History Quotes / Deadpool

->'''Deadpool:''' Peter! Hey! I was just running around my game and I noticed that some shit was fucked up! What's up with that?\\
'''Peter Della Penna:''' I warned you about the budget, Deadpool! You literally blew all the money!\\
'''Deadpool:''' Wait, budget? What the hell, man?\\
'''Peter:''' Yes. You do realise all games have budgets?\\
'''Deadpool:''' Peter, sweet-heart, bubala. Let me remind you that my website got 15 ''million'' hits the weekend we announced!\\
'''Deadpool:''' ''[cut to Deadpool sitting at a computer]'' One million one, one million two...
-->-- ''VideoGame/{{Deadpool}}''

->'''Deadpool''': Hmmm...how much C4 is this gonna take?\\
'''Inner voice 1''': No more than 20 ounces.\\
'''Inner voice 2''': What?! I hate the metric system! How much in ''American''?!\\
'''Inner voice 1''': Well let's see, uh...carry the seven...\\
'''Deadpool''': Dude, fuck math! Just use all of it!
-->-- ''VideoGame/{{Deadpool}}''

For quotes from the films ''[[Film/Deadpool2016 Deadpool]]'' and ''Film/Deadpool2'', see [[Quotes/Deadpool2016 here]].

For Deadpool quotes in other comic book series, see ''ComicBook/CableAndDeadpool'' [[Quotes/CableAndDeadpool quotes]] and ''ComicBook/UncannyXForce'' [[Quotes/UncannyXForce quotes]].

-->-- ''Deadpool'' vol. 1 #5

-->-- ''Deadpool'' vol. 1 #12

-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' volume 1 #33

-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' vol 3. #10

-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''Agent X'' #15

-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''Black Panther vs. Deadpool'' #2

-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''Deadpool: Back in Black'' #2

-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''Deadpool vs. Thanos'' #2

-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/SpiderManDeadpool'' #50

-->-- ''Wolverine: Origins'' #22

For Deadpool quotes from the comic book series ''ComicBook/UncannyXForce'', [[Quotes/UncannyXForce see here]].

[[folder:Deadpool in comic books]]

-->-- ''Wolverine Origins'' #22

Deadpool isn't called the Merc with a Mouth for nothing! He has a lot to say, and a lot is said about him and in his comic books.

For quotes from the film ''Film/Deadpool2'', [[Quotes/Deadpool2 see here]].

For quotes from the comic book series ''ComicBook/UncannyXForce'', [[Quotes/UncannyXForce see here]].

[[folder:Deadpool in live action films]]
->''"Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up."''
-->-- '''Wolverine''', ''Film/XMenOriginsWolverine''

-> '''Deadpool''': Finish fucking her the fuck up!\\
'''Colossus''': Language, please!\\
'''Deadpool''': ''Suck a cock!''
-->-- ''Film/Deadpool2016''

-> ''"I've given Deadpool every chance to join us. But he'd rather act like a child. A heavily armed child. When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man?"''
-->-- '''Colossus''', ''Film/Deadpool2016''
[[/folder]]

-> '''The Cat''': But how do you plan to get it to Cable in time?\\
'''Deadpool''': We got this whole don't ask, don't tell thing goin'... not that there's anything wrong with that. Bodyslide by two...\\
'''The Cat''': Don't ask, don't tell--? ...Oh. ''Oh''.
-->-- ''ComicBook/CableAndDeadpool'' #10

-> ''"I didn't let you beat me, Wade.'' I mean, I shoved my sword through your chest! ''Truth is... You're that good. You've always been that good. Which won't even get you a cup of coffee until you figure out how to be a '' professional..."
-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Taskmaster}}''', ''ComicBook/CableAndDeadpool'' #36

-> "You're not allowed to crush his hopes and dreams and force him to do what you want him to do unless you're his real parent! He needs someone who'll love him and teach him how to shoot a gun and only show him the good porn! Someone like me!"
-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/CableAndDeadpool'' #18

-> "Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together."
-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''Agent X'' #15

%% Needs sourcing and de-self-demonstrating:
%%
%% -> "You're not allowed to crush his hopes and dreams and force him to do what you want him to do unless you're his real parent! He needs someone who'll love him and teach him how to shoot a gun and only show him the good porn! Someone like me!"
%% -->-- Me saving baby!Nate from the clutches of evil. I couldn't help it! He was so cute! And he called me da-da!
%%
%%-> "Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together."
%%-->-- FourthWallBreaking at its finest. I should give lessons.

