History Quotes / Mooks

'''Bennett:''' Your soldiers are ''nothing''. Matrix and I could kill every one of them, in the blink of an eye. Remember that.

->These guys are your basic stupid, fearful, [[AttackAttackAttack reflexively-violent]] mooks. If you're giving them any more personality than that, [[MST3KMantra you're thinking too hard.]] They're just breathing sacks of cement with guns, itching to be [[DestinationDefenestration thrown through windows,]] [[CollapsingLair crushed under collapsing ceilings,]] and otherwise [[MoralDissonance dispatched like the bottom-feeding no-name scum they are.]]

->Without his Storm Troopers (or his Clones) the Emperor of the ''StarWars'' universe would have been nothing more then a personal menace with a great need for a plastic surgeon and a better fashion consultant. And where would [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Sauron]] have been without his Orcs. The power of most Masterminds lies with their minions--the faceless hordes who exist to do (literally) only the Mastermind's bidding and work their evil upon the game world.

->"Do you know who I am? Have you ''any'' idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you; you haven't even got a name tag. You've got ''no'' chance. [[PlayingPossum Why don't you just fall down?]] Go on, son."

->"Do you want me to slow him down, sir, or do you want to send in some more guys for him to beat up?"

-->'''Creator/TerryPratchett''', ''Literature/TheLightFantastic''

->"What can you say? There’s a downside to working for supervillians."

->"Are you inept?! Inattentive?! Weak?! [[UncleSamWantsYou Join the Sci-Fi movie army!!]]"

->"Man, I gotta stop hiring thugs off Craigslist."

->''Without his Storm Troopers (or his Clones) the Emperor of the ''StarWars'' universe would have been nothing more then a personal menace with a great need for a plastic surgeon and a better fashion consultant. And where would [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Sauron]] have been without his Orcs. The power of most Masterminds lies with their minions--the faceless hordes who exist to do (literally) only the Mastermind's bidding and work their evil upon the game world.''

->''These guys are your basic stupid, fearful, [[AttackAttackAttack reflexively-violent]] mooks. If you're giving them any more personality than that, [[MST3KMantra you're thinking too hard.]] They're just breathing sacks of cement with guns, itching to be [[DestinationDefenestration thrown through windows,]] [[CollapsingLair crushed under collapsing ceilings,]] and otherwise [[MoralDissonance dispatched like the bottom-feeding no-name scum they are.'']]

->"Here's a brief list of things these guards, soldiers and career mercenaries have never been trained ''not'' to do: 1) [[EnemyChatter Stand around facing each other and jammer on]] about [[CardCarryingVillain how much they hate democracy and apple pie and the smiles on little babies' faces]] instead of guarding the fucking room. 2) [[DoNotTauntCthulhu Shout insults at the professional killer]] the they can't see but know for a fact is ''in'' the room, currently training his sights at their big flapping pottymouths. 3) After catching a glimpse of said professional killer, unload every clip of ammo [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy at the place where he used to be]] with their backs to about 12 different entry points. 4) And repeatedly checking for the professional killer in the same square yard of floorspace, [[CaptainObvious loudly announcing their results]] with every step."
-->-- ''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation review of VideoGame/SplinterCell: Conviction''

->VideoGame/FinalFantasyII'' had [[{{Hellgate}} the unstoppable hellspawned footsoldiers]] of the Paramekian Empire. ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI'' had the [[{{Magitek}} MagiTek]]-powered armies of Emperor Gestahl. ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII'' had Shinra's [[BadassBureaucrat security forces]]. Each incarnation of the ''Final Fantasy'' evil imperial army has become less and less frightening until we at last hit the bottom with [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIII the Galbadian Army]]. It's baffling that Galbadia ever became an imperial power with an army of useless wimps like these guys. If you ever get a GameOver screen as a result of a run-in with these guys, you'd probably be better off playing ''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyMysticQuest Mystic Quest]].'' They're more like dominoes than soldiers.''

>"Are you inept?! Inattentive?! Weak?! [[UncleSamWantsYou Join the Sci-Fi movie army!!]]"

[[AC:Comic Strips]]

[[AC:Film]]
->''"Do you know who I am? Have you ''any'' idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on, son."''

->''"Do you want me to slow him down, sir, or do you want to send in some more guys for him to beat up?"''

[[AC:Live-Action TV]]
->''"What can you say? There’s a downside to working for supervillians."''

