History Recap / GameOfThronesS2E2TheNightLands

* OhCrap: Gendry may figured out the truth about Arya's SweetPollyOliver routine, but he had no idea about her high status. He's horrified to realise he just told a lady of a great house to "pull [her] cock out." Luckily, Arya makes it very clear that she doesn't care about being shown deference.

** For all of Arya's horrible luck, the one member of the Night's Watch recruits to figure out she's a girl is also the only one who would never turn her in or rape her.

* InstantTurnOff: Theon Greyjoy catches a ride to Pyke from a rather attractive blonde woman. While riding second seat on her horse, he starts feeling her up. He learns shortly after arriving that she's his younger sister Yara, and is ''extremely'' {{squick}}ed out, both at [[SurpriseIncest the fact he felt up his sister]], and ''[[BrotherSisterIncest that she didn't stop him]]''.

In '''The Red Keep''', Tyrion entertains Janos Slynt to dinner. The interview goes about as well as you might expect for Janos, who ends up stripped of his post and exiled to the Wall. Tyrion drinks a toast with the new captain of the City Watch - then proceeds to ask him, out of what can only be morbid curiousity, if he could do what his predecessor did; kill a baby without question. "Not without question; I'd ask for how much." That's our Bronn. Tyrion seems sickened, but not surprised. Like we said, morbid curiousity.

Back to '''Dragonstone''', as Davos tells Stannis that Sallador and his thirty ships are arrayed with them against Renly, but this news doesn't exactly cheer Stannis up - Renly still vastly outnumbers him. Melisandre tells him that if only he opens himself fully to the Lord of Light (as she opens her robe, [[VaporWear revealing that was]] [[VaporWear ''all'']] [[VaporWear she chose to wear tonight]]) he can be given all that he ever desired - such as a son, which is what really captures his interest, rather than what's under the robe. She and Stannis proceed to [[RightThroughHisPants pray]] the Summer Islands way - right on top of the Painted Table, while pieces are scattered in the process. That can't be comfortable.

-->'''Mathos:''' We're not attacking King's Landing so you can rape the queen!\\

'''Mathos:''' As if she would just let you?\\

* IronicEcho: The last time we heard someone mockingly say the term "grumpkins and snarks", it was Tyrion chiding Jon Snow. This time its Cersei talking to him and Tyrion believing the tales (having spoken with and gotten the measure of the man telling them).

Then to '''Craster's Keep'''. Despite Jon's refusal of Gilly due to the ominous cutoff, he's suspicious enough of Craster to follow him into the woods. The question of what Craster does with his sons is answered, as the wildling abandons a crying baby to the tender mercy of...whatever's out there. This is too much for Jon, who attempts to save the child - only to see ''[[HumanoidAbomination something]]'' pick it up and retreat into the woods. And, before Jon can proceed further, Craster fells him with the flat of his axe. Cut to black.

* IronicEcho: The last time we heard someone mockingly say the term "grumpkins and snarks", it was Tyrion chiding Jon Snow. This time its Cersei talking to him.
* NotSoDifferent: Bronn and Janos Slynt.

* VitriolicBestBuds: Arya and Gendry conversations are full of snark ("how can someone so small be so annoying?" "you're stupider") but rather surprisingly for their situation, they genuinely trust and protect each other with Arya being concerned about why the soldiers wanted Gendry and Gendry keeping her true identity a secret.

* VitriolicBestBuds: Arya and Gendry snark at each other ("how can someone so small be so annoying?" "you're stupider") but rather surprisingly for their situation, do trust and protect each other with Arya being genuinely concerned about why the soldiers wanted Gendry and Gendry keeping her true identity a secret.

* VitorlicBestBuds: Arya and Gendry snark at each other ("how can someone so small be so annoying?" "you're stupider") but - rather surprisingly for their situation - do trust and protect each other, with Arya being genuinely concerned about why the soldiers wanted Gendry and Gendry keeping her true identity a secret.

When the '''Nightwatch recruits''' stop for a break, Lommy Greenhands muses about giving up Gendry, since he's the one the Gold Cloaks want. After an enlightening discussion about what makes both a battle and a knight, Arya goes after Gendry, curious as to why he seems to be hotter property than her. He's no more clue than she has, but he does know one thing - turns out the SweetPollyOliver act hasn't fooled at least one person. For lack of anyone else, Arya entrusts him with her secret.

Small council time: Cersei listens calmly to Robb's demands, then proceeds to rip up the terms. Tyrion is temporarily possessed by the snark of the viewers: "You've perfected the art of tearing up papers." She does reluctantly concede to sending Ned's bones back up North, along with a not so subtle coded message for Jaime, but laughs off the request of the Nightwatch for more men. Tyrion isn't laughing - he's been there, done that, pissed off the Wall and some of what Mormont and Maester Aemon said has actually sunk in.

* RightThroughHisPants: Stannis is now the new master of this trope in ''GameOfThrones'', as he has his way with Melisandre without even opening his breeches.

