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->'''Calvin''': Bad news on your campaign to stay Dad, Dad.\\
'''Dad''': Oh?\\
'''Calvin''': Yep. The latest poll of six-year-olds in this household shows that they don't care about issues this year. It's character that counts.\\
'''Dad''': So why is that bad news?\\
'''Calvin''': (''Pulls out a photo and shows it to Dad'') Who's the bimbo with you in this old prom picture?\\
'''Dad''': THAT "BIMBO" IS YOUR ''MOTHER'!'\\
'''Mom''': ''WHO'S'' A BIMBO?!\\
'''Calvin''': Pretty funky hairdo, Mom!
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 09 November 1987
'''Dad''': Oh?\\
'''Calvin''': Yep. The latest poll of six-year-olds in this household shows that they don't care about issues this year. It's character that counts.\\
'''Dad''': So why is that bad news?\\
'''Calvin''': (''Pulls out a photo and shows it to Dad'') Who's the bimbo with you in this old prom picture?\\
'''Dad''': THAT "BIMBO" IS YOUR ''MOTHER'!'\\
'''Mom''': ''WHO'S'' A BIMBO?!\\
'''Calvin''': Pretty funky hairdo, Mom!
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 09 November 1987
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'''Calvin''': Because boring stuff doesn't sell.
to:
'''Calvin''': [[TrueArtIsAngsty Because boring stuff doesn't sell.
sell]].
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->'''Susie''': ''(reading a note)'' "Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. [[WhatAnIdiot Sincerely, Calvin."]]
to:
->'''Susie''': ''(reading a note)'' "Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. [[WhatAnIdiot Sincerely, Calvin."]]"
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-->'''[[http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/897/738/706.png "This is a big, fat waste of my time!!"]]'''
to:
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'''(Monsters)'''" "Nope!" "No!" "Uh-uh."\\
to:
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->'''Calvin:'''' Yesterday Dad went to buy a hardcover novel. He said he wanted to read something long, rich and thought-provoking for a change, and he wanted a cloth binding so his book could be carried around and reread later. Then he said he was going to buy the book with cash, [[HarsherInHindsight so nobody could trace the purchase to him and exploit his interest for commercial purposes.]]\\
'''Hobbes:''' Your Dad's going into the future kicking and screaming, isn't he?
-->--[[https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1993/12/07 December 7, 1993]]
'''Hobbes:''' Your Dad's going into the future kicking and screaming, isn't he?
-->--[[https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1993/12/07 December 7, 1993]]
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'''Hobbes''': Want to play Main/Calvinball?\\
to:
'''Hobbes''': Want to play Main/Calvinball?\\Main/{{Calvinball}}?\\
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->'''Calvin''': I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to ignore you and leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. ...And if that person can also stand '''''you''''', you're '''''really''''' lucky.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 08 October 1989
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 08 October 1989
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->'''Calvin''': My parents are the two stupidest people on Earth. Just my luck they'd get married and have '''''me'''''.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 09 October 1988
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 09 October 1988
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->'''Test''': "2. Where is Plymouth Rock?"
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field."
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field."
to:
->'''Test''': "2. Where is Plymouth Rock?"
Rock?"\\
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field.""\\
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field.
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->'''Calvin''': You know, school wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to go every day... and if you didn't have to learn anything... and if you took away all the teachers and all the other kids. If it was completely different, school would be great.
->'''Hobbes''': A lot of things are like that.
->'''Calvin''': Nobody asks me how things ought to be. I've got tons of ideas!
->'''Hobbes''': A lot of things are like that.
->'''Calvin''': Nobody asks me how things ought to be. I've got tons of ideas!
to:
->'''Calvin''': You know, school wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to go every day... and if you didn't have to learn anything... and if you took away all the teachers and all the other kids. If it was completely different, school would be great.
->'''Hobbes''':great.\\
'''Hobbes''': A lot of things are likethat.
->'''Calvin''':that.\\
'''Calvin''': Nobody asks me how things ought to be. I've got tons ofideas!ideas!\\
->'''Hobbes''':
'''Hobbes''': A lot of things are like
->'''Calvin''':
'''Calvin''': Nobody asks me how things ought to be. I've got tons of
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->''Your gender would be a lot more tolerable if it wasn't so darn cynical!''
