History Recap / GameOfThronesS3E1ValarDohaeris

-->'''Tywin''': You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning. Men's laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud lion that was my father's sigil and his father's before him. But neither gods nor men will ''ever'' compel me to let you turn Casterly Rock into your whorehouse.

'''Cersei:''' You told him I had my guards beat that servant girl at Casterly Rock.
'''Tyrion:''' You ''did'' have your guards beat her. A girl of nine, I believe.
'''Cersei:''' [[EnfantTerrible I was nine too]].
'''Tyrion:''' [[EyeScream She lost an eye]], if I remember correctly.

-->'''Tyrion''': Why do you care what I want with him?
-->'''Cersei''': Because you slandered me to father before.
-->'''Tyrion'''': Slandered? When?
-->'''Cersei''': When you told father I had that servant girl beaten…..
-->'''Tyrion''': You ''did'' have your guards beat her. A girl of nine!.
-->'''Cersei''': [[EnfantTerrible I was nine too]].
-->'''Tyrion''': [[EyeScream She lost an eye]], if I remember correctly.
-->'''Cersei''': [[DisproportionateRetribution If I remember correctly she never stole a necklace again]].

-->'''Tyrion''': You ''did'' have your guards beat her. [[WouldHurtAChild A girl of nine!]].

** Tyrion tries CallingTheOldManOut, but he responds by telling Tyrion exactly what he thinks of him. Even Tyrion can't think of a retort in the face of his father's overt contempt.

We start where the last season left off - '''north of the wall''', Sam and a ton load of zombies. Or at least one zombie, who does its best to finish off Sam before a now ''huge'' Ghost steps in to savage it. And then Jeor Mormont sets it on fire. Yes, Mormont's still alive, and so are at least a few of the Night's Watch. And they're all very disappointed in Sam, since he failed to send the ravens for help. Mormont insists they need to fall back to the Wall: Castle Black and the rest of Westeros need to be warned of the evil that is coming for them all.

After the opening credits, we follow Jon Snow into '''the Wildling camp''', where he gets stones thrown at him by small children and also gets to see his very first (and extremely well rendered) giant, before being taken to see Mance Rayder, the King beyond the Wall. After a case of mistaken identity, Mance flat out asks Jon why he wants to join the Wildlings, and scoffs when Jon claims he wants to be free. "I think you want to be a hero," he retorts, and demands the real reason. Jon reveals what he saw Craster doing to his newborn son all the way back last season - and what took the baby. [[BrokenPedestal And what Mormont's reaction was.]] "Thousands of years ago, the First Men battled the White Walkers and defeated them. I want to fight for the side that fights for the ''living''." This seems to be good enough for Mance - for now, at least.

We move quickly to '''King's Landing''', where Bronn is doing the nasty with a prostitute. Or trying to, anyway, since Tyrion's squire Podrick summons him to their employer's sick room, where Tyrion is at present entertaining Cersei. Reluctantly. ''Very'' reluctantly. He probably wouldn't have let her in at all if he didn't have the axe to hand. "They said you lost your nose, but it's not as gruesome as all that," Cersei jibes, but she's not here to insult Tyrion. (Much.) She wants to know what he's going to say about her and Joffrey when he meets with Lord Tywin - which is actually a very sensible thing to be worried about, considering Tyrion's sitting on the knowledge of a whole lot of stupid and idiotic things that mother and son have done in the past.

Still, Tyrion plays dumb and (after a light interlude with Bronn in which the subject of pay is much discussed) we find out that he wasn't planning to blab to their father about the utter failures that Cersei and Joffrey are. Although the Lannister patriarch might have refused to believe him anyway; as you'll see, Tywin -- rather frustratingly -- has something of a blind spot when it comes to his children. Tyrion wants Casterly Rock, which should be his by rights, Jaime being a member of the Kingsguard and unable to inherit property or titles (as well as currently being captive/missing/who knows where) and Cersei, [[HeirClubForMen having a vagina as she does, inherits after all her brothers]].

What follows is rather distressing, and taken almost word for word from the book. Suffice it to say that Tywin hates Tyrion, highly resents the fact that his family's sigil is dishonored by a waddling dwarf - did we mention that Tyrion's mother died giving birth to him? We did? Well, we'll mention it again; Tywin certainly seems to have fixated on it. And he threatens to hang the next whore he finds in Tyrion's bed.

