Say you are given a quest to get a schoolgirl's cat out of a tree. On average you are given three options: Neutral, where you get the cat down and accept the girl's allowance as payment; Good, where you waive the fee and fondly tousle the girl's hair as she scampers off; and ASSHOLE where you set fire to the tree and stomp up and down on the schoolgirl's face. And speaking as an asshole, this offends me. There are so many wonderful ways to be a complete ponce that these games don't cater for. Why can't I rescue the cat but hold it for ransom for her dad's porn collection? Or getting the cat out by throwing rocks at it so it breaks all its legs on the concrete and then still expect so be paid up with the logic of a complete tosser?!
"I mean, he's wholly and unapologetically Evil, but more to the point, he's kind of a dick."
— Rich Burlew on Xykon
Evil is unspectacular and always human
And shares our bed and eats at our own table.
— W.H. Auden
"The last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me, and I'll tell you why. Lucifer might be strong, but I'm... petty."
The Unman: "Ransom?"
The Unman: "Nothing. Hey."
The Unman: "Ransom?"
— Perelandra (He does this all night).
Ranma: "But this time... I have the upper hand. You see, I washed sheets yesterday but I have not, in fact, changed them out yet today. They are, unbeknownst to them, ravishing each other upon unwashed sheets!"
Nephrite: "Actually... no. They checked and changed them for fresh sheets before they got started."
Ranma: "I... see. I'm going to go kick Jadeite now, while he's still lying prone and defenseless. And then, I'm going to put a set of sheets to wash."
Dr. Polaris: *Ahem*
"Lex Luthor:" ...What?
Dr. Polaris: You gonna wash your hands?
Hmm. I suppose, given my imminent godhood, these primitives should really be beneath my attention. Ah, still. No score is too small to settle, I always say.
"Lucifer may be strong. But I'm petty. I'm gonna be the angel on your shoulder for the rest of eternity."
— Zachariah, Supernatural