History Quotes / TheNostalgiaCritic

->The important thing about any character we're supposed to despise is that they have to connect to something we relate to. Whether they're someone we're supposed to have no sympathy for[[note]][[Disney/{{Cinderella}} Lady Tremaine.]][[/note]] or someone we're supposed to see humanity in,[[note]][[WesternAnimation/ThePrinceOfEgypt Ramses]].[[/note]] something has to be recognizable,[[note]][[Franchise/StarWars Darth Vader]].[[/note]] because it all comes from real places. And if there's no attempt to understand those real places, you lose the connection. This is why the jerk in this movie doesn't work--he's a shell of what other great jerks were, except with none of the understanding of what made those characters interesting. We're always supposed to connect, whether we're supposed to like the character or not. If no attempt is made to understand negativity, you'll never be able to give it direction. This is why this goddamn movie fails, especially at understanding the important things at Christmas.

-->-- Critic explaining why Barney the Dinosaur is so hated in his review of ''Film/BarneysGreatAdventure''

->'''Critic''': So, looking at this eye-saurus after all these years, it ''is'' hitting me with more clarity why it's so easy to dislike him. One of the biggest reasons: he's creepy looking! When you compare him to, say, Disney characters or the Muppets, who spent years trying to perfect their designs, you can start to tell why.\\
First off: the eyes. They're the most expressive part of the face, so either making them very large and complex or smaller and simpler can make a big difference. Barney's eyes are both big in the wrong way and small in the wrong way. The actual size of his eyes are tiny, but not simple enough to leave a gentle impact. Yet his pupils are huge and literally glassy, always looking dead, stoned, or possessed by Yoshi Satan! On top of that, his weird-ass teeth!\\
Again, Disney and the Muppets rarely incorporated that much dental unless they wanted them to look intentionally weird. You probably noticed a big smile with a lot of teeth often comes across as domineering, or even a little scary. [[SelfDeprecation Heck, just look at this asshole]]! [[UncannyValley And not making them sharp, if anything, kinda makes it even]] ''[[UncannyValley more]]'' [[UncannyValley creepy]]. [[Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020 Remember when Sonic had normal-looking teeth]]? Remember when sharks were photoshopped with normal teeth? It didn't help anything; it just made shit scarier! So before Barney even says a word, you're already put off by him.\\
But, books and covers and all that; maybe his personality has more charm than I remember.\\

'''Critic''': You know, maybe that's another big factor. I mean, that kid just insulted Barney and all he did was laugh! Which for some characters could work, but for Barney, you know he's just gonna be happy...and that's it. And believe it or not, even for little kids, that's not very relatable.\\
Think about why other children's icons stayed with you: because they showed they were more than one emotion. [[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood Mister Rogers]] could talk about sad things like death, depression, difficult emotions.\\

'''Critic''': Barney would never feel sad, or angry, or confused. He was just happy all the time, which, after a while, comes across as phony and even kinda shallow. And don't get me wrong, I know it's weird to analyze something meant for, like, ''little'' little kids, but part of this analysis is figuring out why everyone else hated him so much.\\
Part of that may be because we remember relating to other kids' media because it taught us how emotions and conflict work, as well as numbers and letters. And all they had to do was simply have more than one emotion. Imagine Barney having any other emotion other than happy. It would be crazy, because neither his physical nor emotional designs support it. He couldn't have the conversations they had on ''Sesame Street'' or ''Mister Rogers'' because there was so little to him. Imagine if he did: it'd just turn out ''insane!''\\

It's not just one emotion a great children's character can express--it's a gamut of emotions that all kids feel.\\

Think about why other children's icons stayed with you: because they showed they were more than one emotion. [[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood Mister Rogers]] could talk about sad things like death, depression, difficult emotions.//

'''Critic''': [[Series/SesameStreet Big Bird]] could feel awful when he finds out he's never gonna see someone ever again.//

->So, looking at this eye-saurus after all these years, it ''is'' hitting me with more clarity why it's so easy to dislike him. One of the biggest reasons: he's creepy looking! When you compare him to, say, Disney characters or the Muppets, who spent years trying to perfect their designs, you can start to see why.\\

