History Recap / GleeS5E20TheUntitledRachelBerryProject

PRAISE BE TO SWEET HALLEJUAH THE MARATHON OF MORONIC CHOICES IS AT ITS END!!!!

Ahem.

We start Episode 7: The Farce Awakens, and the "proper" Season 5 finale[[note]], as well as Creator/KevinMcHale and Amber Riley's (second) final episode[[/note]], with the gang at Bushwick, in its last appearance. We see Mercedes offer Sam food, only for him to turn it down as he has a major shoot going on. They make bittersweet nothings at each other, the ForegoneConclusion that is them breaking up pretty much over their heads, as Rachel says that's what her show should be about, while Artie asks if it's normal to have the head writer of a TV show shadow the star in order to figure it out? Maybe Abrams, but what is normal for Glee is abnormal for everyone else. Kurt is concerned about someone intruding, as we do get an intruder... IN THE FORM OF A WILD RAINBOW BICORN ALL HAIL [[Creator/HeatherMorris HeMo]] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=]...

Sorry.

Yes folks, one Brittany Susan Pierce has arrived to make this episode palatable. We find out that upon returning from Lesbos, Santana was able to leave the airport, while poor Brit-Brit lost her passport and had to stay, ala Creator/TomHanks in ''Film/TheTerminal''. She then asks where the other half of her soul is, and sadly she missed her by one episode, as Santana is in Iowa shooting a Yeast-I-Stat commercial. Huh, though why she'd agree after getting no residuals last time is beyond me. Oh wait, Murphy. Anyway, that's the excuse for Naya leaving, as the writer arrives, played by Kristen Schaal. She's... well let's just say she and Brit would get along swimmingly. We see Rachel smile and grit teeth as for the final time this season, we hit the thaknfully soon to no longer be an [[ArtifactTitle Artifact]] TitleCard.

We see the writer, Mary, take to the floor with typewriter. Rachel tries to explain herself, which would take about five years or thereabouts, but Mary of course picks and chooses in order to create a "better" plotline like you do. After we discover that Mary ''is'' a Brittany {{Expy}}, we cut to Mercedes at a local mall meeting her people, with Artie filming while Brittany gets her hair blown back by a wind machine and is revealed to be one of Mercedes' backup dancers. That is a smart move no matter what. As we find Hummelberry and Mary in the crowd, we then get a rare Glee original song; afterwards, it's to [=NYADA=] for it's final appearance, as we see Blaine prepping for June Dolloway's showcase. Yes that's still a thing, as June arrives and Blaine tries again to include Kurt in the proceedings. June again turns him down, essentially saying it's Blaine or nothing. As she leaves, because it's been far too long and we ''[[SarcasmMode must]]'' have a Darren solo, he takes to the piano for some John Legend as Kurt enters. Blaine tells the truth and Kurt storms off as we go to break.

