History Quotes / SCPFoundation

Complaint Originator: Jack\\\

Yeah hi guys, it's Jack. I don't know who [EXPLETIVE] passed the [EXPLETIVE] vote to let this remarkable [EXPLETIVE] travesty take place, but it's not going to [EXPLETIVE] fly. I let you do the [EXPLETIVE] monkey thing because it was funny, but this [OBSCENE METAPHOR] is not.\\

Jack\\\

-->-Director Jack Bright, expressing his...opinion on how the Foundation plans to handle [[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4444 SCP-4444]]

'''''Note''': Pay increase declined. Welcome to the Foundation, get used to it. -[[YouAreNumberSix O5-6]]''

-> ''SCP-1539-03 is Agent Jim Thayer, the first responder to the report of SCP-1539. Agent Jim Thayer is a brown leather wallet roughly 11 cm X 9 cm in size, containing $11 in US currency. Since his recovery from the site of SCP-1539, Agent Thayer has remained unresponsive...''

-> ''[[ARareSentence I think we have established that anomalous maggots are not a viable alternative to ranching.]]''
-> ...
-> ''Sample: one (1) fast food cheeseburger purchased from █████ drive through.''
-> ''Result: SCP-726 reconstituted two mature cattle and ██ Norwegian rats.''

-> ''What if bees resembled bees?''\\

-> ''In the situation that the diary is bees, a modified document will be provided.''

-> ''Personnel are to note that they are a fish.''

-> ''[[HurlItIntoTheSun Into the fiery orb with ye]].''

-> ''[=SCP-2662=] moves to the shower stall and turns on the water. [[ShowerOfAngst It sits in the shower stall for the remainder of the incident.]]''

-> ''[[HeroicSacrifice We die in the dark]] [[NoPlaceForMeThere so that]] [[TheMasquerade others can live in the light.]]''

-> ''I am constantly having to explain to visiting Foundation officials that yes, there are uncontained underwater panthers in the lake, and no, we're not attempting to contain them. There has been a serious failure of understanding, here: it's not ''our'' lake, and they're not ''our'' panthers.''

If you want our eyes and bones and [[{{Cyborg}} the computers in our brains]]? Take it all, I don't care. It doesn't matter. But get it over with already. Kill us or let us go, and I don't care if we’re thrown out blind and crippled [[LibertyOverProsperity because at least then we’re free of you]].\\

Who do you think you’re fooling? We know who you are, you and your kin. You’re all the fucking same, no matter if you say it's for state or god or self-interest. You just like hurting people. You'll build an empire on corpses and call it a garden.\\
After all we’ve done, all we’ve been able to survive, [[AllForNothing we’re right back in the place we escaped]]. Just pretty women in boxes.\\
We were going to get to space. We were going to build the ship, and we’d go all the way up past the sky and look down at the world, and we would have won. We would have fucking won. We would be alive. [[HopeBringer And we could show everyone that it's okay, that they can be free too, that they can be alive]]. We'd help them. And now... nothing.\\
[[DespairEventHorizon You’ve won, okay? You’ve fucking won]].\\

->Complaint Recipient: Foundation Ethics Committee / Site Director’s Council / North American Regional Command / Sophia [EXPLETIVE] Light / The [EXPLETIVE] Overseer Council for all I [EXPLETIVE] care\\\