[[AC:Tabletop Games]]
->''"Without his Storm Troopers (or his Clones) the Emperor of the ''StarWars'' universe would have been nothing more then a personal menace with a great need for a plastic surgeon and a better fashion consultant. And where would [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Sauron]] have been without his Orcs. The power of most Masterminds lies with their minions--the faceless hordes who exist to do (literally) only the Mastermind's bidding and work their evil upon the game world."''

[[AC:Video Games]]
->''Why do you attract these lunatics? Why won't they just leave you alone? Why do they take such pleasure in stabbing you?''

[[AC:Webcomics]]

[[AC:Web Original]]
->''"Are you inept?! Inattentive?! Weak?! [[UncleSamWantsYou Join the Sci-Fi movie army!!]]"''
-->-- '''Kevin Murphy''', Podcast/RiffTrax for ''WesternAnimation/AeonFlux''

->''"Man, I gotta stop hiring thugs off Craigslist."''
-->-- '''Podcast/RiffTrax''', ''Film/TheBourneIdentity''

->'''Chris:''' Meanwhile, the guard that smacked around Magneto has gone directly from his job at a high-security government installation to a bar, where he is easily seduced by Mystique, who has turned herself into Sexy Creator/RebeccaRomijn.\\
'''Matt:''' I know a bar is '''[[INeedAFreakingDrink directly]]''' where I’d go if I had to do that guy’s job.\\
'''Chris''': Yeah, I guess having to beat up a Holocaust survivor all day is a pretty good reason to drink.
-->-- '''Chris Sims''' and '''David Uzumeri''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-x2-x-men-united-2003-part-one/ on]] ''Film/X2XMenUnited''

->''"Here's a brief list of things these guards, soldiers and career mercenaries have never been trained ''not'' to do: 1) [[EnemyChatter Stand around facing each other and jammer on]] about [[CardCarryingVillain how much they hate democracy and apple pie and the smiles on little babies' faces]] instead of guarding the fucking room. 2) Shout insults at the professional killer the they can't see but know for a fact is ''in'' the room, currently training his sights at their big flapping pottymouths. 3) After catching a glimpse of said professional killer, unload every clip of ammo [[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy at the place where he used to be]] with their backs to about 12 different entry points. 4) And repeatedly checking for the professional killer in the same square yard of floorspace, loudly announcing their results with every step."''
-->-- ''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation review of VideoGame/SplinterCell: Conviction''

->''"''VideoGame/FinalFantasyII'' had [[{{Hellgate}} the unstoppable hellspawned footsoldiers]] of the Paramekian Empire. ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI'' had the [[{{Magitek}} MagiTek]]-powered armies of Emperor Gestahl. ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII'' had Shinra's [[BadassBureaucrat security forces]]. Each incarnation of the ''Final Fantasy'' evil imperial army has become less and less frightening until we at last hit the bottom with [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIII the Galbadian Army]]. It's baffling that Galbadia ever became an imperial power with an army of useless wimps like these guys. If you ever get a GameOver screen as a result of a run-in with these guys, you'd probably be better off playing ''[[VideoGame/FinalFantasyMysticQuest Mystic Quest]].'' They're more like dominoes than soldiers."''

[[AC:Western Animation]]

[[AC:Real Life]]
->''"Poor goblins. Dying for the cheap entertainment of low level [[PlayerCharacter PCs]]."''

->''"Without his Storm Troopers (or his Clones) the Emperor of the ''StarWars'' universe would have been nothing more then a personal menace with a great need for a plastic surgeon and a better fashion consultant. And where would [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Sauron]] have been without his Orcs. The power of most Masterminds lies with their minions--the faceless hordes who exist to do (literally) only the Mastermind's bidding and work their evil upon the game world."''
-->-- ''TabletopGame/{{GURPS}} For Dummies''

->''These guys are your basic stupid, fearful, [[AttackAttackAttack reflexively-violent]] mooks. If you're giving them any more personality than that, [[MST3KMantra you're thinking too hard.]] They're just breathing sacks of cement with guns, itching to be [[DestinationDefenestration thrown through windows,]] [[CollapsingLair crushed under collapsing ceilings,]] and otherwise [[MoralDissonance dispatched like the bottom-feeding no-name scum they are.'']]
-->-- '''GM notes''' on the Poison Thorns, the mooks from the ''TabletopGame/FengShui'' intro adventure "Baptism of Fire."

->''“What can you say? There’s a downside to working for supervillians.”''
-->-- '''Cam Mitchell''', ''Series/StargateSG1''; "Momento Mori"

->''"Poor goblins. Dying for the cheap entertainment of low level [[PlayerCharacter PCs]]."''
-->-- '''Creator/JimButcher''', discussing ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'' [[http://www.newsarama.com/comics/jim-butcher-dresden-files-ghoul-goblin.html in an interview]].

->''Dude... it's a tall guy dressed in black, with a weird, [[PowerGlows glowy weapon thing]], and we're a couple of guards in matching, shiny armor... we're so fucking '''DEAD'''!''
-->-- [[http://www.errantstory.com/2005-03-23/342 From]] ''Webcomic/ErrantStory''

->'''Wally:''' "I've decided to dabble in crime. I need some henchmen. Are you in?"
->'''Asok:''' "What does a henchmen do?"
->'''Wally:''' "A henchman's job is to be [[CannonFodder gunned down]] in reverse order to his importance."
->'''Asok:''' "[[SortingAlgorithmOfMortality How important am I?]]"
->'''Wally:''' "I wouldn't pack a lunch for orientation day."
-->-- ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}'', strip for May 12, 2009

->'''Joker:''' Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn..
->'''Harley Quinn:''' Enchanted!
->'''Joker:''' And Misters.. '''[gestures at his two goons]''' ..their names escape me at the moment..
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries'', "The Laughing Fish"

->''Why do you attract these lunatics? Why won't they just leave you alone? Why do they take such pleasure in stabbing you?''
-->-- '''Surface Ties: the Assailant''', ''VideoGame/FallenLondon''

->''Seriously, where did we get these mouth-breathers? Storm Troopers R' Us?''
-->-- '''[[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid Revolver Ocelot]]''', ''Webcomic/TheLastDaysOfFOXHOUND''

->''An underling in the Leblanc Syndicate. She gets more respect than the She-Goons, but her salary is still lousy. She can use Potions, but let's face it, she's doomed.''
-->--'''Scan description of Ms. Goon''', ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyX2''

->'''Wally:''' "A henchman's job is to be [[CannonFodder gunned down]] [[SortingAlgorithmOfEvil in reverse order to his importance.]]"

-->-- ''VideoGame/FallenLondon''

-->-- ''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation review of VideoGame/SplinterCellConviction''

-->-- '''Nigel Powers''', ''Film/AustinPowers - Goldmember''

-->-- '''Chris Sims''' and '''David Uzumeri''' ''[[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-x2-x-men-united-2003-part-one/ on]] ''Film/X2XMenUnited''

-->-- '''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TA-QJ2d3kk Neo Mikey]]''''s description for "Soldier A" Video.

-->--''TabletopGame/{{GURPS}} For Dummies''

-->-- GM notes on the Poison Thorns, the mooks from the ''TabletopGame/FengShui'' intro adventure "Baptism of Fire."

-->-- Cam Mitchell, ''Series/StargateSG1''; "Momento Mori"

-->--'''Nigel Powers''', ''Film/AustinPowers - Goldmember''

-->--Creator/JimButcher, discussing ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'' [[http://www.newsarama.com/comics/jim-butcher-dresden-files-ghoul-goblin.html in an interview]].

-->-- Hawkeye, ''Film/{{Thor}}''

-->-- Kevin Murphy, Podcast/RiffTrax for ''WesternAnimation/AeonFlux''

-->--Podcast/RiffTrax, ''Film/TheBourneIdentity''

-->--'''Chris Sims''' and '''David Uzumeri''' ''[[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-x2-x-men-united-2003-part-one/ on]] [[{{Film/XMen}} X2: X-Men United]]''

-->--'''Pat R.''', [[http://www.socksmakepeoplesexy.net/index.php?a=ff08 "A Series Discovers Its Crack Pipe"]]

-->-- [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TA-QJ2d3kk Neo Mikey's]] description for "Soldier A" Video.

->''"Do you know who I am? Have you got ''any'' idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? I mean, look at you: you don't even have a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on, son."''

-->-- Hawkeye, "Film/{{Thor}}"

-->--'''Nigel Powers''', ''[[Film/AustinPowersInGoldmember Goldmember]]''

-->--'''Nigel Powers''', ''[[AustinPowers Goldmember]]''

-->-- [[http://www.errantstory.com/2005-03-23/342 From]] ''ErrantStory''

->'''Chris:''' Meanwhile, the guard that smacked around Magneto has gone directly from his job at a high-security government installation to a bar, where he is easily seduced by Mystique, who has turned herself into Sexy Rebecca Romijn.\\