History Recap / GleeS5E19OldDogNewTricks

Santana attempts to help Rachel perform damage control on her flagging public image, with mixed success. Kurt tries to help a home for retired Broadway performers with their production of Peter Pan, but is upset by the lack of concern that his friends show. To prove he is responsible, Sam adopts a dog - despite Mercedes's objections.

Next Time: Everyone is at a crossroads as they ponder what's next. Plus, a ''very'' welcome cameo, and two more Glee originals take their final bow.

* IncrediblyLamePun: Well, the episode is about dogs and old people and Kurt learning new stuff. Hence the choice of the title. There's also the smattering of cheesy nacho dog jokes. Colfer is a true postmodern artist, and trying to fit that into ''Glee'' (let alone a ''Glee'' story) isn't really working. He's trying too hard.

For Episode 6: Return of the Ego (which takes many forms this episode), it was decided to get Creator/ChrisColfer in the writers room. Colfer was approached to write an episode, much like Matt Morrison was to direct his, because of his previous experience, having wrote a successful series of books called "''The Land of Stories''", as well as the film ''Film/StruckByLightning''. That and probably some laziness or lack of ideas on behalf of the actual writers, which at this point will of course surprise no one. These two instances beg the question of why Creator/{{Dianna|Agron}}, with actual professional screenwriting and directing experience (as opposed to Morrison's stage directing and Colfer's novel writing), never got the privilege. The answer, as we are all too aware, is because Murphy has a dartboard with her face on it.

Anyway, we start proceedings cheesier than that pizza you shouldn't have eaten at 1am that one time, with our main subject, the resident tarnished diva, the bowtie, and, in her final performance, the SnarkKnight. Yes, this is Creator/NayaRivera's last episode, and as such, she decided to mark the occasion by becoming Blond-tana. It actually suits her. Besides, Naya actually quite endeared to Chris (so is Dianna, but I guess the producers only really wanted one veto). They're in yet another random NY restaurant, where Kurt proposes to go to the movies, but they all decline. This is to set up that he can be friendless sometimes, even with his fiancé, roommate, and Satan. However despite who's writing this, it's ''is'' still all about Rachel's ego as we see her react to a blind item. Apparently, Jacob Ben-Israel also moved out to New York because a gossip rag has stalked her and spilling the 'dirt' that she skipped a rehearsal for other career prospects. The fact that she's reacting at all is an overreaction because, ''really''? Then again, Rachel under-reacting would be cause for straightjackets... which would actually be a good idea. Still, Santana decides that Rachel is in need of a public brand. Obviously, she's going to do the honors of being the manager in charge of making it a sympathetic one - but when Rachel spots a woman trying to get her purse dog into her purse, a light bulb sparks; after giving the woman an admittedly deserved talking to, she's going to support animal charities or something, which is definitely not [[ActorAllusion straight out the life]] of Creator/LeaMichele. Rachel hits the self-serving grin as we hit the [[ArtifactTitle Artifact]] TitleCard.

We're at the diner, where we find a lady named Maggie Banks. Kurt tries to serve her, but she's handing out flyers for a production of ''Theatre/{{Peter Pan|1954}}'' that her home for old performers is putting on. Somehow, he doesn't recognize her at first. Rachel will be disappointed. The pair still hit it off, because it's dueling ego's today and Kurt needs affirmation, so after recognizing her he's of course invited to rehearsals. From there, we cut to a dog shelter, where we find the others. Sam, absent from last episode and completely in character, falls in love with a puppy. He tries to convince Mercedes to get it, but she refutes because she's already got him to look after. Haha. This ticks them off, though, because a chorus of howls begins as if it's a full moon. The shelter volunteer explains that they howl a lot - may have something to do with the cages, maybe, you never know - and they'd pipe music. But their speaker broke. So they need a song. (sigh). Cue Modern English.

Mr Colfer, that was a shitty premise to get a song in. Like, really.

Afterwards, we're at Bushwick, where Santana tells Rachel about the great publicity campaign she has to go along with the shelter charity event. Drum roll, ladies and gentlemen: Rachel walks dogs around the city, wearing a designer dress, and Santana calls the paps on her. Sheer brilliance. Hey, if it works for the Kardashians and back then, most of the ''Glee'' cast... Anyway, Kurt returns to hear of Rachel's plan and wants in; with One Three Hill on hiatus (a.k.a. Creator/DemiLovato and Music/AdamLambert skipped town already)[[note]]Character explanations are Elliott's on a yoga retreat and Dani's roller derby team became state champs.[[/note]], he'll perform at the charity event. This episode seems to be Chris Colfer trying to make his character out as the ultimate Victim(TM), because his friends say no. Santana tries to explain that his talent will outshine Rachel, but really she's just got her head screwed on right and knows it'd be dumb to get someone even less known than Rachel to contribute an act. Seriously, Colfer, you're not going to get us to sympathies for "poor baby" Kurt more. I mean, it's bad enough that next season will primarily be about you and Rachel, but come on.

