History Quotes / EvilIsPetty

-> Prepare to witness a truly petty act brought upon by my own mindless jealousy Hahahaha!
-->-- '''Dr. Doofenshmirtz''', ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb''

-> Look at this loser,\\

Now it's decaf!

-->-- ''LightNovel/TheDevilIsAPartTimer''

'''Crablante:''' *laughs* Whatever. I've killed people for a lot less. [[DisproportionateRetribution Whoever makes fun of the way I look pays the price. No exceptions!]]

->'''Fuegoleon:''' ''"For a childish reason like that, you've... You fool!! Don't toy with me!!"''\\
'''Rades:''' ''"Childish...?! That's the thing about reasons. They're always simple, y'know?!"''

->''"Why is [[spoiler:[[Characters/SonicTheHedgehogInfinite Infinite]]]] the way he is? Why is he such a '''big brute'''? Why is he so powerful? Why does he have this ''[[{{Revenge}} vengeful]] mindset''? Well, ''[briefly pauses]'' it's ''[briefly pauses again]'' because [[Characters/SonicTheHedgehogShadowTheHedgehog Shadow]] called [[DisproportionateRetribution him weak]]."''

-->"Despicable Me" song, ''WesternAnimation/DespicableMe''

->"I'll be honest, Chancellor – revenge is the motivation for over half the decrees I've made."

-->-- '''{{Website/SFDebris}}''' comparing a fellow motorist to [[Film/StarTrekIITheWrathOfKhan Khan Noonien Singh]] ([[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer yes.]])

->'''Fuegoleon:''' For a childish reason like that, you've... You fool!! Don't toy with me!! \\
'''Rades:''' Childish...?! That's the thing about reasons. They're always simple, y'know?!

->''"The inevitability of his existence does not give meaning to what he does. Beerus acts only on his own whim. He is nothing but bottled chaos."''
-->--'''Old Kai''' on [[DestroyerDeity Beerus]], ''Anime/DragonBallSuper''

->'''Kowalski:''' You know, I still can't believe the Germans would do something as evil as shoot down a plane filled with Camel Cigarettes.

[[folder:Fanfiction]]

->Officers slid past the Messiah as he looked over the display, stepping carefully in the dim lighting. The low illumination and red gleam were supposed to remind the Brotherhood that, for all their power and technology, they were an organization that thrived in the darkness and the shadows, both literally and figuratively.\\
\\
In reality, Kane preferred the dim red light because people tended to stumble over things they couldn't see. It was small and trivial and definitely petty, but something the Messiah found endlessly amusing.
-->--''FanFic/TiberiumWars''

-->-- '''Patrick Bateman''' after killing Paul Allen, ''Film/AmericanPsycho''

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries''

->'''Saitama:''' Oh, come on! You're really gonna [[WouldHurtAChild kill this kid]] over some harmless little prank? Doesn’t that seem kinda harsh?\\

->''It can be difficult to ascertain the full social context of any given scene in the Mostly Featureless ''Lockhorns'' Void, but it really seems like nobody else is as this “party” and that Leroy went to the trouble of getting party hats and a cake just to give Loretta this cruel card. I like that he’s stepped a few feet away from her as she reads it, to be sure that he’s fully out of her emotional penumbra as the message really hits home.''

->“I’ll be honest, Chancellor – revenge is the motivation for over half the decrees I’ve made.”

->''"At first I thought Adam was 'justice', then I thought he was 'passion'. But over time, I realized I was wrong. He wasn't any of those things. He was 'spite'. Not 'hatred', not 'rage', 'spite'. He won’t accept equality, only suffering for what he feels the world did to him, and his way of thinking is dangerously contagious."''

->''"That is, after all, the only way to justify the briefing he gives to the mobsters explaining Operation: Grand Slam, save for the fact that the script needed to [[TheBigBoard outline his plan to the audience]]. He kills all the gangsters anyway, but it seems a rather inefficient way of relaying information. However, it makes perfect sense for his character, who desperately wants to prove his own superiority, and to boast about all his fancy possessions. ''“I did enjoy your briefing,”'' Bond comments. Goldfinger responds. ''“So did I.”'' And, in the end, it seems that’s all that matters to Goldfinger."''

->''"There is a vague promise of getting in good with the [[DirtyCop dirty captain]] and whatnot but what it boils down to is a pair of playoff tickets. Yup, playoff tickets. I was absolutely laughing my ass off [when] the Sergeant takes back the playoff tickets since he won’t be using them stuck in I.A. It’s like, not only is this guy evil, but he is a Lumberg from ''Film/OfficeSpace'' type douchebag who will take back gifts. What an asshole."''

->'''David:''' That’s how much of a dick Burke is: he will trick you into [[KosherNostra compromising your religious beliefs]] just to screw with you.\\
'''Chris''': That might actually be his most villainous moment, because it accomplishes absolutely nothing. He just wants that dude to eat a hot dog. It’s [[ForTheEvulz pure evil for evil’s sake]].

->''"Almost as soon as I leave the house, I’m 'Excuse me mate-d from a car window. The shirtless man at the wheel asks me for directions, a thing which, traditionally I’m very bad at.\\\
[='=]Yeah, up there. Straight up there. Just keep going straight, and you can’t miss it.[='=]\\\
[='=]Thanks, mate,' says the man, thinking that he’s lucked out by a) already being on the right path, and b) bumping in to [[KnowNothingKnowItAll such a gushing fountain of local wisdom]]. He ''can’t'' miss it! Even if he tries. This scorching, ninety-degree summer day shall no more be wasted crawling through the back-roads of Sussex in a boiling metal box, peering at street-signs that have been [[SignsOfDisrepair childishly defaced]], as this kindly stranger has guaranteed [[FalseReassurance a safe, fast journey to destination’s end]].\\\
This flawless system of instant, confident sounding, directionless directions has never steered me wrong (unlike those suckers behind the wheel!), and it’s the perfect crime. You could be luring them to the other end of town, or to the slippery banks of the county urine lake, and it doesn’t matter a jot, because you’re never going to see these lost and confused out-of-towners again. ''Never.'' There’s [[KarmaHoudini no recriminations from bad directions]]. ''Ever''."''

->''What the hell? They actually break stuff for her to pick up? ({{Beat}}) That’s not evil; that’s Tourette’s syndrome. Come on, you gotta have some logic!''

-->-- '''Bill Cipher''', ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'', “It’s Gonna Get Weird (Cut Song)”

->''"I swear, that [[UsefulNotes/NorthKorea Kim Jong-un]] trick is such an overdramatic spoiled baby bitch. He is [[Series/GameOfThrones King Joffrey]] on steroids. I can’t believe his ass lips would get twisted over some stupid movie starring James Franco and Seth Rogen. If that made him have a hissy fit and threaten to nuke us, then I hope he never sees ''[[Film/TeamAmericaWorldPolice Team America]]''. Can’t Dennis Rodman just whisper, 'Baby, don’t be mad, call off your dogs for your honey,' into Kim Jong-un’s ear as they spoon?"''

->'''Fuegoleon:''' For a childish reason like that, you've… You fool!! Don't toy with me!! \\
'''Rades:''' Childish…?! That's the thing about reasons. They're always simple, y'know?!

-->--'''Gheorghe Apostol''', as quoted in ''The Life and Evil Times of Nicolae Ceausescu''

->''I played a film clip of Nixon in his vice presidential days. The soundtrack is missing, so it is a silent movie. An official banquet of some sort. Nixon remembers [[TheUnSmile to smile the way people do]]. A waiter approaches him with a large, sticky-looking dessert. At that moment, Nixon leans over to speak to his partner on the left, frustrating the waiter's effort to serve him. The waiter moves on. Nixon sits back; realizes that his dessert has been given to the man on his right. He waves to the waiter, who does not see him. Now the Nixon face is beginning to resemble that of [[Theatre/RichardIII the third English king of his name.]] Eyes--yes, [[ClintSquint mere slits]]--dart first left, then right. Coast is clear. Ruthless Plantagenet king, using his fork as a broadsword, scoops up half the dessert on the neighbor's plate and dumps it on his own. As he takes the first taste of the dessert, there is a radiance in his eyes that I have never seen before or since. [[EvilTastesGood Nixon is happy.]] Pie in the sky on the plate at last.''

->''"The inevitability of his existence does not give meaning to what he does. Beerus acts [[JerkassGods only on his own whim]]. He is nothing but bottled chaos."''

->''"Say you are given a quest to get a schoolgirl's cat out of a tree. On average you are given three options:'' '''Neutral''', ''where you get the cat down and accept the girl's allowance as payment;'' '''Good''', ''where you waive the fee and fondly tousle the girl's hair as she scampers off; and'' '''ASSHOLE''', ''where you set fire to the tree and stomp up and down on the schoolgirl's face. And [[CardCarryingJerkass speaking]] ''[[CardCarryingJerkass as]]'' [[CardCarryingJerkass an asshole]], this offends me. There are so many wonderful ways to be a complete ponce that these games don't cater for. Why can't I rescue the cat, but hold it for ransom for her dad's porn collection? Or get the cat out by throwing rocks at it so it breaks all its legs on the concrete, and then still expect to be paid with [[LoopholeAbuse the infuriatingly infallible logic of a complete tosser]]?"''

-> '''AG:''' Do you have any idea how inconvenient this is? Do you have any sympathy for what I'm dealing with here? \\

->''"This is, to my mind, the amazing thing about Theodore Beale. It is not just that he is a [[{{Blackshirt}} frothing fascist]], but that he believes that the best possible thing he can do with his magical genetic access to Divine Truth is to try to [[VoteEarlyVoteOften disrupt the Hugo Awards]]."''

->''I played a film clip of Nixon in his vice presidential days. The soundtrack is missing, so it is a silent movie. An official banquet of some sort. Nixon remembers [[TheUnSmile to smile the way people do]]. A waiter approaches him with a large, sticky-looking dessert. At that moment, Nixon leans over to speak to his partner on the left, frustrating the waiter's effort to serve him. The waiter moves on. Nixon sits back; realizes that his dessert has been given to the man on his right. He waves to the waiter, who does not see him. Now the Nixon face is beginning to resemble that of [[Theatre/RichardIII the third English king of his name.]] Eyes--yes, [[ClintSquint mere slits]]--dart first left, then right. Coast is clear. Ruthless Plantagenet king, using his fork as a broadsword, scoops up half the dessert on the neighbor's plate and dumps it on his own. As he takes the first taste of the dessert, there is a radiance in his eyes that I have never seen before or since. [[ThrowTheDogABone Nixon is happy.]] Pie in the sky on the plate at last.''

->''[[AwkwardSilence (Orbot and Cubot both blankly stare at him unimpressed.)]]''
->'''Dr. Eggman:''' It's more complicated than it sounds. ''(angrily)'' You'll see!

->''"I mean, he's wholly and unapologetically evil, but more to the point, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking he's kind of a dick.]]"''

->''"[=LaCroix=] [[AndYourLittleDogToo turns Nick's dog into a vampire]] to ''teach him a lesson?'' W-'''''why??'''''"''

When the truck passed, I went on my way, followed by the other driver who, ignoring the wet pavement, ran another red light and — unconcerned about little things like the presence of other vehicles on the road -- sped up to pull alongside me and repeatedly honked his horn to get my attention for quite a long time, until finally I gave in and looked at him so he could [[FlippingTheBird flip me off]] and be on his way.\\\

This cro-magnon felt that it wasn't enough to just flip me off; he was prepared [[RevengeBeforeReason to risk himself and others]] just to make sure I knew he was doing it. He couldn't handle me ''not'' knowing it, whereas I am quite unbothered that he'll never know that ''I'm'' saying that he's a phallically-challenged maladjusted uncivilized moronic social cripple whose only possible contribution for society would be if someone created an engine that could run on 'loser.'"''

->''"{{Narcissist}}s are usually hurtful only when threatened. And [[ManipulativeBastard Machiavellians]] are too calculating to risk retaliation unless there is a lot on the line. {{Sadist}}s may be unique in engaging in unprovoked cruelty -- cruelty that [[StupidEvil takes effort and has no discernible benefits.]]"''

[[folder:Film -- Western Animation]]

->''"Say you are given a quest to get a schoolgirl's cat out of a tree. On average you are given three options:'' '''Neutral''', ''where you get the cat down and accept the girl's allowance as payment;'' '''Good''', ''where you waive the fee and fondly tousle the girl's hair as she scampers off; and'' '''ASSHOLE''', ''where you set fire to the tree and stomp up and down on the schoolgirl's face. And speaking ''as'' an asshole, this offends me. There are so many wonderful ways to be a complete ponce that these games don't cater for. Why can't I rescue the cat, but hold it for ransom for her dad's porn collection? Or get the cat out by throwing rocks at it so it breaks all its legs on the concrete, and then still expect to be paid with [[LoopholeAbuse the infuriatingly infallible logic of a complete tosser]]?"''

'''Chris''': That might actually be his most villainous moment, because it accomplishes absolutely nothing. He just wants that dude to eat a hot dog. It’s pure evil for evil’s sake.

When the truck passed, I went on my way, followed by the other driver who, ignoring the wet pavement, ran another red light and — unconcerned about little things like the presence of other vehicles on the road — sped up to pull alongside me and repeatedly honked his horn to get my attention for quite a long time, until finally I gave in and looked at him so he could flip me off and be on his way.\\\

->''"I swear, that [[UsefulNotes/NorthKorea Kim Jong-un]] trick is such an overdramatic spoiled baby bitch. He is [[Series/GameOfThrones King Joffrey]] on steroids. I can’t believe his ass lips would get twisted over some stupid movie starring James Franco and Seth Rogen. If that made him have a hissy fit and threaten to nuke us, then I hope he never sees ''Team America''. Can’t Dennis Rodman just whisper, 'Baby, don’t be mad, call off your dogs for your honey,' into Kim Jong-un’s ear as they spoon?"''

->''"Ruining the life of a single British war hero by spreading rumors may seem awfully petty for a guy of grand evil like Hitler, but hey -- that's why he was Hitler. He always took time to screw the little guy."''

->''"Owner Dan Snyder had a park ranger fired, and somehow that's the least grotesque thing he did. He was also caught giving out apples for [[TheScrooge holiday bonuses]]...Forget about the whole nickname debate. Dan Snyder is never going to change the nickname, because fighting against the dirty liberal media is the only way that sad, lonely man will ever be able to make friends. The only way he renames the team is if he gets a new stadium in exchange, because it's just like Dan Snyder to defend his integrity and then offer it as a bargaining chip."''

->''"[[ItsAllAboutMe Narcissists]] are usually hurtful only when threatened. And [[{{Chessmaster}} Machiavellians]] are too calculating to risk retaliation unless there is a lot on the line. Sadists may be unique in engaging in unprovoked cruelty--cruelty that [[StupidEvil takes effort and has no discernible benefits.]]"''
-->-- '''Wray Halbert''', [[http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/were-only-human/everyday-sadism-throwing-light-on-the-dark-triad.html "Everyday Sadism - Throwing Light On the Dark Triad"]]

->''"I swear, that [[UsefulNotes/NorthKorea Kim Jong-un]] trick is such an overdramatic spoiled baby bitch. He is [[Series/GameOfThrones King Joffrey]] on steroids. I can’t believe his ass lips would get twisted over some stupid movie starring James Franco and Seth Rogen. If that made him have a hissy fit and threaten to nuke us, then I hope he never sees ''Team America''. Can’t DennisRodman just whisper, 'Baby, don’t be mad, call off your dogs for your honey,' into Kim Jong-un’s ear as they spoon?"''

->''I played a film clip of Nixon in his vice presidential days. The soundtrack is missing, so it is a silent movie. An official banquet of some sort. Nixon remembers [[TheUnsmile to smile the way people do]]. A waiter approaches him with a large, sticky-looking dessert. At that moment, Nixon leans over to speak to his partner on the left, frustrating the waiter's effort to serve him. The waiter moves on. Nixon sits back; realizes that his dessert has been given to the man on his right. He waves to the waiter, who does not see him. Now the Nixon face is beginning to resemble that of [[Theatre/RichardIII the third English king of his name.]] Eyes--yes, [[ClintSquint mere slits]]--dart first left, then right. Coast is clear. Ruthless Plantagenet king, using his fork as a broadsword, scoops up half the dessert on the neighbor's plate and dumps it on his own. As he takes the first taste of the dessert, there is a radiance in his eyes that I have never seen before or since. [[ThrowTheDogABone Nixon is happy.]] Pie in the sky on the plate at last.''

->''"Hmm. I suppose, given my imminent ''godhood'', these primitives should really be beneath my attention. Ah, still. No score is too small to settle, I always say."''
-->-- '''Megatron''', ''WesternAnimation/BeastWars''

->''"The inevitability of his existence does not give meaning to what he does. Beerus acts [[BlueAndOrangeMorality only on his own whim]]. He is nothing but bottled chaos."''

->''"[[ItsAllAboutMe Narcissists]] are usually hurtful only when threatened. And [[{{Chessmaster}} Machiavellians]] are too calculating to risk retaliation unless there is a lot on the line. Sadists may be unique in engaging in unprovoked cruelty--cruelty that [[StupidEvil takes effort and has no discernible benefits.]]"''
-->-- '''Wray Halbert''', [[http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/were-only-human/everyday-sadism-throwing-light-on-the-dark-triad.html "Everyday Sadism - Throwing Light On the Dark Triad"]]

->''"I swear, that [[UsefulNotes/NorthKorea Kim Jong-un]] trick is such an overdramatic spoiled baby bitch. He is [[Series/GameOfThrones King Joffrey]] on steroids. I can’t believe his ass lips would get twisted over some stupid movie starring James Franco and Seth Rogen. If that made him have a hissy fit and threaten to nuke us, then I hope he never sees ''Team America''. Can’t DennisRodman just whisper, 'Baby, don’t be mad, call off your dogs for your honey,' into Kim Jong-un’s ear as they spoon?"''
-->-- '''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/12/17/sony-officially-kills-the-interview/ Michael K.]]''', "Sony Officially Kills ''Film/TheInterview''"

->''"The saga of Ocean Marketing began with a guy named Dave contacting Ocean Marketing about his order of two Avenger game controllers. He began a correspondence with company representative Paul Christoforo, who, over the course of four emails, went from [[ForInconveniencePressOne unhelpful dumbass]] to legendary dick. Paul's response to reasonable questions was telling a customer that he was going to keep the things he bought and sell them for inflated prices on [=eBay=]. You should also keep in mind that these controllers are specialized for disabled gamers, and Paul had to know that there was a very likely chance that [[PoliticallyIncorrectVillain he was threatening to steal from a handicapped person]]."''
-->-- '''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-worst-marketing-failures-in-history-video-games_p2/#ixzz30l7engIp "The 5 Worst Marketing Failures in the History of Video Games"]]

->''"Ruining the life of a single British war hero by spreading rumors may seem awfully petty for a guy of grand evil like Hitler, but hey -- that's why he was Hitler. He always took time to screw the little guy."''
-->-- '''Website/{{Cracked}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/article_24227_6-horrifying-ways-universe-has-repaid-good-deeds.html 6 Horrifying Way The Universe Has Repaid Good Deeds]]

->''"This is, to my mind, the amazing thing about Theodore Beale. It is not just that he is a [[{{Blackshirt}} frothing fascist]], but that he believes that the best possible thing he can do with his magical genetic access to Divine Truth is to try to [[VoteEarlyVoteOften disrupt the Hugo Awards]]."''
-->-- '''[[http://www.philipsandifer.com/2015/04/guided-by-beauty-of-their-weapons.html El Sandifer]]''' on [[UsefulNotes/HugoAward HugoGate]]

->''"Owner Dan Snyder had a park ranger fired, and somehow that's the least grotesque thing he did. He was also caught giving out apples for [[TheScrooge holiday bonuses]]...Forget about the whole nickname debate. Dan Snyder is never going to change the nickname, because fighting against the dirty liberal media is the only way that sad, lonely man will ever be able to make friends. The only way he renames the team is if he gets a new stadium in exchange, because it's just like Dan Snyder to defend his integrity and then offer it as a bargaining chip."''
-->-- '''Drew Magary''', [[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-washington-redskins-1629678313 "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Washington Redskins"]]

->'''Eggman:''' *EvilLaugh* Hey everyone! Guess what? I know you wanna buy my stocks, but fuck you! I'm keeping your stocks. That's right you ugly little girl! I hate you! And you stupid nose! I'm taking everything from you! Give me your phone!

->'''Eggman:''' You can stand by me, Doctor Eggman, even though my ''body'' used to be a ''regular shape''!\\
'''Shadow:''' Yeah, well no. [[YouAreFat You're fat]]. *Smirks* Lol. Get rekt you fat scrub man. I'm gonna go fuck your wife now.\\
'''Eggman:''' ''What''! You are not ''allowed'' to fuck my wife!\\

-->--'''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic'''

->''"I mean, he's wholly and unapologetically evil, but more to the point, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking he's kind of a dick.]]"''
-->-- '''Rich Burlew''' on [[Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick Xykon]]