History Quotes / MerchandiseDriven

'''Wingman''': Shut up, Fourth Wall! And get into the new Franchise/GIJoe Submachopter with twin rocket launchers and rotating attack jets!

-->--Writer '''Alex Ford''' on his experience adapting ''{{Franchise/Superman}}''

-->-- Wiki/TFWikiDotNet

-->--'''Hulk''' regarding Iron Man's new armor: ''WesternAnimation/IronMan'', "Hulk Busters"

->''"I'm a lover, not a fighter. That's why every Poison Ivy action figure comes complete... (points to Bane) ...with ''him.''"''

-->-- '''''WebAnimation/CheatCommandos''' theme song''

->--"Action Figure Man; the "How to Buy Action Figure Man" episode..."

->"In ''Film/BatmanAndRobin'', there was a real desire at [[Creator/WarnerBros the studio]] [[ExecutiveMeddling to keep it]] [[LighterAndSofter more family friendly, more kid friendly]], and a word that I've never heard of before: more toyetic, which means that what you create makes toys that can sell."

[[folder:Newspapers]]

->''"The dialog of the Autobots®, Decepticons® and Otherbots® is [[ExcusePlot meaningless word flap.]]"''
-->--'''Creator/RogerEbert''' on ''Film/TransformersRevengeOfTheFallen''

[[/folder]]

->'''Jay:''' That's interesting, Rich; you're saying that [[BlobMonster The Slime]]™ was a toy sold ''before'' this movie existed? I did not know that, and it completely explains the existence of this movie.\\
'''Rich:''' I think they started selling in '87 or '88. It came out when [[WesternAnimation/TheRealGhostbusters the cartoon started coming out]].\\
'''Jay:''' When was Ecto Cooler® introduced?\\
'''Mike:''' BACK TO THE MOVIE...\\
'''Jay:''' Talkin' about Ecto-Cooler's [[{{Sequelitis}} more interesting than the movie]] at this point.\\
'''Mike:''' ''(glum)'' [-That's true.-]
-->--''[[WebVideo/HalfInTheBag Half in the Bag]]'' riffs ''Film/GhostbustersII''

[[folder:Professional Wrestling]]

->''"If you don't get over like I said, you're fired. If you don't draw numbers, if you don't entertain, if you don't put asses in seats, if you don't put the coinage in the piggy bank, you're fired. No more games. No more "{{Kayfabe}}!" "It's a [[WorkedShoot work]]!" "I've won 34 ''[[LesserStar tag team]]'' belts!" Who gives a '''damn''' how many fake belts you won? If you don't draw money, you get fired around here. If you don't put asses in seats, you're gone."''
-->--'''Wrestling/HulkHogan''', erm, "promoting" ''{{Wrestling/TNA}}'' (''[=ReAction=]'', 11.18.10)

[[/folder]]

->''"Boy, isn't it a wonderful time to be into superhero films! It's hard not to feel spoiled when the film studios take enough money to solve all of the developing world's problems and pour it all into a portrayal of your favorite nancy-boys prancing about in leotards!\\\
Unless you think that Creator/{{Sony|Pictures}}'s generosity ends with ''[[Film/TheAmazingSpiderMan2 Amazing Spider-Man 2]]'', you don't have to go five fucking minutes without ''Amazing Spider-Man 2'' if you don't want to: You can wake up in the morning and go from an ''Amazing Spider-Man 2'' toothbrush to an ''Amazing Spider-Man 2'' Happy Meal to ''Amazing Spider-Man 2'' [[BreadEggsMilkSquick nitrogen asphyxiation chamber]].\\\
There's just one tiny, little stumbling block in the whole system, and that's that ''Amazing Spider-Man 2'' is absolute wank by most accounts, but I'm sure that problem will go away if they keep throwing money at it."''
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''Amazing Spider-Man 2: [[TheProblemWithLicensedGames The Game]]''

->''"Fandom is an exceedingly middle class practice, based as it is on a surplus of leisure time and the disposable income to fritter away on [[CrackIsCheaper Dapol action figures, Target novelizations, trips to conventions]], and other such commercial product. This fact is largely responsible for the maddening sociopathy of mainstream science fiction fandom -- it's a self-selected group of reasonably affluent people focused on capitalist production. They are myopic by design."''
-->--'''Dr. El Sandifer''' [[http://www.philipsandifer.com/2012/06/thats-it-ive-been-renewed-paradise.html on]] ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS24E2ParadiseTowers}} "Paradise Towers"]]

->''"Unfortunately, the gorgeous [[Creator/RussellTDavies RTD]] Daleks are replaced with some really naff multi-coloured version that nobody but a scant handful of people seemed to like. Having watched this story recently, I [[{{Facepalm}} threw my head in my hands]] when the bloated, Lego set versions emerged from the smoke and proved that a Dalek design can [[VillainDecay genuinely have no menace]]. A feat I would have thought impossible."''
-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/dalek-stories.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Doctor Who'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS31E3VictoryOfTheDaleks}} "Victory of the Daleks"]]

->''"Creator/{{Eidos}} spent something like four million dollars marketing ''Soul Reaver''. You'd think if it had enough faith in its product to spend $4,000,000 pimping it through magazine ads, television commercials, paid articles, action figures, and a crappy one-shot comic book, they could have redirected some of the cash going to pointless promotional swag nobody cared about and put it toward ''[[ChristmasRushed finishing the fucking game]]'' instead. But hell -- maybe I don't understand business."''
-->--'''[[http://socksmakepeoplesexy.net/index.php?a=sr Pat R.]]''' on ''VideoGame/LegacyOfKain: Soul Reaver''

->''"You may have heard that this week sees the release of ''Film/XMenDaysOfFuturePast'', which, as far as I can tell from the television advertisements, is largely about a school of mutants trained to use their innate super-abilities to eat bacon cheeseburgers."''
-->--'''''[[http://comicsalliance.com/x-men-comics-where-to-start/ Comics Alliance]]'''''

->'''David''': What follows is basically the train graveyard sequence near the end of Midgar in ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII'', as trains move at glacial speeds in a like five-minute sequence of nothing but dudes jumping over, and avoiding, couplings.\\
'''Chris''': You say ''Final Fantasy'', but there is no way that this entire sequence was not based off a [[PlatformGame platformer]]. They seriously went into this thinking “how can we make a movie that we can translate directly to the UsefulNotes/SuperNintendo?” And this was their solution.\\
'''David''': You sound like a man who never beat ''Final Fantasy VII''.\\
'''Chris''': Son, I beat Emerald Weapon so don’t come in here with that.
-->--Chris Sims and David Uzumeri [[http://comicsalliance.com/comicsalliance-reviews-steel-1997-part-one/ on]] ''{{Film/Steel}}''

->''"''[[Film/TheHobbitTheBattleOfTheFiveArmies Battle of the Five Armies]]'' often feels like a video game, and not in a good way. Major characters posture and pose in front of one another, but there are always goons to be dispatched before the big 'boss' battle can take place. Theron squares off against the lead orc, only for the orc to [[JustYouAndMeAndMyGuards summon in wave after wave of foot soldiers]] to fight Theron on a wide open ice pain. 'Finish him!' the head orc instructs his goons, having clearly played a little too much ''Franchise/MortalKombat''. Sadly, he never brazenly declares 'fatality!' in orc-ish."''
-->--'''[[http://them0vieblog.com/2014/12/11/non-review-review-the-hobbit-battle-of-the-five-armies/ Darren Mooney]]'''

->''"''Film/MacAndMe ''is the result of some Hollywood producer watching'' [[Film/ETTheExtraterrestrial E.T.]] ''[[WhatDoYouMeanItWasntMadeOnDrugs through a mist of cocaine dust]] and saying to himself, "Hey, [[SerialNumbersFiledOff what if E.T. ate Skittles instead of Reese's Pieces and we changed his name to McDonald's?]] UsefulNotes/McDonalds would give us money for that, right?" He then came up with the alien's design by sketching Yoda ears on an expired condom, and the rest is obscure cinematic history."''
-->-- '''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-bad-movies-that-were-hilariously-sure-sequel_p2/ "4 Bad Movies That Were Hilariously Sure of a Sequel"]]

->''"'At this point, I’m pretty sure that they didn’t actually care about the film versions of ''Franchise/{{Highlander}}'' but rather wanted to keep the brand going so they could sell merchandise. Highlander has a lot of fan paraphernalia, ranging from novel tie-ins to replica swords. The fact that there was ever [[Film/HighlanderTheSource a fifth ''Highlander'' movie]] suggests that the money was coming from somewhere, and it sure wasn’t from the films themselves."''
-->-- '''''[[http://www.screamsheet.wordpress.com/2011/01/27/highlander-the-source-part-one/ The Screamsheet]]'''''

->''"A 4 Hour Commercial, with [[AndTheRest some occasional Football in-between.]]"''
-->--'''''Website/UrbanDictionary''''' on the {{NFL}}

->''"It’s no coincidence that teams like the Bills and Browns have struggled over the past few decades as their cities have experienced grave economic misfortune. Neither team can attract top-tier coaching or GM talent, and they aren’t raking in Fuck You Money side deals from Pepsi...Cowboys, for all of their [[IncompetenceInc atrocious mismanagement]], are blessed with certain advantages that [[MotorCity Detroit]] cannot ever have."''
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/how-to-give-a-ball-bursting-football-speech-1677815240 Drew Magary]]''', "How to Give a Ball-Bursting [[RousingSpeech Football Speech]]"

->''"Baseball and padded rugby both have frequent breaks justifying the cramming in of more and more advertisements, whereas soccer really doesn’t. Each half is constant action for 45 straight minutes and there’s no place to put in 300 sexist ads about how berating women and buying beer will [[SexSells get your dick sucked by supermodels]]. Hence why the corporations and the sports networks hate it."''
-->--'''Cerberus''' [[http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/39925.html#more-39925 on]] the 2014 World Cup

->''"Lucas cracks out an armored case with his name on it. He opens it to reveal a padded, velved-lined interior on top of which rests...the ultimate gaming peripheral. The Excalibur of controllers. The mightiest weapon in any gamer's arsenal. '''The Power Glove.''' That's right, the Power Glove is not meant to be exposed to the elements. It must kept sealed away, lest untrained hands damage it or mishandle it. The devastation could be immense! It must be kept under lock and key at all times... The man wields the fucking Power Glove. Betta reccanize."''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/the-wizard/ on]] ''Film/TheWizard''

->''"In ten years, there's been 25,000 products based on the franchise, including... pez dispensers, a... blender, a shopping cart and... buckets?"''
-->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaChick''', talking about Franchise/{{Disney Princess}}es.

->''"All strips are supposed to be entertaining, but some strips have a point of view and a serious purpose behind the jokes. When the cartoonist is trying to talk honestly and seriously about life, then I believe he has a responsibility to think beyond satisfying the market’s every whim and desire. Cartoonists who think they can be taken seriously as artists while [[TheManIsStickingItToTheMan using the strip’s protagonists to sell boxer shorts]] are deluding themselves."''
-->--'''Bill Watterson''' on his licensing battle with ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes''

->''"I think I upset [=McDonald's=]. ‘What’s that black stuff coming out of [[Film/BatmanReturns the Penguin’s]] mouth. We can’t sell Happy Meals with that!’"''
-->--'''Creator/TimBurton'''

->''"We have no obligation [[SoOkayItsAverage to make history]]. We have no obligation [[LowestCommonDenominator to make art]]. We have no obligation [[StrictlyFormula to make a statement]]. To make money is our only objective."''
-->-- '''Michael Eisner''', former CEO of {{Creator/Disney}}

->''"I've been ordering to Yoji ''[Shinkawa]'' to make the character more erotic, and he did it well. Recently I've been making characters this way. The initial target is to make u want to do cosplay or its figurine to sell well."''
-->--'''Creator/HideoKojima''', discussing ''[[VideoGame/MetalGearSolidVThePhantomPain Metal Gear Solid V]]'' on his Twitter feed

->''Film/JurassicPark3 has been announced. They'll get started on the script when they've determined what the toys will look like.''
-->-- News brief from ''Entertainment Weekly''

->''"To understand ''Franchise/{{Transformers}}'' fiction, it is important to understand that it exists '''[[http://tfwiki.net/wiki/To_sell_toys to sell toys]]'''. Hasbro and [=TakaraTomy=] are toy companies, and they are primarily interested in continuing to sell toys to children and [[PeripheryDemographic adults]]. The cartoons, comic books, etc., mostly exist to make this happen. To be sure, they normally make a profit in their own right, but this is regarded as mere gravy.\\

->''"'At this point, I’m pretty sure that they didn’t actually care about the film versions of ''Franchise/{{Highlander}}'' but rather wanted to keep the brand going so they could sell merchandise. Highlander has a lot of fan paraphernalia, ranging from novel tie-ins to replica swords. The fact that there was ever a fifth ''Highlander'' movie suggests that the money was coming from somewhere, and it sure wasn’t from the films themselves."''

->''"'At this point, I’m pretty sure that they didn’t actually care about the film versions of ''Highlander'' but rather wanted to keep the brand going so they could sell merchandise. Highlander has a lot of fan paraphernalia, ranging from novel tie-ins to replica swords. The fact that there was ever a fifth ''Highlander'' movie suggests that the money was coming from somewhere, and it sure wasn’t from the films themselves."''

->''"''Film/MacAndMe ''is the result of some Hollywood producer watching'' [[Film/ETTheExtraterrestrial E.T.]] ''[[WhatDoYouMeanItWasntMadeOnDrugs through a mist of cocaine dust]] and saying to himself, "Hey, [[SerialNumbersFiledOff what if E.T. ate Skittles instead of Reese's Pieces and we changed his name to McDonald's?]] [=McDonald's=] would give us money for that, right?" He then came up with the alien's design by sketching Yoda ears on an expired condom, and the rest is obscure cinematic history."''

->'''Lisa''': I get the impression all they want to do is sell lunch boxes and T-shirts. They're loosing sight of what they're really here for.

-->--'''Bill Watterson''' on his licensing battle with ''ComicStip/CalvinAndHobbes''

->''"Fandom is an exceedingly middle class practice, based as it is on a surplus of leisure time and the disposable income to fritter away on [[CrackIsCheaper Dapol action figures, Target novelizations, trips to conventions]], and other such commercial product. This fact is largely responsible for the [[FanDumb maddening sociopathy]] of mainstream science fiction fandom -- it's a self-selected group of reasonably affluent people focused on capitalist production. They are myopic by design."''

->''"And welcome back! Don't those cartoon characters make you want to buy those products?"''

-->--'''Dr. Phil Sandifer''' [[http://www.philipsandifer.com/2012/06/thats-it-ive-been-renewed-paradise.html on]] ''Series/DoctorWho'', [[{{Recap/DoctorWhoS24E2ParadiseTowers}} "Paradise Towers"]]

'''Chris''': You say ''Final Fantasy'', but there is no way that this entire sequence was not based off a [[PlatformGame platformer]]. They seriously went into this thinking “how can we make a movie that we can translate directly to the SuperNintendo?” And this was their solution.\\

->''"To understand ''Franchise/{{Transformers}}'' fiction, it is important to understand that it exists '''[[http://tfwiki.net/wiki/To_sell_toys to sell toys]]'''. Hasbro and Takara Tomy are toy companies, and they are primarily interested in continuing to sell toys to children and, yes, even "adults". The cartoons, comic books, etc., mostly exist to make this happen. To be sure, they normally make a profit in their own right, but this is regarded as mere gravy.\\
The "to sell toys" effect often distorts the fiction in interesting ways. Primarily, since you can't usually sell someone the same toy twice, [=HasTak=] constantly introduces new toys, and often requires the creators of the fiction to introduce the new characters into ongoing storylines. Older characters (whose toys are no longer being sold) are shoved aside to make room."''

-->-- ''Magazine/{{MAD}}'', [[{{Pokemon}} "Hokéycon"]]