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Changed line(s) 202,203 (click to see context) from:
The Emperor decides he had enough. He heals himself and gets off the Golden Throne, to the awe of all present. Magnus declares that he'll redeem himself and will sit on the Throne to power the Astronomicon and one of the Fabulous Custodes states that [[TemptingFate absolutely nothing could ruin this day]]. Suddenly, him and the other two are blown aside by fire. Kitten goes to check on them while Emperor and Magnus declare that ThisCannotBe. It turns out it can - it's Horus! The fallen Primarch explains that his undying wish to destroy his father has allowed him to return. The Emperor protests, but Horus knocks him aside and tells him that he has brought allies with him. As Magnus tries to weasel himself back into Horus' favors, the Primarch declares that he's the new Emperor.
to:
The Emperor decides he had enough. He heals himself and gets off the Golden Throne, to the awe of all present. Magnus declares that he'll redeem himself and will sit on the Throne to power the Astronomicon and one of the Fabulous Custodes states that [[TemptingFate absolutely nothing could ruin this day]]. Suddenly, him and the other two are blown aside by fire. Kitten goes to check on them while Emperor and Magnus declare that ThisCannotBe. It turns out it can - it's Horus! The fallen Primarch explains that his undying wish to destroy his father has allowed him to return.return LikeABadassOutOfHell. The Emperor protests, but Horus knocks him aside and tells him that he has brought allies with him. As Magnus tries to weasel himself back into Horus' favors, the Primarch declares that he's the new Emperor.
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Changed line(s) 77,78 (click to see context) from:
By the Golden Throne, the Emperor is laughing heavily, to the bafflement of Kitten, who can't understand what's so funny in the story of Blood Angels teaming up with the Necrons. He explains that before this event, they thought Necrons to be simply killer robot menace, but now it turns out there's more to them [[note]]This is actually a commentary on the canon, which first stated that Necrons were [[Franchise/{{Terminator}}]] {{Expy}}s, only to {{retcon}} them later into more complex race and society.[[/note]]. The Emperor is curious about [[PiecesOfGod C'Tan shards]] and resolves to ask Ultramarines to get him one later - only not the ones of the C'Tan who once came to [[MythologyGag Webway card games party]].[[note]]Reference to [[Website/FourChan /tg/]] headcanon that says that the Emperor, [[JerkassGods Tzeentch]], [[VillainousHarlequin Cegorach]] and [[TheStrategist Creed]] - Warhammer's top {{Magnificent Bastard}}s - are meeting in the Webway to play cards and chess.[[/note]]. The Kitten is curious about the card parties, but after a second, the conversation returns to the Necrons. The Emperor is not impressed by them and Kitten tells him the story of the [[ThatsNoMoon World Engine]], which the Emperor loves instantly. The Emperor then asks about [[GentlemanAdventurer Trazyn the Infinite]], approving of the Necron Lord's thieving ways. He decides he should steal all Trazyn's collection [[ItAmusedMe for the kicks]] and Kitten mentions that he knows a Space Marines Chapter who'd be great for the job.
to:
By the Golden Throne, the Emperor is laughing heavily, to the bafflement of Kitten, who can't understand what's so funny in the story of Blood Angels teaming up with the Necrons. He explains that before this event, they thought Necrons to be simply killer robot menace, but now it turns out there's more to them [[note]]This is actually a commentary on the canon, which first stated that Necrons were [[Franchise/{{Terminator}}]] {{Expy}}s, only to {{retcon}} them later into more complex race and society.[[/note]]. The Emperor is curious about [[PiecesOfGod C'Tan shards]] and resolves to ask Ultramarines to get him one later - only not the ones of the C'Tan who once came to [[MythologyGag Webway card games party]].[[note]]Reference party]][[note]]Reference to [[Website/FourChan /tg/]] headcanon that says that the Emperor, [[JerkassGods Tzeentch]], [[VillainousHarlequin Cegorach]] and [[TheStrategist Creed]] - Warhammer's top {{Magnificent Bastard}}s - are meeting in the Webway to play cards and chess.[[/note]]. The Kitten is curious about the card parties, but after a second, the conversation returns to the Necrons. The Emperor is not impressed by them and Kitten tells him the story of the [[ThatsNoMoon World Engine]], which the Emperor loves instantly. The Emperor then asks about [[GentlemanAdventurer Trazyn the Infinite]], approving of the Necron Lord's thieving ways. He decides he should steal all Trazyn's collection [[ItAmusedMe for the kicks]] and Kitten mentions that he knows a Space Marines Chapter who'd be great for the job.
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Changed line(s) 202 (click to see context) from:
to:
The Emperor decides he had enough. He heals himself and gets off the Golden Throne, to the awe of all present. Magnus declares that he'll redeem himself and will sit on the Throne to power the Astronomicon and one of the Fabulous Custodes states that [[TemptingFate absolutely nothing could ruin this day]]. Suddenly, him and the other two are blown aside by fire. Kitten goes to check on them while Emperor and Magnus declare that ThisCannotBe. It turns out it can - it's Horus! The fallen Primarch explains that his undying wish to destroy his father has allowed him to return. The Emperor protests, but Horus knocks him aside and tells him that he has brought allies with him. As Magnus tries to weasel himself back into Horus' favors, the Primarch declares that he's the new Emperor.
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Changed line(s) 206,208 (click to see context) from:
[[folder: Experiments with TTS device]]
!!The Emperor Experiments With His Text-To-Speech
!!The Emperor Experiments With His Text-To-Speech
to:
[[folder: Experiments with TTS device]]
!!The Emperor Experiments With His Text-To-Speech
Short 1: Kitten Gasping]]
!!Kitten Gasping
Kitten spends nearly a minute gasping, making strange noises and bending in physically impossible ways before stopping and declaring that he has apparently became [[Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda Link]] and that if he keeps it up, he'll wake up neighbor's baby. The Emperor, in pink baby cap, makes crying noises.
!!The Emperor Experiments With His Text-To-Speech
!!Kitten Gasping
Kitten spends nearly a minute gasping, making strange noises and bending in physically impossible ways before stopping and declaring that he has apparently became [[Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda Link]] and that if he keeps it up, he'll wake up neighbor's baby. The Emperor, in pink baby cap, makes crying noises.
Changed line(s) 212,214 (click to see context) from:
[[folder: Why Kitten Hates the Tau]]
!!Why Kitten Hates the Tau
!!Why Kitten Hates the Tau
to:
[[folder: Why Kitten Hates TTS Short 2: Experiments with TTS]]
!!The Emperor Experiments With His Text-To-Speech
The Emperor declares that he has just found out how to set his text-to-speech device to different voices. He proceeds to do just that, conversing with himself in two voices and then finding out a third one - feminine this time. The second-Emperor starts flirting with theTau]]
!!Why Kitten HatesEmpress, to original-Emperor's disgruntlement. The original-Emperor ends up sending the Tau
two "new Emperors" again and declares this feature of the device stupid.
!!The Emperor Experiments With His Text-To-Speech
The Emperor declares that he has just found out how to set his text-to-speech device to different voices. He proceeds to do just that, conversing with himself in two voices and then finding out a third one - feminine this time. The second-Emperor starts flirting with the
!!Why Kitten Hates
Changed line(s) 218,220 (click to see context) from:
[[folder: Kitten Gasping]]
!!Kitten Gasping
!!Kitten Gasping
to:
[[folder: TTS Short 3: Why Kitten Gasping]]
!!Kitten Gasping
Hates the Tau]]
!!Why Kitten Hates the Tau
The Emperor summons Kitten and tells him that he had found out why the Custodian hates the Tau so much. It turns out his artificial eye is a projector and he plays a film. In it, Kitten is talking with a Tau Etheral whom he loves, but she breaks up with him, claiming that she can't be with him ''and'' serve the Greater Good. When she leaves, Kitten releases BigNo and the film ends.
Back in the Imperial Palace, furious Captain-General screams that this is not canon.
----
!!Kitten Gasping
!!Why Kitten Hates the Tau
The Emperor summons Kitten and tells him that he had found out why the Custodian hates the Tau so much. It turns out his artificial eye is a projector and he plays a film. In it, Kitten is talking with a Tau Etheral whom he loves, but she breaks up with him, claiming that she can't be with him ''and'' serve the Greater Good. When she leaves, Kitten releases BigNo and the film ends.
Back in the Imperial Palace, furious Captain-General screams that this is not canon.
----
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Changed line(s) 190,191 (click to see context) from:
The Emperor begins with the Big Bang and the creation of the universe, atoms, planets and intelligent life. He talks about the first sentient creatures, the [[NeglectfulPrecursors Old Ones]], who proceed to [[AscendedToAHigherPlaneOfExistence Ascend To A Higher Plane Of Existence]], discovering the Realm of Souls. Then they help other races to gain sentience and Eldar appear - and proceed to multiply exponentially. The Necrontyr arrive and, due to their world's awful conditions, become more and more envious of others and emo. They decide to murder all life in the galaxy, but soon realize they're not very effective at it. However, they discover an intelligent gas and [[GoneHorriblyRight build it metal shells]], creating the C’Tan and worshiping them. The C'Tan pay them back by transforming them into mindless [[SkeleBot9000 Necrons]] to serve them and eating most of their souls. Then they start massacring the Old Ones. The remaining Old Ones decide to fight back and they create the [[OurOrksAreDifferent Krorks]] (later knows as Orks). The Krorks and Necrons battle each other and the Eldar, terrified that they'd be next, mix their technology with this of the Old Ones and create [[AppliedPhlebotinium Wraithbone]], which proves surprisingly effective against Necrons and C'Tan.
to:
The Emperor begins with the Big Bang and the creation of the universe, atoms, planets and intelligent life. He talks about the first sentient creatures, the [[NeglectfulPrecursors Old Ones]], who proceed to [[AscendedToAHigherPlaneOfExistence Ascend To A Higher Plane Of Existence]], discovering the Realm of Souls. Then they help other races to gain sentience and Eldar appear - and proceed to multiply exponentially. The Necrontyr arrive and, due to their world's awful conditions, become more and more envious of others and emo. They decide to murder all life in the galaxy, but soon realize they're not very effective at it. However, they discover an intelligent gas and [[GoneHorriblyRight build it metal shells]], creating the C’Tan and worshiping them. The C'Tan pay them back by transforming them into mindless [[SkeleBot9000 [[SkeleBot9000 Necrons]] to serve them and eating most of their souls. Then they start massacring the Old Ones. The remaining Old Ones decide to fight back and they create the [[OurOrksAreDifferent Krorks]] (later knows as Orks). The Krorks and Necrons battle each other and the Eldar, terrified that they'd be next, mix their technology with this of the Old Ones and create [[AppliedPhlebotinium [[AppliedPhlebotinum Wraithbone]], which proves surprisingly effective against Necrons and C'Tan.