Meanwhile, down at the docks, Sansa is trying to amuse herself by making romantic guesses at the destinations of the ships out on the ocean. Shae isn't really interested in the game, and is saved from further imagination when along comes Petyr Baelish to talk to Sansa. While he takes her aside and assures her he's looking for a way out for her - as well as letting slip that Arya's alive, although lying that he knows where she is - Ros, now his right hand woman (and Varys's spy - remember last season's finale?) comments to Shae on how they've both come up in the world. Shae's reaction is rather 'Yeah? Your point?'ish, but she softens when Ros tells her to watch out for Sansa. "Watch out for her with ''him''," Ros adds, knowing very well by now what sort of man Littlefinger is. Brrrrr.

We cut to - Davos, who somehow managed to survive that palaver in the Battle of Blackwater and finds himself on a rock in '''Blackwater Bay'''. He is picked up by a passing ship that just so happens to to captained by his old friend, Salladhor Saan. Saan commiserates with Davos over the loss of Matthos, his son, but Davos isn't going to take this quietly. He manages to convince Saan to take him to Dragonstone, although the pirate doesn't think that's a ''great'' idea. Melisandre appears to have moved from burning wooden statues to flesh and blood people - Stannis's enemies are being burned alive.

Robb and his forces march upon '''Harrenhal''', which is looking even worse than when we last saw it. That probably has something to do with the dead Northmen littered all over the place, courtesy of Gregor Clegane. Robb, who clearly still hasn't forgiven Catelyn for the whole 'Freeing the Kingslayer' stunt, is quick to find another cell for her. Lord Karstark is also resentful, but Roose Bolton assures him that the Kingslayer won't be free for long - he's sent someone after him. Ominous.

Still, in the midst of death there is life, and Robb and Talisa happen upon one still living person amidst the massacre - a maester called Qyburn, who knows he should be happy to be alive but just can't manage it. Hardly surprising, really.

Joffrey, riding in his palanquin through the streets of '''King's Landing''' and on the way to the Great Sept, happens to see his betrothed Margaery Tyrell getting out of her own mode of transport. Margaery's off to meet the smallfolk, particularly to visit an orphanage. The populace are clearly warming to a future queen whose family is providing them with food, and who appears to be taking a genuine interest in them. As opposed to Cersei, who still doesn't dare go into the city without armed guards, and who's getting worried about Margaery's charitable work, and how Joffrey seems to approve of her.

!! Tropes in this episode:

** Stannis's daughter Shireen and Robert's son Edric don't show up on Dragonstone. Shireen will show up later in the season, [[spoiler: but apparently Edric's storyline has somehow been merged into Gendry's.]]
* AskAStupidQuestion: An InUniverse version -- Tywin is incredulous that Tyrion would ask why he'd refuse him Casterly Rock.
* BerserkButton: Tywin is ''vigorously'' opposed to Tyrion inheriting Casterly Rock, the seat of power of the Lannister house.
** Also, Davos does does not like being reminded of his only son's death in the wildfire at Blackwater.

* BrotherSisterTeam: Unlike Cersei and Joffrey's barely concealed discord in "Valar Dohaeris," the Tyrell siblings are very much in sync during the dinner conversation.

** Said warlock assassin girl is a RuleOfCool stand-in for the Sorrowful Man that is in that role in the books. Likely the producers thought a man who apologizes after handing over a disguised scorpion wasn't nearly as impressive as a CreepyChild who can vanish and reappear like magic.
* CliffhangerCopout: That massive army of White Walkers and wights from the end of last season apparently just wandered off by the time this one starts. Or, at the very least, we [[BattleDiscretionShot don't see the battle]] -- we only hear the sounds of battle for a few moments at the start of the episode, and when we see the men of the Night's Watch there are less than last season and the survivors are all bloodied.

** The little warlock assassin girl takes the place of a member of the Sorrowful Men hired by the surviving warlocks.

* ContinuityNod: In the opening credits the clockwork model of Winterfell is shown as a burnt-out ruin, like Harrenhall.

* CreepyChild[=/=]DeliberatelyCuteChild: The Warlocks of Qarth send a little girl who hisses like a snake - and has blue lips like them - to kill Dany.
* DoomedNewClothes: A variation, in which Margaery drags the hem and sash of her beautiful silk dress through the mud -- but she knows full well what she's doing, and is deliberately trying to make a point.

* InTheHood: Barristan Selmy

* KickTheDog: Tywin Lannister gets his moment when Tyrion asks for the right to Casterly Rock[[note]]Tyrion is completely in the right, by the way - due to Cersei being a woman and Jaime a brother of the Kingsguard, Tyrion ''is'' Tywin's heir[[/note]].
** Melisandre practically drop-punts poor Davos, basically telling him that it's his fault his son is dead because he told Stannis not to take Melisandre to battle--she claims that she could have stopped the wildfire and saved Matthos. What makes this worse is that she probably set the whole thing up as a BatmanGambit to make Stannis more dependent on her and less trusting in Davos' counsel.