And then you add a cringe-worthy dog joke: "I wish someone would throw me a bone for a change". Down, boy.

Cut to the old performers home, where Kurt sees pictures of Tim Conway and Billy Dee Williams, with different names. Wow, the place must have a pedigree... sorry. Anyway, we're bring in some of the ''Peter Pan'' Creator/{{Disney}} magic by making Kurt's wish come true! Kurt goes to watch a dress rehearsal, featuring the REAL Tim Conway and Billy Dee Williams. Huh. Anyway, the lead actress playing Peter seems to miss her cue... and that's because she's shuffled off the mortal coil. Slight NightmareFuel. Just a touch. Everyone reacts accordingly as we go to break.

We return to see the obvious lamentation as clearly they have to cancel, woe is them and we all know how this'll plays out. We cue up the ''Theatre/{{Cats}}'' SignatureSong to confirm it, as Kurt becomes probably the first adult male to ever get Peter. Good boy. Cut to Mercedes' place, where we find the two characters absent from last episode, that being Sam and Artie, getting their game on, with a badly behaved rescue dog that Sam adopted anyway. He called it [=McConaughey=] - as in Creator/MatthewMcConaughey, the guy he does the worst impressions of. Mercedes obviously finds out, gets mad. Sam convinces her to keep him by his cuteness. Then she finds that he's eaten her shoes, which he gets a telling off for - until he starts eating some of her weave: the dog's gotta go. Cut to a pack of canines as Santana's grand plan begins with Blaine and Artie strategically placed amongst some paparazzos on a lunch break. When they spot Rachel, they loudly announce her arrival. Subtlety has never been in Santana's vocabulary (maybe because it doesn't have a direct equivalent concept in Spanish?). Rachel is trying to walk said pack, and though Santana encourages her, she be but small. When the dogs notice that the photographers are eating food, they lunge for it: Rachel didn't stand a chance, really. Santana's face would probably be priceless, if she weren't covering it.

https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/screen_shot_2016_06_21_at_211119.png

We return from break to Rachel recovering from being dragged four blocks, the next phase in the Humbling of Rachel Berry. She has to pay for the dress and woe is ''her''. Whilst Santana tries to encourage Rachel and continues plans for the charity event, Kurt asks them to come see ''Peter Pan''. They remind him that their charity thing is happening then, and he blows his top because he's currently a bit directionless and is sick of Rachel only being his friend when it's convenient for her. Because he feels a little directionless, he feels that he isn't going as fast as the rest of his friends and so is a support bracket for them. Instead of doing something about it, he tells them off for... I'm not sure, a combination of doing stuff with him and also getting on with their lives that he's interpreting maliciously and being jealous of. I'm probably reading this too deeply, looking at the real issues, rather than what's probably supposed to be ''[[{{Anvilicious}} they're all treating Kurt really badly somehow]]''. Thanks, Chris. And now, MoodWhiplash as we cut to Sam and Artie, but mostly Sam, trying to house-train the dog. We know it's probably going to fail. However, at least we have some Zevon to keep us company.[[note]]Get it? Werewolves, dogs... Chris, you're gonna pull a muscle from all that stretching.[[/note]] Afterwards, it's back to Kurt. Because this episode is all about him. Colfer. Well, he's trying to rehearse the play, it's not going so well. Kurt, in a spark of Schuester-inspired "genius" thinks that the actual music from the actual show isn't right for said show, and that they need to use modern songs. As the infighting continues, Maggie gets flowers from her daughter. Or more accurately, herself. Yes, we find out that Maggie has, at this point, been practically abandoned by her daughter because OF COURSE we need another reason for Kurt to play hero. FacePalm. Speaking of abandoning, we cut back to Mercedes' place where she is still not happy about the dog. And here's why: She won't be there to help because she's going on tour. Sam is understandably not thrilled, and the conversation starts about the dog he still hasn't gotten rid of, and continues with Sam's explosion of feelings: a little bit of "I want someone to cuddle when you're gone" and a whole heaping of "I'm really offended that you don't think I can look after a dog", before finishing up with ''did he just propose!?'' I can't tell anymore, there's been too many real/unreal proposals/weddings on this damn show. Point is, the dog has to find a new home and Sam is crushed as we go to break.