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!Other videos in the continuity
[[folder: April Fool's Episode]]
!!The Final Episode (April Fool's)
----
[[/folder]]
[[folder: Experiments with TTS device]]
!!The Emperor Experiments With His Text-To-Speech
----
[[/folder]]
[[folder: Why Kitten Hates the Tau]]
!!Why Kitten Hates the Tau
----
[[/folder]]
[[folder: Kitten Gasping]]
!!Kitten Gasping
[[/folder]]
[[folder: April Fool's Episode]]
!!The Final Episode (April Fool's)
----
[[/folder]]
[[folder: Experiments with TTS device]]
!!The Emperor Experiments With His Text-To-Speech
----
[[/folder]]
[[folder: Why Kitten Hates the Tau]]
!!Why Kitten Hates the Tau
----
[[/folder]]
[[folder: Kitten Gasping]]
!!Kitten Gasping
[[/folder]]
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Changed line(s) 67 (click to see context) from:
Cut to the Golden Throne. Kitten is just finishing telling the Emperor about the Tyranids. His lord asks a few more questions, steering the conversation towards the Ultramarines. Kitten tells the story about the battle between Ultamarines Chapter Master Marneus Calgar and a Tyranid Swarmlord and the story briefly flashes back to the fight. The Kitten finishes telling the story, but when he mentions that ''Emperor''-class battleship sacrificed itself to stop the Hive Fleet, the Emperor goes [[UnstoppableRage absolutely berserk]] that instead of doing something reasonable, Calgar lost an irreplaceable ship to the Warp. For a moment, we can see a Dark Mechanicus excited by the aforementioned ship floating around the Warp. Back in the Golden Throne, the Emperor decides that the Ultramarines are to get Magnus back without their DeflectorShields and is rather enamored with the idea of HiveMind. He then suggests using [[MundaneSolution bug spray]] to kill Tyranids, but Kitten shoots down the idea. Then the conversation gets down to the subject of [[SkeleBot2000 Necrons]].
to:
Cut to the Golden Throne. Kitten is just finishing telling the Emperor about the Tyranids. His lord asks a few more questions, steering the conversation towards the Ultramarines. Kitten tells the story about the battle between Ultamarines Chapter Master Marneus Calgar and a Tyranid Swarmlord and the story briefly flashes back to the fight. The Kitten finishes telling the story, but when he mentions that ''Emperor''-class battleship sacrificed itself to stop the Hive Fleet, the Emperor goes [[UnstoppableRage absolutely berserk]] that instead of doing something reasonable, Calgar lost an irreplaceable ship to the Warp. For a moment, we can see a Dark Mechanicus excited by the aforementioned ship floating around the Warp. Back in the Golden Throne, the Emperor decides that the Ultramarines are to get Magnus back without their DeflectorShields and is rather enamored with the idea of HiveMind. He then suggests using [[MundaneSolution bug spray]] to kill Tyranids, but Kitten shoots down the idea. Then the conversation gets down to the subject of [[SkeleBot2000 [[SkeleBot9000 Necrons]].
Changed line(s) 186 (click to see context) from:
to:
The opening credits play and we start in the library of the Imperial Palace, where Magnus is performing some warpcraft experiment. Kitten comes in to make sure Magnus isn't trying to invite his daemon friends over for a party (and a trio of daemons hides from him), to Primarch's irritation. After a short conversation about trust, Magnus returns to his experiments. Finally, Captain-General asks what the Primarch is actually doing and Magnus explains that he's mostly researching, listening and observing the Warp. Kitten calls it heresy and [[InsufferableGenius Magnus]] loses both focus and patience, cursing Custodian's ignorance. The two start to argue and Magnus admits that Chaos' ObviouslyEvil appearance isn't helping their cause. He then asks whether there's more to Kitten's visit and Custodian admits that he came to ask Magnus whether he knows something about the Emperor's past and humanity's origin, as milleniums of serving him has made the Captain-General curious while everyone else has lost their minds. Magnus admits that he's of little help in that matter, and Kitten claims that no book in the Palace has any information whatsoever and he's not really sure if the Emperor would tell him. Magnus notes that father seems to like and trust Kitten and the two decide to go and ask.
The Emperor is surprised that everything regarding the times before the Imperium was censored and his questions about the times of humanity "actually kicking ass" are met with ChirpingCrickets. Faced with this, he orders Magnus to fetch something to write and starts telling the two the history of the universe, with intention of spreading it across the Imperium. Cue visuals.
The Emperor begins with the Big Bang and the creation of the universe, atoms, planets and intelligent life. He talks about the first sentient creatures, the [[NeglectfulPrecursors Old Ones]], who proceed to [[AscendedToAHigherPlaneOfExistence Ascend To A Higher Plane Of Existence]], discovering the Realm of Souls. Then they help other races to gain sentience and Eldar appear - and proceed to multiply exponentially. The Necrontyr arrive and, due to their world's awful conditions, become more and more envious of others and emo. They decide to murder all life in the galaxy, but soon realize they're not very effective at it. However, they discover an intelligent gas and [[GoneHorriblyRight build it metal shells]], creating the C’Tan and worshiping them. The C'Tan pay them back by transforming them into mindless [[SkeleBot9000 Necrons]] to serve them and eating most of their souls. Then they start massacring the Old Ones. The remaining Old Ones decide to fight back and they create the [[OurOrksAreDifferent Krorks]] (later knows as Orks). The Krorks and Necrons battle each other and the Eldar, terrified that they'd be next, mix their technology with this of the Old Ones and create [[AppliedPhlebotinium Wraithbone]], which proves surprisingly effective against Necrons and C'Tan.
The war starts to go badly for the C'Tan and some of them start to harvest the others of their race for their power to become stronger. This doesn't go all well and so they decide to back off and hide in their tomb worlds to wait for the universe to forget about them. Out of the story, Kitten notices that sometime during this period, the Necrons regained their consciousness and overthrown the C'Tan. The Emperor agrees and returns to the story.
After the war, all the dead and consumed souls turn the peaceful Realm of Souls into [[HyperspaceIsAScaryPlace Warp]] and first daemons emerge. Magnus notices that this puts the current war against Chaos into perspective, while Kitten wonders what humans were doing in this period. The Emperor continues his story: the mankind is busy being cavemen and the Eldar populate the galaxy once more, but ruin their reproductive cycle in the process. On Earth, human psykers emerge and start being eaten by the daemons. They decide, to defend themselves, to combine themselves into one entity - the Emperor.
The Emperor is surprised that everything regarding the times before the Imperium was censored and his questions about the times of humanity "actually kicking ass" are met with ChirpingCrickets. Faced with this, he orders Magnus to fetch something to write and starts telling the two the history of the universe, with intention of spreading it across the Imperium. Cue visuals.
The Emperor begins with the Big Bang and the creation of the universe, atoms, planets and intelligent life. He talks about the first sentient creatures, the [[NeglectfulPrecursors Old Ones]], who proceed to [[AscendedToAHigherPlaneOfExistence Ascend To A Higher Plane Of Existence]], discovering the Realm of Souls. Then they help other races to gain sentience and Eldar appear - and proceed to multiply exponentially. The Necrontyr arrive and, due to their world's awful conditions, become more and more envious of others and emo. They decide to murder all life in the galaxy, but soon realize they're not very effective at it. However, they discover an intelligent gas and [[GoneHorriblyRight build it metal shells]], creating the C’Tan and worshiping them. The C'Tan pay them back by transforming them into mindless [[SkeleBot9000 Necrons]] to serve them and eating most of their souls. Then they start massacring the Old Ones. The remaining Old Ones decide to fight back and they create the [[OurOrksAreDifferent Krorks]] (later knows as Orks). The Krorks and Necrons battle each other and the Eldar, terrified that they'd be next, mix their technology with this of the Old Ones and create [[AppliedPhlebotinium Wraithbone]], which proves surprisingly effective against Necrons and C'Tan.
The war starts to go badly for the C'Tan and some of them start to harvest the others of their race for their power to become stronger. This doesn't go all well and so they decide to back off and hide in their tomb worlds to wait for the universe to forget about them. Out of the story, Kitten notices that sometime during this period, the Necrons regained their consciousness and overthrown the C'Tan. The Emperor agrees and returns to the story.
After the war, all the dead and consumed souls turn the peaceful Realm of Souls into [[HyperspaceIsAScaryPlace Warp]] and first daemons emerge. Magnus notices that this puts the current war against Chaos into perspective, while Kitten wonders what humans were doing in this period. The Emperor continues his story: the mankind is busy being cavemen and the Eldar populate the galaxy once more, but ruin their reproductive cycle in the process. On Earth, human psykers emerge and start being eaten by the daemons. They decide, to defend themselves, to combine themselves into one entity - the Emperor.
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Changed line(s) 173,174 (click to see context) from:
The opening credits play and Kitten reports that he sent the Ultramarines their new orders and proposes to talk about something. The Emperor suggests the Tau, and Captain-General is visibly unhappy about it. The Emperor threatens him into obeying, though, and Kitten starts calmly, but gets increasingly angry as he keeps on talking and ends up ranting furiously about the Tau. The Emperor, quite surprised by Custodians' {{OOC}} behavior, asks about humans joining the Tau and then questions Kitten about some past experiences that would make him hate those xenos. Kitten replies that he'd rather not say, and asks the Emperor for the xenocide warrant to finish the Tau off.
to:
Changed line(s) 177,178 (click to see context) from:
Kitten tells the Emperor a story about how the Dark Eldar helped the Tau against the Tyranids, only to turn the Tau diplomats into their [[NauseaFuel Grotesques]] and raze the Tau planet to the ground. The Emperor suggests that the situation would turn out differently if the Tau had some melee weapons. As Kitten is triumphing, Magnus teleports in and tells the Emperor that he remembered about [[DefectorFromDecadence Commander Farsight]], who fights with a giant sword and rejected the [[MoreThanMindControl Etheral tyranny]]. The Emperor decides that he likes this and decides to lay foundations for Imperium-Farsight Enclaves alliance, to Kitten's disgruntlement.
to:
Kitten tells the Emperor a story about how the [[AlwaysChaoticEvil Dark Eldar Eldar]] helped the Tau against the Tyranids, only to turn the Tau diplomats into their [[NauseaFuel Grotesques]] and raze the Tau planet to the ground. The Emperor suggests that the situation would turn out differently if the Tau had some melee weapons. As Kitten is triumphing, Magnus teleports in and tells the Emperor that he remembered about [[DefectorFromDecadence Commander Farsight]], who fights with a giant sword and rejected the [[MoreThanMindControl Etheral tyranny]]. The Emperor decides that he likes this and decides resolves to lay foundations for Imperium-Farsight Enclaves alliance, to Kitten's disgruntlement.