But, books and covers and all that; maybe his personality has more charm than I remember. ''[...]'' You know, maybe that's another big factor. I mean, that kid just insulted Barney and all he did was laugh! Which for some characters could work, but for Barney, you know he's just gonna be happy...and that's it. And believe it or not, even for little kids, that's not very relatable.\\
Think about why other children's icons stayed with you: because they showed they were more than one emotion. [[Series/MisterRogersNeighborhood Mister Rogers]] could talk about sad things like death, depression, difficult emotions. [[Series/SesameStreet Big Bird]] could feel awful when he finds out he's never gonna see someone ever again. It's not just one emotion a great children's character can express--it's a gamut of emotions that all kids feel. Barney would never feel sad, or angry, or confused. He was just happy all the time, which, after a while, comes across as phony and even kinda shallow. And don't get me wrong, I know it's weird to analyze something meant for, like, ''little'' little kids, but part of this analysis is figuring out why everyone else hated him so much.\\
Part of that may be because we remember relating to other kids' media because it taught us how emotions and conflict work, as well as numbers and letters. And all they had to do was simply have more than one emotion. Imagine Barney having any other emotion other than happy. It would be crazy, because neither his physical nor emotional designs support it. He couldn't have the conversations they had on Sesame Street or Mister Rogers because there was so little to him.\\
''[...]'''\\
Yet Daniel Tiger--''a sock puppet''--does it and it feels more genuine because he isn't obnoxiously happy all the time! Kids can process their emotions as well as information without even knowing they're doing it, and Barney flat out rejects that. All of that, in my opinion, is why he gets on so many people's nerves.

* all the StarWars characters laughing at him*\\

-->-- '''Critic,''' with sage advice at the end of the above review

->"I can't do it! I can't make fun of Sesame Street, it's the first show I ever saw! I'm sorry about the gay joke, Bert and Ernie, whatever your sexual preference is is none of my business. I'm sorry, Big Bird! I'm sorry everybody! *cries* I love you all! You're all so beautiful and innocent to me! [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming YOU! ARE! CHILDHOOD!]]"

->The important thing about any character we're supposed to despise is that they have to connect to something we relate to. Whether they're someone we're supposed to have no sympathy for[[note]][[WesternAnimation/{{Cinderella}} Lady Tremaine.]][[/note]] or someone we're supposed to see humanity in,[[note]][[WesternAnimation/ThePrinceOfEgypt Ramses]].[[/note]] something has to be recognizable,[[note]][[Franchise/StarWars Darth Vader]].[[/note]] because it all comes from real places. And if there's no attempt to understand those real places, you lose the connection. This is why the jerk in this movie doesn't work--he's a shell of what other great jerks were, except with none of the understanding of what made those characters interesting. We're always supposed to connect, whether we're supposed to like the character or not. If no attempt is made to understand negativity, you'll never be able to give it direction. This is why this goddamn movie fails, especially at understanding the important things at Christmas.

-->-- '''Critic''', '''Film/StarTrekVTheFinalFrontier'''

-->-- '''Film/StarTrekInsurrection'''

-->-- '''Film/TheCatInTheHat'''

-->-- '''Critic, ''Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress'''''

-->-- '''Film/JurassicParkIII'''

-->-- '''Critic, ''Film/SmallSoldiers'' review'''

-->-- '''Critic!trucks, ''Film/MaximumOverdrive'' review'''

-->-- '''Critic''', slamming ''[[Film/AChristmasStory A Christmas Story 2]]''

-->-- '''Critic''', the Top Eleven Scariest Moments.

* shoots his gun while drinking from a skull*\\

-->-- '''Critic''', first AVGN rant.

-->-- '''Critic''', ''Old vs. New: Willy Wonka''

->''"Um, hello everyone, I'm TheNostalgiaCritic. I remember it so you don't have to. Uh, they allowed me a short amount of time out of the internet state penitentiary. A- a little surprised to see that place actually existed, but it's apparently next to the [[Film/TheGarbagePailKidsMovie State Home For The Ugly.]] So, uh, they allowed me a short time out to answer your questions about the video I did last week."''

-->-- '''Critic''', getting ''Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial''.

->'''Critic:''' And this part takes in what I'm noticing more and more in bad family films, especially in RajaGosnell's films: movement porn.