We return to find Kurt confronting Maggie's daughter. No, Kurt, adult business. Don't interfere. Ah, looks like he's convinced her to clear her schedule even though she's a ''city lawyer'', and with a simple 'you need to forgive and forget' - Clara, the daughter, claims she doesn't really know her mom because of all the time Maggie spent performing and touring when she was a child. Someone, WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief still in place. He asks her to come to the performance, she says no, we know she'll show up, INeedAFreakingDrink. Cut to the charity event, and Rachel thanks Santana for magically setting the whole thing up. Seriously, how did she do it? I'm guessing she's been spending all her bindless hours in NYC getting connected. Smart chick. She then gives Rachel a three-legged dog for photos - except, RED ALERT, a kid wants to adopt it. When Rachel won't let it go, the mother sneers at her for her accurately selfish motive and leaves. Of course, Santana comforts Rachel by insulting said woman's fashion, but Rachel is dilapidated as we go to break.
We return to the retirement home, where Blaine finishes up dressing Kurt and says he'll let him go get into position. Kurt takes this badly, we guess, because he goes to find Maggie and volunteers to be her family - she needs some, and so does he. You don't Kurt, you're becoming laughable. Kurt may, actually, have developed bipolar disorder recently because he then calls Rachel to wish her luck and tell her how he wouldn't be possible without best friends like her. She then reveals she's in the audience, so Kurt is a demanding but happy little fairy. One of them is more selfish than the other, and it's probably Kurt right now. It's a toughie. Anyway, as we cue up one of Madonna's earliest hits, we see that OF FREAKING COURSE Clara shows up in that dramatic cliché way the show exploits like a waitress at a singing diner. Just not ''their'' singing diner. In the middle of the number, the old performers get {{Imagine Spot}}s where they're performing as their younger selves (going for the tear ducts, Chris?); afterwards, mother and daughter reconcile DUH, while Kurt and friends reconcile DOUBLE DUH (at least until the end of the season). The boys then invite the cast of ''Peter Pan'' to perform it at the charity event - that Santana totally organized for Rachel, but whatever. Just jump in. Sure.

We start the home stretch with everyone at the diner, where the three-legged dog to the kid from before. Sam's had a change of heart and thinks that he should give dog [=McConaughey=] to someone there, Mercedes states they're keeping it now, but he eventually gives it to an old couple. We cue up Eddie Money to end a rather eclectic song list. That, or Colfer's high on the cheeseballs. Afterwards, Rachel also thanks Santana, whom we should mention apparently quit in between episodes, and Kurt for doing the event. It was Santana really. Oh, and Kurt jumps in to say he doesn't want thanks and that it was a team effort, not just them. If Santana got to be in the shot, I'd imagine she's not colored impressed. Naya, thank you for your tenure, we'll see you in three episodes.

Now we're gonna end the recap by proposing that Colfer's tendency towards the {{postmodern}} is being utilized to the full and he's using the episode to mock itself as a suggestion of what a ridiculous episode it would be. Perhaps using the warped presentations of certain characters as a base point and then making both them and the episode in general as outrageous as possible to show off how awful some stereotypical traits have been pushed through. Maybe. Hopefully.

Oh, and since we didn't manage to fit it in the recap proper; while Rachel's trying to walk every dog in NYC, Quinn's managed to pull herself away from Airman Puckerman's forever at ease little soldier long enough to call her and tell her she's over doing it with the publicity. Or something. See, this episode's so bad we can't even find a way to fit our RunningGag into it. SEE WHAT YOU DID, COLFER?!

Fortunately, the madness is nearing its end. No, not the series, not yet at least, but our miniseries of monotony has but one more chapter left.

Oh, and since we didn't manage to fit it in the recap proper; while Rachel's trying to walk every dog in NYC, Dear Lucille's managed to pull herself away from Airman Puckerman's forever at ease little soldier long enough to call her and tell her she's over doing it with the publicity. Or something. See, this episode's so bad we can't even find a way to fit our RunningGag into it. SEE WHAT YOU DID, COLFER?!

[[caption-width-right:350:[[Disney/PeterPan Fairy Dust]] gives you wiiings.]]

We're at the diner, where we find a lady named Maggie Banks. Kurt tries to serve her, but she's handing out flyers for a production of ''Theatre/PeterPan'' that her home for old performers is putting on. Somehow, he doesn't recognize her at first. Rachel will be disappointed. The pair still hit it off, because it's dueling ego's today and Kurt needs affirmation, so after recognizing her he's of course invited to rehearsals. From there, we cut to a dog shelter, where we find the others. Sam, absent from last episode and completely in character, falls in love with a puppy. He tries to convince Mercedes to get it, but she refutes because she's already got him to look after. Haha. This ticks them off, though, because a chorus of howls begins as if it's a full moon. The shelter volunteer explains that they howl a lot - may have something to do with the cages, maybe, you never know - and they'd pipe music. But their speaker broke. So they need a song. (sigh). Cue Modern English.

Mr Colfer, that was a strange premise to get a song in. Like, really.

Afterwards, we're at Bushwick, where Santana tells Rachel about the great publicity campaign she has to go along with the shelter charity event. Drum roll, ladies and gentlemen: Rachel walks dogs around the city, wearing a designer dress, and Santana calls the paps on her. Sheer brilliance. Hey, if it works for the Kardashians and back then, most of the ''Glee'' cast... Anyway, Kurt returns to hear of Rachel's plan and wants in; with One Three Hill on hiatus (a.k.a. Creator/DemiLovato and Music/AdamLambert skipped town already)[[note]]Character explanations are Elliott's on a yoga retreat and Dani's roller derby team became state champs.[[/note]], he'll perform at the charity event. This episode seems to be Chris Colfer trying to make his character out as the ultimate Victim(TM), because his friends say no. Santana tries to explain that his talent will outshine Rachel, but really she's just got her head screwed on right and knows it'd be dumb to get someone even less known than Rachel to contribute an act.

