BritsWithBattleships Royal Navy]] for propelling warships, but they showed little interest. So, he had a small turbine-driven steam yacht, the ''[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Turbinia]]'' constructed, and proceeded to ''crash the Spithead Navy Review at [[QueenVicky Queen Victoria's]] Diamond Jubilee'', darting back and forth between the lines of battleships and easily outrunning the picket boats trying to catch him at the then-unbelievable speed of thirty-four knots (a high speed for a ship even today). With Her Majesty and her top naval officers sufficiently impressed, two turbine-equipped warships were built in the next two years.
13th May '16 11:18:24 AM MAI742
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* The Danish resistance as well: How do they save the country's thousands of Jews from deportation? What would be the most obvious plan? How about rowing them across to Sweden, through the Baltic Sea, effectively a German lake at this point? Sure, why the hell not, break out the kayaks lads. [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome It worked.]]
** It helped that the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%98resund Øresund strait]] between Zealand (Denmark) and Scania (Sweden) is only between 3.5 and 40 km (2.2 and 25 miles) wide, not to mention that there's a threshold just south of Copenhagen and Malmö which very effectively prevents any boats or ships going deeper than 9 metres (30 ft) from passing between the Baltic Sea proper and the narrower northern part of the strait that way, instead requiring them to go around Zealand. Also, the German navy was a lot less interested than the Gestapo in catching fleeing Jews, often turning a blind eye.

to:

* The Danish as well: not only di they ''actually want to save their Jews'' (you have no idea how rare that was), but their regional SSPF (Shutztaffeln und Polizei Fuehrer) ''supported their decision''. Not because he liked Jews, mind, but because his orders were "to remove the Jews question from Denmark" and he was opposed to the use of murder to do so (both on principle and for ideological reasons). The Danish resistance as well: How do they save sailed the country's thousands entire Jewish population of Jews from deportation? What would be the most obvious plan? How Denmark over to Sweden in one night while he sat by and let them do it. When Reinhard Heydrich found that he'd been completely cheated out of ''any'' role in rendering Denmark ''Judenrein'' (Jew-less/Jew-free), he threw a fit but was ultimately unable to do anything about rowing them across to Sweden, through it. As his boss Himmler pointed out, the Baltic Sea, effectively a German lake at this point? Sure, why Danish SSPF had followed his orders to the hell not, break out the kayaks lads. [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome It worked.]]
** It helped that the [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%98resund Øresund strait]] between Zealand (Denmark) and Scania (Sweden) is only between 3.5 and 40 km (2.2 and 25 miles) wide, not to mention that there's a threshold just south of Copenhagen and Malmö which very effectively prevents any boats or ships going deeper than 9 metres (30 ft) from passing between the Baltic Sea proper and the narrower northern part of the strait that way, instead requiring them to go around Zealand. Also, the German navy was a lot less interested than the Gestapo in catching fleeing Jews, often turning a blind eye.
letter.
13th May '16 10:54:42 AM MAI742
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* Swedish diplomat [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raoul_Wallenberg Raoul Wallenberg]] rescued as many as 100,000 Hungarian Jews from being deported to the concentration camps using nothing more than a printing press, his expense account, and sheer audacity. He rented 32 buildings in Budapest, declared them to be auxiliary embassy facilities -- technically Swedish territory, and therefore off limits to the Hungarians and their German allies -- and used them as safe houses. He also printed up thousands of "protective passports" identifying the bearers as Swedish citizens, and handed them out to every Hungarian Jew he met -- even, on one occasion, those locked in the boxcars on a train departing for Auschwitz! At one point, he ran on top of a train carrying Jews to be killed and stuffing papers into the cars that the Jews could use to semi-legally escape. While Nazis shot at him.

to:

* Swedish diplomat [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raoul_Wallenberg Raoul Wallenberg]] rescued prevented as many as 100,000 Hungarian Jews from being deported to the concentration camps ''Auschwitz-II''/''Birkenau [[UsefulNotes/TheHolocaust processing facility (for enslavement/euthanasia depending upon their fitness for work)]] using nothing more than a printing press, his expense account, and sheer audacity. He rented 32 buildings in Budapest, declared them to be auxiliary embassy facilities -- technically Swedish territory, and therefore off limits to the Hungarians and their German allies -- and used them as safe houses. He also printed up thousands of "protective passports" identifying the bearers as Swedish citizens, and handed them out to every Hungarian Jew he met -- even, on one occasion, those locked in the boxcars on a train departing for Auschwitz! At one point, he ran on top of a train carrying Jews to be killed and stuffing papers into the cars that the Jews could use to semi-legally escape. While Nazis shot at him.
13th May '16 10:52:14 AM MAI742
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* While not as outrageous as Wallenberg, Oskar Schindler's similar work on behalf of the Jews deserves recognition here. Schindler's CrowningMomentOfAwesome was successfully ''ordering'' Nazi soldiers to return a trainload of Jewish children en route to the death camps, through sheer force of personality, by declaring the children to be "essential workers" (a protected class of Jews with skills vital to Germany's war effort) in his munitions factory. A munitions factory that he operated for several years using (and protecting) many Jewish workers, while deliberately never producing a single working artillery shell. Yes, [[CaptainObvious this is the same Schindler]] that Creator/StevenSpielberg [[SchindlersList wrote a film]] about. As depicted in the film, Schindler's argument for the essential nature of his child workers was that nobody else had small enough hands to polish the inside of 8.8cm shell casings. Fortunately for all involved, none of the SS guards he argued with had any background in munitions, and thus were unaware that artillery shells are not polished on the inside.

to:

* While not as outrageous as Wallenberg, Oskar Schindler's similar work on behalf of the Jews deserves recognition here. Schindler's CrowningMomentOfAwesome was successfully ''ordering'' Nazi soldiers Concentration Camp Authority security personnel to return a trainload of Jewish children en route to [[UsefulNotes/TheHolocaust the death camps, through sheer force of personality, by declaring Auschwitz-II/Birkenau processing facility]] (where the children to 'unfit' would be euthanized) by lying about the SS Main Business Office having designated them "essential workers" (a protected class of Jews (those with skills vital to Germany's war effort) in his munitions factory. A effort, and so even during ''Operation Reinhard'' could not legally be euthanized). "Essential workers" at a munitions factory that he operated for several years using (and protecting) many Jewish workers, while deliberately never producing a single working artillery shell. Yes, [[CaptainObvious this is the same Schindler]] that Creator/StevenSpielberg [[SchindlersList wrote a film]] about. As depicted in the film, Schindler's argument for the essential nature of his child workers was that nobody else had small enough hands to polish the inside of 8.8cm shell casings. Fortunately for all involved, none of the SS guards he argued with had any background in munitions, and thus were unaware that artillery shells are not polished on the inside.
28th Apr '16 3:10:20 PM Dialh
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* In 2015, satirical website ''Waterford Whispers News'' published an article about billionaire Denis O'Brien joking about him going to prison in an AlternateHistory. The article featured O'Brien's face photoshopped onto the body of notorious gangster John Gilligan. O'Brien's lawyers promptly wrote to the website demanding they take the article down or face legal action. ''Waterford Whispers News'' responded by publishing an apology. [[CrowningMomentOfFunny To John Gilligan]].

to:

* In 2015, satirical website ''Waterford Whispers News'' published an article about billionaire Denis O'Brien joking about him going to prison in an AlternateHistory. The article featured O'Brien's face photoshopped onto the body of notorious gangster John Gilligan. O'Brien's lawyers promptly wrote to the website demanding they take the article down or face legal action. ''Waterford Whispers News'' responded by publishing an apology. [[CrowningMomentOfFunny To To]] [[InsultToRocks John Gilligan]].
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