* NotEvenBotheringWithTheAccent: Aidan Gillen seems to have dropped the effort at an English accent that he made in earlier episodes; Littlefinger now speaks with his natural Irish accent.
* OffscreenMomentOfAwesome: The vast majority of the Battle for the Fist of the First Men is not shown; all that's heard is the noises of battle (the clash of weapons, warcries and screams from the Night's Watch and some ''[[HellIsThatNoise truly]] demonic howling from the White Walkers).
* OhCrap: The expression on Jorah's face when Ser Barristan asks to join Danys. Given that the king's bodyguard sees and hears everything that the king does (even more in the books where the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard sits on the Small Council) then Barristan might well know about Jorah working as a spy for Varys.

* PhotoOpWithTheDog: Margaery visiting orphans in the slums of Kings Landing and bringing them food and gifts.

** Also, Tyrion doesn't lose his nose and simply gets a rather nasty scar, so that Dinklage wouldn't have to put up with prosthetics and they wouldn't have to edit the offending nose out post-production.

** In the books, wealthy slaveowners in Ghiscari city states tease and oil their hair into fantastic shapes and wear the tokar, which from its description in the books is vaguely similar to a Roman toga and needs to be constantly held in place with the left hand. When Kraznys mo Nakloz appears he's both bald and wearing something much less outlandish. Also, part of the weird and confusing Ghiscari naming customs seems to have been dropped as Krazys's family name is not mentioned at all.

* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: Tyrion tries CallingTheOldManOut, but he responds by telling Tyrion exactly what he thinks of him. Even Tyrion can't think of a retort in the face of his father's overt contempt.

-->'''Bronn''': You're a grub in fancy armour who's better at beating little girls than fighting men.
* RelativeButton: Melisandre brings up Davos' son, who died at the Blackwater as well as the circumstances of his death, and intimates that it wouldn't have happened had Davos not kept her from being present at the battle. This (intentionally or not) goads Davos into trying to kill her.

* RuleOfSymbolism / TableSpace: At the dinner table, the Tyrell siblings are seated next to each other, while Cersei and Joffrey are positioned at the opposite ends. (To maintain symmetry, Margaery and Loras would normally have been placed across from each other.) Guess which family gets along harmoniously and which one is dysfunctional.

* StabTheScorpion: An almost literal example with Barristan's introduction, wherein he initially appears to be an assassin trying to kill Dany, but actually is there to save her life from the real assassin. He does so by stabbing the assassin's "manticore", which looks a lot like a green scorpion with the pattern of a human face on the back of its tail.

---> '''Margaery''': Loras, isn't the Queen's gown magnificent? The fabric, the embroidery, the ''metalwork''. I've never seen anything like it!

---> '''Loras''': ''[smiling directly at Cersei]'' Margaery does a great deal of work with the poor back in Highgarden.
* StepfordSmiler: Loras' misery betrays itself subtly. Towards the end of the dinner scene, he is no longer paying attention to the conversation and looks forlornly into the distance.

* TravelingAtTheSpeedOfPlot: In the previous episode, Jon saw the massive encampment of Mance Rayder's troops from a hill below, and in this episode he's taken through the camp to meet Mance. So it seems like a maximum of one day has passed between the events of the season 2 finale and this episode... Except that, apparently in the same time it took Jon to get to Mance, Tyrion's huge facial scar has healed significantly, and Daenerys's dragons have grown visibly larger.

We start where the last season left off - '''north of the wall''', Sam and a ton load of zombies. Or at least one zombie, who does its best to finish off Sam before a now ''huge'' Ghost steps in to savage it. And then Jeor Mormont sets it on fire. Yes, Mormont's still alive, and so are at least a few of the Night's Watch. And they're all very disappointed in Sam, since he failed to send the ravens for help.