We return from break to Rachel recovering from being dragged four blocks, the next phase in the Humbling of Rachel Berry. She has to pay for the dress and woe is ''her''. Whilst Santana tries to encourage Rachel and continues plans for the charity event, Kurt asks them to come see ''Peter Pan''. They remind him that their charity thing is happening then, and he blows his top because he's currently a bit directionless and is sick of Rachel only being his friend when it's convenient for her. Because he feels a little directionless, he feels that he isn't going as fast as the rest of his friends and so is a support bracket for them. Instead of doing something about it, he tells them off for overlooking him. Thanks, Chris. And now, MoodWhiplash as we cut to Sam and Artie, but mostly Sam, trying to house-train the dog. We know it's probably going to fail. However, at least we have some Zevon to keep us company.[[note]]Get it? Werewolves, dogs... Chris, you're gonna pull a muscle from all that stretching.[[/note]] Afterwards, it's back to Kurt. Well, he's trying to rehearse the play, it's not going so well. Kurt, in a spark of Schuester-inspired "genius" thinks that the actual music from the actual show isn't right for said show, and that they need to use modern songs. As the infighting continues, Maggie gets flowers from her daughter. Or more accurately, herself. Yes, we find out that Maggie has, at this point, been practically abandoned by her daughter because OF COURSE we need another reason for Kurt to play hero. FacePalm. Speaking of abandoning, we cut back to Mercedes' place where she is still not happy about the dog. And here's why: She won't be there to help because she's going on tour. Sam is understandably not thrilled, and the conversation starts about the dog he still hasn't gotten rid of, and continues with Sam's explosion of feelings: a little bit of "I want someone to cuddle when you're gone" and a whole heaping of "I'm really offended that you don't think I can look after a dog", before finishing up with ''did he just propose!?'' I can't tell anymore, there's been too many real/unreal proposals/weddings on this damn show. Point is, the dog has to find a new home and Sam is crushed as we go to break.

We return to the retirement home, where Blaine finishes up dressing Kurt and says he'll let him go get into position. Kurt takes this badly, we guess, because he goes to find Maggie and volunteers to be her family - she needs some, and so does he. Kurt may, actually, have developed bipolar disorder recently because he then calls Rachel to wish her luck and tell her how he wouldn't be possible without best friends like her. She then reveals she's in the audience, so Kurt is a demanding but happy little fairy. It's a toughie. Anyway, as we cue up one of Madonna's earliest hits, we see that OF FREAKING COURSE Clara shows up in that dramatic cliché way the show exploits like a waitress at a singing diner. Just not ''their'' singing diner. In the middle of the number, the old performers get {{Imagine Spot}}s where they're performing as their younger selves (going for the tear ducts, Chris?); afterwards, mother and daughter reconcile DUH, while Kurt and friends reconcile DOUBLE DUH (at least until the end of the season). The boys then invite the cast of ''Peter Pan'' to perform it at the charity event - that Santana totally organized for Rachel, but whatever. Just jump in. Sure.

We start the home stretch with everyone at the diner, where the three-legged dog to the kid from before. Sam's had a change of heart and thinks that he should give dog [=McConaughey=] to someone there, Mercedes states they're keeping it now, but he eventually gives it to an old couple. We cue up Eddie Money to end a rather eclectic song list. That, or Colfer's high on the cheeseballs. Afterwards, Rachel also thanks Santana, whom we should mention apparently quit in between episodes, and Kurt for doing the event. Oh, and Kurt jumps in to say he doesn't want thanks and that it was a team effort, not just them. If Santana got to be in the shot, I'd imagine she's not colored impressed. Naya, thank you for your tenure, we'll see you in three episodes.

Mr Colfer, that was a shitty premise to get a song in. Like, really.

Afterwards, we're at Bushwick, where Santana tells Rachel about the great publicity campaign she has to go along with the shelter charity event. Drum roll, ladies and gentlemen: Rachel walks dogs around the city, wearing a designer dress, and Santana calls the paps on her. Sheer brilliance. Hey, if it works for the Kardashians and back then, most of the ''Glee'' cast... Anyway, Kurt returns to hear of Rachel's plan and wants in; with One Three Hill on hiatus (a.k.a. Creator/DemiLovato and Music/AdamLambert skipped town already)[[note]]Character explanations are Elliott's on a yoga retreat and Dani's roller derby team became state champs.[[/note]], he'll perform at the charity event. This episode seems to be Chris Colfer trying to make his character out as the ultimate Victim(TM), because his friends say no. Santana tries to explain that his talent will outshine Rachel, but really she's just got her head screwed on right and knows it'd be dumb to get someone even less known than Rachel to contribute an act. Seriously, Colfer, you're not going to get us to sympathies for "poor baby" Kurt more. I mean, it's bad enough that next season will primarily be about you and Rachel, but come on.