We return to Sam at a cattle call, him literally snapping a rubber band to take his mind off of not having gotten any since presumably Nurse Penny. The various females present don't help matters as the photographer, Charlie, arrives; the model they're trying to replace got popped for dogfighting. This photographer is very sexual, and as we'll see later, this is not a good thing, and neither is the reason why said thing is included. We then cue up the relevant Duran Duran; afterwards, we see Sam on a couch with Charlie on top of him, again, this is the prelude to something horrible. Sam makes the mistake of mentioning his enforced celibacy, and Charlie asks him to come back later for the shoot. So, sexual photographer, man who hasn't gotten some, this again adds up to something not good. We'll see how not good later as we cut to Bushwick, where Mercedes arrives to see Brittany and Hummelberry confront her about Sam. At her soon to be former house, we see Blaine and Artie confront Sam about Mercedes. Both groups ask if Samcedes is splitting, and while we know they are, we get a denial from Mercedes, while Sam admits he's ready to adulter. We ''would'' say Sam, you're an idiot, but events to come later will mitigate this. Anyway, Sam offers his denials, while Rachel basically quotes her (and Brittany's) Season 4 idiocy in saying sometimes the best thing for couples is to be apart. No, if you get together, you fight to stay together, otherwise what was the point of getting together in the first place. And now, MoodWhiplash as we cut to Artie at his film school, Mary asking for his opinion of Rachel while stuffing a donut down her bra. Yes. She then talks to Blaine, while planning to change his character model's name to Slaine or Fane. Eh, we prefer Slaine, if only because it reminds us of WhatCouldHaveBeen when it comes to his taste in men. We then pan over to see Brittany and of course they get along swimmingly. Cut to backstage at the Funny Girl theater, where Kurt calls Mary insane and asks Rachel if it's worth quitting Funny Girl. Kurt, you're wasting your breath, as Rachel deploys the full ego, saying the show would boost her asking price tenfold. Kurt gives a little, asking her why doesn't she bet on her voice and not a "quirky" writer. After we see what [=HeMo=] would look like as a brunette, humina humina, it's back to Bushwick where Rachel wants to do a runthrough of presumably the pilot script, with Rachel as [[TheDanza Rachel]], Blaine as Slaine, Brittany as Nittany, Sam as Jam, Artie as Bartie, and Kurt as Surt. The script, as you'd expect, is so damn out there that you begin to think {{Network/FOX}} sent in a ringer in order to convince Rachel not to take the job. This of course leads to visuals of said script that must be seen to be believed. One of them features Nittany and Slaine in bed together wanting to start an art gallery. Yes. At this point, Rachel finally begins to see how out there Mary is, and says it's her show, or no show at all. We prefer the latter ourselves.

After the break, we see Blaine killing birds with bread as Kurt arrives. Blaine doesn't wanna do June's showcase without him, but Kurt uses a bird analogy to tell Blaine he can do it. This is where we're led to believe Klaine has finally gotten through the rough patch they've been it. They haven't, and the next episode will show us why. As they leave to find a bed and try to prove us wrong, we cut to the Spotlight Diner in its last appearance, where we find Rachel and Mary. Rachel says that the show needs to be more grounded, taken from real life. To demonstrate, we cue up Pink while Mary grimaces; nice to see the diner let Rachel sing despite her quitting when she got ''Funny Girl''. Afterwards, we see that the Berry pipes got to Mary, as she agrees to let the show be more about Rachel instead of quirky abstracts.

After the break, we're with Sam at his photo shoot, Charlie snapping away. Things take a turn for the bad, as an errant comment about Sam's nipples causes Charlie to clear everyone out... except her and Sam. Charlie first offers beer to a 19yo. That's a red flag in and of itself, but then she makes overtures and blatant moves and then she lays lips on him. FacePalm. Haven't said this in a while, but GOD is it warranted: Fuck You Murphy. Cut to Mercedes' place, where she has cupcakes for celebration. Sam sits her down to tell her what happened and credit to Chord Overstreet here, his acting in this case is pretty good. Sam's afraid Mercedes will dump him for "cheating", despite no actual copulation (thank god, because the ''last'' thing we need at this point is a rape plot), and of course she assures him otherwise. Then there's the ForegoneConclusion mentioned earlier: Mercedes' career is her priority at the moment, and asking him to wait for her would be cruel. So she lets him go, the two of them cuddling together for the last time, though she does say if she changes her mind she'll call him. Yeah no, as we now realize with Samcedes done, there's one glee girl Sam ''hasn't'' had.

After the break, we're at June Dolloway's showcase, her and Blaine cuing up some ''Theatre/{{Pippin}}''; afterwards, June and Kurt get passive-aggressive, followed by Blaine, as we knew he would, chooses Kurt over June, Klaine partaking of some Estelle/Kanye to confirm it. Afterwards, June does a 180 and applauds Klaine for standing up to her because of course.

