History Quotes / BadMovieBeatdown

-->-- '''Film Brain''', on Costa in ''Film/ProjectX''

-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/ProjectX''

->''"'''Breaking Wind: Part 1''' is one of the worst spoof movies ever made and definitely one of the worst comedies I've seen in general too. [[ShallowParody It has nothing to say about its topic]], which it hates to the point of being dismissive. All the jokes [[VulgarHumor are below the belt]] and if they thought this was at all edgy or adult, then they should be downright ashamed of themselves. In addition, the terrible direction and acting oversell every single repetitive joke, to the point that it becomes almost unbearable. Craig Moss needs to stay away from doing anymore of these spoof movies, because he's frankly so abysmal that the art of comedy needs to file a restraining order. And really, if you want to laugh at '''Literature/{{Twilight}}''', go watch the first, second, and fifth films since they're pretty much unintentional comedies anyway. All watching this does is award the filmmakers lack of effort and encourage them further. And pray they don't make a part two. Or to put it in a way that this movie frankly deserves... (Film Brain starts BlowingARaspberry [[FlippingTheBird while giving a two-fingered gesture at the camera]])"''

->''"So that was '''Film/MegaSharkVsGiantOctopus'''. It's got better acting, plot, and effects than '''Film/{{Transmorphers}}''', but that's not really saying much. The film still looks very cheap, the special effects have gone from [[UsefulNotes/PlayStation PS1]] to [[UsefulNotes/PlayStation2 PS2]] graphics, and they constantly repeat the [[StockFootage same shots]] over and over again. I swear half the movie is just shots they repeated to pad out the running time. And to be honest, it fails as a BMovie because it [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodPlot fails to live up to its title]]. I'm sorry, but if you're going to name your movie '''Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus''', you damn well better live up to it. Because I'm nice, I will give Creator/TheAsylum a little gold star for attempting to improve, even if their movie is still shit.''

->''"Plot? What plot? It's more like a sieve. It has holes you can drive Optimus Prime through and it buckles under the huge cast of characters the film contains. And that's only the human characters; the Transformers feel more like [[HumanFocusedAdaptation co-stars in their own movie]], disappearing into the background for long stretches. The movie has endless [[{{Padding}} padding]] scenes and a ludicrous amount of comic relief characters, which means that the tone is [[MoodWhiplash all over the place]]. And considering this is meant to be a film for kids both young and old, [[Creator/MichaelBay Bay]] fills the movie with completely [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids inappropriate material]] that should have been cut from this bloated monstrosity. Not even the action scenes are good. They're too close, too incomprehensible, and too long; meaning that we soon lose interest, if we had any, because we don't know who half the bloody robots are. And before you chastise me for changing my opinion on the movie, so did the filmmakers. Both Bay and [[Creator/ShiaLaBeouf LaBeouf]] have been quoted as saying that the film was [[CreatorBacklash a disappointment]] and that it's not as good as it should have been. I don't have high hopes for the [[Film/TransformersDarkOfTheMoon third movie]] and if you see it in 3D, I hope you enjoy the inevitable motion-sickness from Bay's hyper-kinetic directing style. I'm Matthew Buck, beating down bad... (Film Brain looks at his '''Film/{{Transformers}}''' poster) I think I'd better take that down."''

->''"'''Film/TheHappening''' is a bizarre film. It seems to have been made by an alien, because everything is so... off. The script is full of things that people would never say or do, acted unconvincingly by [[QuestionableCasting mis-cast actors]] [[{{Narm}} delivering their worst performances ever]]. Creator/MarkWahlberg, with his soft voice, is completely humiliated, and Creator/ZooeyDeschanel [[EyeTake makes googly eyes]] throughout the whole film that make her look braindead. [[ArtisticLicense The science of the film is shoddy, but that's not surprising considering the green message of the film, which is laid on with no subtly or respect for the audience. '''"Man and Science is weak, and we should all respect the power of Nature and Love!"''' Its saving grace is being so incredibly unintentionally funny, because it's a ridiculous film approached with a po-faced seriousness, and lack of humour that is so gloriously pretentious. The film tries to make a comment on paranoia, but it just ends up becoming a farce. After this, [[Creator/MNightShyamalan M. Night]]'s descent into complete madness was sealed by his adaptation of the cartoon '''[[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Avatar]]''' - not related to Creator/JamesCameron's [[Film/{{Avatar}} work]] obviously - into '''Film/TheLastAirbender''', which was critically panned and destroyed at the box office, putting his writer/director days to an end presently. He has since produced '''Film/{{Devil}}''', which, whilst mediocre, is certainly a step-up for a director who sums up once and for all, how the mighty can fall."''