And then you add a cringe-worthy dog joke: "I wish someone would throw me a bone for a change". Down, boy.

We return from break to Rachel recovering from being dragged four blocks, the next phase in the Humbling of Rachel Berry. She has to pay for the dress and woe is ''her''. Whilst Santana tries to encourage Rachel and continues plans for the charity event, Kurt asks them to come see ''Peter Pan''. They remind him that their charity thing is happening then, and he blows his top because he's currently a bit directionless and is sick of Rachel only being his friend when it's convenient for her. Because he feels a little directionless, he feels that he isn't going as fast as the rest of his friends and so is a support bracket for them. Instead of doing something about it, he tells them off for... I'm not sure, a combination of doing stuff with him and also getting on with their lives that he's interpreting maliciously and being jealous of. I'm probably reading this too deeply, looking at the real issues, rather than what's probably supposed to be ''[[{{Anvilicious}} they're all treating Kurt really badly somehow]]''. Thanks, Chris. And now, MoodWhiplash as we cut to Sam and Artie, but mostly Sam, trying to house-train the dog. We know it's probably going to fail. However, at least we have some Zevon to keep us company.[[note]]Get it? Werewolves, dogs... Chris, you're gonna pull a muscle from all that stretching.[[/note]] Afterwards, it's back to Kurt. Because this episode is all about him. Colfer. Well, he's trying to rehearse the play, it's not going so well. Kurt, in a spark of Schuester-inspired "genius" thinks that the actual music from the actual show isn't right for said show, and that they need to use modern songs. As the infighting continues, Maggie gets flowers from her daughter. Or more accurately, herself. Yes, we find out that Maggie has, at this point, been practically abandoned by her daughter because OF COURSE we need another reason for Kurt to play hero. FacePalm. Speaking of abandoning, we cut back to Mercedes' place where she is still not happy about the dog. And here's why: She won't be there to help because she's going on tour. Sam is understandably not thrilled, and the conversation starts about the dog he still hasn't gotten rid of, and continues with Sam's explosion of feelings: a little bit of "I want someone to cuddle when you're gone" and a whole heaping of "I'm really offended that you don't think I can look after a dog", before finishing up with ''did he just propose!?'' I can't tell anymore, there's been too many real/unreal proposals/weddings on this damn show. Point is, the dog has to find a new home and Sam is crushed as we go to break.

We return to the retirement home, where Blaine finishes up dressing Kurt and says he'll let him go get into position. Kurt takes this badly, we guess, because he goes to find Maggie and volunteers to be her family - she needs some, and so does he. You don't Kurt, you're becoming laughable. Kurt may, actually, have developed bipolar disorder recently because he then calls Rachel to wish her luck and tell her how he wouldn't be possible without best friends like her. She then reveals she's in the audience, so Kurt is a demanding but happy little fairy. One of them is more selfish than the other, and it's probably Kurt right now. It's a toughie. Anyway, as we cue up one of Madonna's earliest hits, we see that OF FREAKING COURSE Clara shows up in that dramatic cliché way the show exploits like a waitress at a singing diner. Just not ''their'' singing diner. In the middle of the number, the old performers get {{Imagine Spot}}s where they're performing as their younger selves (going for the tear ducts, Chris?); afterwards, mother and daughter reconcile DUH, while Kurt and friends reconcile DOUBLE DUH (at least until the end of the season). The boys then invite the cast of ''Peter Pan'' to perform it at the charity event - that Santana totally organized for Rachel, but whatever. Just jump in. Sure.

We start the home stretch with everyone at the diner, where the three-legged dog to the kid from before. Sam's had a change of heart and thinks that he should give dog [=McConaughey=] to someone there, Mercedes states they're keeping it now, but he eventually gives it to an old couple. We cue up Eddie Money to end a rather eclectic song list. That, or Colfer's high on the cheeseballs. Afterwards, Rachel also thanks Santana, whom we should mention apparently quit in between episodes, and Kurt for doing the event. It was Santana really. Oh, and Kurt jumps in to say he doesn't want thanks and that it was a team effort, not just them. If Santana got to be in the shot, I'd imagine she's not colored impressed. Naya, thank you for your tenure, we'll see you in three episodes.

Now we're gonna end the recap by proposing that Colfer's tendency towards the {{postmodern}} is being utilized to the full and he's using the episode to mock itself as a suggestion of what a ridiculous episode it would be. Perhaps using the warped presentations of certain characters as a base point and then making both them and the episode in general as outrageous as possible to show off how awful some stereotypical traits have been pushed through. Maybe. Hopefully.

Oh, and since we didn't manage to fit it in the recap proper; while Rachel's trying to walk every dog in NYC, Dear Lucille's managed to pull herself away from Airman Puckerman's forever at ease little soldier long enough to call her and tell her she's over doing it with the publicity. Or something. See, this episode's so bad we can't even find a way to fit our RunningGag into it. SEE WHAT YOU DID, COLFER?!

Fortunately, the madness is nearing its end. No, not the series, not yet at least, but our miniseries of monotony has but one more chapter left.

Cut to the old performers home, where Kurt sees pictures of Tim Conway and Billy Dee Williams, with different names. Wow, the place must have a pedigree... sorry. Anyway, we're bring in some of the ''Peter Pan'' {{Disney}} magic by making Kurt's wish come true! Kurt goes to watch a dress rehearsal, featuring the REAL Tim Conway and Billy Dee Williams. Huh. Anyway, the lead actress playing Peter seems to miss her cue... and that's because she's shuffled off the mortal coil. Slight NightmareFuel. Just a touch. Everyone reacts accordingly as we go to break.

[[caption-width-right:350:[[Disney/PeterPan Fairy Dust]] gives you wiiings]]
This episode, Episode 6 in our marathon of mediocrity, and frequently condemned as cheesier than that pizza you shouldn't have eaten at 1am that one time, was {{written by|cast member}} Creator/ChrisColfer. Colfer was approached to write an episode, much like Matt Morrison was to direct his, because of his previous experience and probably some laziness or lack of ideas on behalf of the actual writers. These two instances beg the question of why Creator/{{Dianna|Agron}}, with actual professional screenwriting and directing experience (as opposed to Morrison's stage directing and Colfer's novel writing), never got the privilege. The answer, as we are all too aware, is because Murphy has a dartboard with her face on it.

It's also quite notable for the daringly eclectic music selection, even by ''Glee'' standards, whilst still managing to stick to the show's roots with Madonna and show tunes.

We also see the return of Santana - or should that be, the arrival of Blonde-tana - for one last episode, because Creator/NayaRivera's actually quite endeared to Chris (so is Dianna, but I guess the producers only really wanted one veto).

Kurt rounds up some of his friends in a café and then proposes to go to the movies, but they all decline. This is to set up that he can be friendless sometimes, even with his fiancé, roommate, and Satan.

Rachel finds out that Jacob Ben-Israel also moved out to New York: a gossip rag has stalked her and spilling the 'dirt' that she skipped a rehearsal for other career prospects. The fact that she's reacting at all is an overreaction because, ''really''? Still, Santana decides that Rachel is in need of a public brand. Obviously, she's going to do the honours of being the manager in charge of making it a sympathetic one - but when Rachel spots a woman trying to get her purse dog into her purse, a light bulb sparks. She's going to support animal charities or something, which is definitely not [[ActorAllusion straight out the life]] of Creator/LeaMichele.

Next up, June Squibb playing Maggie Banks today shows up at the diner. Kurt tries to serve her, but she's handing out flyers for a production of ''Theatre/PeterPan'' that her home for old performers is putting on. Somehow, he doesn't recognise her. Rachel will be disappointed. The pair still hit it off, and he's invited to rehearsals.

Minus the gays (seriously), the New York gang go to a dog shelter. Sam, completely in character, falls in love with a puppy. He tries to convince Mercedes to get it, but she refutes because she's already got him to look after. Haha. This ticks them off, though, because a chorus of howls begins as if it's a full moon. The shelter volunteer explains that they howl a lot - may have something to do with the cages, maybe, you never know - and they'd pipe music. But their speaker broke. So they need a song.

Santana now appears once more, to tell Rachel about the great publicity campaign she has to go along with the shelter charity event. Drum roll, ladies and gentlemen: Rachel walks dogs around the city, wearing a designer dress, and Santana calls the paps on her. Sheer brilliance. Hey, if it works for the Kardashians and most of the ''Glee'' cast nowadays. Kurt says that with One Three Hill on hiatus (a.k.a. Creator/DemiLovato and Music/AdamLambert skipped town already) he'll perform at the charity event. This episode seems to be Chris Colfer trying to make his character out as the ultimate Victim(TM), because his friends say no. Santana tries to explain that his talent will outshine Rachel, but really she's just got her head screwed on right and knows it'd be dumb to get someone even less known than Rachel to contribute an act. Seriously, Colfer, you're not going to get us to sympathise for "poor baby" Kurt more.

Then we bring in some of the ''Peter Pan'' {{Disney}} magic by making that wish come true! Kurt goes to watch a dress rehearsal, but the lead actress playing Peter dies during the run. Bit morbid, that. Kurt then auditions for the part and becomes probably the first adult male to ever get Peter. Good boy.

Over to [[PortmanteauCoupleName Smartie]]'s apartment, with a badly behaved rescue dog that Sam adopted anyway. He called it [=McConaughey=] - as in Creator/MatthewMcConaughey, the guy he does the worst impressions of. Mercedes obviously finds out, gets mad. Sam convinces her to keep him by his cuteness. Then she finds that he's eaten her shoes, which he gets a telling off for - until he starts eating some of her weave: the dog's gotta go.

Santana grand plan begins with Blaine and Artie strategically placed amongst some paparazzos on a lunch break. When they spot Rachel, they loudly announce her arrival. Subtlety has never been in Santana's vocabulary (maybe because it doesn't have a direct equivalent concept in Spanish?). Rachel is trying to walk a small army of dogs, and though Santana encourages her, she be but small. When the dogs notice that the photographers are eating food, they lunge for it: Rachel didn't stand a chance, really. Santana's face would probably be priceless, if she weren't covering it.

Her sassiness is also on point this episode.

Whilst Santana tries to encourage Rachel and continues plans for the charity event, Kurt asks them to come see ''Peter Pan''. They remind him that their charity thing is happening then, and he blows his top because he's currently a bit directionless and is sick of Rachel only being his friend when it's convenient for her. Because he feels a little directionless, he feels that he isn't going as fast as the rest of his friends and so is a support bracket for them. Instead of doing something about it, he tells them off for... I'm not sure, a combination of doing stuff with him and also getting on with their lives that he's interpreting maliciously and being jealous of. I'm probably reading this too deeply, looking at the real issues, rather than what's probably supposed to be ''[[{{Anvilicious}} they're all treating Kurt really badly somehow]]''. Thanks, Chris.

Artie and Sam (mostly Sam) try to house-train the dog. It's probably going to fail.

Back to Kurt. Because this episode is all about him. Colfer. Well, he's trying to rehearse the play, it's not going so well. Kurt, in a spark of Schuester-inspired "genius" thinks that the actual music from the actual show isn't right for said show, and that they need to use modern songs. He also finds out that Maggie has, at this point, been practically abandoned by her daughter.

Speaking of abandoning, Sam's not really happy that Mercedes is leaving him behind to go on tour. It starts off as a conversation about the dog he still hasn't gotten rid of, and continues with Sam's explosion of feelings: a little bit of "I want someone to cuddle when you're gone" and a whole heaping of "I'm really offended that you don't think I can look after a dog", before finishing up with ''did he just propose!?'' I can't tell anymore, there's been too many real/unreal proposals/weddings on this damn show.

Kurt goes to confront Maggie's daughter. No, Kurt, adult business. Don't interfere. Ah, looks like he's convinced her to clear her schedule even though she's a ''city lawyer'', and with a simple 'you need to forgive and forget' - Clara, the daughter, claims she doesn't really know her mom because of all the time Maggie spent performing and touring when she was a child. Someone, WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief still in place.

The charity event has come, and Rachel thanks Santana for magically setting the whole thing up. Seriously, how did she do it? I'm guessing she's been spending all her bindless hours in NYC getting connected. Smart chick. She then gives Rachel a three-legged dog for photos - except, RED ALERT, a kid wants to adopt it. When Rachel won't let it go, the mother sneers at her for her selfish motive and leaves. Of course, Santana comforts Rachel by insulting said woman's fashion.

At the retirement home, Blaine finishes up dressing Kurt and says he'll let him go get into position. Kurt takes this badly, we guess, because he goes to find Maggie and volunteers to be her family - she needs some, and so does he. You don't Kurt, you're becoming laughable. Kurt may, actually, have developed bipolar disorder recently because he then calls Rachel to wish her luck and tell her how he wouldn't be possible without best friends like her. She then reveals she's in the audience, so Kurt is a demanding but happy little fairy. One of them is more selfish than the other, and it's probably Kurt right now. It's a toughie.

Also appearing to watch is Clara, halfway through in that dramatic cliché way the show exploits like a waitress at a singing diner. Just not ''their'' singing diner. The old performers get {{Imagine Spot}}s where they're performing as their younger selves (going for the tear ducts, Chris?) Mother and daughter reconcile, Kurt and friends reconcile (at least until the end of the season). The boys then invite the cast of ''Peter Pan'' to perform it at the charity event - that Santana totally organized for Rachel, but whatever. Just jump in. Sure.

Rachel introduces them, and gives the three-legged dog to the kid from before. Sam's had a change of heart and thinks that he should give dog [=McConaughey=] to someone there, Mercedes states they're keeping it now, but he eventually gives it to an old couple. Everyone then ends up at the diner to have one last song. See, Colfer's high on the cheeseballs. Rachel also thanks Santana and Kurt for doing the event. It was Santana really. Oh, and Kurt jumps in to say he doesn't want thanks and that it was a team effort, not just them. If Santana got to be in the shot, I'd imagine she's not colored impressed.

So, here's proposing that Colfer's tendency towards the {{postmodern}} is being utilized to the full and he's using the episode to mock itself as a suggestion of what a ridiculous episode it would be. Perhaps using the warped presentations of certain characters as a base point and then making both them and the episode in general as outrageous as possible to show off how awful some stereotypical traits have been pushed through. Maybe. Hopefully.