We start the final home stretch of the season at Bushwick, with a more successful runthrough of Mary's improved script. Rachel says she thought Fanny Brice was [[Recap/GleeS4E5TheRoleYouWereBornToPlay the role she was born to play]] (it was), but now the TV show is her "dream" role. Yeah Rachel, about that... Anyway, Sam spots a bus and sure enough, his "dream" paid off, as he's half naked on the side of a bus. And as that was his goal when he became a model, his modeling days are done, and he's heading back to Lima. He won't be the only one as we'll see in due course. This leads everyone to realize they're scattering: Rachel possibly to LA, Klaine and Artie in NY, Mercedes & Brittany on tour, Sam in Lima. Rachel proposes that everyone return in six months to the same spot they're standing it. They embrace as there is but only one way to go out: we cue up Pompeii as we get one more choreographed dance number, during which we see Rachel, Mercedes, and Sam pack up, Sam returning to Lima and a very familiar hallway... but we then see him peep through the door of a no longer familiar room. Rachel gets the call confirming the pilot, and thus the song, and the season, ends with the woman who's been the center of it all smiling at the camera in such a way that she ''clearly'' doesn't realize that for her, the worst of the Humbling is yet to come. But, that's not all that's to come...

We return to Sam at a cattle call, him literally snapping a rubber band to take his mind off of not having gotten any since presumably Nurse Penny. The various females present don't help matters as the photographer, Charlie, arrives; the model they're trying to replace got popped for dogfighting. This photographer is very sexual, and as we'll see later, this is not a good thing, and neither is the reason why said thing is included. We then cue up the relevant Duran Duran; afterwards, we see Sam on a couch with Charlie on top of him, again, this is the prelude to something horrible. Sam makes the mistake of mentioning his enforced celibacy, and Charlie asks him to come back later for the shoot. So, sexual photographer, man who hasn't gotten some, this again adds up to something not good. We'll see how not good later as we cut to Bushwick, where Mercedes arrives to see Brittany and Hummelberry confront her about Sam. At her soon to be former house, we see Blaine and Artie confront Sam about Mercedes. Both groups ask if Samcedes is splitting, and while we know they are, we get a denial from Mercedes, while Sam admits he's ready to adulter. We ''would'' say Sam, you're an idiot, but events to come later will mitigate this. Anyway, Sam offers his denials, while Rachel basically quotes her (and Brittany's) Season 4 idiocy in saying sometimes the best thing for couples is to be apart. No, if you get together, you fight to stay together, otherwise what was the point of getting together in the first place. And now, MoodWhiplash as we cut to Artie at his film school, Mary asking for his opinion of Rachel while stuffing a donut down her bra. Yes. She then talks to Blaine, while planning to change his character model's name to Slaine or Fane. Eh, we prefer Slaine, if only because it reminds us of WhatCouldHaveBeen when it comes to his taste in men. We then pan over to see Brittany and of course they get along swimmingly. Cut to backstage at the Funny Girl theater, where Kurt calls Mary insane and asks Rachel if it's worth quitting Funny Girl. Kurt, you're wasting your breath, as Rachel deploys the full ego, saying the show would boost her asking price tenfold. Kurt gives a little, asking her why doesn't she bet on her voice and not a "quirky" writer. After we see what [=HeMo=] would look like as a brunette, humina humina, it's back to Bushwick where Rachel wants to do a runthrough of presumably the pilot script, with Rachel as natch, Blaine as Slaine, Brittany as Nittany, Sam as Jam, Artie as Blartie, and Kurt as Cert. The script, as you'd expect, is so damn out there that you being to think {{Network/FOX}} sent in a ringer in order to convince Rachel not to take the job. This of course leads to visuals of said script that must be seen to be believed. One of them features Nittany and Slaine in bed together wanting to start an art gallery. Yes. At this point, Rachel finally begins to see how out there Mary is, and says it's her show, or no show at all. We prefer the latter ourselves.

After the break, we're with Sam at his photo shoot, Charlie snapping away. Things take a turn for the bad, as an errant comment about Sam's nipples causes Charlie to clear everyone out... except her and Sam. Charlie first offers beer to a 19yo. That's a red flag in and of itself, but then she makes overtures and blatant moves and then she lays lips on him. FacePalm. Haven't said this in a while, but GOD is it warranted: Fuck You Murphy. Cut to Mercedes' place, where she has cupcakes for celebration. Sam sits her down to tell her what happened and credit to Chord Overstreet here, his acting in this case is pretty good. Sam's afraid Mercedes'll dump him for "cheating", despite no actual copulation (thank god, because the ''last'' thing we need at this point is a rape plot), and of course she assures him otherwise. We then the ForegoneConclusion mentioned earlier: Mercedes' career is her priority at the moment, and asking him to wait for her would be cruel. So she lets him go, the two of them cuddling together for the last time, though she does say if she changes her mind she'll call him. Yeah no, as we now realize with Samcedes done, there's one glee girl Sam ''hasn't'' had.