Yeah hi guys, it’s Jack. I don’t know who [EXPLETIVE] passed the [EXPLETIVE] vote to let this remarkable [EXPLETIVE] travesty take place, but it’s not going to [EXPLETIVE] fly. I let you do the [EXPLETIVE] monkey thing because it was funny, but this [OBSCENE METAPHOR] is not.\\
A [EXPLETIVE] million look-alikes in the world and your best laid plan is to [OBSCENE EUPHEMISM] me into the corpse of some [EXPLETIVE] rancho [EXPLETIVE] yee-haw go get-em cowgirl [DEROGATORY NAME FOR A POLITICIAN]. How the [EXPLETIVE] would you like it if somebody knocked you the [EXPLETIVE] out and you woke up smelling like [EXPLETIVE] cheap beer and [OBSCENE EUPHEMISM]? Pretty [EXPLETIVE] horrible, I’d imagine. That sure would [EXPLETIVE] suck, wouldn’t it?\\
You know I can’t even take a [EXPLETIVE]? Sit down on the john and squeeze and no [CREATIVE USE OF DESCRIPTORS APPROXIMATING AN OBSCENE DESCRIPTION OF FECES] comes out. They had to put a pump in there just to squeeze the [EXPLETIVE] out. My [EXPLETIVE] doesn’t work, I constantly smell like [EXPLETIVE], and Lament is getting his [EXPLETIVE] off because he says I look like a chimpanzee. [EXPLETIVE] him, and [EXPLETIVE] you.\\
How about this for an idea. Next time one of you [LONG STRING OF EXPLETIVES] eggheads gets it in your [EXPLETIVE] thick skulls that you’ve got something clever in the works, take that and [[[AssShove CREATIVE USE OF SLANG, METAPHOR, ALLUSION AND EUPHEMISM APPROXIMATING OBSCENITY]]] and see if they have to put a pump in you to push it out. I bet it probably wouldn’t help.\\

-> ''[[CallBack You want happy endings?]]''\\

-> ''Deep in the shadows we work to preserve\\

-> ''[[ArtifactCollectionAgency May I introduce you to\\

[[LivingStatue Snapper of Necks]], On A Perfect Day\\

How about this for an idea. Next time one of you [LONG STRING OF EXPLETIVES] eggheads gets it in your [EXPLETIVE] thick skulls that you’ve got something clever in the works, take that and [CREATIVE USE OF SLANG, METAPHOR, ALLUSION AND EUPHEMISM APPROXIMATING OBSCENITY] and see if they have to put a pump in you to push it out. I bet it probably wouldn’t help.\\

([[LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters And that isn't even half of it]])\\

-> ''May I introduce you to\\

For everything you wish was make-believe\\

You could shake hands with a demon\\

Imagine all your nightmares\\

Where nothing ever gets out\\

Good guys, bad guys accommodated\\
If it don't make any sense, like it's something in a story\\
We'll make sure it stays fiction\\
In our superstitious foundation\\

Medicine unlike any other\\
Coffee machine dispensing blood for a sucker\\

[[WellIntentionedExtremist We don't wanna let armageddon\\

[[{{Masquerade}} We secure, contain, protect\\

Imagine all your nightmares\\

Where nothing ever gets out\\

Good guys, bad guys accommodated\\
If it don't make any sense, like it's something in a story\\
We'll make sure it stays fiction\\
In our superstitious foundation\\

All that we display will never leave\\

We don't wanna let armageddon\\
Rear its ugly head like a nuclear weapon\\
We secure, contain, protect\\
So you don't live in fear\\

Did I even mention\\

'Cause there is more than 99\\
The Vermin God, The Anklebiters\\
Brother's Bride, Shy Guy, Trapped in the Typewriter\\
Snapper of Necks, On A Perfect Day\\
Polaroid, Builder Bear, Hungry Clay\\
Water Orb, River Cat, Draws You In the Book\\
Whistlebones, Abandoned Row Home\\
There Was a Crooked Man, Man's Best Friend\\
Hateful Star, Desert in a Can\\
And that isn't even half of it\\

-->-- '''[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001 SCP-001]]''' regarding the Foundation's MultipleChoicePast

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/black-white-black-white-black-white-black-white-black-white black white black white black white black white black white black white gray]]

-->-- The '''[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/ethics-committee-orientation Ethics Committee Orientation]]''' on being NecessarilyEvil

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-599 SCP-599]]

-->-- The SoleSurvivor of [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-096 SCP-096]]'s capture

-->-- '''[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/treats Dr. Allok]]''' on [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-106 SCP-106]]

-->-- '''[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/document-recovered-from-the-marianas-trench Document Recovered From The Marianas Trench]]'''

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1539 SCP-1539]]

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-726 SCP-726]]

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/bees Bees]]

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/bees Bees]]

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1839 SCP-1839]]

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1543-j SCP-1543-J]]

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2662 SCP-2662]]

-->-- '''[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2085 SCP-2085-A-3]]'''

-->-- '''[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3148 SCP-3148]]''', [[EvilGloating gloating]] over having just wiped out an alternate Earth

-->-- [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/you-want-happy-endings Re: You Want Happy Endings?]]

->''Imagine Series/{{Torchwood}}... run by Website/FourChan.''
-->-- '''Inkblot''' on the forums

--> -Board of Ethics Member, Chathos

-->--Inkblot on the forums

-->--Any time the Foundation encounters ThingsManWasNotMeantToKnow

-->--[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-001 SCP-001]] regarding the Foundation's MultipleChoicePast

-->--[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/black-white-black-white-black-white-black-white-black-white black white black white black white black white black white black white gray]]

->''You've done horrible, awful things while working for the Foundation — don't try to deny it, Doctor. We've all done horrible awful things while working for the Foundation. That is one of the unavoidable consequences of working with [=SCPs=]. And on occasion, you've wondered if we are the, quote unquote, bad guys. Well… we're not. [...]''\\\

-->-- The [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/ethics-committee-orientation Ethics Committee Orientation]] on being NecessarilyEvil

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-599 SCP-599]]

--> --The SoleSurvivor of [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-096 SCP-096]]'s capture

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/treats Dr. Allok]] on [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-106 SCP-106]]

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/document-recovered-from-the-marianas-trench Document Recovered From The Marianas Trench]]

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1539 SCP-1539]]

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-726 SCP-726]]

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/bees Bees]]

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/bees Bees]]

-->--[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1839 SCP-1839]]

-> ''Into the fiery orb with ye.''
--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-1543-j SCP-1543-J]]

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2662 SCP-2662]]

--> -- A common saying among Foundation personnel

--> -- Dr. V. Lesley Scout on his journal entry, explaining why [[{{AnimalisticAbomination}} SCP-5494]] is left uncontained in the Great Lakes.

--> -- A transcription of a BadassBoast given [[WickedCultured via poetry]] by [[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3148 SCP-3148]], who at the time was [[EvilGloating gloating]] over having just wiped out an alternate Earth via {{Paranoia Fuel}}

--> --[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/you-want-happy-endings Re: You Want Happy Endings?]]

[[DontLookAtME But not at O-Nine-Six]] [[UnstoppableMonster unless you're into being gored]]\\

When just a single leak could mean societal collapse\\

We've a lizard by some wizardry, impossible to kill\\
By blade or blast or bullet, the effect is simply nil\\

But not at O-Nine-Six unless you're into being gored\\
No, best to train your gaze upon that statue over there\\
You'll be a bloody haze should it ever stray elsewhere\\

The doctor here in residence is lacking a degree\\

From 3008 and its maze of furniture packaging\\
Eternally trapped within a flatpack labyrinth''

-->--[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/proposals-for-scp-001 SCP-001]] regarding the Foundation's MultipleChoicePast

''And [[UnwittingPawn she thought it best]]''\\

'''''[[PsychopathicManchild ...Suckers.]]'''''

''[[{{UsefulNotes/Existentialism}} There are only endings.]] If 15 years of service to a shadow fascist organization bent on locking up all our demons in boxes has taught me anything, it's that "good" and "bad" are [[GreyAndGrayMorality completely subjective]]. One man's [[TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt ZK-class reality failure]] is another man's orgasm.''\\

''Why'' bother?\\

''[[TheAntiNihilist Whatever your situation, however bad things get]] - [[HopeSpringsEternal As long as you're alive, there can always be a great day.]]''

->"Without Morals, are we truly any better than the things we've set ourselves to contain?"

->[DATA EXPUNGED]

''Remember this: '''the Foundation is not evil'''. We do not torture people "just because". We are against unnecessary cruelty. Which means somebody has to decide when cruelty '''is''' necessary.''

-> '' I think we have established that anomalous maggots are not a viable alternative to ranching.''

-> ''[[NoPlaceForMeThere We die in the dark so that others can live in the light.]]''
--> -- Common saying among Foundation personnel

->''Yesterday,''\\\

''[[TheWorldIsAlwaysDoomed I watched the world nearly die in a thousand thousand terrible ways]]. Sometimes we would have had time to scream.''\\\
''Today,''\\\
''I'm alive to write about it. You want happy endings? [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck]] you.''\\\
''You're alive to read it.''\\\
''God help us all.''\\\

->''If the Foundation expects me to keep working like this, they’ll have to start paying me a lot more than they do.''\\\