Deadpool isn't called the Merc with a Mouth for nothing! He has a lot to say, and a lot is said about him.

-->-- '''Deadpool''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'' volume 1 #27

->'''Wolverine:''' You know what your problem is, Deadpool? Ya never learned to take anything ''seriously!''\\
'''Deadpool''': Is ''that'' my problem? I thought my problem was that I was ''crazy''.
-->-- ''Wolverine Origins'' #22

'''Me''': We got this whole don't ask, don't tell thing goin'... not that there's anything wrong with that. Bodyslide by two...\\

Ya know, they don't call me the Merc with a Mouth for nothin'! Check out how that's true throughout the various media I've graced...

[[folder:Me Comics!]]
->'''Wolverine''': ''"You know what your problem is Deadpool? Ya never learned to take anything seriously!"''
->'''Me''': ''"Is ''that'' my problem? I thought my problem was that I was crazy."''
-->-- '''{{Wolverine}}''''s insight on Yours Truly.

-> '''Taskmaster:''' ''"I didn't let you do anything. I mean, I ''shoved my sword through your chest!'' Truth is, you're that good. You've ''always'' been that good. Which won't even get you a cup of coffee until you can figure out how to be a ''professional...''"''
-->-- [[ComicBook/{{Taskmaster}} Tasky]] telling me why I don't get many jobs...and that I'm the best in the business!...and crazy.

-> "Yay, now is fighty time, fighty time, blood blood blood!"
-->-- Fighty time is the best time!

-> "You're not allowed to crush his hopes and dreams and force him to do what you want him to do unless you're his real parent! He needs someone who'll love him and teach him how to shoot a gun and only show him the good porn! Someone like me!"
-->-- Me saving baby!Nate from the clutches of evil. I couldn't help it! He was so cute! And he called me da-da!

-> "Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together."
-->-- FourthWallBreaking at its finest. I should give lessons.

-> '''The Cat''': But how do you plan to get it to Cable in time?
-> '''Me''': We got this whole don't ask, don't tell thing goin'... not that there's anything wrong with that. Bodyslide by two...
-> '''The Cat''': Don't ask, don't tell--? ...Oh. '''Oh'''.
-->-- Yup, me and Nate were HoYay-tastic back then.

-> You ever see that old cartoon with the squirrel who's trying to eat a coconut? Chuck Jones, I think... this retarded squirrel finds this coconut and thinks that he's hit the giant acorn motherload- only, he can't crack the nut. It's too hard. So he gets a jackhammer, he throws it down stairs, runs it over with a truck... nothing. Finally, he pushes this monster up a gazillion stairs all the way to the top of the Empire State Building, and heaves it. Crack. Slowly, the shell peels back... and you know what's inside? Another coconut shell. That squirrel is in cartoon hell. That squirrel is me. Every time I get a shot at saving the world, or doing right or waving the truth and justice flag instead of gutting a guy, I do it... and every time, I get the shaft for my trouble. Everytime, there's another coconut shell I gotta crack. But just like that retarded squirrel... in another month or so, the cartoon reruns, and I try again. You did mess up my head by showing me what a dirtbag I've been in my lifetime... but that doesn't change the fact that I still try to be better. I'm giving it a shot. At the end of the day, I'm winning- and I wouldn't have things any different.
-->-- '''Me''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}} #33''

[[folder:Lights! Camera! Action...ME at the movies!]]

-->-- Wolvie after my [[Film/XMenOriginsWolverine fucking punishment]].