->And that was ''Film/{{Pixels}}'', one of the most hated films of the year. Is it one of the worst, if not ''the'' worst Creator/AdamSandler production that has ever been put together? No. It's not even close, really. There are so many other films that he's had a hand in that have tried less and ''accomplished'' less than this has. There was...one or two neat effects and every...twenty minutes, maybe, I had a little bit of a laugh, which is more than I can say for some of his other productions. So, why is there so much hate? Why does this one get people just so fucking pissed off? '''''Because it's 20-fucking-15.''''' The fact that Sandler is still using these lazy gimmicks with no changes is just becoming ''insulting.'' Even if you don't like his humor, which is totally understandable, you felt like he was at least ''trying.'' You felt like, even though it was weird, there was some form of effort being put into his work before. Here, it's like a $110 million auto-pilot. We know Sandler, as well as all the people here, can be both talented and funny. [[Creator/BillMurray But as so many comedians]] [[Creator/BenStiller are trying to evolve]] [[Creator/AmyPoehler and adapt with the times,]] Sandler seems bizarrely disinterested in getting better! I think we're angry because we ''want'' to like Pixels; we ''want'' to like Sandler's work. And when we find it's not only bad, but feels ''uncaringly'' bad, you wonder why nobody's waking up after all these bombs and saying, "Let's try something different. Let's step up our game, step up our jokes, step up our characters!" This is the tipping point where people are just saying, "Enough is enough. Give us effort again. Give us energy. Give us something that feels fresh and new, similar to the first surreal time that we've ever encountered you!" Until then, we still have the [[RunningGag Sandler App,]] and hopefully there'll be a day where this will no longer be a requirement in any of his films. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and.......''[[SincerityMode come back.]]''

->People, as someone that didn't watch WesternAnimation/{{Jem}} growing up and only kinda saw it once in a while in passing, even I can say: ''This movie's an insult!'' It goes out of its way to piss you off in every conceivable fashion! It doesn't work as a stand-alone film, it doesn't work as an adaptation, the choices make ''no'' sense, and it does everything in its power to make sure the fans will hate it! Look, I'm not gonna act like I enjoyed this stupid cartoon; [[WesternAnimation/HeManAndTheMastersOfTheUniverse1983 we all had our shows]] [[WesternAnimation/GIJoeARealAmericanHero that only existed to sell toys.]] [[WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles1987 I had mine, you had yours,]] [[Anime/{{Pokemon}} and that's fine!]] But there's a definite audience that grew up with this, and while I know there has to be changes when adapting a show to film, there is absolutely no respect and no love for any of the people that grew up with it! Say what you want about Film/{{Transformers}}, but ''it had Transformers!'' This has ''no'' Jem...and they're strangely proud of that! While I admit it is ''kinda'' funny just what a reckless sellout it is, it does cross a sort of line when it's taking fans of the show and manipulating their footage to represent something that they ''know'' they're gonna hate! It not only feels forced and stupid, it feels...''wrong!''

->The important thing about any character we're supposed to despise is that they have to connect to something we relate to. Whether they're someone we're supposed to have no sympathy for [[note]][[WesternAnimation/{{Cinderella}} Lady Tremaine]][[/note]] or someone we're supposed to see humanity in,[[note]][[WesternAnimation/ThePrinceOfEgypt Ramses]][[/note]] something has to be recognizable,[[note]][[Franchise/StarWars Darth Vader]][[/note]] because it all comes from real places. And if there's no attempt to understand those real places, you lose the connection. This is why the jerk in this movie doesn't work--he's a shell of what other great jerks were, except with none of the understanding of what made those characters interesting. We're always supposed to connect, whether we're supposed to like the character or not. If no attempt is made to understand negativity, you'll never be able to give it direction. This is why this goddamn movie fails, especially at understanding the important things at Christmas.

Because [[GushingAboutShowsYouLike it is the best as good cartoon shows go]]\\

->We're not who we were. We change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but we all change. Movies like this don't ''want'' us to change. They try to shame those who do things their own way. They act like the importance is in the details and not in the overall message. This is a horrible thing to teach, especially when talking about Christmas! But we shouldn't be ashamed of our past, nor should we glorify it. It's like anything; there's positives and negatives. There's good moments in bad times, and there's bad moments in good times. Because of this, traditions can be hard to figure out too. Sometimes we obsess over things when we don't need to, other times [[DemoReel we try something new when we probably should have left good enough alone.]] But in between one foot in the past and one in the future lies what matters most: the choices we make ''now'' are what always has, and always will, define who we are. So this Christmas, when you're remembering to be kind and understanding of others, [[YouAreBetterThanYouThinkYouAre remember to be kind and understanding of yourself.]] And those moments you remember as being embarrassing you may find are not only the most ''precious'' moments, but often the most important, and sometimes should be looked at with more appreciation than you think. We're always gonna get angry at ourselves, but as long as you always try to learn and get better, you'll find it doesn't last that long. And trust me when I say, you're definitely worth the time. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. This movie can suck it.