We start the end of the New York episodes, and the "proper" Season 5 finale[[note]], as well as Creator/KevinMcHale and Amber Riley's (second) final episode[[/note]], with the gang at Bushwick, in its last appearance. We see Mercedes offer Sam food, only for him to turn it down as he has a major shoot going on. They make bittersweet nothings at each other, the ForegoneConclusion that is them breaking up pretty much over their heads, as Rachel says that's what her show should be about, while Artie asks if it's normal to have the head writer of a TV show shadow the star in order to figure it out? Maybe Abrams, but what is normal for Glee is abnormal for everyone else. Kurt is concerned about someone intruding, as we do get an intruder... IN THE FORM OF A WILD RAINBOW BICORN ALL HAIL [[Creator/HeatherMorris HeMo]] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=]...

We return to Sam at a cattle call, him literally snapping a rubber band to take his mind off of not having gotten any since presumably Nurse Penny. The various females present don't help matters as the photographer, Charlie, arrives; the model they're trying to replace got popped for dogfighting. This photographer is very sexual, and as we'll see later, this is not a good thing, and neither is the reason why said thing is included. We then cue up the relevant Duran Duran; afterwards, we see Sam on a couch with Charlie on top of him, again, this is the prelude to something horrible. Sam makes the mistake of mentioning his enforced celibacy, and Charlie asks him to come back later for the shoot. So, sexual photographer, man who hasn't gotten some, this again adds up to something not good. We'll see how not good later as we cut to Bushwick, where Mercedes arrives to see Brittany and Hummelberry confront her about Sam. At her soon to be former house, we see Blaine and Artie confront Sam about Mercedes. Both groups ask if Samcedes is splitting, and while we know they are, we get a denial from Mercedes, while Sam admits he can't stop thinking about sex. We ''would'' say Sam, you're an idiot, but events to come later will mitigate this. Anyway, Sam offers his denials, while Rachel basically quotes her (and Brittany's) Season 4 idiocy in saying sometimes the best thing for couples is to be apart. No, if you get together, you fight to stay together, otherwise what was the point of getting together in the first place. And now, MoodWhiplash as we cut to Artie at his film school, Mary asking for his opinion of Rachel while stuffing a donut down her bra. Yes. She then talks to Blaine, while planning to change his character model's name to Slaine or Fane. Eh, we prefer Slaine, if only because it reminds us of WhatCouldHaveBeen when it comes to his taste in men. We then pan over to see Brittany and of course they get along swimmingly. Cut to backstage at the Funny Girl theater, where Kurt calls Mary insane and asks Rachel if it's worth quitting Funny Girl. Kurt, you're wasting your breath, as Rachel deploys the full ego, saying the show would boost her asking price tenfold. Kurt gives a little, asking her why doesn't she bet on her voice and not a "quirky" writer. After we see what [=HeMo=] would look like as a brunette, humina humina, it's back to Bushwick where Rachel wants to do a runthrough of presumably the pilot script, with Rachel as natch, Blaine as Slaine, Brittany as Nittany, Sam as Jam, Artie as Blartie, and Kurt as Cert. The script, as you'd expect, is so damn out there that you being to think {{Network/FOX}} sent in a ringer in order to convince Rachel not to take the job. This of course leads to visuals of said script that must be seen to be believed. One of them features Nittany and Slaine in bed together wanting to start an art gallery. Yes. At this point, Rachel finally begins to see how out there Mary is, and says it's her show, or no show at all.

PRAISE BE TO SWEET HALLEJUAH THE MARATHON OF MORONIC CHOICES IS AT ITS END!!!!

Ahem.