* "Take Me Home Tonight" by Eddie Money, performed by the New York alumni and Maggie

Oh, and since we didn't manage to fit it in the recap proper; while Rachel's trying to walk every dog in NYC, Dear Lucille's managed to pull herself away from Airman Puckerman's forever at ease little soldier long enough to call her and tell her she's over doing it with the publicity. Or something. See, this episode's so bad we can't even find a way to fit our RunningGag into it. SEE WHAT YOU DID, MURPHY?!

Also appearing to watch is Clara, halfway through in that dramatic cliché way the show exploits like a waitress at a singing diner. Just not ''their'' singing diner. The old performers get {{Imagine Spot}}s where they're performing as their younger selves (going for the tear ducts, Chris?) Mother and daughter reconcile, Kurt and friends reconcile (at least until the end of the season). The boys then invite the cast of ''Peter Pan'' to perform it at the charity event - that Santana totally organised for Rachel, but whatever. Just jump in. Sure.

So, here's proposing that Colfer's tendency towards the {{postmodern}} is being utilised to the full and he's using the episode to mock itself as a suggestion of what a ridiculous episode it would be. Perhaps using the warped presentations of certain characters as a base point and then making both them and the episode in general as outrageous as possible to show off how awful some stereotypical traits have been pushed through. Maybe. Hopefully.

* WrittenByCastMember: Creator/ChrisColfer, who plays Kurt.

This episode, frequently condemned as cheesier than that pizza you shouldn't have eaten at 1am that one time, was {{written by|cast member}} Creator/ChrisColfer a.k.a. Kurt. Colfer was approached to write an episode, much like Morrison was to direct his, because of his previous experience and probably some laziness or lack of ideas on behalf of the actual writers. These two instances beg the question of why Creator/{{Dianna|Agron}}, with actual professional screenwriting and directing experience (as opposed to Morrison's stage directing and Colfer's novel writing), never got the privilege.

We also see the return of Santana - or should that be, the arrival of Blonde-tana - for one last episode of season 5, because Creator/NayaRivera's actually quite endeared to Chris (so is Dianna, but I guess the producers only really wanted one veto).

Rachel finds out that Jacob ben-Israel also moved out to New York: a gossip rag has stalked her and spilling the 'dirt' that she skipped a rehearsal for other career prospects. The fact that she's reacting at all is an overreaction because, ''really''? Still, Santana decides that Rachel is in need of a public brand. Obviously, she's going to do the honours of being the manager in charge of making it a sympathetic one - but when Rachel spots a woman trying to get her purse dog into her purse, a light bulb sparks. She's going to support animal charities or something, which is definitely not [[ActorAllusion straight out the life]] of Creator/LeaMichele.

Santana grand plan begins with Blaine and Artie strategically placed amongst some paparazzos on a lunch break. When they spot Rachel, they loudly announce her arrival. Subtlety has never been in Santana's vocabulary (maybe because it doesn't have a direct equivalent concept in Spanish?). Rachel is trying to walk a small army of dogs, and though Santana encourages her, she be but small. When the dogs notice that the photographers are eating food, they lunge for it: Rachel didn't stand a chance, really. Santana's face would probably be priceless, if she weren't covering it. http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/screen_shot_2016_06_21_at_211119.png

The charity event has come, and Rachel thanks Santana for magically setting the whole thing up. Seriously, how did she do it? I'm guessing she's been spending all her bindless hours in NYC getting connected. Smart chick. She then gives Rachel a three-legged dog for photos - except, RED ALERT, some kids want to adopt it. When Rachel won't let it go, the mother sneers at her for her selfish motive and leaves. Of course, Santana comforts Rachel by insulting said woman's fashion.

Also appearing to watch is Clara, halfway through in that dramatic cliché way the show exploits like a Bangladeshi child worker.

Santana grand plan begins with Blaine and Artie strategically placed amongst some paparazzos on a lunch break. When they spot Rachel, they loudly announce her arrival. Subtlety has never been in Santana's vocabulary (maybe because it doesn't have a direct equivalent concept in Spanish?). Rachel is trying to walk a small army of dogs, and though Santana encourages her, she be but small. When the dogs notice that the photographers are eating food, they lunge for it: Rachel didn't stand a chance, really. Santana's face would probably be priceless, if she weren't covering it.

Over to [[PortmanteauCoupleName Smartie]]'s apartment, with a badly behaved rescue dog that Sam adopted anyway. He called it [=McConaughey=] - as in Creator/MatthewMcConaughey, the guy he does the worst impressions of, but probably wants to be because of his role in ''Film/MagicMike''.

* "I Melt With You" by Music/ModernEnglish, performed by Rachel, Sam, and Mercedes

* "Take Me Home Tonight" by Music/EddieMoney, performed by the New York alumni and Maggie