-->--Calvin, after Susie doesn't play along with his "Sandbox full of quicksand" prank, ''Calvin and Hobbes'', 02 July 1988
-->--Calvin, after Susie doesn't play along with his "Sandbox full of quicksand" prank, ''Calvin and Hobbes'', 02 July 1988
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->''I suppose if I had two X chromosomes, '''I'd''' feel hostile too.''
-->--Calvin, after Susie doesn't play along with his "Snow Snake" prank, ''Calvin and Hobbes'', 06 February 1991
-->--Calvin, after Susie doesn't play along with his "Snow Snake" prank, ''Calvin and Hobbes'', 06 February 1991
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->'''Mom''': ''(painting the wall)'' Ughh, there are times when I hate owning a house. All the maintenance! The walls need painting, the roof needs to be fixed, the tree out back needs to be sprayed... It seems like the whole place is falling apart. ''(chases Calvin, who she caught drilling holes in the wall)'' ...And what isn't falling apart is being actively destroyed!
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 19 August 1989
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 19 August 1989
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'''Advertising'''
to:
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'''Art'''
to:
Deleted line(s) 36,40 (click to see context) :
->'''Test''': "2. Where is Plymouth Rock?"
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field."
'''Calvin''' ''(aside to the audience)'': I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.
-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 28 January 1994
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field."
'''Calvin''' ''(aside to the audience)'': I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.
-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 28 January 1994
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'''Authority'''
to:
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'''Customer Service'''
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'''Death'''
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'''Economics'''
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'''Education'''
->''"As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."''
-->--Calvin, ''Calvin and Hobbes'' 27 January 1994
->'''Calvin''': Miss Wormwood, I'm not going to learn this material unless you make it enthralling.\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': I see. And what will you do if the rest of your life doesn't entertain you every minute?\\
'''Calvin''': What? ...You think I'll live someplace that doesn't get cable?
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 07 October 1993
->'''Calvin''': What assurance do I have that this education is adequately preparing me for the 21st century? Am I getting the skills I'll need to effectively compete in a tough, global economy? I want a high-paying job when I get out of here! I want opportunity!\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': In that case, young man, I suggest you start working harder. What you get out of school depends on what you put into it.\\
'''Calvin''': Oh. Then forget it.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 30 March 1992
->''"As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."''
-->--Calvin, ''Calvin and Hobbes'' 27 January 1994
->'''Calvin''': Miss Wormwood, I'm not going to learn this material unless you make it enthralling.\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': I see. And what will you do if the rest of your life doesn't entertain you every minute?\\
'''Calvin''': What? ...You think I'll live someplace that doesn't get cable?
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 07 October 1993
->'''Calvin''': What assurance do I have that this education is adequately preparing me for the 21st century? Am I getting the skills I'll need to effectively compete in a tough, global economy? I want a high-paying job when I get out of here! I want opportunity!\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': In that case, young man, I suggest you start working harder. What you get out of school depends on what you put into it.\\
'''Calvin''': Oh. Then forget it.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 30 March 1992
to:
->''"As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."''
-->--Calvin, ''Calvin and Hobbes'' 27 January 1994
->'''Calvin''': Miss Wormwood, I'm not going to learn this material unless you make it enthralling.\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': I see. And what will you do if the rest of your life doesn't entertain you every minute?\\
'''Calvin''': What? ...You think I'll live someplace that doesn't get cable?
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 07 October 1993
->'''Calvin''': What assurance do I have that this education is adequately preparing me for the 21st century? Am I getting the skills I'll need to effectively compete in a tough, global economy? I want a high-paying job when I get out of here! I want opportunity!\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': In that case, young man, I suggest you start working harder. What you get out of school depends on what you put into it.\\
'''Calvin''': Oh. Then forget it.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 30 March 1992
->'''Calvin''': What assurance do I have that this education is adequately preparing me for the 21st century? Am I getting the skills I'll need to effectively compete in a tough, global economy? I want a high-paying job when I get out of here! I want opportunity!\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': In that case, young man, I suggest you start working harder. What you get out of school depends on what you put into it.\\
'''Calvin''': Oh. Then forget it.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 30 March 1992
'''Miss Wormwood''': In that case, young man, I suggest you start working harder. What you get out of school depends on what you put into it.\\
'''Calvin''': Oh. Then forget it.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 30 March 1992
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-->--Calvin, 07 June 1993
->'''Calvin''': Miss Wormwood, I'm not going to learn this material unless you make it enthralling.\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': I see. And what will you do if the rest of your life doesn't entertain you every minute?\\
'''Calvin''': What, you think I'll live someplace that doesn't get cable?
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 07 October 1993
->'''Test''': "1. When did the Pilgrims land on Plymouth Rock?"\\
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "1620. As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless fact long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."\\
'''Calvin''' ''(aside to the audience)'': They say the satisfaction of teaching makes up for the lousy pay.
-->--Calvin, ''Calvin and Hobbes'' 27 January 1994
->'''Test''': "2. Where is Plymouth Rock?"
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field."
'''Calvin''' ''(aside to the audience)'': I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.
-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 28 January 1994
->'''Calvin''': '''''What on Earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I've got!''''' ''(runs off)'' '''''AAAAAAAAAA!"'''''\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': ''(carrying Calvin back to his seat)'' Next time, try a drink of water and a few deep breaths.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 28 April 1995.
->'''Calvin''': Miss Wormwood, I'm not going to learn this material unless you make it enthralling.\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': I see. And what will you do if the rest of your life doesn't entertain you every minute?\\
'''Calvin''': What, you think I'll live someplace that doesn't get cable?
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 07 October 1993
->'''Test''': "1. When did the Pilgrims land on Plymouth Rock?"\\
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "1620. As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless fact long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."\\
'''Calvin''' ''(aside to the audience)'': They say the satisfaction of teaching makes up for the lousy pay.
-->--Calvin, ''Calvin and Hobbes'' 27 January 1994
->'''Test''': "2. Where is Plymouth Rock?"
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field."
'''Calvin''' ''(aside to the audience)'': I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.
-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 28 January 1994
->'''Calvin''': '''''What on Earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I've got!''''' ''(runs off)'' '''''AAAAAAAAAA!"'''''\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': ''(carrying Calvin back to his seat)'' Next time, try a drink of water and a few deep breaths.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 28 April 1995.
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-->--Calvin and Hobbes at the bus stop
->'''Calvin''': '''''What on Earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I've got!''''' ''(runs off)'' '''''AAAAAAAAAA!"'''''\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': ''(carrying Calvin back to his seat)'' Next time, try a drink of water and a few deep breaths.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 28 April 1995.
'''Environmentalism'''
->'''Calvin''': '''''What on Earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I've got!''''' ''(runs off)'' '''''AAAAAAAAAA!"'''''\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': ''(carrying Calvin back to his seat)'' Next time, try a drink of water and a few deep breaths.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 28 April 1995.
'''Environmentalism'''
to:
-->--Calvin and Hobbes at the bus stop
->'''Calvin''': '''''What on Earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I've got!''''' ''(runs off)'' '''''AAAAAAAAAA!"'''''\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': ''(carrying Calvin back to his seat)'' Next time, try a drink of water and a few deep breaths.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 28 April 1995.
'''Environmentalism'''
stop, 25 October 1995
!!Environmentalism
->'''Calvin''': '''''What on Earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I've got!''''' ''(runs off)'' '''''AAAAAAAAAA!"'''''\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': ''(carrying Calvin back to his seat)'' Next time, try a drink of water and a few deep breaths.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 28 April 1995.
'''Environmentalism'''
!!Environmentalism
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'''Ethics'''
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'''Family'''
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->'''Mom''': So the contractor says it'll cost about $200 to fix.\\
'''Dad''': Oh, that dumb kid!\\
'''Mom''': Well, it's all part of raising a child, right?\\
'''Dad''': Mm.\\
'''Mom''': You're not sorry we had Calvin, are you?\\
'''Dad''': Are ''you''?\\
'''Mom''': I asked first. ...Besides, it wasn't all ''my'' decision.\\
'''Dad''': All ''I'' know is that ''I'' offered to buy us a dachshund, but no, ''you'' said...
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 05 May 1986
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'''Freedom'''
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!!Freedom
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'''Gender Roles and Stereotypes'''
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!!Gender Roles and
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'''Home Improvement'''
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'''Leisure'''
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'''Linguistics'''
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'''Politics'''
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->'''Calvin''': Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?\\
''(Dad sits speechless for 2 panels, unable to come up with a good answer)''\\
'''Calvin''': ''[Walking away]'' I think grown-ups just '''act''' like they know what they're doing.
-->--Calvin and his dad, 18 February 1991
->'''Calvin''': --the scandals of your administration continue to haunt you.\\
'''Dad''': Scandals? What scandals?!\\
'''Calvin''': [[{{Scandalgate}} Bedtimegate and Homeworkgate]] come readily to mind.\\
'''Dad''': Instances of true leadership. History will vindicate me.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 11 April 1988
''(Dad sits speechless for 2 panels, unable to come up with a good answer)''\\
'''Calvin''': ''[Walking away]'' I think grown-ups just '''act''' like they know what they're doing.
-->--Calvin and his dad, 18 February 1991
->'''Calvin''': --the scandals of your administration continue to haunt you.\\
'''Dad''': Scandals? What scandals?!\\
'''Calvin''': [[{{Scandalgate}} Bedtimegate and Homeworkgate]] come readily to mind.\\
'''Dad''': Instances of true leadership. History will vindicate me.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 11 April 1988
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'''Pop Culture'''
to:
'''Dad''': Scandals? What scandals?!\\
'''Calvin''': [[{{Scandalgate}} Bedtimegate and Homeworkgate]] come readily to mind.\\
'''Dad''': Instances of true leadership. History will vindicate me.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 11 April 1988
->'''Calvin''': Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?\\
''(Dad sits speechless for 2 panels, unable to come up with a good answer)''\\
'''Calvin''': ''[Walking away]'' I think grown-ups just '''act''' like they know what they're doing.
-->--Calvin and his dad, 18 February 1991
!!Pop Culture
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'''Progress'''
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'''Proverbs'''
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'''Psychology'''
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'''Religion'''
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'''Science and Technology'''
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'''Socializing'''
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'''Statistics'''
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->''"I don't understand it, Hobbes. The kids ''teased'' me when I didn't play baseball, then they yelled at me when I ''did'' play. Then the teacher called me a "quitter" when I ''stopped'' playing. Unless you're a star, you can't please ''any''one."''
-->--Calvin, 04 May 1990
->'''Hobbes''': It's Saturday! What do you want to do?\\
'''Calvin''': Anything but play an organzied sport.\\
'''Hobbes''': Want to play Main/Calvinball?\\
'''Calvin''': '''''Yeah!'''''\\
'''Hobbes''': No sport is less organized than Calvinball!
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 05 May 1990
->'''Calvin''': If you don't want to play with old geezers, you have to make golf a '''contact''' sport!
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 19 July 1992
!!Statistics
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'''Subterfuge'''
to:
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-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 08 May 1992
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->''"I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge."''
-->--Calvin
-->--Calvin
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-->--Calvin and Hobbes
to:
-->--Calvin and Hobbes
Hobbes, 11 December 1993
->'''Test''': "2. Where is Plymouth Rock?"
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field."
'''Calvin''' ''(aside to the audience)'': I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.
-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 28 January 1994
->'''Test''': "2. Where is Plymouth Rock?"
'''Calvin''' ''(writing)'': "I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information, as it might compromise our agents in the field."
'''Calvin''' ''(aside to the audience)'': I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.
-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 28 January 1994
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->'''Hobbes''': Aren't you supposed to turn the water off before you take apart a faucet?\\
'''Calvin''': That's the problem I'm trying to fix, you moron! I can't turn the water off because the faucet leaks! Sheesh, where were ''you'' when they were passing out brains?\\
''Calvin suddenly starts getting sprayed with water from the disassembled faucet.''\\
'''Calvin''': '''''OH NO! AUGHH! ACKK!'''''\\
'''Hobbes''': [[DeadpanSnarker I'll get you some paper and carbons for your written apology.]]
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 10 August 1988
'''Calvin''': That's the problem I'm trying to fix, you moron! I can't turn the water off because the faucet leaks! Sheesh, where were ''you'' when they were passing out brains?\\
''Calvin suddenly starts getting sprayed with water from the disassembled faucet.''\\
'''Calvin''': '''''OH NO! AUGHH! ACKK!'''''\\
'''Hobbes''': [[DeadpanSnarker I'll get you some paper and carbons for your written apology.]]
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 10 August 1988
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->''"It's true, Hobbes, ignorance ''is'' bliss! Once you know things, you start seeing problems everywhere... and once you see problems, you feel like you ought to try to fix them... and fixing problems always seems to require personal change... and change means doing things that aren't fun! I say phooey to that! But if you're willfully stupid, you don't know any better, so you can keep doing whatever you like! The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!"''
-->--Calvin, 17 May 1992
-->--Calvin, 17 May 1992
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->'''Calvin''': It must be awful to be a girl. I'm sure it's frustrating knowing that men are bigger, stronger, and better at abstract thought than women. Really, if you're a girl, what would make you go on living?\\
'''Susie''': The thought of a jerk like you begging one of us for a date when you're 17.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 18 November 1988
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-->--Calvin and Hobbes
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-->--Calvin and Hobbes
Hobbes, 15 July 1995
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->'''Calvin''': People always make the mistake of thinking that art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves for their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist's statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.\\
'''Hobbes''': You misspelled "Weltanschauung."
-->--Calvin and Hobbes
'''Hobbes''': You misspelled "Weltanschauung."
-->--Calvin and Hobbes
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Changed line(s) 431 (click to see context) from:
'''Calvin''': ''(annoyed, [[BreakingTheFourthWall to the reader]])'' You just can't talk to animals about this sort of thing.
to:
'''Calvin''': ''(annoyed, [[BreakingTheFourthWall to the reader]])'' You just can't talk to animals about this sort of thing.these things.
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'''Dad''': Because it's bad enough we have a telephone.
to:
'''Dad''': [[Main/{{Technophobia}} Because it's bad enough we have a telephone.
telephone.]]
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Changed line(s) 43 (click to see context) from:
->'''Calvin''': ...This library book was due two days ago! What will they '''do'''? Are they going to interrogate me and beat me up?! Are they going to break my knees?? Will I have to sign some confession???\\
to:
Changed line(s) 117 (click to see context) from:
-> '''Calvin''': If ignorance is bliss, this lesson would appear to be a deliberate attempt on your part to deprive me of happiness, the pursuit of which is my unalienable right according to the Declaration of Independence. I therefore assert my patriotic prerogative not to know this material. I'll be out on the playground.
to:
'''Calvin''': ''(as Miss Wormwood physically drags him back into the classroom)'' '''''HELLLPP! MONARCHISTS!'''''
'''Family'''
->'''Calvin''': Dad, [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way compensate for all of the opportunities you botched?]]\\
'''Dad''': [[DeadpanSnarker If I were, you can bet I'd be re-evaluating my strategy.]]\\
'''Calvin''': ''[talking to his mother]'' Mom, Dad keeps insulting me.
->'''Calvin''': Dad, [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way compensate for all of the opportunities you botched?]]\\
'''Dad''': [[DeadpanSnarker If I were, you can bet I'd be re-evaluating my strategy.]]\\
'''Calvin''': ''[talking to his mother]'' Mom, Dad keeps insulting me.
Changed line(s) 280 (click to see context) from:
'''Dad''': I don't like the direction this conversation is taking.
to:
Changed line(s) 320 (click to see context) from:
-->''Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.''
to:
->''"Until you stalk and overrun, you can't devour anyone."''
-->--Hobbes
-->--Hobbes
Changed line(s) 353 (click to see context) from:
'''Dad''': No, '''you''' were a blue light special at UsefulNotes/{{Kmart}}. Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.\\
to:
'''Dad''': No, '''you''' were a blue light special at UsefulNotes/{{Kmart}}. [[TakeThat Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.\\]]\\
Changed line(s) 355 (click to see context) from:
'''Mom''': *Across the house* '''''Dear, what are you telling Calvin now?!'''''
to:
'''Mom''': *Across ''(across the house* house)'' '''''Dear, what are you telling Calvin now?!'''''
Changed line(s) 358,360 (click to see context) from:
->''"[angrily] I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! [taken a bit back by what he just said] Well, no, I don't. Not really. [angrily again] I wish everyone '''else''' was dead."''
-->-- Calvin, 21 March 1989
-->-- Calvin, 21 March 1989
to:
->''"[angrily] I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! [taken a bit back by what he just said] Well, no, I don't. Not really. [angrily again] I wish everyone everyone'' '''else''' was ''was dead."''
-->-- Calvin, -->--Calvin, 21 March 1989
Changed line(s) 396,397 (click to see context) from:
'''Calvin''': I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak.\\
'''Calvin''': ''[Walking away, bag overflowing with candy]'' Am I scary, or what?
'''Calvin''': ''[Walking away, bag overflowing with candy]'' Am I scary, or what?
to:
'''Calvin''': I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak.\\
weak!\\
'''Calvin''':''[Walking ''[walking away, bag overflowing with candy]'' Am I scary, or what?
'''Calvin''':
->'''Calvin''': ''[desperately praying in an internal monologue]'' Please don't let the teacher call on me! Don't make me go to the board in my ripped pants! Anyone but me! Just let her call on someone else! Please don't embarrass me in front of the whole class!\\
'''Miss Wormwood''': [[ShaggyDogStory Calvin, would you do the next problem at the board?]]\\
'''Calvin''': [[SarcasmMode So much for my ever joining the clergy.]]
-->--Calvin and Miss Wormwood, 9 April 1987.
'''Miss Wormwood''': [[ShaggyDogStory Calvin, would you do the next problem at the board?]]\\
'''Calvin''': [[SarcasmMode So much for my ever joining the clergy.]]
-->--Calvin and Miss Wormwood, 9 April 1987.
Changed line(s) 415 (click to see context) from:
'''Hobbes''': I'm not sure that man needs the help.
to:
'''Hobbes''': [[HumansAreTheRealMonsters I'm not sure that man needs the help.]]\\
'''Calvin''': ''(annoyed, [[BreakingTheFourthWall to the reader]])'' You just can't talk to animals about this sort of thing.
'''Calvin''': ''(annoyed, [[BreakingTheFourthWall to the reader]])'' You just can't talk to animals about this sort of thing.
Changed line(s) 423 (click to see context) from:
'''Hobbes''': Tiger food. [''Hobbes grins, which freaks out Calvin'']
to:
'''Hobbes''': Tiger food. [''Hobbes ''[Hobbes grins, which freaks out Calvin'']Calvin]''
->''[Calvin's father is raking up some leaves]''\\
'''Calvin''': Can we burn these leaves?\\
'''Dad''': No, that pollutes.\\
'''Calvin''': But how can we appease the mighty Snow Demons if we don't sacrifice any leaves?! We'll have a warm winter!\\
'''Dad''': I don't know whether your grasp of theology or meteorology is the more appalling.\\
'''Calvin''': I guess I'll go light some candles around the toboggan and beg for mercy.
-->--Calvin and his father
'''Calvin''': Can we burn these leaves?\\
'''Dad''': No, that pollutes.\\
'''Calvin''': But how can we appease the mighty Snow Demons if we don't sacrifice any leaves?! We'll have a warm winter!\\
'''Dad''': I don't know whether your grasp of theology or meteorology is the more appalling.\\
'''Calvin''': I guess I'll go light some candles around the toboggan and beg for mercy.
-->--Calvin and his father
Changed line(s) 434 (click to see context) from:
'''Hobbes''': Hmm... That is better.\\
to:
'''Hobbes''': Hmm... That is '''is''' better.\\
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->'''Hobbes''': ''(after dunking a bucket of snowballs on Calvin from up high)'' It's [[OhCrap that moment of dawning comprehension]] [[{{Troll}} I live for.]]
-->--Hobbes, 23 January 1993
-->--Hobbes, 23 January 1993
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Changed line(s) 26 (click to see context) from:
'''Hobbes''': But you're just six years old.
to:
'''Hobbes''': But you're just six years old.\\
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Changed line(s) 26 (click to see context) from:
'''Hobbes''': But you're just six years old.\\
to:
'''Hobbes''': But you're just six years old.\\
Changed line(s) 143 (click to see context) from:
--> ''The aliens then sucked up the clouds and the air,''\\
to:
--> ''The aliens came from a far distant world''\\
''In a large yellow ship that blinked as it twirled.''\\
''It rounded the moon, and entered our sky.''\\
''We knew they had come but we didn't know why.''\\
''Bright the next morning, with noisy commotion,''\\
''The ship slowly moved out over the ocean.''\\
''It lowered a tube and drained the whole sea''\\
''For transport back home to their galaxy.''\\
''The tube then sucked up the clouds and the air,''\\
''In a large yellow ship that blinked as it twirled.''\\
''It rounded the moon, and entered our sky.''\\
''We knew they had come but we didn't know why.''\\
''Bright the next morning, with noisy commotion,''\\
''The ship slowly moved out over the ocean.''\\
''It lowered a tube and drained the whole sea''\\
''For transport back home to their galaxy.''\\
''The tube then sucked up the clouds and the air,''\\
Changed line(s) 145 (click to see context) from:
''With no air, the people started to die.''\\
to:
''With no air, the people nothing to breathe, we started to die.''\\
Changed line(s) 147,149 (click to see context) from:
''A hatch opened up and the aliens said:''\\
''"We're sorry to learn that you soon may be dead,''\\
''But while you may find this slightly macabre,''\\
''"We're sorry to learn that you soon may be dead,''\\
''But while you may find this slightly macabre,''\\
to:
''A hatch opened up and the aliens said:''\\
said,''\\
''"We're sorry to learn that you soonmay will be dead,''\\
''Butwhile though you may find this slightly macabre,''\\
''"We're sorry to learn that you soon
''But
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Changed line(s) 27 (click to see context) from:
'''Calvin''': I'm only got one sheet of paper.
to:
'''Calvin''': I'm I've only got one sheet of paper.
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Changed line(s) 74,76 (click to see context) from:
->''"This is where dad buried the little raccoon. I didn't even know he existed a few days ago, and now he's gone forever. It's like I met him for no reason. I had to say goodbye as soon as I said hello. Still... In a sad, awful, terrible way, I'm happy I met him. (sniffs) [[TearJerker What a stupid world]]."''
-->--Calvin
-->--Calvin
to:
-->--Calvin
->'''Calvin''': You know, Hobbes, I can't figure out this death stuff. Why did that little raccoon have to die? He didn't do anything wrong. He was just little! What's the point of putting him here and taking him back so soon?!?\\
''Calvin and Hobbes are now under the bed.''\\
'''Calvin''': It's either mean or it's arbitrary, and either way I've got the heebie-jeebies.\\
'''Hobbes''': Why is it always night when we talk about these things?
->'''Calvin''': Mom says death is as natural as birth, and it's all part of the life cycle. She says we don't really understand it, but there are many things we don't understand, and we just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have. I guess that makes sense. ''(hugs Hobbes)'' But don't '''''you''''' go anywhere.\\
'''Hobbes:''' Don't worry.
-->-- 16-18 March 1987
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->'''Dad''': The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse.
-->--02 April 1995
-->--02 April 1995
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->'''Dad''': ''[after rifling through a bunch of junk mail]'' ...Why do I get the feeling society is trying to make us feel discontented with everything we do and insecure about who we are?\\
'''Mom''': I suppose if people thought about real issues and needs instead of manufactured desires, the economy would collapse and we'd have total anarchy.\\
'''Dad''': ''(grinning wickedly)'' So pitching this junk would make me some kind of terrorist, huh?\\
'''Mom''': Yep. It's our patriotic duty to buy distractions from a simple life.
-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 20 March 1994
'''Mom''': I suppose if people thought about real issues and needs instead of manufactured desires, the economy would collapse and we'd have total anarchy.\\
'''Dad''': ''(grinning wickedly)'' So pitching this junk would make me some kind of terrorist, huh?\\
'''Mom''': Yep. It's our patriotic duty to buy distractions from a simple life.
-->--Calvin and Hobbes, 20 March 1994
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Changed line(s) 94 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Calvin''': I don't want to learn this! It's completely irrelevant to my life!\\
to:
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Changed line(s) 82,83 (click to see context) from:
-->--Calvin
to:
Changed line(s) 87 (click to see context) from:
to:
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 07 October 1993
Added DiffLines:
-->'''Calvin''': I don't want to learn this! It's completely irrelevant to my life!\\
'''Dad''': This isn't irrelevant. Everyone needs to know this.\\
'''Calvin''': I don't! I can get along fine without math!\\
'''Dad''': Oh yeah? What do you want to be when you grow up? Every job requires ''some'' math.\\
'''Calvin''': That's not true! I'll be a... a... a caveman! Yeah!\\
'''Dad''': That's not really a job.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 17 September 1990
'''Dad''': This isn't irrelevant. Everyone needs to know this.\\
'''Calvin''': I don't! I can get along fine without math!\\
'''Dad''': Oh yeah? What do you want to be when you grow up? Every job requires ''some'' math.\\
'''Calvin''': That's not true! I'll be a... a... a caveman! Yeah!\\
'''Dad''': That's not really a job.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 17 September 1990
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Changed line(s) 443 (click to see context) from:
-->--Calvin and Susie, 9 December 1986
to:
-->--Calvin and Susie, 9 December 19861986
->'''Susie''': ''(reading a note)'' "Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. [[WhatAnIdiot Sincerely, Calvin."]]
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'' 29 August 1990
->'''Susie''': ''(reading a note)'' "Susie, if you want to see your doll again, leave $100 in this envelope by the tree out front. Do not call the police. You cannot trace us. You cannot find us. [[WhatAnIdiot Sincerely, Calvin."]]
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'' 29 August 1990
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Changed line(s) 323,325 (click to see context) from:
->''"I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! [...] Well, no, I don't. Not really. I wish everyone '''else''' was dead."''
-->--Calvin, 21 March 1989
-->--Calvin, 21 March 1989
to:
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Changed line(s) 75,76 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Calvin:''' As the wage earner here, it's your responsibility to show some consumer confidence and start buying things that will get the economy going and create profits and employment. Here's a list of big-ticket items I'd like for Christmas. I hope I can trust you to do what's right for our country.\\
-->'''Dad:''' I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around.
-->'''Dad:''' I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around.
to:
Changed line(s) 241 (click to see context) from:
'''Dad''': Calvin, being your Dad is not an elected position. I don't have to respond to polls.\\
to:
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Changed line(s) 76,77 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Dad:''' I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around.
to:
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 15 December 1992
Changed line(s) 240 (click to see context) from:
'''Dad''': Calvin, being your Dad is not an elected position. I don't have to respond to polls.\\
to:
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-->'''Calvin:''' As the wage earner here, it's your responsibility to show some consumer confidence and start buying things that will get the economy going and create profits and employment. Here's a list of big-ticket items I'd like for Christmas. I hope I can trust you to do what's right for our country.\\
--> '''Dad:''' I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around.
--> '''Dad:''' I've got to stop leaving the Wall Street Journal around.
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->'''Calvin''': Your polls are slipping Dad. Better get with it.\\
'''Dad''': Calvin, being your Dad is not an elected position. I don't have to respond to polls.\\
'''Calvin''': Not elected? You mean you can govern with dictatorial impunity?\\
'''Dad''': Exactly.\\
'''Calvin''': In short, open revolt and exile is the only hope for change?\\
'''Dad''': I don't like the direction this conversation is taking.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 30 August 1986
'''Dad''': Calvin, being your Dad is not an elected position. I don't have to respond to polls.\\
'''Calvin''': Not elected? You mean you can govern with dictatorial impunity?\\
'''Dad''': Exactly.\\
'''Calvin''': In short, open revolt and exile is the only hope for change?\\
'''Dad''': I don't like the direction this conversation is taking.
-->--''Calvin and Hobbes'', 30 August 1986
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Changed line(s) 338 (click to see context) from:
->''"I'm not dumb. I just [[TVTropesWillEnhanceYourLife have a command of]] [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife thoroughly useless information]]."''
to:
->''"I'm not dumb. I just [[TVTropesWillEnhanceYourLife [[SugarWiki/TVTropesWillEnhanceYourLife have a command of]] [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife [[DarthWiki/TVTropesWillRuinYourLife thoroughly useless information]]."''
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Changed line(s) 55,57 (click to see context) from:
->'''Calvin''': "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! This has been a test of the Emergency Calvin System. In a real emergency, expect a lot more screaming and yelling..."
-->--Calvin
-->--Calvin
to:
->'''Calvin''': "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! This has been "For the next 60 seconds, I will conduct a test of the Emergency Calvin System. In my emergency broadcast equipment. [[SuddenlyShouting AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!]] Had this been a real emergency, expect a lot the scream you just heard would have been followed by lots more screaming and yelling...just like it. This concludes my..."
-->--Calvin
-->--Calvin, 21 February 1987
Changed line(s) 407 (click to see context) from:
->''"I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism, and a lower level of public dialogue!"''
to:
