History Quotes / TheLoad

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[[folder:fiction]]

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[[folder:real life]]

->'''Ace Ventura''': War is hell. The last thing we want is a fight.\\
'''Ouda ("[[TrollingTranslator translating]]")''': I want a fight, so go to hell!
-->-- ''AceVentura: When Nature Calls''

->I tend to see Elan more as an obstacle that this team overcomes on a regular basis. Traveling with Elan is kind of like, say, adventuring with syphilis. It ''can'' be done, for a while, but it's not easy and it's not pretty.

->When it comes to helping his own side, Stanley is somewhere between Series/{{Gilligan|sIsland}} and [[{{Transformers}} Star]][[TheStarscream scream]].
-->-- '''Parson''', ''{{Erfworld}}''

->One reason I didn't like football was the boredom of putting on and taking off all that gear. Even so, at an early school, I made what I thought was an unusually brilliant touchdown against what proved to be, upon closer inspection, [[FailedASpotCheck my own team.]]
-->--'''Creator/GoreVidal''', ''Palimpsest''

->Despite the fact that every other kid in America masters the art of sliding by the end of their first year in tee ball, this skill continues to eludes Mike Vick. Instead, he prefers to dive forward, slam his body to the ground and fumble directly into the hands of a linebacker, preferably at the most crucial moment of the game.
-->--'''''Deadspin''''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2013-philadelphia-eagles-1250826152 "Why Your Team Sucks 2013: Philadelphia Eagles"]]

->On their own, the giant infant scientists survived another minute, and then crashed.

->As irritating as pubic louse and just as nasty. Adric declares that [[HeManWomanHater all women are mindless, impatient and bossy]] and judging by [[DeathGlare the look on Tegan’s face]] she's ready to shove his little winkie in a blender and serve it up as an Alzarian smoothie...[[EvenNerdsHaveStandards Only a true geek that is asking for a bruising]] would ask for 'sodium chloride' rather than salt. Nyssa gets a gentle shove and Adric, that [[SmallNameBigEgo well-known boxer of men]], steps in: ‘Don’t you do that to her!’ When Adric agrees with Monarch, he finally puts to rest the hotly debated topic of whether Adric thinks and acts like a retard: yes, yes he does. It's not even as though the little dunce is going along with Monarch's ludicrous scheme [[FakeDefector to put himself in the position to affect their escape]], he genuinely believes in this crusty frog and his web of lies. This is the middle adventure of three that sees Adric working for the enemy and you have to ask yourself why the Doctor bothers keeping him around...The final insult is that Adric has to be convinced to help the Doctor defeat Monarch.
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2011/09/season-nineteen.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS19E2FourToDoomsday}} "Four to Doomsday"]]

->'''Chris''': Shredder ends up interrupting his own origin and doing his best [[{{Film/Phantasm}} Angus Scrimm]] impression at Danny (“boyyyyyyyy”), waving his various arm-knives around until he finds the drawing of Leonardo in Danny’s pocket. By Danny betrayed! ''Again!''\\
'''Matt:''' Even when this kid wants to help, he f**ks everything up.
-->--Chris Sims and Matt Wilson [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-1990-pa// on]] ''Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles''
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->Just act stupid, Jamie. Do you think you can manage that?

->Who the fuck is this? "Iolo"? He looks like Grant Imahara from ''Series/MythBusters''...You can compare their starting abilities and equipment here: Like, Dupre has the most health but low magic, and he starts with a sword and armor. Okay. Whereas Iolo is a complete pussy and he starts with a bow and handburger.\\\
''He starts....with a fucking hamburger''. Yeah. "Mariah" gets a wand of fireballs, Iolo gets a Big Mac.
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''Franchise/{{Ultima}}: Runes of Virtue''

[[TheGenericGuy Least Necessary to Plot]]'''\\

->So, Edward Carnby from the very first ''Alone in the Dark'' is somehow still alive... He gets joined by a female sidekick who '''sweeps''' the [[MedalOfDishonor Horrible Game Character Awards]], taking 'Most Obviously [[SatelliteLoveInterest Crowbarred-in Love Interest]]', '[[TheScrappy Most Irritating]]', '[[ArtificialStupidity Least Useful to Gameplay]]', '[[TheGenericGuy Least Necessary to Plot]]' and '[[AndADietCoke Lifetime Achievement]]'. Perhaps the crowning moment of her hideousness is when she nearly dies and the game forces you to [[PressXToNotDie press a button sequence]] in order to revive her with CPR -- although the spiteful cow never actually ''dies'', no matter how many times [[VideogameCrueltyPotential you deliberately fuck up.]]

''He starts....with a fucking hamburger''. Yeah. Mariah gets a wand of fireballs, Iolo gets a Big Mac.

''He starts....with a fucking hamburger''. Yeah. Mariah gets a wang of fireballs, Iolo gets a Big Mac.

->So, Edward Carnby from the very first ''Alone in the Dark'' is somehow still alive... He gets joined by a female sidekick who '''sweeps''' the [[MedalOfDishonor Horrible Game Character Awards]], taking 'Most Obviously [[SatelliteLoveInterest Crowbarred-in Love Interest]]', '[[TheScrappy Most Irritating]]', '[[ArtificialStupidity Least Useful to Gameplay]]', '[[TheGenricGuy Least Necessary to Plot]]' and '[[AndADietCoke Lifetime Achievement]]'. Perhaps the crowning moment of her hideousness is when she nearly dies and the game forces you to [[PressXToNotDie press a button sequence]] in order to revive her with CPR -- although the spiteful cow never actually ''dies'', no matter how many times [[VideogameCrueltyPotential you deliberately fuck up.]]

->Enter [[HystericalWoman the shrieking harridan]]. She’s halfway bearable in the first episode because she is forced into a naturalistic role, but as soon as she is crow barred into a fantastical setting, the character falls to pieces and Janet Fielding overplays everything to such an extent that it is impossible to buy into the character. When Ian and Barbara had a similarly shock reaction to the TARDIS, they questioned intelligently but in comparison Tegan just wails and stamps her feet and bursts into tears. Any one of these would have done the job, but all of them equal to a lot of noise but not much character...I was howling with laughter when Tegan was left holding the calculations as though all she is good for is [[YouGetMeCoffee performing the work of a clipboard]]. She says ''[='=]Nyssa and Adric have gone to look for the Master![='=]'' as though she is retarded. Seriously, go back and watch it again, she sounds like a right simpleton. ''[='=]You revolting man![='=]'' she cries at the Master, flinging herself at him wildly [[WhatTheFuAreYouDoing and doing the waltz]] as he pushes her away. ''[='=]Earth![='=]'' she cries like a cartoon character to the camera. There is nothing remotely convincing about this character. Or enjoyable if I'm honest, and we're stuck with her for the next three seasons. God Help me.
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2013/11/logopolis-written-by-christopher-h.html Doc Oho]]''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS18E7Logopolis}} "Logopolis"]]

->'''Computer:''' [[AC:May I remind you, Sgt. Pinback, it was your idea to bring the alien on board in the first place. If I may quote you, you said the ship needed a mascot.]]

->One reason I didn't like football was the boredom of putting on and taking off all that gear. Even so, at an early school, I made what I thought was an unusually brilliant touchdown against what proved to be, upon closer inspection, my own team.

->Your quarterback: Walking fumble drill Michael Vick. The Eagles are fully aware that Vick is in the twilight of his career, which is why I predict that they'll say FUCK IT and have him run the ball 200 times, because there's no future they need protecting. You may as well just destroy Vick and have fun with it, you know? He's like an old car you enter in a demolition derby at this point....It's never a wise idea to entrust a new, hopelessly complex offensive scheme that requires lightning-fast decision making and surgically precise execution to someone with the brainpower of Michael Vick. Michael Vick needs a playbook just to reheat soup.
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2013-philadelphia-eagles-1250826152 Drew Magary]]'''

->One of my friends in a fantasy league said Eli Manning is the only player in the NFL he could probably beat up. I could not disagree with him.
-->--'''''Deadspin''''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-new-york-giants-1630014411 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants"]]

->Enter [[HystericalWoman the shrieking harridan]]. She’s halfway bearable in the first episode because she is forced into a naturalistic role, but as soon as she is crow barred into a fantastical setting, the character falls to pieces and Janet Fielding overplays everything to such an extent that it is impossible to buy into the character. When Ian and Barbara had a similarly shock reaction to the TARDIS, they questioned intelligently but in comparison Tegan just wails and stamps her feet and bursts into tears. Any one of these would have done the job, but all of them equal to a lot of noise but not much character...I was howling with laughter when Tegan was left holding the calculations as though all she is good for is [[YouGetMeCoffee performing the work of a clipboard]]. She says ''[='=]Nyssa and Adric have gone to look for the Master![='=]'' as though she is retarded. Seriously, go back and watch it again, she sounds like a right simpleton. ''[='=]You revolting man![='=]'' she cries at the Master, flinging herself at him wildly [[WhatTheFuAreYouDoing and doing the waltz]] as he pushes her away. ''[='=]Earth![='=]'' she cries like a cartoon character to the camera. There is nothing remotely convincing about this character. Or enjoyable if I'm honest, and we're stuck with her for the next three seasons. God Help me.
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.com/2013/11/logopolis-written-by-christopher-h.html Doc Oho]]''' on ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS18E7Logopolis}} "Logopolis"]]

->The problem, at its core, is that Peri is clearly conceived of purely in terms of 'let's go back to the good old-fashioned girl companion.' Her only character trait that goes beyond '[[TheGenericGuy generic girl]]' is that she's American, and [[FakeAmerican they didn't actually bother to cast someone American]] for her. The problem is that the generic girl companion, as we observed back with Tegan, [[{{Flanderization}} is largely an invention]]. At this point there had been exactly two solo Earth girls to travel with the Doctor -- Jo and Sarah Jane...The last thing they could reasonably be taken for being were generic paradigms of the companion role.\\\
Unfortunately, that's exactly how they got used in terms of Peri, who is the first companion since Victoria to be designed entirely and exclusively as [[DamselInDistress a peril monkey]]. By all appearances [[IWasJustJoking they took Terrence Dicks at face value]] when he joked about creating Jo because the Doctor needed a dumb companion who would get rescued a lot. Almost all Peri gets to do is scream and be rescued.
-->--'''Phil Sandifer''' [[http://www.philipsandifer.com/2012/06/i-was-beginning-to-fear-you-had-lost.html on]] ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[Recap/DoctorWhoS23E1TheMysteriousPlanet "The Mysterious Planet"]]

->Enter the [[HystericalWoman shrieking harridan]]. She’s halfway bearable in the first episode because she is forced into a naturalistic role, but as soon as she is crow barred into a fantastical setting, the character falls to pieces and Janet Fielding overplays everything to such an extent that it is impossible to buy into the character. When Ian and Barbara had a similarly shock reaction to the TARDIS, they questioned intelligently but in comparison Tegan just wails and stamps her feet and bursts into tears. Any one of these would have done the job, but all of them equal to a lot of noise but not much character... I get that Tegan is supposed to be our eyes and ears, a {{fish out of water}}, but the fact that she doesn’t contribute anything to the plot and we keep cutting away from more interesting material to her wandering around the TARDIS ''[='=]like a rabbit in a cage![='=]'' leaves the exercise redundant. Her ''[='=]I '''demand'' to see whoever’s in charge of this ship!''[='=] is gonad-clenchingly painful. I was howling with laughter when Tegan was left holding the calculations as though all she is good for is [[YouGetMeCoffee performing the work of a clipboard]]. She says ''[='=]Nyssa and Adric have gone to look for the Master![='=]'' as though she is retarded. Seriously, go back and watch it again, she sounds like a right simpleton. ''[='=]You revolting man![='=]'' she cries at the Master, flinging herself at him wildly [[WhatTheFuAreYouDoing and doing the waltz]] as he pushes her away. ''[='=]Earth![='=]'' she cries like a cartoon character to the camera. There is nothing remotely convincing about this character. Or enjoyable if I'm honest, and we're stuck with her for the next three seasons. God Help me.

->''"I tend to see Elan more as an obstacle that this team overcomes on a regular basis. Traveling with Elan is kind of like, say, adventuring with syphilis. It ''can'' be done, for a while, but it's not easy and it's not pretty."''

->''"When it comes to helping his own side, Stanley is somewhere between Series/{{Gilligan|sIsland}} and [[{{Transformers}} Star]][[TheStarscream scream]]."''

->''"Are you sure you want Fluttershy to come along? I mean, that pony is afraid of her own ''shadow''. [[GenreSavvy She's just going to slow us down.]]"''

->'''Damian:''' Uh, I know I shouldn't say this...
->'''Su-In Cha:''' Yeah, my stupid brother is the burden of this group...

->''"One reason I didn't like football was the boredom of putting on and taking off all that gear. Even so, at an early school, I made what I thought was an unusually brilliant touchdown against what proved to be, upon closer inspection, my own team."''

->''"One of my friends in a fantasy league said Eli Manning is the only player in the NFL he could probably beat up. I could not disagree with him."''
-->--[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-new-york-giants-1630014411 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants"]]

->''"On their own, the giant infant scientists survived another minute, and then crashed."''

->''"In the 1940s, [[TheGoldenAgeOfComicBooks the Golden Age of comics]] defined the modern superhero. Great men and women of unwavering morality and courage! Unfortunately, they were all accompanied by half-naked children, ethnic stereotypes, the morbidly obese and idiots who split their time between getting captured and slipping on banana peels."''

->''"All he does is follow Quaid around and be... funny? I think this is supposed to be funny."''

->''"Enter the [[HystericalWoman shrieking harridan]]. She’s halfway bearable in the first episode because she is forced into a naturalistic role, but as soon as she is crow barred into a fantastical setting, the character falls to pieces and Janet Fielding overplays everything to such an extent that it is impossible to buy into the character. When Ian and Barbara had a similarly shock reaction to the TARDIS, they questioned intelligently but in comparison Tegan just wails and stamps her feet and bursts into tears. Any one of these would have done the job, but all of them equal to a lot of noise but not much character... I get that Tegan is supposed to be our eyes and ears, a {{fish out of water}}, but the fact that she doesn’t contribute anything to the plot and we keep cutting away from more interesting material to her wandering around the TARDIS ''[='=]like a rabbit in a cage![='=]'' leaves the exercise redundant. Her ''[='=]I '''demand'' to see whoever’s in charge of this ship!''[='=] is gonad-clenchingly painful. I was howling with laughter when Tegan was left holding the calculations as though all she is good for is [[YouGetMeCoffee performing the work of a clipboard]]. She says ''[='=]Nyssa and Adric have gone to look for the Master![='=]'' as though she is retarded. Seriously, go back and watch it again, she sounds like a right simpleton. ''[='=]You revolting man![='=]'' she cries at the Master, flinging herself at him wildly [[WhatTheFuAreYouDoing and doing the waltz]] as he pushes her away. ''[='=]Earth![='=]'' she cries like a cartoon character to the camera. There is nothing remotely convincing about this character. Or enjoyable if I'm honest, and we're stuck with her for the next three seasons. God Help me."''

->''"First they ran out of {{Red Shirt}}s, and now the writers of ''Series/TheWalkingDead'' are fresh out of Convenient Burdens, too. Don't mistake the two: Red Shirts are entirely different from Convenient Burdens. Red Shirts are just disposable cannon fodder, while Convenient Burdens usually aren't even killed -- they're just perpetually on the verge of it. And they make for bad storytelling because they're usually painfully transparent: The Convenient Burdens only exist as easy plot devices to put the group in trouble when shit gets boring."''
-->-- ''Website/{{Cracked}}'', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-the-walking-dead-has-to-get-better_p2/ "5 Reasons 'The Walking Dead' Has to Get Better"]]

->'''Chris''': Shredder ends up interrupting his own origin and doing his best [[{{Film/Phantasm}} Angus Scrimm]] impression at Danny (“boyyyyyyyy”), waving his various arm-knives around until he finds the drawing of Leonardo in Danny’s pocket. By Danny betrayed! ''Again!''\\
'''Matt:''' Even when this kid wants to help, he f**ks everything up.
-->--'''Chris Sims''' and '''Matt Wilson''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-1990-pa// on]] ''Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles''

->''"The problem, at its core, is that Peri is clearly conceived of purely in terms of 'let's go back to the good old-fashioned girl companion.' Her only character trait that goes beyond '[[TheGenericGuy generic girl]]' is that she's American, and [[FakeAmerican they didn't actually bother to cast someone American]] for her. The problem is that the generic girl companion, as we observed back with Tegan, [[{{Flanderization}} is largely an invention]]. At this point there had been exactly two solo Earth girls to travel with the Doctor -- Jo and Sarah Jane...The last thing they could reasonably be taken for being were generic paradigms of the companion role.\\\
Unfortunately, that's exactly how they got used in terms of Peri, who is the first companion since Victoria to be designed entirely and exclusively as [[DamselInDistress a peril monkey]]. By all appearances [[IWasJustJoking they took Terrence Dicks at face value]] when he joked about creating Jo because the Doctor needed a dumb companion who would get rescued a lot. Almost all Peri gets to do is scream and be rescued."''

->''"Enter the [[HystericalWoman shrieking harridan]]. She’s halfway bearable in the first episode because she is forced into a naturalistic role, but as soon as she is crow barred into a fantastical setting, the character falls to pieces and Janet Fielding overplays everything to such an extent that it is impossible to buy into the character. When Ian and Barbara had a similarly shock reaction to the TARDIS, they questioned intelligently but in comparison Tegan just wails and stamps her feet and bursts into tears. Any one of these would have done the job, but all of them equal to a lot of noise but not much character... I get that Tegan is supposed to be our eyes and ears, a {{fish out of water}}, but the fact that she doesn’t contribute anything to the plot and we keep cutting away from more interesting material to her wandering around the TARDIS ''[='=]like a rabbit in a cage![='=]'' leaves the exercise redundant. Her ''[='=]I '''demand'' to see whoever’s in charge of this ship!''[='=] is gonad-clenchingly painful. I was howling with laughter when Tegan was left holding the calculations as though all she is good for is [[YouGetMeCoffee performing the work of a clipboard]]. She says ''[='=]Nyssa and Adric have gone to look for the Master![='=]'' as though she is retarded. Seriously, go back and watch it again, she sounds like a right simpleton. ''[='=]You revolting man![='=]'' she cries at the Master, flinging herself at him wildly [[WhatTheFuAreYouDoing and doing the waltz]] as he pushes her away. ''[=']Earth![='=]'' she cries like a cartoon character to the camera. There is nothing remotely convincing about this character. Or enjoyable if I'm honest, and we're stuck with her for the next three seasons. God Help me."''