-> '''Me''': Finish fucking her the fuck up!
-> '''Colossus''': Language, please!
-> '''Me''': SUCK A COCK!
-->-- Colossus isn't the only guy who wanted my mouth shut in [[Film/Deadpool2016 my movie]].

-> "I’ve given Deadpool every chance to join us. But he’d rather act like a child. [[PsychopathicManchild A heavily armed child.]] When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man?"
-->-- '''Colossus''' on me in [[Film/Deadpool2016 my movie.]] Sorry, Mr. CGI, but I'm not looking to room with you and your black and yellow buddies. Get me Jean's phone number and then we'll talk.

[[folder:Game on with me!]]
-> '''Me, to Peter Della Penna:''' "Peter! Hey! I was just running around my game and I noticed that some shit was fucked up! What's up with that?"
-> '''Peter:''' "I warned you about the budget, Deadpool! You literally blew all the money!"
-> '''Me:''' "Wait, budget? What the hell, man?"
-> '''Peter:''' "Yes. You do realise all games have budgets?"
-> '''Me:''' "Peter, sweet-heart, bubala. Let me remind you that my website got 15 ''million'' hits the weekend we announced!"
-> '''(Cut to Me sitting at a computer)'''
-> '''Me:''' "One million one, one million two..."
-->-- What do you know? It turns out my biggest fan is me! And yes, he coughed it up. Thanks, dickhead!

->'''Me''': "Hmmm...how much C4 is this gonna take?"
->'''One of my voices''': "No more than 20 ounces."
->'''Another voice''': "What?! I hate the metric system! How much in ''American''?!"
->'''The first voice''': "Well let's see, uh...carry the seven..."
->'''Me''': "Dude, [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] math! Just use all of it!"
-->-- [[VideoGame/{{Deadpool}} My game]] has many cool moments like these! (Also, turns out 20 ounces was about right...but more is always better!)

-> How did anyone ever enjoy these games without me in 'em?
-->--'''Me''', commenting on my debut appearance in ''VideoGame/MarvelVsCapcom3''

-> I need help! And a [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic po]][[HilariousInHindsight ny]]!
-->--Yours truly, should my health be running low in ''VideoGame/MarvelUltimateAlliance''

-> Da-dada! And the winner is: You! The Player! Yeah, you.
-->--My intros/outros of the bonus levels in ''VideoGame/LegoMarvelSuperheroes'' were nothing short of insightful, let me tell ya.

[[folder:Me in...web videos!]]
->''"You know, I always wanted to have my own action figure, and now I ''am'' my own action figure! Say, if I look like Creator/RyanReynolds under this mask, just point me to the nearest Barbie dream house, would ya, pal?"''
-->-- '''Me''', to [[ComicBook/{{Watchmen}} Nite Owl]], ''WebVideo/ImAMarvelAndImADC''

->"Pfft. What a rip! What makes this chump worth 10 bucks more than me? Come on! I'm ME! Wh-wh-WHAT?! Am I right? Yeah, I am. I'm pretty sure."
-->-- '''Moi''' on [[ComicBook/{{Deathstroke}} my ripoff's]] bounty. [[WebAnimation/DeathBattle Oh, BTW, I'm still waiting on that fifty mill, guys! Get on it already!]] And DON'T forget the ten bucks!
[[/folder]]

->''"You know, I always wanted to have my own action figure, and now I ''am'' my own action figure! Say, if I look like Creator/RyanReynolds under this mask, just point me to the nearest Barbie dream house, would ya, pal?"''
-->-- '''Me''', to [[ComicBook/{{Watchmen}} Nite Owl]], ''WebVideo/ImAMarvelAndImADC''

-> "You're not allowed to crush his hopes and dreams and force him to do what you want him to do unless you're his real parent! He needs someone who'll love him and teach him how to shoot a gun and only show him the good porn! Someone like me!"
-->-- Me saving baby!Nate from the clutches of evil. I couldn't help it! He was so cute! And he called me da-da!

-> "Oh, I've missed you, little yellow boxes! What fun we shall have together."
-->-- FourthWallBreaking at its finest. I should give lessons.