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Changed line(s) 171,172 (click to see context) from:
Three Adeptus Mechanicus land on a desert world in search of an STC. They hope to find GreatBigBookOfEverything, Omnicopaeia, but instead, they encounter what appears to be a giant speakers. They decide to bring in more Adepts. Meanwhile, Cypher watches them from high above.
to:
Three Adeptus Mechanicus land on a desert world in search of an STC. They hope to find GreatBigBookOfEverything, Omnicopaeia, but instead, they encounter what appears to be a giant speakers.loudspeakers. They decide to bring in more Adepts. Meanwhile, Cypher watches them from high above.
Changed line(s) 177,178 (click to see context) from:
Kitten tells the Emperor a story about how the Dark Eldar helped the Tau against the Tyranids, only to turn the Tau diplomats into their [[NauseaFuel Grotesques]] and raze the Tau planet to the ground. The Emperor suggests that the situation would turn out differently if the Tau had some melee weapons. As Kitten is triumphing, Magnus teleports in and tells the Emperor that he remembered about [[DefectorFromDecadence Commander Farsight]], who fights with a giant sword and rejected the [[MoreThanBrainwashing Etheral tyranny]]. The Emperor decides that he likes this and decides to lay foundations for Imperium-Farsight Enclaves alliance, to Kitten's disgruntlement.
to:
Kitten tells the Emperor a story about how the Dark Eldar helped the Tau against the Tyranids, only to turn the Tau diplomats into their [[NauseaFuel Grotesques]] and raze the Tau planet to the ground. The Emperor suggests that the situation would turn out differently if the Tau had some melee weapons. As Kitten is triumphing, Magnus teleports in and tells the Emperor that he remembered about [[DefectorFromDecadence Commander Farsight]], who fights with a giant sword and rejected the [[MoreThanBrainwashing [[MoreThanMindControl Etheral tyranny]]. The Emperor decides that he likes this and decides to lay foundations for Imperium-Farsight Enclaves alliance, to Kitten's disgruntlement.
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Added DiffLines:
Three Adeptus Mechanicus land on a desert world in search of an STC. They hope to find GreatBigBookOfEverything, Omnicopaeia, but instead, they encounter what appears to be a giant speakers. They decide to bring in more Adepts. Meanwhile, Cypher watches them from high above.
The opening credits play and Kitten reports that he sent the Ultramarines their new orders and proposes to talk about something. The Emperor suggests the Tau, and Captain-General is visibly unhappy about it. The Emperor threatens him into obeying, though, and Kitten starts calmly, but gets increasingly angry as he keeps on talking and ends up ranting furiously about the Tau. The Emperor, quite surprised by Custodians' {{OOC}} behavior, asks about humans joining the Tau and then questions Kitten about some past experiences that would make him hate those xenos. Kitten replies that he'd rather not say, and asks the Emperor for the xenocide warrant to finish the Tau off.
The Emperor nearly gives it when Magnus runs in and presents an alternative, friendlier and less spiteful view of the Tau, to Kitten's barely-concealed fury. Magnus suggests that the Emperor could use Tau and manipulate them - as a naive, but quickly-progressing race - into working for him. The Emperor has his doubts, but Magnus assures him it's possible. Kitten protests, claiming that Tau work only for their ideology, but the Emperor suggests he could ''become'' their Greater Good. Kitten continues to bring up more reason to hate Tau, but the Emperor shoots them all down. Finally, the Captain-General brings up his trump card - the Tau [[SeriousBusiness can't fight in melee]]. The Emperor, hearing this, launches into UnstoppableRage and Kitten goes with the punch, goading the Emperor against the Tau. The Emperor decides that he can't associate himself with such dishonorable creatures and as Kitten offers that he can go on the crusade against the Tau by himself, Magnus leaves in disgust.
Kitten tells the Emperor a story about how the Dark Eldar helped the Tau against the Tyranids, only to turn the Tau diplomats into their [[NauseaFuel Grotesques]] and raze the Tau planet to the ground. The Emperor suggests that the situation would turn out differently if the Tau had some melee weapons. As Kitten is triumphing, Magnus teleports in and tells the Emperor that he remembered about [[DefectorFromDecadence Commander Farsight]], who fights with a giant sword and rejected the [[MoreThanBrainwashing Etheral tyranny]]. The Emperor decides that he likes this and decides to lay foundations for Imperium-Farsight Enclaves alliance, to Kitten's disgruntlement.
In the Inquisition's south pole base, Karamazov is still bitter over the "corruption" of Terra and its highest officials. Dominique tries to cheer him up and Karamazov notes that they're about to do what would probably be called a heresy, but is not, [[TautologicalTemplar because it's Inquisition who'll do this]]. Dominique, cheerful, points out that they have a lot of Inquisitorial Ordos to back them up and proceeds to list them off. Karamazov rants about how they're going to charge down the Eternity Gate and find whoever sent the disbanding message and after he finishes, Dominique [[DeadpanSnarker snarks]] that the man should just preach his enemies to death.
The opening credits play and Kitten reports that he sent the Ultramarines their new orders and proposes to talk about something. The Emperor suggests the Tau, and Captain-General is visibly unhappy about it. The Emperor threatens him into obeying, though, and Kitten starts calmly, but gets increasingly angry as he keeps on talking and ends up ranting furiously about the Tau. The Emperor, quite surprised by Custodians' {{OOC}} behavior, asks about humans joining the Tau and then questions Kitten about some past experiences that would make him hate those xenos. Kitten replies that he'd rather not say, and asks the Emperor for the xenocide warrant to finish the Tau off.
The Emperor nearly gives it when Magnus runs in and presents an alternative, friendlier and less spiteful view of the Tau, to Kitten's barely-concealed fury. Magnus suggests that the Emperor could use Tau and manipulate them - as a naive, but quickly-progressing race - into working for him. The Emperor has his doubts, but Magnus assures him it's possible. Kitten protests, claiming that Tau work only for their ideology, but the Emperor suggests he could ''become'' their Greater Good. Kitten continues to bring up more reason to hate Tau, but the Emperor shoots them all down. Finally, the Captain-General brings up his trump card - the Tau [[SeriousBusiness can't fight in melee]]. The Emperor, hearing this, launches into UnstoppableRage and Kitten goes with the punch, goading the Emperor against the Tau. The Emperor decides that he can't associate himself with such dishonorable creatures and as Kitten offers that he can go on the crusade against the Tau by himself, Magnus leaves in disgust.
Kitten tells the Emperor a story about how the Dark Eldar helped the Tau against the Tyranids, only to turn the Tau diplomats into their [[NauseaFuel Grotesques]] and raze the Tau planet to the ground. The Emperor suggests that the situation would turn out differently if the Tau had some melee weapons. As Kitten is triumphing, Magnus teleports in and tells the Emperor that he remembered about [[DefectorFromDecadence Commander Farsight]], who fights with a giant sword and rejected the [[MoreThanBrainwashing Etheral tyranny]]. The Emperor decides that he likes this and decides to lay foundations for Imperium-Farsight Enclaves alliance, to Kitten's disgruntlement.
In the Inquisition's south pole base, Karamazov is still bitter over the "corruption" of Terra and its highest officials. Dominique tries to cheer him up and Karamazov notes that they're about to do what would probably be called a heresy, but is not, [[TautologicalTemplar because it's Inquisition who'll do this]]. Dominique, cheerful, points out that they have a lot of Inquisitorial Ordos to back them up and proceeds to list them off. Karamazov rants about how they're going to charge down the Eternity Gate and find whoever sent the disbanding message and after he finishes, Dominique [[DeadpanSnarker snarks]] that the man should just preach his enemies to death.
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Changed line(s) 147 (click to see context) from:
Continuation of ''Fifteenth Son''
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Continuation of ''Fifteenth Son''''The Fifteenth Son''.
On Macragge, an Ultramarine reports the success of Primarch-capturing mission to his Chapter Master. Calgar vents his frustration on him and the Ultramarine leaves. The Chapter Master, clearly suffering from glory withdrawal and complaining that nothing is satisfying anymore to him, sulks for a moment in the company of captain Uriel Ventris. Just as he decides that the day [[TemptingFate isn't completely ruined yet]], [[GloryHound Cato Sicarius]] bursts in and proceeds to take all the glory for Magnus' capture for himself. Calgar is getting increasingly furious and when Sicarius says that the losses they have taken were acceptable, kicks the Marine out. Ventris notices that there seems to be a particular... [[MarySue theme]] to the Ultramarines Chapter.
The opening credits play and we're back in the Imperial Palace, where Magnus has a moment of doubt, only to decide that the Emperor is just another person trying to control him. To gain his trust, the Emperor proposes that he'll reclaim the Primarch's soul from Tzeentch. When Magnus calls it impossible, Emperor collects shattered pieces of his psyche to prove him wrong. In the Warp, he goes to Tzeentch and tries negotiations, but Tzeentch keeps on trolling him, so the Emperor pokes Chaos God with his sword until Tzeentch is annoyed enough to give Magnus' soul back.
In the Palace, Magnus is surprised that this worked, even if Emperor's soul split a hundred more times in the process. The Emperor assures him that as long as he stays withing the palace, Magnus is free of Tzeentch's influence and after some more suspicions, Magnus decides to trust him after all, although he still questions how his father would know that the Primarch won't betray him again. The Emperor reveals that he knows about all bad stuff Tzeentch leveled on Magnus, because he read about it on Spessbook.
Cue an online chatroom in the Warp where the discussion between Chaos Gods about Emperor stealing Magnus' soul turns into exchange of insults.
Back in the Palace, Magnus asks whether the Emperor knows how bad the Empire went after his near-death and the Emperor admits that not really, but the (very self-satisfied) Kitten is extremely helpful with filling in the blanks. When Magnus expresses his disbelief, the Emperor says that it's probable that some parts of his mind and soul ''do'' know some things, but by now they're so spread out and shattered that most of it doesn't reach him. Magnus thens asks why, if the Emperor has the Custodian, the Primarch is here and Emperor promises to tell him in due time. Magnus protests and finally both of them admit that LikeFatherLikeSon is in effect. The conversation gets down to the subject of Magnus' ex-first captain, Azhek Ahriman, and the Primarch assures him that the man is no threat.
Cue to Ahriman himself, who has just managed to find the repository of all knowledge, the Black Library. Before he can enter, though, Eldar god [[VillainousHarlequin Cegorach]] stops him and questions Ahriman for his library card. After some confusion, the captain realizes that Cegorach is toying with him and gets thrown out of the Black Library.
On Terra, Magnus assures the Emperor once again that Ahriman can't succeed and asks what his purpose in the Palace is. The Emperor reveals his plans: to bring back all of his sons, reshape the Imperium once again and lead humanity into the age of galactic dominance and prosperity. Magnus, impressed, decides to aid his father in this cause and the Emperor decides that it's a good moment to bond with his son. He gives Magnus a jetbike and the overjoyed Primarch leaves to test it.
Now alone with Kitten, the Emperor questions the Captain-General about the fate of Vulkan. Upon learning about the nine artifacts that should bring the Salamanders' Primarch back, he decides to order the Ultramarines to find them and plant them so that the Salamanders could find them easily despite the risk of bringing down their wrath if they found out about the ruse.
