History Quotes / CastingCouch

->''Once there was an actress who was so dumb that [[WritersSuck she slept with the writer.]]''
-->--Old Hollywood joke, source unknown
----

->"When I was her age I was down on my knees to half the men in this town!"

->"...if I learned one thing from all the Harvey Weinstein stories, well it's that pretty much anyone can act. What other profession works this way? You want to be a commercial airline pilot? Okay, just blow that fat Jew."
-->--'''Adam Carolla'''

->"And in conclusion, your honor, I hope I slept with you to get the job, because if not, who the hell was that guy?!"

->"She screws me to get in my picture, and then she screws up my picture!"
-->-- '''Michael Curtiz''' to an actress who kept forgetting her line, as quoted by Alan King

->"I’ve enjoyed some of the acting I’ve done, ''[[Series/NorthAndSouthUS North And South]]'' and the movie ''The First Great Train Robbery''. But I’ve done a lot of stuff that I didn’t enjoy. Part of that was because of all the lecherous men, studio executives, producers, directors. There was a lot of running away and hiding under tables. They made everything so uncomfortable."
-->-- '''Lesley-Anne Down'''

-->-- '''[=Jenny McCarthy=]''' on Creator/StevenSeagal

!!{{Film}} -- Live-Action

!!StandUpComedy

!!WebOriginal

!!WebVideo

!!RealLife

-->--'''Michael Curtiz''' to an actress who kept forgetting her line, as quoted by Alan King

-->--'''Lesley-Anne Down'''

-->--'''[=Jenny McCarthy=]''' on Creator/StevenSeagal

->''This is probably as good a time as any to bring up the [[Creator/TheWeinsteinCompany Weinstein]] factor. It turns out that producer Harvey Weinstein has been a major factor in several [[StarDerailingRole “What the Hell Happened]]” stories.''

->''This is probably as good a time as any to bring up the [[Creator/TheWeinsteinCompany Weinstein]] factor. It turns out that producer Harvey Weinstein has been a major factor in several “What the Hell Happened” stories.''

->''By now, everybody pretty much knows the story of how Creator/PiaZadora ROCKED the Golden Globes in 1982 when she won “Best New Star of the Year”...Yes, Pia obviously had something to do with the Golden Globes getting rid of that category. But they didn’t get rid of it because her husband bought her the award. They got rid of it because they realized that no young artiste could ever top [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HJ7r-sue-I#t=78 this]] multi-layered acting triumph!''

!!StandUpComedy
->"...if I learned one thing from all the Harvey Weinstein stories, well it's that pretty much anyone can act. What other profession works this way? You want to be a commercial airline pilot? Okay, just blow that fat Jew."
-->--'''Adam Carolla'''

!!Film -- Live-Action

->"She screws me to get in my licture, and then she screws up my picture!"

-->-- '''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''' [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/9-supposed-action-stars-who-clearly-couldnt-fight/ "9 Supposed Action Stars Who Clearly Couldn't Fight"]]

->"By now, everybody pretty much knows the story of how Creator/PiaZadora ROCKED the Golden Globes in 1982 when she won “Best New Star of the Year”...Yes, Pia obviously had something to do with the Golden Globes [[DeweyDefeatsTruman getting rid of that category.]] But they didn’t get rid of it because her husband bought her the award. They got rid of it because they realized that no young artiste could ever top [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HJ7r-sue-I#t=78 this]] multi-layered acting triumph!''

!!FilmLiveAction

->When you picture the kind of filmmaker who would write, direct and produce a movie just to cast himself in the lead role of martial arts master rock star, you're picturing David Heavener (''Lethal Ninja'', ''Kill Crazy''). Undiscovered actresses take one look at him and know his first question is going to be unzipping his pants. If evil scientists collected all the sperm from Hollywood casting room couches and jammed it into Tori Spelling, David Heavener is the beast that would hatch from her chestplate.

->I’ve enjoyed some of the acting I’ve done, ''[[Series/NorthAndSouthUS North And South]]'' and the movie ''The First Great Train Robbery''. But I’ve done a lot of stuff that I didn’t enjoy. Part of that was because of all the lecherous men, studio executives, producers, directors. There was a lot of running away and hiding under tables. They made everything so uncomfortable.

->They were casting Playmates for ''Film/{{Under Siege 2|Dark Territory}}''. I was the last audition, dressed frumpy and plain, the way I usually go, and I walk into his office and it’s only Creator/{{Steven|Seagal}}. His office has a huge shag carpet – [[FengSchwing shag, I’ll repeat that, shag]] – and a huge screaming casting couch. Casting, casting, casting, casting couch. And he says, ‘Listen, I can’t tell what your body looks like with what you’re wearing, so why don’t you stand up and take off your dress?’ I started crying, and I said, ‘My video’s for sale for $14.99, go buy it if you want to see.’
-->--'''[=Jenny McCarthy=]'''

->Once there was [[BrainlessBeauty an actress who was so dumb]] that [[WritersSuck she slept with the writer]].
-->--Old Hollywood joke, source unknown

->By now, everybody pretty much knows the story of how Pia Zadora ROCKED the Golden Globes in 1982 when she won “Best New Star of the Year” for displaying her flawless acting skills in the underrated masterpiece ''Butterfly''...Yes, Pia obviously had something to do with the Golden Globes getting rid of that category. But they didn’t get rid of it because her husband bought her the award. They got rid of it because they realized that no young artiste could ever top [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HJ7r-sue-I#t=78 this]] multi-layered acting triumph!
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2016/01/10/hot-slut-of-the-day-863/ Michael K.]]''', "Pia Zadora, the forever pride of the Golden Globes!"