->'''Critic:''' No, I'm anti-''lazy movement'', movement that only exists just to hypnotize your kids rather than engage them. Engaging movement involves a lot of variety. Sharp stops, varying speeds, unexpected turns, this is what make good visual storytelling. Here, everything is at the same speed, the same pacing, and the same kind of movement. There's no variation, so there's nothing interesting about it. What's more engaging, watching {{Mario}} go at one speed throughout the entire game, or watching him stop, slow down, go backwards, [[GoombaStomp stomp on things]]? This safe, boring, and repetitive movement is the same as looking at a watch waving back and forth; they're both trying to hypnotize and relax you so that you don't think about what you're watching, and that's not what a movie is supposed to do! You're supposed to think about it, you're supposed to be sucked in, but this method is an ingenious way to numb your brains without feeling bored, so you think it must be doing something right, when really, it's just junk food for your mind, and it's all over the movie.

->And that was ''Film/{{Pixels}}'', one of the most hated films of the year. Is it one of the worst, if not ''the'' worst Creator/AdamSandler production that has ever been put together? No. It's not even close, really. There are so many other films that he's had a hand in that have tried less and ''accomplished'' less than this has. There was...one or two neat effects and every...twenty minutes, maybe, I had a little bit of a laugh, which is more than I can say for some of his other productions. So, why is there so much hate? Why does this one get people just so fucking pissed off? '''''Because it's 20-fucking-15.''''' The fact that Sandler is still using these lazy gimmicks with no changes is just becoming ''insulting.'' Even if you don't like his humor, which is totally understandable, you felt like he was at least ''trying.'' You felt like, even though it was weird, there was some form of effort being put into his work before. Here, it's like a $110 million auto-pilot. We know Sandler, as well as all the people here, can be both talented and funny. [[BillMurray But as so many comedians]] [[BenStiller are trying to evolve]] [[AmyPoehler and adapt with the times,]] Sandler seems bizarrely disinterested in getting better! I think we're angry because we ''want'' to like Pixels; we ''want'' to like Sandler's work. And when we find it's not only bad, but feels ''uncaringly'' bad, you wonder why nobody's waking up after all these bombs and saying, "Let's try something different. Let's step up our game, step up our jokes, step up our characters!" This is the tipping point where people are just saying, "Enough is enough. Give us effort again. Give us energy. Give us something that feels fresh and new, similar to the first surreal time that we've ever encountered you!" Until then, we still have the [[RunningGag Sandler App,]] and hopefully there'll be a day where this will no longer be a requirement in any of his films. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and.......''[[SincerityMode come back.]]''

Nobody knows what the future holds, but there's two things that are guaranteed: there's gonna be a lot of anger, and there's gonna be a lot of love. Use them wisely.

-->-- reviewing ''WesternAnimation/CartoonAllStarsToTheRescue''

-->'''Critic''', ''WesternAnimation/{{TMNT}}''

-->-- '''Spoony''', [=SWS2=]

->'''VincentPrice''': Critic, I knew you would blow me off after that last phone call, so I set a time bomb in your house before it was built. Clever me. But don't worry, it's set to go off in exactly fifty seconds. You'd better run, big boy.\\

'''VincentPrice''': [while Critic tries to run] One, two, skip a few, fifty.\\

'''VincentPrice''': Ohh, I love it when I'm nasty.

--->'''Critic''': [irritated] Hello!
-->'''Doctor''': Is this Nostalgia Critic?
-->'''Critic''': [still irritated] Yeah.
-->'''Doctor''': This is the St. Joseph hospital, I regret to inform you that your mother has just passed away.
-->'''Critic''': W...what?
-->'''Doctor''': Yes. She died last night peacefully in her sleep.
-->'''Critic''': [about to cry] My God, I didn't even know she was sick.
-->'''Doctor''': She wanted to keep it from you. She knew how busy you were and didn't want to interrupt your work.
-->'''Critic''': S... sweet Jesus.
-->'''Doctor''': She fought hard. She put up a good fight, but in the end there's simply nothing we can do. I'm sorry, son.
-->'''Critic''': W... di- did she leave any final words?
-->'''Doctor''': As as matter of fact, she did.
-->'''Critic''': W-what were they?
-->'''Doctor''': It was one single solitary word.
-->'''Critic''': What was it, please.
-->'''Doctor''': Alright, are you listening? [repeated about three times]
-->'''Critic''': Yeah.
-->'''Doctor''': Alright, here is her final word.
-->'''Dinosaur''': [comes out of the phone] Alan.
-->'''Critic''': [fumes and throws his mobile on the ground] I HATE THIS SCARE! [breathes heavily]
--->'''Film/JurassicPark III'''

-->--discussing ''Film/ChristmasWithTheKranks''