** Also, Tyrion doesn't lose his nose and simply gets a rather nasty scar, either so Dinklage didn't have to put up with prosthetics or they didn't have to edit the offending nose out post-production, whichever is closer to the truth.
** Robb doesn't have a heart-to-heart with Catelyn and doesn't insist on her being treated gently, making his actions toward her seem like a giant KickTheDog moment compared to the books, where he forgave her setting Jaime free to essentially force her to forgive him breaking the Frey marriage pact at the same time, as the order of events and where they took place was different in the show. Of course, in the books, forgiving Catelyn also doubles as a maneuver to justify why he also broke his oath to House Frey and married Jeyne Westerling
** In the books, wealthy slaveowners in Ghiscari city-states tease and oil their hair into fantastic shapes and wear the tokar, which from its description in the books is vaguely similar to a Roman toga and needs to be constantly held in place with the left hand. When Kraznys mo Nakloz appears he's both bald and wearing something much less outlandish. Also, part of the weird and confusing Ghiscari naming customs seems to have been dropped as Krazys' family name is not mentioned at all.

* ReverseArmFold: This is Loras' stance when he greets Cersei and Joffrey.

* TravelingAtTheSpeedOfPlot: In the previous episode, Jon saw the massive encampment of Mance Rayder's troops from a hill below, and in this episode he's taken through the camp to meet Mance. So it seems like a maximum of one day has passed between the events of the season 2 finale and this episode... Except that, apparently in the same time it took Jon to get to Mance, Tyrion's huge facial scar has healed significantly, and Daenerys' dragons have grown visibly larger.

After the opening credits, we follow Jon Snow into '''the Wildling camp''', where he gets stones thrown at him by small children and also gets to see his very first (and extremely well rendered) giant, before being taken to see Mance Rayder, the King beyond the Wall. After a case of mistaken identity, Mance flat out asks Jon why he wants to join the Wildlings, and scoffs when Jon claims he wants to be free. "I think you want to be a hero," he retorts, and demands the real reason. Jon reveals what he saw Craster doing to his new born son all the way back last season - and what took the baby. [[BrokenPedestal And what Mormont's reaction was.]] "Thousands of years ago, the First Men battled the White Walkers and defeated them. I want to fight for the side that fights for the ''living''." This seems to be good enough for Mance - for now, at least.

* TravelingAtTheSpeedOfPlot: In the previous episode, Jon saw the massive encampment of Mance Rayder's troops from a hill below, and in this episode he's taken through the camp to meet Mance. So it seems like a maximum of one day has passed between the events of the season 2 finale and this episode... Except that, apparently in the same time it took Jon to go through the camp, Tyrion's huge facial scar has healed significantly, and Daenerys' dragons have grown visibly larger.

* WantsAPrizeForBasicDecency: Tywin Fucking Lannister. He refers to his act of not drowning his ''infant son'' as an example of how he makes personal sacrifices for the good of his family. Tyrion is so horrified by the declaration that he fails to make the slightest retort... a very rare moment for him, especially as ''he'' was the infant in question. The realization that his father despises him with every fiber of his being and the only reason he's still alive is because his father couldn't find a way to ''legally'' kill him is the turning point of his life to that point - [[spoiler:which ultimately leads Tyrion to kill Tywin after he declares Tyrion guilty of Joffrey's murder]].

* WantsAPrizeForBasicDecency: Tywin Fucking Lannister. He refers to his act of not drowning his ''infant son'' as an example of how he makes personal sacrifices for the good of his family. Tyrion is so horrified by the declaration that he fails to make the slightest retort... a very rare moment for him. especially as ''he'' was the infant in question. The realization that his father despises him with every fiber of his being and the only reason he's still alive is because his father couldn't find a way to ''legally'' kill him is the turning point of his life to that point - [[spoiler:which ultimately leads Tyrion to kill Tywin after he declares Tyrion guilty of Joffrey's murder]].

* MaternalDeathBlameTheChild: As with Cersei, Tywin also blames Tryion for his mother's death, and this fact alone is enough to disown him as his heir.

We cut to - Davos, who somehow managed to survive that palaver in the Battle of Blackwater and finds himself on a rock in '''Blackwater Bay'''. he is picked up by a passing ship that just so happens to to captained by his old friend, Salladhor Saan. Saan commiserates with Davos over the loss of Matthos, his son, but Davos isn't going to take this quietly. He manages to convince Saan to take him to Dragonstone, although the pirate doesn't think that's a ''great'' idea. Melisandre appears to have moved from burning wooden statues to flesh and blood people - Stannis's enemies are being burned alive.

* GenreSavvy: Mance Rayder takes one look at Jon and decides "what (he) really want(s) is to be [[TheHero a hero]]", delivering probably the most accurate assessment of him we've yet heard. He doesn't believe Jon's IJustWantToBeFree explanation for a second, and remains unconvinced until Jon tells him something that truly surprises him (namely that Mormont was turning a blind eye to Craster's sacrifices).

* IJustWantToBeFree: Jon's first explanation for wanting to join the Wildlings.

* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech