History Quotes / Discworld

-> The Marquis of Fantailler got into many fights in his youth, most of them as a result of being known as the Marquis of Fantailler, and wrote a set of rules for which he termed “the noble art of fisticuffs” which mostly consisted of a list of places where people weren’t allowed to hit him. Many people were impressed with his work and later stood with noble chest outthrust and fists balled in a spirit of manly aggression against people who hadn’t read the Marquis’s book but ''did'' know how to knock people senseless with a chair. The last words of a surprisingly large number of people were “Stuff the bloody Marquis of Fantailler—”

->'''Vimes'''"Think of it (shipwreck) as the lesser of two evils."

->'''Vimes''' (''drawing his sword'') "Me."

->'''Vetinari:'''You think there are the good people and the bad people. You are wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.

-> "In those days rich young men from Ankh-Morpork used to go on what we called the Grand Sneer, visiting far-flung countries and cities in order to see at first hand how inferior they were."

-> Forget [[ThePrincessAndThePea peas and mattresses]]—sheer natural selection had established over the years that the royal families that survived longest were those whose members could distinguish an assassin in the dark by the noise he was clever enough not to make, because, in court circles, there was always [[TheUsurper someone]] ready to cut the heir with a knife.

-> [[AC: '''death:''' pickles of all sorts don't seen to make it. i'm sorry.]]

-> “I hate cats.”
-> [[AC:I see.]] The tone suggested that [[StealthPun death was too good for cat-haters.]]

-> "'Tis not right, a woman going into such places by herself."
-> Granny nodded. She thoroughly approved of such sentiments so long as there was, of course, no suggestion that they applied to her.

->“And then, I hope, we shall leave him to fight his battles in his own way.”
->“Quite right. Provided he looks like winning.”

-> As the cauldron bubbled, an eldritch voice shrieked, "When shall we three meet again?"
-> Another voice said, in far more ordinary tones, "Well, I can do next Tuesday."

-> There are eight levels of wizardry on the Disc; after sixteen years Rincewind has failed to achieve even level one. In fact it is the considered opinion of some of his tutors that he is [[BeyondTheImpossible incapable even of achieving level zero]], which most normal people are born at; to put it another way, it has been suggested that when Rincewind dies the average occult ability of the human race will actually go up by a fraction.

-> Greebo’s grin gradually faded, until there was nothing left but the cat. This was nearly as spooky as [[AlicesAdventuresInWonderland the opposite way around]].

->A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.

-> You have the effrontery to be squeamish. But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, you ape -- we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.

->As the cauldron bubbled, an eldritch voice shrieked, "When shall we three meet again?" \\
Another voice said, in far more ordinary tones, "Well, I can do next Tuesday."

-> In fact no gods anywhere play chess. They haven’t got the imagination. Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god’s idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

-> The calender of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out.

-> The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

-> "'Tis not right, a woman going into such places by herself." Granny nodded. She thoroughly approved of such sentiments so long as there was, of course, no suggestion that they applied to her.

-> "Ah, well, we've all passed a lot of water since then," said Nanny Ogg sagely.

-> Wizards didn't kill ordinary people because a) they seldom noticed them and b) it wasn't considered sporting and c) besides, who'd do all the cooking and growing food and things. And killing a brother wizard with magic was well-nigh impossible on account of the layers of protective spells that any cautious wizard maintained about his person at all times. [[labelnote:**]] Of course, wizards often killed one another by ordinary, nonmagical means, but this was perfectly allowable and death by assassination was considered natural causes for a wizard.[[/lablenote]]