-->--discussing ''Film/JemAndTheHolograms''

-->--discussing ''Film/IllBeHomeForChristmas''

->People, as someone that didn't watch {{Jem}} growing up and only kinda saw it once in a while in passing, even I can say: ''This movie's an insult!'' It goes out of its way to piss you off in every conceivable fashion! It doesn't work as a stand-alone film, it doesn't work as an adaptation, the choices make ''no'' sense, and it does everything in its power to make sure the fans will hate it! Look, I'm not gonna act like I enjoyed this stupid cartoon; [[WesternAnimation/HeManAndTheMastersOfTheUniverse1983 we all had our shows]] [[WesternAnimation/GIJoeARealAmericanHero that only existed to sell toys.]] [[WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles1987 I had mine, you had yours,]] [[Anime/{{Pokemon}} and that's fine!]] But there's a definite audience that grew up with this, and while I know there has to be changes when adapting a show to film, there is absolutely no respect and no love for any of the people that grew up with it! Say what you want about Film/{{Transformers}}, but ''it had Transformers!'' This has ''no'' Jem...and they're strangely proud of that! While I admit it is ''kinda'' funny just what a reckless sellout it is, it does cross a sort of line when it's taking fans of the show and manipulating their footage to represent something that they ''know'' they're gonna hate! It not only feels forced and stupid, it feels...''wrong!''

-->--discussing ''Film/JemAndTheHolograms''

->And that was ''Film/{{Pixels}}'', one of the most hated films of the year. Is it one of the worst, if not ''the'' worst Creator/AdamSandler production that has ever been put together? No. It's not even close, really. There are so many other films that he's had a hand in that have tried less and ''accomplished'' less than this has. There was...one or two neat effects and every...twenty minutes, maybe, I had a little bit of a laugh, which is more than I can say for some of his other productions. So, why is there so much hate? Why does this one get people just so fucking pissed off? '''''Because it's 20-fucking-15.''''' The fact that Sandler is still using these lazy gimmicks with no changes is just becoming ''insulting.'' Even if you don't like his humor, which is totally understandable, you felt like he was at least ''trying.'' You felt like, even though it was weird, there was some form of effort being put into his work before. [[TheyJustDidntCare Here, it's like a $110 million auto-pilot.]] We know Sandler, as well as all the people here, can be both talented and funny. [[BillMurray But as so many comedians]] [[BenStiller are trying to evolve]] [[AmyPoehler and adapt with the times,]] Sandler seems bizarrely disinterested in getting better! I think we're angry because we ''want'' to like Pixels; we ''want'' to like Sandler's work. And when we find it's not only bad, but feels ''uncaringly'' bad, you wonder why nobody's waking up after all these bombs and saying, "Let's try something different. Let's step up our game, step up our jokes, step up our characters!" This is the tipping point where people are just saying, "Enough is enough. Give us effort again. Give us energy. Give us something that feels fresh and new, similar to the first surreal time that we've ever encountered you!" Until then, we still have the [[RunningGag Sandler App,]] and hopefully there'll be a day where this will no longer be a requirement in any of his films. I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and.......''[[SincerityMode come back.]]''

-->--discussing ''Film/ChristmasWithTheKranks''

->'''Critic:''' No, I'm anti-''lazy movement'', movement that only exists just to hypnotize your kids rather than engage them. Engaging movement involves a lot of variety. Sharp stops, varying speeds, unexpected turns, this is what make good visual storytelling. Here, everything is at the same speed, the same pacing, and the same kind of movement. There's no variation, so there's nothing interesting about it. What's more engaging, watching {{Mario}} go at one speed throughout the entire game, or watching him stop, slow down, go backwards, [[GoombaStomp stomp on things]]? This safe, boring, and repetitive movement [[ViewersAreMorons is the same as looking at a watch waving back and forth; they're both trying to hypnotize and relax you so that you don't think about what you're watching]], and that's not what a movie is supposed to do! You're supposed to think about it, you're supposed to be sucked in, but this method is an ingenious way to numb your brains without feeling bored, so you think it must be doing something right, when really, it's just junk food for your mind, and it's all over the movie.

-->-- discussing ''Film/{{Pixels}}''

-->-- '''Critic''', on the Bat Credit Card in ''Film/BatmanAndRobin'', probably in his most memetic outburst

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"Ahem... [[UnstoppableRage RAPE MY CHILDHOOD, WILL YOU?!?!? YOU WILL ALL DIE!! YOU WILL ALL DIE!!!]]" (is restrained AGAIN)\\