-> '''The Cat''': But how do you plan to get it to Cable in time?
-> '''Me''': We got this whole don't ask, don't tell thing goin'... not that there's anything wrong with that. Bodyslide by two...
-> '''The Cat''': Don't ask, don't tell--? ...Oh. '''Oh'''.
-->-- Yup, me and Nate were HoYay-tastic back then.

-> How did anyone ever enjoy these games without me in 'em?
-->--'''Me''', commenting on my debut appearance in ''VideoGame/MarvelVsCapcom3''

-> You ever see that old cartoon with the squirrel who's trying to eat a coconut? Chuck Jones, I think... this retarded squirrel finds this coconut and thinks that he's hit the giant acorn motherload- only, he can't crack the nut. It's too hard. So he gets a jackhammer, he throws it down stairs, runs it over with a truck... nothing. Finally, he pushes this monster up a gazillion stairs all the way to the top of the Empire State Building, and heaves it. Crack. Slowly, the shell peels back... and you know what's inside? Another coconut shell. That squirrel is in cartoon hell. That squirrel is me. Every time I get a shot at saving the world, or doing right or waving the truth and justice flag instead of gutting a guy, I do it... and every time, I get the shaft for my trouble. Everytime, there's another coconut shell I gotta crack. But just like that retarded squirrel... in another month or so, the cartoon reruns, and I try again. You did mess up my head by showing me what a dirtbag I've been in my lifetime... but that doesn't change the fact that I still try to be better. I'm giving it a shot. At the end of the day, I'm winning- and I wouldn't have things any different.
-->-- '''Me''', ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}} #33''

-> "I’ve given Deadpool every chance to join us. But he’d rather act like a child. [[PsychopathicManchild A heavily armed child.]] When will he grow up and see benefits of becoming X-Man?"
-->-- '''Colossus''' on me in [[Film/Deadpool2016 my movie.]] Sorry, Mr. CGI, but I'm not looking to room with you and your black and yellow buddies. Get me Jean's phone number and then we'll talk.

-->-- '''Moi''' on [[ComicBooks/{{Deathstroke}} my ripoff's]] bounty. [[WebAnimation/DeathBattle Oh, BTW, I'm still waiting on that fifty mill, guys! Get on it already!]] And DON'T forget the ten bucks!

-> '''Taskmaster:''' ''"I didn't let you do anything. I mean, I ''shoved my sword through your chest!'' Truth is, you're that good. You've ''always'' been that good. Which won't even get you a cup of coffee until you can figure out how to be a ''professional...''"

-->-- '''Me''', ''{{Deadpool}} #33''

->''"You know, I always wanted to have my own action figure, and now I ''am'' my own action figure! Say, if I look like RyanReynolds under this mask, just point me to the nearest Barbie dream house, would ya, pal?"''

-> '''Me''': Finish fucking her the fuck up!\\
-> '''Colossus''': Language, please!\\

%%Attribution please?

->'''Me''': Finish fucking her the fuck up!\\
->'''Colossus''': Language, please!\\
->'''Me''': SUCK A COCK!

-> '''Me''': Finish fucking her the fuck up!\\
-> '''Colossus''': Language, please!\\
-> '''Me''': SUCK A COCK!

-> '''Me:''': Finish fucking her the fuck up!\\

-> '''Me:''' SUCK A COCK!
-->-- {{Colossus}} isn't the only guy who wanted my mouth shut.

-> '''Me, to the game dev:''' "What gives? Why is this level in 8-bit?"
-> '''Dev:''' "Videogames have a ''budget'', Deadpool. You blew through ours in the first level!"
-> '''Me:''' "Excuse me? My website got 15 ''million'' hits the day we announced!"

-->-- What do you know? It turns out my biggest fan is me!

-->-- '''Colossus''' on me in [[Film/Deadpool2016 my movie]]

-->-- [[{{Taskmaster}} Tasky]] telling me why I don't get many jobs...and that I'm the best in the business!...and crazy.