->'''Arlene Inverson:''' When I was her age I was down on my knees to half the men in this town!
-->--'''''Film/NightMoves'''''

->Creator/RobertDeniro is here. Creator/AlecBaldwin is here. Both amazing actors, but if I learned one thing from all the Harvey Weinstein stories, well it's that pretty much anyone can act. What other profession works this way? You want to be a commercial airline pilot? Okay, just blow that [[InformedJudaism fat Jew]].
-->--'''Adam Carolla'''

->I once had Blue Shield and they refused to pay for a portion of my labs several times. I thought gonorrhea testing was covered! But seriously, they kicked back a few bills. Blue Shield won’t pay for all of my labs but they will give their executives credit cards with unlimited limits, which they’ll use to wine and dine exquisite narjana blossoms like '''[[Film/{{Sharknado}} Tara Reid]]'''? You know, I’m not that mad.
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/05/01/the-shade-of-it-all-elizabeth-banks-burns-tara-reid/#more-176091 Michael K.]]''', ''The Shade of it All''

->If you’re side-eying Chloe for calling a trick “crass” when she [[Film/TheBrownBunny sucked Vincent Gallo’s dick in front of a camera]], then you need to stop. Chloe sucked that big douche dick in the name of art!
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/03/10/chloe-sevigny-is-totally-annoyed-by-crass-jennifer-lawrence/#more-169906 Michael K.]]''', "Chloe Sevigny Is Totally Annoyed By “Crass” Jennifer Lawrence"

->While talking about how nowadays personality is more important than acting skills, Chloe said that she doesn’t think she that thing that makes you a big movie star. Chloe thinks [[Creator/AngelinaJolie St. Angie Jolie]] has it, but thinks the frat boy trapped in a woman’s body that is Creator/JenniferLawrence is just trashy and annoying. If you’re side-eying Chloe for calling a trick “crass” when she [[Film/TheBrownBunny sucked Vincent Gallo’s dick in front of a camera]], then you need to stop. Chloe sucked that big douche dick in the name of art!

->They were casting Playmates for ''UnderSiege 2''. I was the last audition, dressed frumpy and plain, the way I usually go, and I walk into his office and it’s only [[StevenSeagal Steven]]. His office has a huge shag carpet – [[FengSchwing shag, I’ll repeat that, shag]] – and a huge screaming casting couch. Casting, casting, casting, casting couch. And he says, ‘Listen, I can’t tell what your body looks like with what you’re wearing, so why don’t you stand up and take off your dress?’ I started crying, and I said, ‘My video’s for sale for $14.99, go buy it if you want to see.’

-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/03/10/chloe-sevigny-is-totally-annoyed-by-crass-jennifer-lawrence/#more-169906 Michael K.]]'''

->''"I’ve enjoyed some of the acting I’ve done, ''[[Series/NorthAndSouthUS North And South]]'' and the movie ''The First Great Train Robbery''. But I’ve done a lot of stuff that I didn’t enjoy. Part of that was because of all the lecherous men, studio executives, producers, directors. There was a lot of running away and hiding under tables. They made everything so uncomfortable."''

->''"They were casting Playmates for ''UnderSiege 2''. I was the last audition, dressed frumpy and plain, the way I usually go, and I walk into his office and it’s only [[StevenSeagal Steven]]. His office has a huge shag carpet – [[FengSchwing shag, I’ll repeat that, shag]] – and a huge screaming casting couch. Casting, casting, casting, casting couch. And he says, ‘Listen, I can’t tell what your body looks like with what you’re wearing, so why don’t you stand up and take off your dress?’ I started crying, and I said, ‘My video’s for sale for $14.99, go buy it if you want to see.’"''

-> ''"Once there was [[BrainlessBeauty an actress who was so dumb]] that [[WritersSuck she slept with the writer]]."''

--'''[=Old Hollywood joke, source unknown=]'''

->''"They were casting Playmates for ''UnderSiege 2''. I was the last audition, dressed frumpy and plain, the way I usually go, and I walk into his office and it’s only [[StevenSeagal Steven]]. His office has a huge shag carpet – [[FengSchwing shag, I’ll repeat that, shag]] – and a huge screaming casting couch. Casting, casting, casting, casting couch. And he says, ‘Listen, I can’t tell what your body looks like with what you’re wearing, so why don’t you stand up and take off your dress?’ I started crying, and I said, ‘My video’s for sale for $14.99, go buy it if you want to see.’"''\\
--'''[=Jenny McCarthy=]'''

-> ''"Once there was [[BrainlessBeauty an actress who was so dumb]] that [[WritersSuck she slept with the writer]]."''\\