We start Episode 7: The Farce Awakens, and the "proper" Season 5 finale[[note]], as well as Creator/KevinMcHale and Amber Riley's (second) final episode[[/note]], with the gang at Bushwick, in its last appearance. We see Mercedes offer Sam food, only for him to turn it down as he has a major shoot going on. They make bittersweet nothings at each other, the ForegoneConclusion that is them breaking up pretty much over their heads, as Rachel says that's what her show should be about, while Artie asks if it's normal to have the head writer of a TV show shadow the star in order to figure it out? Maybe Abrams, but what is normal for Glee is abnormal for everyone else. Kurt is concerned about someone intruding, as we do get an intruder... IN THE FORM OF A WILD RAINBOW BICORN ALL HAIL [[Creator/HeatherMorris HeMo]] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=]...

We return to Sam at a cattle call, him literally snapping a rubber band to take his mind off of not having gotten any since presumably Nurse Penny. The various females present don't help matters as the photographer, Charlie, arrives; the model they're trying to replace got popped for dogfighting. This photographer is very sexual, and as we'll see later, this is not a good thing, and neither is the reason why said thing is included. We then cue up the relevant Duran Duran; afterwards, we see Sam on a couch with Charlie on top of him, again, this is the prelude to something horrible. Sam makes the mistake of mentioning his enforced celibacy, and Charlie asks him to come back later for the shoot. So, sexual photographer, man who hasn't gotten some, this again adds up to something not good. We'll see how not good later as we cut to Bushwick, where Mercedes arrives to see Brittany and Hummelberry confront her about Sam. At her soon to be former house, we see Blaine and Artie confront Sam about Mercedes. Both groups ask if Samcedes is splitting, and while we know they are, we get a denial from Mercedes, while Sam admits he's ready to adulter. We ''would'' say Sam, you're an idiot, but events to come later will mitigate this. Anyway, Sam offers his denials, while Rachel basically quotes her (and Brittany's) Season 4 idiocy in saying sometimes the best thing for couples is to be apart. No, if you get together, you fight to stay together, otherwise what was the point of getting together in the first place. And now, MoodWhiplash as we cut to Artie at his film school, Mary asking for his opinion of Rachel while stuffing a donut down her bra. Yes. She then talks to Blaine, while planning to change his character model's name to Slaine or Fane. Eh, we prefer Slaine, if only because it reminds us of WhatCouldHaveBeen when it comes to his taste in men. We then pan over to see Brittany and of course they get along swimmingly. Cut to backstage at the Funny Girl theater, where Kurt calls Mary insane and asks Rachel if it's worth quitting Funny Girl. Kurt, you're wasting your breath, as Rachel deploys the full ego, saying the show would boost her asking price tenfold. Kurt gives a little, asking her why doesn't she bet on her voice and not a "quirky" writer. After we see what [=HeMo=] would look like as a brunette, humina humina, it's back to Bushwick where Rachel wants to do a runthrough of presumably the pilot script, with Rachel as natch, Blaine as Slaine, Brittany as Nittany, Sam as Jam, Artie as Blartie, and Kurt as Cert. The script, as you'd expect, is so damn out there that you being to think {{Network/FOX}} sent in a ringer in order to convince Rachel not to take the job. This of course leads to visuals of said script that must be seen to be believed. One of them features Nittany and Slaine in bed together wanting to start an art gallery. Yes. At this point, Rachel finally begins to see how out there Mary is, and says it's her show, or no show at all. We prefer the latter ourselves.

We start Episode 7: The Farce Awakens, and the "proper" Season 5 finale[[note]], as well as Creator/KevinMcHale and Amber Riley's (second) final episode[[/note]], with the gang at Bushwick, in its 2nd/last appearance. We see Mercedes offer Sam food, only for him to turn it down as he has a major shoot going on. They make bittersweet nothings at each other, the ForegoneConclusion that is them breaking up pretty much over their heads, as Rachel says that's what her show should be about, while Artie asks if it's normal to have the head writer of a TV show shadow the star in order to figure it out? Maybe Abrams, but what is normal for Glee is abnormal for everyone else. Kurt is concerned about someone intruding, as we do get an intruder... IN THE FORM OF A WILD RAINBOW BICORN ALL HAIL [[Creator/HeatherMorris HeMo]] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=] ALL HAIL [=HeMo=]...

After the break, we see Blaine killing birds with bread as Kurt arrives. Blaine doesn't wanna do June's showcase without him, but Kurt uses a bird analogy to tell Blaine he can do it. This is where we're led to believe Klaine has finally gotten through the rough patch they've been it. They haven't, and the next episode will show us why. As they leave to find a bed and try to prove us wrong, we cut to the Spotlight Diner in its 2nd/last appearance, where we find Rachel and Mary. Rachel says that the show needs to be more grounded, taken from real life. To demonstrate, we cue up Pink while Mary grimaces; nice to see the diner let Rachel sing despite her quitting when she got ''Funny Girl''. Afterwards, we see that the Berry pipes got to Mary, as she agrees to let the show be more about Rachel instead of quirky abstracts.

After the break, we see Blaine killing birds with bread as Kurt arrives. Blaine doesn't wanna do June's showcase without him, but Kurt uses a bird analogy to tell Blaine he can do it. This is where we're led to believe Klaine has finally gotten through the rough patch they've been it. They haven't, and the next episode will show us why. As they leave to find a bed and try to prove us wrong, we cut to the Spotlight Diner in its last appearance, where we find Rachel and Mary. Rachel says that the show needs to be more grounded, taken from real life. To demonstrate, we cue up Pink while Mary grimaces; nice to see the diner let Rachel sing despite her quitting when she got ''Funny Girl''. Afterwards, we see that the Berry pipes got to Mary, as she agrees to let the show be more about Rachel instead of quirky abstracts.

Appropriately, enough, for the final episode in our miniseries of monotony, what follows probably requires a full re-watch to appreciate and recap.

In essence, a pilot writer is sent to the apartment to get an essence of Rachel's life so she can create a script for a pilot that Rachel has been offered. She was no good for the part she auditioned for, but they instead like her so much that they want to make a sitcom all about her, starring her, and with lots of songs. Ah yes, Ryan Murphy. Well, Rachel proposes something about her high school adventures with glee club. Which gets turned down. Hey, a series involving the social outcast and the cheerleader wouldn't be worth watching would it?[[note]]It'd beat everything we've seen this season at least.[[/note]] Although we can't help sniff for {{meta}} and wonder if, after failed pilot, that one got made instead. As ''Series/{{Glee}}''.

The writer - Mary - seems odd to say the least. Brittany likes her (yes, A WILD RAINBOW BICORN APPEARED and was the sole reason this episode was tolerable).

Everyone's lives then seem to move on all at once just in time for the season to end. Cue Rachel looking meaningfully into the camera, getting ready for the final season.

* PutOnABus: Amber Riley makes her second escape from the madness; she'd appear in six episodes of the final season, including the GrandFinale. She's joined by Kevin McHale, who'd also appear in six episodes of the final season, including the GrandFinale. Thus, going into the final season, only Lea Michele, Chris Colfer, Matthew Morrison, and Jane Lynch remain from the pilot to now.

%%WIP

In essence, a pilot writer is sent to the apartment to get an essence of Rachel's life so she can create a script for a pilot that Rachel has been offered. She was no good for the part she auditioned for, but they instead like her so much that they want to make a sitcom all about her, starring her, and with lots of songs. Ah yes, Ryan Murphy. Well, Rachel proposes something about her high school adventures with glee club. Which gets turned down. Although we can't help sniff for {{meta}} and wonder if, after failed pilot, that one got made instead. As ''Series/{{Glee}}''.

Appropriately, enough, for the final episode in our miniseries of mediocrity, what follows probably requires a full re-watch to appreciate and recap.

This episode probably requires a full re-watch to appreciate and recap.

The writer - Mary - seems odd to say the least. Brittany likes her.

* "All of Me" by Music/JohnLegend, performed by Blaine

* "American Boy" by Music/{{Estelle}} feat. Music/KanyeWest, performed by Blaine and Kurt