* CallBack: The way Arya is first seen here (she's looking around her while the camera rotates around her) is shot the same way as in the pilot.

In his brothel, in the midst of making certain all the customers are satisfied, Littlefinger runs across a problem - Ros is, understandably, more than a little shaken from seeing her best friend's baby ''killed in front of her'' yesterday. Littlefinger, charitably, suggests she take the day off and turn up tomorrow bright and cheerful - because, he tells Ros, he ended up selling the last whore who cried and moped all the time to a man who wanted to 'transform' her. (And not in a Henry Higgins way.) Ros gets the message very quickly, and we are reminded once again that Littlefinger is not a nice man. At all.

* IncestSubtext: Yara is willing to let her brother grope her breasts and finger what's inside her breeches, and from the expression on her face is clearly getting off on it.

* OffWithHisHead: The Dothraki cut off Rakharo's head and send it back to Danys on his horse.

Then to '''Craster's Keep'''. Despite Jon's refusal of Gilly due to the ominous cutoff, he's suspicious enough of Craster to follow him into the woods. The question of what Craster does with his sons is answered, as the wildling abandons a crying baby to the tender mercy of...whatever's out there. This is too much for Jon, who attempts to save the child - only to see ''something'' pick it up and retreat into the woods. And, before Jon can proceed further, Craster fells him with the flat of his axe. Cut to black.

* AdaptationDistillation: The show saves the need of introducing a tertiary character to be the new City Watch commander by having Tyrion's sidekick Bronn promoted instead.

Then to '''Craster's Keep'''. Despite Jon's refusal of Gilly due to the ominous cutoff, he's suspicious enough of Craster to follow him into the woods. The question of what Craster does with his sons is answered, as the wildling abandons a crying baby to the tender mercy of...whatever's out there. This is too much for Jon, who attempts to save the child - only to see ''something'' pick it up and retreat into the woods. And, before Jon can proceed further, Craster fells him with the butt of his sword. Cut to black.

Picking up where last episode left off, 'Arry' is encountering the problem every SweetPollyOliver comes across sooner or later - how to keep up the disguise when nature calls. Having come back from taking care of business in secret, she has a slight run in with the inhabitants of the caged men accompanying their party, including a certain man who speaks of everyone in the third person, especially himself, and another man who threatens to rape her bloody with a stick. Lovely. Then the excitement really kicks in, as some Gold Cloaks intercept the caravan. Arya naturally assumes they're looking for her, but it's revealed that it's Gendry they want. Not that Yoren is going to give up either of them, as proved by his threat to place his sharp-enough-to-shave-a-spider's-ass knife at a very tender portion of the lead guard's anatomy - his femoral artery. Why, what where you thinking of? The Gold Cloaks back down for now, but it's clear they're not going back to King's Landing without Gendry, dead or alive.

Tyrion walks in on a nasty surprise - Varys, happily chatting with Shae. Ominous. Tyrion is much quicker off the mark than Ned ever was, and says as such, out right telling Varys that if he tries to backstab ''him'', he'll end up going for a terminal swim - perhaps keeping the theme of fish pie running? Varys seems almost amused by his threat - one gets the feeling he's been threatened by far worse in his time.

Way up north where men are men and marry their daughters, ''(eeeeeesh)'' Sam has to rescue one of Craster's 'wives' from Ghost, and promptly all but adopts her. He brings the girl, Gilly, to Jon, where she pleads her case, saying she's pregnant and wants to protect her baby from Craster, since if it's a boy - and ominously cuts off. Jon's response is, 'What am ''I'' supposed to do about it?', showing that he's learned his lesson from last week - besides which, Gilly expects them to help her without continuing to explain herself beyond the ominous cut off.

Precisely what Daenerys and her khalasar are getting up to this time around is a short scene but contains a lot of incident. Rakharo's horse comes back with a rather snazzy paint job but, not so snazzily, without Rakharo - save for a nasty surprise in the saddle bag. Jorah says that the sender of this grisly little gift was probably one of the many, many khals who don't appreciate the idea of a woman ruler. Poor Irri is distraught, since not only did Rakharo lose his head, he also lost his braid - a sign of defeat - and, since who knows what's happened to his body, he won't be able to get to the Dothraki afterlife. And on top of all that, she secretly loved him! Dany promises her handmaiden that they will build a pyre for Rakharo - though, considering there isn't that much wood about, it's probably just as well it'll be a very small pyre.

Tyrion entertains Janos Slynt to dinner. The interview goes about as well as you might expect for Janos, who ends up stripped of his post and exiled to the Wall. Tyrion drinks a toast with the new captain of the City Watch - then proceeds to ask him, out of what can only be morbid curiousity, if he could do what his predecessor did; kill a baby without question. "Not without question; I'd ask for how much." That's our Bronn. Tyrion seems sickened, but not surprised. Like we said, morbid curiousity.