Outside, Magnus accidentally [[BlackComedy runs over]] a couple of kids playing around. Meanwhile, in the Warp, a message from Warmaster Abaddon himself comes to Ahriman.
On Macragge, an Ultramarine reports the success of Primarch-capturing mission to his Chapter Master. Calgar vents his frustration on him and the Ultramarine leaves. The Chapter Master, clearly suffering from glory withdrawal and complaining that nothing is satisfying anymore to him, sulks for a moment in the company of captain Uriel Ventris. Just as he decides that the day [[TemptingFate isn't completely ruined yet]], [[GloryHound Cato Sicarius]] bursts in and proceeds to take all the glory for Magnus' capture for himself. Calgar is getting increasingly furious and when Sicarius says that the losses they have taken were acceptable, kicks the Marine out. Ventris notices that there seems to be a particular... [[MarySue theme]] to the Ultramarines Chapter.
The opening credits play and we're back in the Imperial Palace, where Magnus has a moment of doubt, only to decide that the Emperor is just another person trying to control him. To gain his trust, the Emperor proposes that he'll reclaim the Primarch's soul from Tzeentch. When Magnus calls it impossible, Emperor collects shattered pieces of his psyche to prove him wrong. In the Warp, he goes to Tzeentch and tries negotiations, but Tzeentch keeps on trolling him, so the Emperor pokes Chaos God with his sword until Tzeentch is annoyed enough to give Magnus' soul back.
In the Palace, Magnus is surprised that this worked, even if Emperor's soul split a hundred more times in the process. The Emperor assures him that as long as he stays withing the palace, Magnus is free of Tzeentch's influence and after some more suspicions, Magnus decides to trust him after all, although he still questions how his father would know that the Primarch won't betray him again. The Emperor reveals that he knows about all bad stuff Tzeentch leveled on Magnus, because he read about it on Spessbook.
Cue an online chatroom in the Warp where the discussion between Chaos Gods about Emperor stealing Magnus' soul turns into exchange of insults.
Back in the Palace, Magnus asks whether the Emperor knows how bad the Empire went after his near-death and the Emperor admits that not really, but the (very self-satisfied) Kitten is extremely helpful with filling in the blanks. When Magnus expresses his disbelief, the Emperor says that it's probable that some parts of his mind and soul ''do'' know some things, but by now they're so spread out and shattered that most of it doesn't reach him. Magnus thens asks why, if the Emperor has the Custodian, the Primarch is here and Emperor promises to tell him in due time. Magnus protests and finally both of them admit that LikeFatherLikeSon is in effect. The conversation gets down to the subject of Magnus' ex-first captain, Azhek Ahriman, and the Primarch assures him that the man is no threat.
Cue to Ahriman himself, who has just managed to find the repository of all knowledge, the Black Library. Before he can enter, though, Eldar god [[VillainousHarlequin Cegorach]] stops him and questions Ahriman for his library card. After some confusion, the captain realizes that Cegorach is toying with him and gets thrown out of the Black Library.
On Terra, Magnus assures the Emperor once again that Ahriman can't succeed and asks what his purpose in the Palace is. The Emperor reveals his plans: to bring back all of his sons, reshape the Imperium once again and lead humanity into the age of galactic dominance and prosperity. Magnus, impressed, decides to aid his father in this cause and the Emperor decides that it's a good moment to bond with his son. He gives Magnus a jetbike and the overjoyed Primarch leaves to test it.
Now alone with Kitten, the Emperor questions the Captain-General about the fate of Vulkan. Upon learning about the nine artifacts that should bring the Salamanders' Primarch back, he decides to order the Ultramarines to find them and plant them so that the Salamanders could find them easily despite the risk of bringing down their wrath if they found out about the ruse.
Outside, Magnus accidentally [[BlackComedy runs over]] a couple of kids playing around. Meanwhile, in the Warp, a message from Warmaster Abaddon himself comes to Ahriman.
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[[folder: Season One]]
!!Episode 1: Adorable Centurion (Remake)
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!Season 1
[[folder:Season One]]
Episode 1: Adorable Centurion]]
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[[folder: Episode 2: Religiosity]]
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[[folder: Episode 3: The Age of Apostasy]]
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[[folder: Episode 6: High Lords of Terra]]
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[[folder: Episode 7: Fabulous Custodes]]
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[[folder: Episode 9: Necrons]]
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[[folder: Episode 10: Bold and Foolish]]
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!Season Two
[[folder:Season Two]]
Episode 11: Intervention]]
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[[folder: Episode 12: Primarch Pessimism]]
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[[folder: Episode 13: The Fifteenth Son]]
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[[folder: Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers]]
[[folder: Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers]]
Continuation of ''Fifteenth Son''
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[[folder: Episode 15: Tau]]
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!!Episode 16: Universal History with Professor Emperor
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After the TitleSequence, we begin at some SlippySlideyIceWorld as two Ultramarines are waiting for someone from Terra. A moment later the Fabulous Custodes arrive. The Marines pass them a huge golden box with [[AntiMagic Blanks]] strapped to it and leave. A moment later, Custodes take the box and get back to Terra.
By the Golden Throne, Kitten congratulates the Emperor for his [[TakeOurWordForIt touching]] tales about Primarch's virtues and the Emperor complains about the pain of sitting on the Golden Throne. A second later, the Custodes burst in with the box. They want the Emperor to take one of them as his new caretaker again, and when he yet again refuses, they exit the scene, leaving the box behind. The Emperor orders the Captain-General to open the box and back off. Kitten obliges.
After a second, absolutely furious Magnus jumps out, threatening to kill whoever put him into the box. The Emperor makes his presence known and Magnus recognizes him with shock. The Emperor mocks him and Magnus rants about his psyker powers. To his ire, his father is not in the least impressed and continues mocking him, to which Magnus replies with CallingTheOldManOut, finishing with stating that now he's the master of his own destiny. The Emperor notices that ever since his deal with Tzeentch, Magnus hasn't been the master of anything his and that the {{Jerkass God|s}} played him like a puppet. Magnus disagrees and flashes back to the past.
In the past, on Prospero, Magnus is running a research into the Warp, but considers just letting it go and stopping. However, Tzeentch shows up and claims that he has a valuable information. The Chaos God taunts and mocks Magnus until the Primarch listens to him, then tells him about Horus' incoming betrayal.
Back in the present, the Emperor mocks Magnus' attempts to have his vengeance, noting that Magnus can't hurt him any more than he already did and that it's Primarch's fault that his father is permanently stuck on the Golden Throne. Magnus protests and says that he was trying to ''save'' the Emperor and that "lord" Tzeentch simply... he can't finish and flashes back.
In the past, Magnus is trying to warn his father about Horus, but can't cross a wall that shields the Imperial Palace and the feeble Webway project. Tzeentch appears again and offers help, but Magnus resolves not to try, as he's sure there's a reason for wall's existence. Tzeentch mocks this approach, calling him "daddy's boy" and suggesting that [[TheRival Leman]] would do a better job, which is enough to goad Magnus into accepting power boost from the Chaos God. Triumphant, he breaks the wall and is on his way when [[ZergRush hordes of daemons]] follow him and infest the Imperial Palace. Nevertheless, he tries to warn his father, only to ran away when he notices that the Emperor is absolutely furious with him.
In the present, Magnus realizes with shock that the Emperor's right and Tzeentch did, indeed, play him. The Emperor explains to him that if it wasn't for Primarch's actions, he would probably still be able to walk and act and says that his ban on using pyker powers was not bullying Magnus, but preparing him for something greater. Magnus retorts that the Emperor still should've told his sons about Chaos, but Emperor states that the risk was to great, especially seeing how Magnus is [[CuriosityIsACrapshoot too curious for his own good]]. Magnus says that on his own planet, curiosity was a virtue, and accuses the Emperor of ordering the destruction of Prospero. However, the Emperor explains that he ordered Magnus ''arrested'' and that Horus changed his message so that Leman would burn the planet instead. He hammers down his point: it was Horus and Tzeentch who played Magnus, and now the Emperor wants to give the Primarch a second chance.
By the Golden Throne, Kitten congratulates the Emperor for his [[TakeOurWordForIt touching]] tales about Primarch's virtues and the Emperor complains about the pain of sitting on the Golden Throne. A second later, the Custodes burst in with the box. They want the Emperor to take one of them as his new caretaker again, and when he yet again refuses, they exit the scene, leaving the box behind. The Emperor orders the Captain-General to open the box and back off. Kitten obliges.
After a second, absolutely furious Magnus jumps out, threatening to kill whoever put him into the box. The Emperor makes his presence known and Magnus recognizes him with shock. The Emperor mocks him and Magnus rants about his psyker powers. To his ire, his father is not in the least impressed and continues mocking him, to which Magnus replies with CallingTheOldManOut, finishing with stating that now he's the master of his own destiny. The Emperor notices that ever since his deal with Tzeentch, Magnus hasn't been the master of anything his and that the {{Jerkass God|s}} played him like a puppet. Magnus disagrees and flashes back to the past.
In the past, on Prospero, Magnus is running a research into the Warp, but considers just letting it go and stopping. However, Tzeentch shows up and claims that he has a valuable information. The Chaos God taunts and mocks Magnus until the Primarch listens to him, then tells him about Horus' incoming betrayal.
Back in the present, the Emperor mocks Magnus' attempts to have his vengeance, noting that Magnus can't hurt him any more than he already did and that it's Primarch's fault that his father is permanently stuck on the Golden Throne. Magnus protests and says that he was trying to ''save'' the Emperor and that "lord" Tzeentch simply... he can't finish and flashes back.
In the past, Magnus is trying to warn his father about Horus, but can't cross a wall that shields the Imperial Palace and the feeble Webway project. Tzeentch appears again and offers help, but Magnus resolves not to try, as he's sure there's a reason for wall's existence. Tzeentch mocks this approach, calling him "daddy's boy" and suggesting that [[TheRival Leman]] would do a better job, which is enough to goad Magnus into accepting power boost from the Chaos God. Triumphant, he breaks the wall and is on his way when [[ZergRush hordes of daemons]] follow him and infest the Imperial Palace. Nevertheless, he tries to warn his father, only to ran away when he notices that the Emperor is absolutely furious with him.
In the present, Magnus realizes with shock that the Emperor's right and Tzeentch did, indeed, play him. The Emperor explains to him that if it wasn't for Primarch's actions, he would probably still be able to walk and act and says that his ban on using pyker powers was not bullying Magnus, but preparing him for something greater. Magnus retorts that the Emperor still should've told his sons about Chaos, but Emperor states that the risk was to great, especially seeing how Magnus is [[CuriosityIsACrapshoot too curious for his own good]]. Magnus says that on his own planet, curiosity was a virtue, and accuses the Emperor of ordering the destruction of Prospero. However, the Emperor explains that he ordered Magnus ''arrested'' and that Horus changed his message so that Leman would burn the planet instead. He hammers down his point: it was Horus and Tzeentch who played Magnus, and now the Emperor wants to give the Primarch a second chance.
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The Emperor finally manages to calm down enough to stop blasting Kitten with Warp storms and angrily lists down his traitorous sons. Captain-General tries to cheer him up with his loyal sons, but the Emperor calls it not enough, confident that he was a good father to them. He proceeds to rant, one by one, about traitors' flaws. Kitten notes that at least those pure, noble and flawless remained with him, but Emperor disagrees and names the [[BigScrewedUpFamily flaws of all of them]] - with sole exception of [[ParentalFavoritism Sanguinus]], whom he defends when Kittens asks about him. The Captain-General asks about the [[TheUnperson two missing Primarchs]] and the Emperor declares sternly that they are not to be talked about. Kitten, then, asks why the traitors betrayed their father and Emperor says that it was either through [[TheCorrupter Lorgar]] or because he didn't tell them why he returned to Terra. When Captain-General asks about the latter, the Emperor starts saying that he couldn't tell them that he [[FreudianSlip wanted to get access to Eldar prostitutes]] before correcting himself and saying that he couldn't tell them that he wanted to get access to Eldar Webway. Kitten, internally confused for a moment, asks whether there was something ''good'' about the Primarchs and Emperor says that actually, yes, and starts telling him about it.
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The Emperor finally manages to calm down enough to stop blasting Kitten with Warp storms and angrily lists down his traitorous sons. Captain-General tries to cheer him up with his loyal sons, but the Emperor calls it not enough, confident that he was a good father to them. He proceeds to rant, one by one, about traitors' flaws. Kitten notes that at least those pure, noble and flawless remained with him, but Emperor disagrees and names the [[BigScrewedUpFamily flaws of all of them]] - with sole exception of [[ParentalFavoritism Sanguinus]], whom he defends when Kittens asks about him. The Captain-General asks about the [[TheUnperson [[{{Unperson}} two missing Primarchs]] and the Emperor declares sternly that they are not to be talked about. Kitten, then, asks why the traitors betrayed their father and Emperor says that it was either through [[TheCorrupter Lorgar]] or because he didn't tell them why he returned to Terra. When Captain-General asks about the latter, the Emperor starts saying that he couldn't tell them that he [[FreudianSlip wanted to get access to Eldar prostitutes]] before correcting himself and saying that he couldn't tell them that he wanted to get access to Eldar Webway. Kitten, internally confused for a moment, asks whether there was something ''good'' about the Primarchs and Emperor says that actually, yes, and starts telling him about it.
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In the Inquisition's EvilLair in the South Pole, Karamazov is leveling curses on the Custodes, still convinced that there's a Chaos incursion going on. He keeps up the HolierThanThou attitude and orders Dominique to summon the entire Inquisition to Terra. As the annoying right-hand man hastens to oblige, the Inquisitor muses whether or not he'll have to [[ColonyDrop Exterminatus]] the planet.
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In the Inquisition's EvilLair SupervillainLair in the South Pole, Karamazov is leveling curses on the Custodes, still convinced that there's a Chaos incursion going on. He keeps up the HolierThanThou attitude and orders Dominique to summon the entire Inquisition to Terra. As the annoying right-hand man hastens to oblige, the Inquisitor muses whether or not he'll have to [[ColonyDrop Exterminatus]] the planet.
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The opening credits with their [[AwesomeMusic awesome]] ThemeTune make their debut, to [[MediumAwareness immediate surprise]] of the Emperor. Him and Kitten are both in the Golden Throne's hall and the Captain-General is asking why the Emperor didn't use his telepathy more often. The Emperor, annoyed, explains that it's really straining on the mind now that his soul is splintered into thousand pieces. The two discuss the constant pain the Emperor feels on the Golden Throne and he mentions his itching, even if nonexistent, nose.
Cut to the Warp, where [[JerkassGods Tzeentch]] congratulates [[NauseaFuel Nurgle]] on giving the Emperor this never-ending itching and foresees that soon the [[TheRedBaron Anathema]] will join them as the new Chaos God because he won't be able to stand it anymore.
Back in the Imperial Palace, Kitten notes that this is probably the reason why the Emperor is such a SirSwearsALot and suggests changing the subjects... to the [[BerserkButton Traitor Legions]]. Cue UnstoppableRage.
''Meanwhile, on Mars, three Adeptus Mechanicus are discussing a newly discovered LostTechnology in Orion Subsector.''
The Emperor finally manages to calm down enough to stop blasting Kitten with Warp storms and angrily lists down his traitorous sons. Captain-General tries to cheer him up with his loyal sons, but the Emperor calls it not enough, confident that he was a good father to them. He proceeds to rant, one by one, about traitors' flaws. Kitten notes that at least those pure, noble and flawless remained with him, but Emperor disagrees and names the [[BigScrewedUpFamily flaws of all of them]] - with sole exception of [[ParentalFavoritism Sanguinus]], whom he defends when Kittens asks about him. The Captain-General asks about the [[TheUnperson two missing Primarchs]] and the Emperor declares sternly that they are not to be talked about. Kitten, then, asks why the traitors betrayed their father and Emperor says that it was either through [[TheCorrupter Lorgar]] or because he didn't tell them why he returned to Terra. When Captain-General asks about the latter, the Emperor starts saying that he couldn't tell them that he [[FreudianSlip wanted to get access to Eldar prostitutes]] before correcting himself and saying that he couldn't tell them that he wanted to get access to Eldar Webway. Kitten, internally confused for a moment, asks whether there was something ''good'' about the Primarchs and Emperor says that actually, yes, and starts telling him about it.
Cut to the Warp, where [[JerkassGods Tzeentch]] congratulates [[NauseaFuel Nurgle]] on giving the Emperor this never-ending itching and foresees that soon the [[TheRedBaron Anathema]] will join them as the new Chaos God because he won't be able to stand it anymore.
Back in the Imperial Palace, Kitten notes that this is probably the reason why the Emperor is such a SirSwearsALot and suggests changing the subjects... to the [[BerserkButton Traitor Legions]]. Cue UnstoppableRage.
''Meanwhile, on Mars, three Adeptus Mechanicus are discussing a newly discovered LostTechnology in Orion Subsector.''
The Emperor finally manages to calm down enough to stop blasting Kitten with Warp storms and angrily lists down his traitorous sons. Captain-General tries to cheer him up with his loyal sons, but the Emperor calls it not enough, confident that he was a good father to them. He proceeds to rant, one by one, about traitors' flaws. Kitten notes that at least those pure, noble and flawless remained with him, but Emperor disagrees and names the [[BigScrewedUpFamily flaws of all of them]] - with sole exception of [[ParentalFavoritism Sanguinus]], whom he defends when Kittens asks about him. The Captain-General asks about the [[TheUnperson two missing Primarchs]] and the Emperor declares sternly that they are not to be talked about. Kitten, then, asks why the traitors betrayed their father and Emperor says that it was either through [[TheCorrupter Lorgar]] or because he didn't tell them why he returned to Terra. When Captain-General asks about the latter, the Emperor starts saying that he couldn't tell them that he [[FreudianSlip wanted to get access to Eldar prostitutes]] before correcting himself and saying that he couldn't tell them that he wanted to get access to Eldar Webway. Kitten, internally confused for a moment, asks whether there was something ''good'' about the Primarchs and Emperor says that actually, yes, and starts telling him about it.
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A small WhamEpisode and the continuation of ''Bold And Foolish''.
In the Imperial Senate, Descius tries to stop Karamazov from killing everyone present. The Inquisitor, however, is still confident that he's saving the Imperium and orders the Ecclesiarch to lead him to the Emperor. When Descius disagrees, Karamazov prepares to kill him and the High Lords. He's stopped by [[BigDamnHeroes the arrival]] of Kitten. Karamazov is surprised by Custodes' presence and after a short moment of confusion, Kitten [[TheReveal reveals]] himself to be no one else but the [[AuthorityEqualsAsskicking Captain-General]] of the Adeptus Custodes - a fact which, apparently, even his fellow Custodes were unaware of. Karamazov demands to know what's Captain-General's purpose in the Senate, but then decides to enter the palace anyway. He is, however, surrounded by Kitten's Custodes and Captain-General explains that the Emperor's text-to-speech device enabled him to speak again, to the awe of all present. Descius asks why nobody else was informed about this before and Kitten explains that only now the Emperor ordered it. Just as he prepares to arrest the Inquisitor, Karamazov protests and decides that [[VillainousBreakdown it was a lie and the Custodes are all heretics]]. Kitten loses his patience and prepares to have the Inquisitor blown to smithereens...
...the Emperor, however, contacts him telepathically and tells him to let the man go. Slightly surprised, Kitten obliges. Everyone is confused and before leaving, Karamazov promises Captain-General that WeWillMeetAgain. Descius is furious with this development, but calms down once he learns that it was Emperor's order and decides that it's time to prepare Terra for Karamazov's inevitable counterattack. The Emperor, however, contacts Kitten again and tells him to sweep the whole affair under the rug. Descius reluctantly agrees and him and Captain-General part in good spirits.
In the Inquisition's EvilLair in the South Pole, Karamazov is leveling curses on the Custodes, still convinced that there's a Chaos incursion going on. He keeps up the HolierThanThou attitude and orders Dominique to summon the entire Inquisition to Terra. As the annoying right-hand man hastens to oblige, the Inquisitor muses whether or not he'll have to [[ColonyDrop Exterminatus]] the planet.
On the Golden Throne, the Emperor is getting bored out of his mind and reminiscences about good old times. He wonders whether he shouldn't have revealed himself earlier, but in the end, decides that it doesn't matter and that everything is going JustAsPlanned.
In the Imperial Senate, Descius tries to stop Karamazov from killing everyone present. The Inquisitor, however, is still confident that he's saving the Imperium and orders the Ecclesiarch to lead him to the Emperor. When Descius disagrees, Karamazov prepares to kill him and the High Lords. He's stopped by [[BigDamnHeroes the arrival]] of Kitten. Karamazov is surprised by Custodes' presence and after a short moment of confusion, Kitten [[TheReveal reveals]] himself to be no one else but the [[AuthorityEqualsAsskicking Captain-General]] of the Adeptus Custodes - a fact which, apparently, even his fellow Custodes were unaware of. Karamazov demands to know what's Captain-General's purpose in the Senate, but then decides to enter the palace anyway. He is, however, surrounded by Kitten's Custodes and Captain-General explains that the Emperor's text-to-speech device enabled him to speak again, to the awe of all present. Descius asks why nobody else was informed about this before and Kitten explains that only now the Emperor ordered it. Just as he prepares to arrest the Inquisitor, Karamazov protests and decides that [[VillainousBreakdown it was a lie and the Custodes are all heretics]]. Kitten loses his patience and prepares to have the Inquisitor blown to smithereens...
...the Emperor, however, contacts him telepathically and tells him to let the man go. Slightly surprised, Kitten obliges. Everyone is confused and before leaving, Karamazov promises Captain-General that WeWillMeetAgain. Descius is furious with this development, but calms down once he learns that it was Emperor's order and decides that it's time to prepare Terra for Karamazov's inevitable counterattack. The Emperor, however, contacts Kitten again and tells him to sweep the whole affair under the rug. Descius reluctantly agrees and him and Captain-General part in good spirits.
In the Inquisition's EvilLair in the South Pole, Karamazov is leveling curses on the Custodes, still convinced that there's a Chaos incursion going on. He keeps up the HolierThanThou attitude and orders Dominique to summon the entire Inquisition to Terra. As the annoying right-hand man hastens to oblige, the Inquisitor muses whether or not he'll have to [[ColonyDrop Exterminatus]] the planet.
On the Golden Throne, the Emperor is getting bored out of his mind and reminiscences about good old times. He wonders whether he shouldn't have revealed himself earlier, but in the end, decides that it doesn't matter and that everything is going JustAsPlanned.
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The Emperor wonders how the Imperium has survived for ten thousand years without him and learns that humanity preserved and applied his teachings. He expresses relief that it didn't turn into some religious, megalomaniac, war-torn nightmare. After a moment, he learns that that the Imperium did, in fact, turn into religious, megalomaniac, war-torn nightmare. The Custodian tries to reassure him [[ComicallyMissingThePoint with tales of Inquisition and Ecclesiarchy]], which has the opposite effect, prompting Emperor's [[UnstoppableRage rage]]. After calming down, he tells the Custodian that he banished all religions for a reason. The summons his Centurion and asks the Custodian about the Age of Apostasy.
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The Emperor wonders how the Imperium has survived for ten thousand years without him and learns that humanity preserved and applied his teachings. He expresses relief that it didn't turn into some religious, megalomaniac, war-torn nightmare. After a moment, he learns that that the Imperium did, in fact, turn into religious, megalomaniac, war-torn nightmare. The Custodian tries to reassure him [[ComicallyMissingThePoint with tales of Inquisition and Ecclesiarchy]], which has the opposite effect, prompting Emperor's [[UnstoppableRage rage]]. After calming down, he tells the Custodian that he banished all religions for a reason. The He summons his Centurion and asks the Custodian about the Age of Apostasy.
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By the Golden Throne, the Emperor is laughing heavily, to the bafflement of Kitten, who can't understand what's so funny in the story of Blood Angels teaming up with the Necrons. The Emperor can't really understand how something like this is even possible. The Kitten explains that before this event, they thought Necrons to be simply killer robot menace, but now it turns out there's more to them [[note]]This is actually a commentary on the canon, which first stated that Necrons were [[Franchise/{{Terminator}}]] {{Expy}}s, only to {{retcon}} them later into more complex race and society.[[/note]]. The Emperor is curious about [[PiecesOfGod C'Tan shards]] and resolves to ask Ultramarines to get him one later - only not the ones of the C'Tan who once came to [[MythologyGag Webway card games party]].[[note]]Reference to [[Website/FourChan /tg/]] headcanon that says that the Emperor, [[JerkassGods Tzeentch]], [[VillainousHarlequin Cegorach]] and [[TheStrategist Creed]] - Warhammer's top {{Magnificent Bastard}}s - are meeting in the Webway to play cards and chess.[[/note]]. The Kitten is curious about the card parties, but after a second, the conversation returns to the Necrons. The Emperor is not impressed by them and Kitten tells him the story of the [[ThatsNoMoon World Engine]], which the Emperor loves instantly. The Kitten then tells him about the fight against the World Engine. The Emperor is pleased by it, then asks about [[GentlemanAdventurer Trazyn the Infinite]], approving of the Necron Lord's thieving ways. He decides he should steal all Trazyn's collection [[ItAmusedMe for the kicks]] and Kitten mentions that he know a Space Marines Chapter who'd be great for the job.
to:
By the Golden Throne, the Emperor is laughing heavily, to the bafflement of Kitten, who can't understand what's so funny in the story of Blood Angels teaming up with the Necrons. The Emperor can't really understand how something like this is even possible. The Kitten He explains that before this event, they thought Necrons to be simply killer robot menace, but now it turns out there's more to them [[note]]This is actually a commentary on the canon, which first stated that Necrons were [[Franchise/{{Terminator}}]] {{Expy}}s, only to {{retcon}} them later into more complex race and society.[[/note]]. The Emperor is curious about [[PiecesOfGod C'Tan shards]] and resolves to ask Ultramarines to get him one later - only not the ones of the C'Tan who once came to [[MythologyGag Webway card games party]].[[note]]Reference to [[Website/FourChan /tg/]] headcanon that says that the Emperor, [[JerkassGods Tzeentch]], [[VillainousHarlequin Cegorach]] and [[TheStrategist Creed]] - Warhammer's top {{Magnificent Bastard}}s - are meeting in the Webway to play cards and chess.[[/note]]. The Kitten is curious about the card parties, but after a second, the conversation returns to the Necrons. The Emperor is not impressed by them and Kitten tells him the story of the [[ThatsNoMoon World Engine]], which the Emperor loves instantly. The Kitten then tells him about the fight against the World Engine. The Emperor is pleased by it, then asks about [[GentlemanAdventurer Trazyn the Infinite]], approving of the Necron Lord's thieving ways. He decides he should steal all Trazyn's collection [[ItAmusedMe for the kicks]] and Kitten mentions that he know knows a Space Marines Chapter who'd be great for the job.
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Terra stands in ruins. A random [[JudgeJuryAndExecutioner Inquisitor]] and imperial citizen stage a short parody of ''[[Film/LesMiserables2012 Les Miserables]]'' before the former is ran over by familiar Inquisitors running to Karamazov. Meanwhile, the man himself is being annoyed by the antics of both the High Lords and his right-hand man, Dominique. He's saved from his misery by the arrival of Inquisitors, who tell him about their meeting with the Custodes. Karamazov, shocked, decides to storm the Imperial Palace and take down all the "heretical" Custodes, but Descius stops him before he can move out.
In the hall of the Golden Throne, Kitten is telling the Emperor about the Literature/BloodRavens, but forgets their name, to Emperor's annoyance. The Emperor, however, notices that they are a Chapter and asks about their Legion, prompting Kitten's explanation on the Second Founding - bringing more of Emperor's ire. The Custodian mentions the division of Legions into Chapters and the sheer number of Chapters in the galaxy. The Emperor reacts with BigWhat and rants about the counter-productiveness and dangers of that move. We briefly flash to a bunch of weird Chapters' Marines playing poker before returning to the Golden Throne, where the Emperor reminds Kitten to cut Guilliman's life support, the idea the Custodian is not very happy about. He remembers the Blood Ravens' name, but just as he's about to say it, the other Custodes burst in. They talk about the Inquisition and Terra burning and Kitten leaves for the Imperial Senate to stop the Inquisitorial Representative from razing the planet.
In the Senate, Descius vents his rage on Karamazov, who's full of HolierThanThou attitude. The Ecclesiarch forbids the Inquisitor from entering the Palace and summons the [[JustYouAndMeAndMyGuards guards]]. However, Lord Inquisitor's throne proves to be somewhat better-armed than Descius expected and easily blows his enemies away. The episode [[{{Cliffhanger}} ends]] as Karamazov prepares to enter the Imperial Palace, convinced that he's the only one who can save the Emperor.
In the hall of the Golden Throne, Kitten is telling the Emperor about the Literature/BloodRavens, but forgets their name, to Emperor's annoyance. The Emperor, however, notices that they are a Chapter and asks about their Legion, prompting Kitten's explanation on the Second Founding - bringing more of Emperor's ire. The Custodian mentions the division of Legions into Chapters and the sheer number of Chapters in the galaxy. The Emperor reacts with BigWhat and rants about the counter-productiveness and dangers of that move. We briefly flash to a bunch of weird Chapters' Marines playing poker before returning to the Golden Throne, where the Emperor reminds Kitten to cut Guilliman's life support, the idea the Custodian is not very happy about. He remembers the Blood Ravens' name, but just as he's about to say it, the other Custodes burst in. They talk about the Inquisition and Terra burning and Kitten leaves for the Imperial Senate to stop the Inquisitorial Representative from razing the planet.
In the Senate, Descius vents his rage on Karamazov, who's full of HolierThanThou attitude. The Ecclesiarch forbids the Inquisitor from entering the Palace and summons the [[JustYouAndMeAndMyGuards guards]]. However, Lord Inquisitor's throne proves to be somewhat better-armed than Descius expected and easily blows his enemies away. The episode [[{{Cliffhanger}} ends]] as Karamazov prepares to enter the Imperial Palace, convinced that he's the only one who can save the Emperor.
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Cut to the Golden Throne. Kitten is just finishing telling the Emperor about the Tyranids. His lord asks a few more questions, steering the conversation towards the Ultramarines. Kitten tells the story about the battle between Ultamarines Chapter Master Marneus Calgar and a Tyranid Swarmlord and the story briefly flashes back to the fight. The Kitten finishes telling the story, but when he mentions that ''Emperor''-class battleship sacrificed itself to stop the Hive Fleet, the Emperor goes [[UnstoppableRage absolutely berserk]] that instead of doing something reasonable, Calgar lost an irreplaceable ship to the Warp. For a moment, we can see a Dark Mechanicus excited by the aforementioned ship floating around the Warp. Back in the Golden Throne, the Emperor decides that the Ultramarines are to get Magnus back without their DeflectorShields and is rather enamored with the idea of HiveMind. He then suggests using [[MundaneSolution bug spray]] to kill Tyranids, but Kitten shoots down the idea. Then the conversation get down to the subject of [[SkeleBot2000 Necrons]].
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Cut to the Golden Throne. Kitten is just finishing telling the Emperor about the Tyranids. His lord asks a few more questions, steering the conversation towards the Ultramarines. Kitten tells the story about the battle between Ultamarines Chapter Master Marneus Calgar and a Tyranid Swarmlord and the story briefly flashes back to the fight. The Kitten finishes telling the story, but when he mentions that ''Emperor''-class battleship sacrificed itself to stop the Hive Fleet, the Emperor goes [[UnstoppableRage absolutely berserk]] that instead of doing something reasonable, Calgar lost an irreplaceable ship to the Warp. For a moment, we can see a Dark Mechanicus excited by the aforementioned ship floating around the Warp. Back in the Golden Throne, the Emperor decides that the Ultramarines are to get Magnus back without their DeflectorShields and is rather enamored with the idea of HiveMind. He then suggests using [[MundaneSolution bug spray]] to kill Tyranids, but Kitten shoots down the idea. Then the conversation get gets down to the subject of [[SkeleBot2000 Necrons]].
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Somewhere in the Orion Subsector, Cypher is talking to himself about his ominous plan. He takes a second to [[VocalDissonance squeal and giggle]] about it and then hopes that [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall no one saw him]].
On Earth, the situation is getting grim as Karamazov musters Inquisition's forces and gets ready to purge humanity's homeworld. In the Senate, [[OnlySaneMan Descius]] tries to make the Lord realize the idiocy of the effort as the Lords of Terra are malfunctioning and barely noticing that something's going on, but to no avail. Finally, he makes Karamazov promise that the man won't spill blood on Imperium's most holy planet and the Inquisitor agrees - then tells his subordinates [[ExactWords to burn suspects instead]].
By the Golden Throne, the Emperor is laughing heavily, to the bafflement of Kitten, who can't understand what's so funny in the story of Blood Angels teaming up with the Necrons. The Emperor can't really understand how something like this is even possible. The Kitten explains that before this event, they thought Necrons to be simply killer robot menace, but now it turns out there's more to them [[note]]This is actually a commentary on the canon, which first stated that Necrons were [[Franchise/{{Terminator}}]] {{Expy}}s, only to {{retcon}} them later into more complex race and society.[[/note]]. The Emperor is curious about [[PiecesOfGod C'Tan shards]] and resolves to ask Ultramarines to get him one later - only not the ones of the C'Tan who once came to [[MythologyGag Webway card games party]].[[note]]Reference to [[Website/FourChan /tg/]] headcanon that says that the Emperor, [[JerkassGods Tzeentch]], [[VillainousHarlequin Cegorach]] and [[TheStrategist Creed]] - Warhammer's top {{Magnificent Bastard}}s - are meeting in the Webway to play cards and chess.[[/note]]. The Kitten is curious about the card parties, but after a second, the conversation returns to the Necrons. The Emperor is not impressed by them and Kitten tells him the story of the [[ThatsNoMoon World Engine]], which the Emperor loves instantly. The Kitten then tells him about the fight against the World Engine. The Emperor is pleased by it, then asks about [[GentlemanAdventurer Trazyn the Infinite]], approving of the Necron Lord's thieving ways. He decides he should steal all Trazyn's collection [[ItAmusedMe for the kicks]] and Kitten mentions that he know a Space Marines Chapter who'd be great for the job.
Meanwhile, [[MoodWhiplash Terra is burning]]. A random woman is running away before being stopped by the Inquisition. She's saved from painful investigation by the semi-naked Custodians, who explain to the Inquisitors that the message was actually sent by the Emperor. The Inquisitors [[ThisCannotBe don't believe them]] and conclude that the Custodians must be heretics, then leave to tell Karamazov about this.
On Earth, the situation is getting grim as Karamazov musters Inquisition's forces and gets ready to purge humanity's homeworld. In the Senate, [[OnlySaneMan Descius]] tries to make the Lord realize the idiocy of the effort as the Lords of Terra are malfunctioning and barely noticing that something's going on, but to no avail. Finally, he makes Karamazov promise that the man won't spill blood on Imperium's most holy planet and the Inquisitor agrees - then tells his subordinates [[ExactWords to burn suspects instead]].
By the Golden Throne, the Emperor is laughing heavily, to the bafflement of Kitten, who can't understand what's so funny in the story of Blood Angels teaming up with the Necrons. The Emperor can't really understand how something like this is even possible. The Kitten explains that before this event, they thought Necrons to be simply killer robot menace, but now it turns out there's more to them [[note]]This is actually a commentary on the canon, which first stated that Necrons were [[Franchise/{{Terminator}}]] {{Expy}}s, only to {{retcon}} them later into more complex race and society.[[/note]]. The Emperor is curious about [[PiecesOfGod C'Tan shards]] and resolves to ask Ultramarines to get him one later - only not the ones of the C'Tan who once came to [[MythologyGag Webway card games party]].[[note]]Reference to [[Website/FourChan /tg/]] headcanon that says that the Emperor, [[JerkassGods Tzeentch]], [[VillainousHarlequin Cegorach]] and [[TheStrategist Creed]] - Warhammer's top {{Magnificent Bastard}}s - are meeting in the Webway to play cards and chess.[[/note]]. The Kitten is curious about the card parties, but after a second, the conversation returns to the Necrons. The Emperor is not impressed by them and Kitten tells him the story of the [[ThatsNoMoon World Engine]], which the Emperor loves instantly. The Kitten then tells him about the fight against the World Engine. The Emperor is pleased by it, then asks about [[GentlemanAdventurer Trazyn the Infinite]], approving of the Necron Lord's thieving ways. He decides he should steal all Trazyn's collection [[ItAmusedMe for the kicks]] and Kitten mentions that he know a Space Marines Chapter who'd be great for the job.
Meanwhile, [[MoodWhiplash Terra is burning]]. A random woman is running away before being stopped by the Inquisition. She's saved from painful investigation by the semi-naked Custodians, who explain to the Inquisitors that the message was actually sent by the Emperor. The Inquisitors [[ThisCannotBe don't believe them]] and conclude that the Custodians must be heretics, then leave to tell Karamazov about this.
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Season finale.
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Cut to Terra and some SceneryPorn of the Imperial Palace. To the bafflement of the High Lords of Terra, Karamazov and the Ecclesiarch (whose name is Descius) are arguing about an old matter. Finally, Descius loses his patience and demands to know why the Lord Inquisitor has come to Terra. Karamazov tells him about disbandment message and his suspicions about a heretic hiding in the heart of the Imperium. The two reluctantly agree that it's their common problem and Descius asks again about Karamazov's purpose on Terra.
Cut to the Golden Throne.
''To be continued''
Cut to the Golden Throne.
''To be continued''
to:
Cut to Terra and some SceneryPorn of the Imperial Palace. To the bafflement of the High Lords of Terra, Karamazov and the Ecclesiarch (whose name is Descius) are arguing about an [[NoodleIncident old matter.matter]]. Finally, Descius loses his patience and demands to know why the Lord Inquisitor has come to Terra. Karamazov tells him about disbandment message and his suspicions about a heretic hiding in the heart of the Imperium. The two reluctantly agree that it's their common problem and Descius asks again about Karamazov's purpose on Terra.
Cut to the Golden Throne. \n\n''To be continued''\n Kitten is just finishing telling the Emperor about the Tyranids. His lord asks a few more questions, steering the conversation towards the Ultramarines. Kitten tells the story about the battle between Ultamarines Chapter Master Marneus Calgar and a Tyranid Swarmlord and the story briefly flashes back to the fight. The Kitten finishes telling the story, but when he mentions that ''Emperor''-class battleship sacrificed itself to stop the Hive Fleet, the Emperor goes [[UnstoppableRage absolutely berserk]] that instead of doing something reasonable, Calgar lost an irreplaceable ship to the Warp. For a moment, we can see a Dark Mechanicus excited by the aforementioned ship floating around the Warp. Back in the Golden Throne, the Emperor decides that the Ultramarines are to get Magnus back without their DeflectorShields and is rather enamored with the idea of HiveMind. He then suggests using [[MundaneSolution bug spray]] to kill Tyranids, but Kitten shoots down the idea. Then the conversation get down to the subject of [[SkeleBot2000 Necrons]].
Cut to the Golden Throne.
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Changed line(s) 41 (click to see context) from:
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We see [[WildCard Cypher]], who declares ominously that "it begins" and that "it's time to do something inexplicable".
Cut to Terra and some SceneryPorn of the Imperial Palace. To the bafflement of the High Lords of Terra, Karamazov and the Ecclesiarch (whose name is Descius) are arguing about an old matter. Finally, Descius loses his patience and demands to know why the Lord Inquisitor has come to Terra. Karamazov tells him about disbandment message and his suspicions about a heretic hiding in the heart of the Imperium. The two reluctantly agree that it's their common problem and Descius asks again about Karamazov's purpose on Terra.
Cut to the Golden Throne.
''To be continued''
Cut to Terra and some SceneryPorn of the Imperial Palace. To the bafflement of the High Lords of Terra, Karamazov and the Ecclesiarch (whose name is Descius) are arguing about an old matter. Finally, Descius loses his patience and demands to know why the Lord Inquisitor has come to Terra. Karamazov tells him about disbandment message and his suspicions about a heretic hiding in the heart of the Imperium. The two reluctantly agree that it's their common problem and Descius asks again about Karamazov's purpose on Terra.
Cut to the Golden Throne.
''To be continued''
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Changed line(s) 36 (click to see context) from:
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The Emperor demands to know what happened to the other Custodes. Upon learning that they're guarding the palace, he orders them to "go out and be useful", as they're probably the best-armed force in the galaxy. The Custodian tells him that after the Heresy, they have "redefined" the use of their armor and sinks down with awkward silence. The Emperor, now [[ThisIsGonnaSuck suspicious]], orders him to fetch some of the other Custodes. The Custodian does so and, well... He's presented with three MachoCamp men with bulging, oiled muscles and hardly any armor on. They mock the Custodian, reminding themselves that they used to call him "Little Kitten". As the Emperor is attempting to cope with surreality of what he's seeing, the Custodes suggest that they could become his new caretakers, an offer The Emperor is quick to dismiss. He asks what they actually do and when he learns that the answer is "pretty much nothing", he gives them a short WhatTheHellHero and orders them to get a hundred other Custodians and go do something for the Imperium.
After the trio leaves, the "Kitten"[[note]]To whom we'll refer as such in the following recaps to distinguish him from other Custodes[[/note]] is ordered by the Emperor to stay by his side to tell him "stupid shit [he] can complain about" and the Emperor asks him about the Tyranids.
After the trio leaves, the "Kitten"[[note]]To whom we'll refer as such in the following recaps to distinguish him from other Custodes[[/note]] is ordered by the Emperor to stay by his side to tell him "stupid shit [he] can complain about" and the Emperor asks him about the Tyranids.
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On Ultramarines homeworld of Macragge, the Astartes are delighted to have a mission from Holy Terra and an opportunity to prove themselves yet again. On Terra, though, the Emperor is not so delighted, as Ultramarines' chanting is giving him headaches. The Custodian raises his objection to the whole idea and the Emperor's counter-argument leads to comically touching moment between the two of them as the Custodian refers to the Emperor as "Dad".
Cut to High Lords of Terra as the Master of Administratum opens the discussion on the "most pressing matter"... whether or not to ban laxatives for everyone but them. The Commander of the Imperial Guard manages to dissuade the other three from the idea just in time for the OnlySaneMan, the Ecclesiarch, to show up. He demands to know why the rest would send the disbanding order, but they don't know a thing about it. Short discussion leads them nowhere and the Ecclesiarch prepares to leave when it's announced that the Inquisitorial Representative has arrived. No one's happy and upon learning that the newcomer is Karamazov, the Ecclesiarch is furious.
Back by the Golden Throne, the Custodian is curious about the message Magnus was trying to send to the Emperor, which was the reason why the Primarch was banished. He (correctly) guesses that the sorcerer was trying to warn his father about Horus' fall and the chain of thought leads him to deciding that everything is [[SinisterMinister Erebus]]' and [[PoisonousFriend Kor Phaeron]]'s fault. The Emperor calls it ridiculous and repeats that everything is Magnus' fault. He then asks why the Custodian is the only member of his order that the Emperor ever sees.
Cut to High Lords of Terra as the Master of Administratum opens the discussion on the "most pressing matter"... whether or not to ban laxatives for everyone but them. The Commander of the Imperial Guard manages to dissuade the other three from the idea just in time for the OnlySaneMan, the Ecclesiarch, to show up. He demands to know why the rest would send the disbanding order, but they don't know a thing about it. Short discussion leads them nowhere and the Ecclesiarch prepares to leave when it's announced that the Inquisitorial Representative has arrived. No one's happy and upon learning that the newcomer is Karamazov, the Ecclesiarch is furious.
Back by the Golden Throne, the Custodian is curious about the message Magnus was trying to send to the Emperor, which was the reason why the Primarch was banished. He (correctly) guesses that the sorcerer was trying to warn his father about Horus' fall and the chain of thought leads him to deciding that everything is [[SinisterMinister Erebus]]' and [[PoisonousFriend Kor Phaeron]]'s fault. The Emperor calls it ridiculous and repeats that everything is Magnus' fault. He then asks why the Custodian is the only member of his order that the Emperor ever sees.
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!Season 1
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[[folder: Season One]]
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!Season 2
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[[folder: Season Two]]
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!!Episode 16: Universal History with Professor Emperor
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!!Episode 16: Universal History with Professor EmperorEmperor
[[/folder]]
[[/folder]]
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Changed line(s) 15,16 (click to see context) from:
The Custodian tries hard not to tell the Emperor about the Holy Inqusition and ultimately fails. One explanation later, the scene briefly cuts to a bunch of Imperial Guard soldiers in the middle of a Warp storm before returning to the Emperor, who is shocked and outraged at what the Empire has become. The Custodian tries to show the Emperor the brighter sides of the Inquisition and how their action have saved the Empire, which ultimately fails because the Emperor doesn't know what [[ZergRush Tyranid]] are and is [[CallBack still disgusted]] by Grey Knights' Dreadnight. The Custodian tries to talk about other stories, but ultimately ends up [[DiggingYourselfDeeper Digging Himself Deeper]] and the Emperor orders the Inquisition to be disbanded. As the Custodian leaves to send the message, the Emperor wonders what made the Inquisition come into being and realizes with terror that it was [[GoodChancellor Malcador]].
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The Custodian tries hard not to tell the Emperor about the Holy Inqusition and ultimately fails. One explanation later, the scene briefly cuts to a bunch of Imperial Guard soldiers in the middle of a Warp storm before returning to the Emperor, who is shocked and outraged at what the Empire has become. The Custodian tries to show the Emperor the brighter sides of the Inquisition and how their action have saved the Empire, which ultimately fails because the Emperor doesn't know what [[ZergRush Tyranid]] are and is [[CallBack still disgusted]] by Grey Knights' Dreadnight. The Custodian tries to talk about other stories, but ultimately ends up [[DiggingYourselfDeeper Digging Himself Deeper]] and the Emperor orders the Inquisition to be disbanded. As the Custodian leaves to send the message, the Emperor wonders what made the Inquisition come into being and realizes with terror that it was [[GoodChancellor [[TheGoodChancellor Malcador]].
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The Custodian returns to the Golden Throne to report the message being sent, but finds the Emperor lost in thought. The Master of Mankind remembers that he ordered his most trusted servant, Malcador, to find twelve people who would start the organization which would watch eternally over the Imperium. Upon reporting success, Malcador performs his final sacrifice by taking the place at the Golden Throne to let the Emperor battle Horus and the Emperor calls him [[TitleDrop Malcador the Hero]].
Cut to the present as worried Custodian is poking the Emperor to get some reaction and is Psyker-Powers-PunchedAcrossTheRoom for his trouble. The Emperor, annoyed for interrupting his {{Flashback}}, disses the Inquisition and glorifies Malcador some more before concluding that everything is [[TheUnfavorite Magnus]]' fault. Upon learning that the sorcerer is still alive, he sends Ultramarines after him and wonders how the disbanding is going.
Meanwhile, Karamazov is convinced that there is a heretic, masquerading as the God-Emperor, on Terra. After a discussion with his fellow Inquisitors, they decide to go to humanity's homeworld and obtain Lords of Terra's permission to cleanse it.
Cut to the present as worried Custodian is poking the Emperor to get some reaction and is Psyker-Powers-PunchedAcrossTheRoom for his trouble. The Emperor, annoyed for interrupting his {{Flashback}}, disses the Inquisition and glorifies Malcador some more before concluding that everything is [[TheUnfavorite Magnus]]' fault. Upon learning that the sorcerer is still alive, he sends Ultramarines after him and wonders how the disbanding is going.
Meanwhile, Karamazov is convinced that there is a heretic, masquerading as the God-Emperor, on Terra. After a discussion with his fellow Inquisitors, they decide to go to humanity's homeworld and obtain Lords of Terra's permission to cleanse it.
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[[MeanwhileScene Meanwhile]], Lord Inquisitor [[BloodKnight Karamazov]] get the Emperor's message and goes absolutely berserk.
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Changed line(s) 12,13 (click to see context) from:
The episode starts with the Emperor expressing his disbelief at "nutty cultists" turning the Emperor worship into state religion. As the Custodian tries to apologize, the Emperor further questions the sanity of people who let one man become the head of both Administratum and Ecclesiarchy, and notes that "Goge Vandire" is one of the NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast and yet [[GenreBlind no one noticed this]].
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The episode starts with the Emperor expressing expresses his disbelief at with "nutty cultists" turning the Emperor worship into creating state religion. As the Custodian tries to apologize, the Emperor further questions the sanity of people who let one man become the head of both Administratum and Ecclesiarchy, and notes that "Goge Vandire" is one of the NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast and yet [[GenreBlind no one noticed this]].
this]]. The Custodian apologizes yet again and flashbacks to the Age of Apostasy when he convinces an Emperor's Bride commander (who seems to be [[ILoveTheDead infatuated with Emperor's corpse]]) to take action, which [[EasyEvangelism doesn't take]] all that much convincing. She proceeds to give Vandire an off-screen TheReasonYouSuckSpeech and behead him. Back in the present, the Emperor remembers the creepily-staring girl and learns about Adeptus Sororitas. He quickly asks whether they are female Space Marines and is visibly relieved upon finding out that no, they aren't.
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The episode starts with the Emperor expressing his disbelief at "nutty cultists" turning the Emperor worship into state religion. As the Custodian tries to apologize, the Emperor further questions the sanity of people who let one man become the head of both Administratum and Ecclesiarchy, and notes that "Goge Vandire" is one of the NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast and yet [[GenreBlind no one noticed this]].
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A Recap page for Bruva Alfabusa's WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice. Work very much in progress.
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A Recap page for Bruva Alfabusa's WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice. [[CaptainObvious Spoilers abound]]. Work very much in progress.
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In the hall of the Golden Throne, the Custodian frets about the text-to-speech device that is being implemented. The Mechanicus priest assures him that all is fine. The Custodian is briefly tempted to take off his armor like others did, but stops himself in time and goes to the Golden Throne to attempt to speak with the Emperor. After a second of technical problems the Emperor does, indeed, speak, and starts to vent his frustration at the universe at large. The conversation between him and Custodian devolves to discussion about the Ultramarines before stupendified Custiodian tries to cheer the Emperor up with the Grey Knights. The Emperor, however, is less than thrilled by the Dreadknight. When the Centurion comes in to deposit of the metal monstrosity, however, the Emperor declares it cute and orders it to come to his lap. The Custodian regains his composture and declares what just happened the start of something ''absolutely glorious''.
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In the hall of the Golden Throne, the Custodian frets about the text-to-speech device that is being implemented. The Mechanicus priest assures him that all is fine. The Custodian is briefly tempted to take off his armor like others did, but stops himself in time and goes to the Golden Throne to attempt to speak with the Emperor. After a second few seconds of technical problems the Emperor does, indeed, speak, and starts to vent his frustration at the universe at large. The conversation between him and Custodian devolves to discussion about the Ultramarines before stupendified Custiodian tries to cheer the Emperor up with the Grey Knights. The Emperor, however, is less than thrilled by [[HumongousMecha the Dreadknight. Dreadknight]]. When the Centurion comes in to deposit dispose of the metal monstrosity, however, the Emperor declares it cute and orders it to come to his lap. The Custodian regains his composture composure and declares what just happened the start of something ''absolutely glorious''.
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Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
A Recap page for Bruva Alfabrusa's WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice. Work very much in progress.
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A Recap page for Bruva Alfabrusa's Alfabusa's WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice. Work very much in progress.
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In the hall of the Golden Throne, the Custodian frets about the text-to-speech device that is being implemented. The Mechanicus priest assures him that all is fine. The Custodian is briefly tempted to take off his armor like others did, but stops himself in time and goes to the Golden Throne to attempt to speak with the Emperor. After a second of technical problems the Emperor does, indeed, speak, and starts to vent his frustration at the universe at large. The conversation between him and Custodian devolves to discussion about the Ultramarines before stupendified Custiodian tries to cheer the Emperor up with the Grey Knights. The Emperor, however, is less than thrilled by the Dreadknight. When the Centurion comes in to deposit of the metal monstrosity, however, the Emperor declares it cute and orders it to come to his lap. The Custodian regains his composture and declares what just happened the start of something ''absolutely glorious''.
Added DiffLines:
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Added DiffLines:
A Recap page for Bruva Alfabrusa's WebVideo/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice. Work very much in progress.
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!Season 1
!!Episode 1: Adorable Centurion (Remake)
!!Episode 2: Religiosity
!!Episode 3: The Age of Apostasy
!!Episode 4: The Inquisition
!!Episode 5: Malcador the Hero
!!Episode 6: High Lords of Terra
!!Episode 7: Fabulous Custodes
!!Episode 8: Tyranids
!!Episode 9: Necrons
!!Episode 10: Bold and Foolish
!Season 2
!!Episode 11: Intervention
!!Episode 12: Primarch Pessimism
!!Episode 13: The Fifteenth Son
!!Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers
!!Episode 15: Tau
!!Episode 16: Universal History with Professor Emperor
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!Season 1
!!Episode 1: Adorable Centurion (Remake)
!!Episode 2: Religiosity
!!Episode 3: The Age of Apostasy
!!Episode 4: The Inquisition
!!Episode 5: Malcador the Hero
!!Episode 6: High Lords of Terra
!!Episode 7: Fabulous Custodes
!!Episode 8: Tyranids
!!Episode 9: Necrons
!!Episode 10: Bold and Foolish
!Season 2
!!Episode 11: Intervention
!!Episode 12: Primarch Pessimism
!!Episode 13: The Fifteenth Son
!!Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers
!!Episode 15: Tau
!!Episode 16: Universal History with Professor Emperor
