History Quotes / MyBrotherMyBrotherAndMe

-> '''Justin:''' "Your body is so broken you shouldn't be eating fucking buffalo wings if Carly Rae Jepsen brought them to you on a silver platter!"

-> "Hey everybody, welcome to the club! Hope you enjoy the experience of simply cybersex blast off into cybersex JoeBiden."

-> '''Justin:''' "If I get married in prison to a... I believe, I'm not attempting to offend, I believe the nomenclature is "bitch". When I get married to a bitch in prison, I...

-> '''Griffin:''' "My first shot at this was "Frosty the Sort-Of Homunculus I Made Out of Wet Sand.""

-> '''Justin:''' "People forget that, like, "Outside the Bun" encompasses ''all existence that is not contained within the bun''."

-> '''Justin:''' "Your body is so broken you shouldn'tbe eating fucking buffalo wings if Carly Rae Jepsen brought them to you on a silver platter!"

-> '''Griffin:''' (On LoveAtFirstSight with a pizza girl) "I have built entire marriages out of less information than "you like pizza" and "don't like driving to get pizza."

-> '''Griffin:''' "And it was called "How to Deal With the Pressure of Being a Teenage Dragon"?"

-->-- "Episode 133: Candlenights the IIIrd"

-->-- "Episode 286: Coyotes Ate Our Dad"

-> '''Griffin:''' "I am going to stave off [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Quetzalcoatl]] with two glowsticks on the top of a fucking mountain just blasting {{Skrillex}}."

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->''"Cosmo, my walnut is a temple, and it doesn't need any insurrectionists. Nuh uh."''
-->-- '''Griffin'''' on Prostate Stimulation, "Episode 03: My Walnut is a Temple"

->'''Griffin: '''"Was that adorable? Was that so, so cute? And then make love to them right there."
-->-- "Episode 04: Hey Jeffrey"

->'''Justin:''' "I recently failed my first semester of college...' Well, nice try."
-->-- "Episode 06: Time Travel President"

->'''Justin:''' "I fall in love with every girl that pays attention to me. Is this normal?' If you're fat."
-->-- "Episode 07: Bill and Ted's Most Tender Engagement"

->''"We'll spit wisdom."''
->''"We'll vomit mad advice."''
->''"And also vomit. I wish you guys would have told me this before I took all the ipecac."''
-->-- '''Justin, Griffin, Travis''', "Episode 12: The Last Frownbender"

->"You know I knew a guy with a side booty once."
-->-- '''Travis''' on unfortunate medical conditions, "Episode 12: The Last Frownbender"

->"Our job is to make it seem like we like each other."
-->-- '''Justin''' on the [=McElroys=]'s amicable relationship with each other, "Episode 12: The Last Frownbender"

->"Men like boobs."
-->-- '''Dr. Travis''', boob expert, "Episode 12: The Last Frownbender"

->'''Justin:''' "I can't tell you the number of times my wife has walked in on me playing with a fifteen old boy and she's like "Oh no, I'll call the cops, I'll leave you, blah blah blah blah blah", it's like, chill out lady."
-->-- "Episode 16: Coach"

-> Question: Is it my job or my boyfriend to provide the condoms?
-> '''Travis:''' "I had a condom surgically attached to my penis."
-> '''Griffin:''' "How is that... So you can use it once?"
-> '''Justin:''' (Laughing) "No, that's the problem. He just keeps using it. If it actually gets punctured it's considered a biological weapon."
-->-- "Episode 19: Bad Seed"

-> '''Griffin:''' "When you turn thirty, you have to buy something as a gift to yourself for not dying."
-->-- "Episode 20: Super Donuts"

-> Question: What are your thoughts on men shaving legs?
-> '''Justin:''' "Bitch, what do you think our thoughts are? I'll tell you how far up you should shave: not! Not up! Not! To the ankle! Shave your foot. Shave your foot, Bilbo!"
-->-- "Episode 20: Super Donuts"

-> '''Griffin:''' "I swear to god if people on the internet don't learn how to spell the word 'baby' right I'll cut my own head off and throw it in the river."
-->-- "Episode 30: Dub Step"

->'''Travis:''' "Justin. You would be the bitch."

-> '''Justic:''' "People forget that, like, "Outside the Bun" encompasses ''all existence that is not contained within the bun''."
-->-- "Episode 240: Teen Google"

-->-- ''"Episode 04: Hey Jeffrey"''

-->-- ''"Episode 06: Time Travel President"''

-->-- "Episode 93: Dax is All"

-->-- "Episode 78: Fly Me to Heaven, Kid Vid"

-->-- "Episode 67: Borrowed from a Horse"

-->-- "Episode 65: Lady Zoo"

-> '''Griffin:''' (On LoveAtFirstSight with a pizza girl) "I have built entire marriages out of less information than "you like pizza and don't like driving to get pizza."

-->-- "Episode 53: Doctor Jamilton"

-->-- "Episode 53: Doctor Jamilton"

-> '''Griffin:''' "One out of three women is a guy, that's basic stats."
->'''Justin:''' "One is a guy pretending to be a girl, on online dating, because that's how he likes to get his "jerk cookies".
->'''Griffin:''' "One is a horse pretending to be a human, so good luck spying her."
->'''Travis:''' "And one is a woman pretending to be a horse, pretending to be a guy, pretending to be a woman."
->'''Justin:''' "If you cut through those layers enough, you'll get some real nice."
-->-- "Episode 62: My Dark Twisted Pretzel Fantasy"

-->-- "Episode 53: Doctor Jamilton"

-->-- "Episode 51: Real Talk Live: Face 2 Face"

-->-- "Episode 48: Math Blaster"