When the Nightwatch recruits stop for a break, Lommy Greenhands muses about giving up Gendry, since he's the one the Gold Cloaks want. After an enlightening discussion about what makes both a battle and a knight, Arya goes after Gendry, curious as to why he seems to be hotter property than her. He's no more clue than she has, but he does know one thing - turns out the SweetPollyOliver act hasn't fooled at least one person. For lack of anyone else, Arya entrusts him with her secret.

Theon just can't catch a break. He expects a grand greeting to welcome him home to Pyke as the long returning last Greyjoy son - he gets one fisherman who is singularly unimpressed. Things are looking up when he hitches a ride with a feisty young woman up to the castle, with whom he gets rather friendly - turns out he's been sticking his hands inside his ''sister'' Yara's trousers. Who, incidentally, finds the whole thing hilarious, and has spent the last nine years being a much better Greyjoy son than he has. So much so, in fact, that daddy Balon regards ''her'' as his heir, and not the son who came home wearing jewellery he hasn't paid the 'iron price' for and bleating the praises of the Starks. Balon believes this moment of strife is the perfect time to stage another uprising. Against the Lannisters? Who, pray tell, said anything about the Lannisters? It's Theon's ''new'' family that are going to catch it hard.

On Dragonstone, Davos is sorting out a deal with Sallador Saan, an old friend in the pirate business; Stannis's knight had an interesting career before he came to serve him. Negotiations include Sallador claiming Cersei and part of his fee for helping to take King's Landing; after all, "The only god is between a woman's legs." Davos's son thinks that the only god is Melisandre's R'hllor, having been fully converted, while to Davos the only god is Stannis.

Cersei is ''pissed'' that Tyrion exiled Slynt without her say so; she's the Queen Regent! Tyrion implies she's been throwing that title around so much she's forgetting the consequences; a lot of people in King's Landing are ''very'' angry with the baby slaughtering queen, even if it was Joffrey who gave the order and let his mother take the fall. Charming lad. Cersei still believes her son was in the right and that Tyrion isn't taking this seriously - he never has, nor has Jaime. "It's always fallen on me!" Tyrion is rather taken aback by this show of emotion and strain on his sister's part, and tries to lighten the mood - in the ''worst'' way possible. "So has Jaime, according to Stannis." Smooth, Tyrion. Real smooth. Cersei soon wipes the smile off his face by saying that the biggest joke has always been that the stunted Tyrion is alive at the cost of their mother's life. Tyrion was asking for something like that, but still. ''Ouch.''

Davos tells Stannis that Sallador and his thirty ships are arrayed with them against Renly, but this news doesn't exactly cheer Stannis up - Renly still vastly outnumbers him. Melisandre tells him that if only he opens himself fully to the Lord of Light (as she opens her robe, [[VaporWear revealing that was]] [[VaporWear ''all'']] [[VaporWear she chose to wear tonight]]) he can be given all that he ever desired - such as a son, which is what really captures his interest, rather than what's under the robe. She and Stannis proceed to [[RightThroughHisPants pray]] the Summer Islands way - right on top of the Painted Table, while pieces are scattered in the process. That can't be comfortable.

Despite Jon's refusal of Gilly due to the ominous cutoff, he's suspicious enough of Craster to follow him into the woods. The question of what Craster does with his sons is answered, as the wildling abandons a crying baby to the tender mercy of...whatever's out there. This is too much for Jon, who attempts to save the child - only to see ''something'' pick it up and retreat into the woods. And, before Jon can proceed further, Craster fells him with the butt of his sword. Cut to black.

* PetTheDog: Subverted. Littlefinger looks at first as if he might be trying to genuinely comfort Ros when he finds her crying, but it quickly becomes apparent that he's ''really'' not.

In his brothel, in the midst of making certain all the customers are satisfied, Littlefinger runs across a problem - Ros is, understandably, more than a little shaken from seeing her best friend's baby ''killed in front of her'' yesterday. Littlefinger, charitably, suggests she take the day off and turn up tomorrow bright and cheerful - because, he tells Ros, he ended up selling the last whore who cried and moped all the time to a man who wanted to 'transform' her. (And not in a Henry Higgens' way.) Ros gets the message very quickly, and we are reminded once again that Littlefinger is not a nice man. At all.

* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: What happened to Alliser Thorne? In season one, he's dispatched to King's Landing to ask for aid for the Night's Watch, but in season two, he's nowhere to be found, and the scene from the books in which he arrives and asks for help is replaced by one in which a raven arrives from Castle Black instead.

Davos tells Stannis that Sallador and his thirty ships are arrayed with them against Renly, but this news doesn't exactly cheer Stannis up - Renly still vastly outnumbers him. Melisandre tells him that if only he opens himself fully to the Lord of Light (as she opens her robe, [[VaporWear revealing that was ''all'' she chose to wear tonight]]) he can be given all that he ever desired - such as a son, which is what really captures his interest, rather than what's under the robe. She and Stannis proceed to [[RightThroughHisPants pray]] the Summer Islands way - right on top of the Painted Table, while pieces are scattered in the process. That can't be comfortable.