->''"If Creator/AdamSandler had his way, every copy of '''Film/GoingOverboard''' [[CreatorBacklash would be lying at the bottom of the ocean]], and you know what? I'd be right alongside him chucking them in! It's pretty easy to peg this movie very early on in terms of how it got made and how it went wrong. It's pretty clear that he didn't have any real plan aside from a ship, some swimsuit-clad women, and [[ExcusePlot a plot that could fit on a postage stamp]]. As a result, this movie is [[LeftTheCameraRunning clearly and painfully improvised]], with actors desperately pulling funny faces to try and earn laughs and [[{{Padding}} pad out the running time]], and no-one telling them that their ideas are terrible. [[TheScrappy Everyone is super annoying as a result]], and Adam Sandler comes off particularly badly. [[DesignatedHero He's supposed to be the underdog]], but the impression is that of [[SmallNameBigEgo someone delusional about their abilities]]. There is nothing more brutal than unfunny comedy, and there is no redeeming value in any of it. '''Not a single thing'''! '''Going Overboard''' is well deserving of its place on IMDB's Bottom 100, and if you know what's good for you, '''never ever watch it''', not even if you're a die-hard Adam Sandler fan!"''

->''"'''Film/StrangeWilderness''' is basically a celebration of stupid, ignorant people who are too lazy to even make an effort but still feel a sense of entitlement regardless. What little characterization there is, especially the two leads, is [[DesignatedHero annoying and obnoxious]]. [[QuestionableCasting And that's a shame because this is an actually fantastic cast but they're all terrible here.]] Even Steve Zahn [[HamAndCheese resorts to shouting and overacting when he's not coasting]], and it squanders his talent. But then again, you can't turn a sow's ear into a purse, especially when large chunks are [[LeftTheCameraRunning clearly improvised with no direction whatsoever]]. The whole thing looks and feels cheap and ugly, but somehow scenes run too long, even when the film itself barely scrapes 80 minutes. Even if it's a stoner comedy, this is poor stuff because the good ones in this subgenre, your '''Film/{{Harold and Kumar}}s''' and '''[[Creator/CheechAndChong Cheeches and Chongs]]''' are genuinely funny and don't require you to be baked to find them so. There's always that old trap of you're enjoying each other's companies so much that it doesn't rub off of the audience, and Justin Long hits that in his sort of defense of the film: '''"The first few times I saw it, I loved it. And I don't often see movies that I've done multiple times, but I kept going. [...] And then I saw it once when I wasn't stoned and I was like, woah. This is a mess! This doesn't make a shred of sense! [...] But stoned it's the funniest, and I think I have so much love for it because it's the most fun I've ever had shooting."''' So does it deserve its 0%? Ehhh, it's really, really bad, but [[DamnedByFaintPraise it's not quite the same level of agonizingly awful]] as, say, '''Film/FatSlags''' or '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise'''. That doesn't mean I recommend the trek by any means."''

->''"'''Film/TheHappening''' is a bizarre film. It seems to have been made by an alien, because everything is so... off. The script is full of things that people would never say or do, acted unconvincingly by [[QuestionableCasting mis-cast actors]] [[{{Narm}} delivering their worst performances ever]]. Creator/MarkWahlberg, with his soft voice, is completely humiliated, and Creator/ZooeyDeschanel makes googly eyes throughout the whole film that make her look braindead. The science of the film is shoddy, but that's not surprising considering the green message of the film, which is laid on with no subtly or respect for the audience. '''"Man and Science is weak, and we should all respect the power of Nature and Love!"''' Its saving grace is being so incredibly unintentionally funny, because it's a ridiculous film approached with a po-faced seriousness, and lack of humour that is so gloriously pretentious. The film tries to make a comment on paranoia, but it just ends up becoming a farce. After this, [[Creator/MNightShyamalan M. Night]]'s descent into complete madness was sealed by his adaptation of the cartoon '''[[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Avatar]]''' - not related to Creator/JamesCameron's [[Film/{{Avatar}} work]] obviously - into '''Film/TheLastAirbender''', which was critically panned and destroyed at the box office, putting his writer/director days to an end presently. He has since produced '''Film/{{Devil}}''', which, whilst mediocre, is certainly a step-up for a director who sums up once and for all, how the mighty can fall."''

->''"If Creator/AdamSandler had his way, every copy of '''Film/GoingOverboard''' would be lying at the bottom of the ocean, and you know what? I'd be right alongside him chucking them in! It's pretty easy to peg this movie very early on in terms of how it got made and how it went wrong. It's pretty clear that he didn't have any real plan aside from a ship, some swimsuit-clad women, and a plot that could fit on a postage stamp. As a result, this movie is [[ThrowItIn clearly and painfully improvised]], with actors desperately pulling funny faces to try and earn laughs and [[{{Padding}} pad out the running time]], and no-one telling them that [[DudeNotFunny their ideas are terrible]]. [[TheScrappy Everyone is super annoying as a result]], and Adam Sandler comes off particularly badly. [[DesignatedHero He's supposed to be the underdog]], but the impression is that of someone delusional about their abilities. There is nothing more brutal than unfunny comedy, and there is no redeeming value in any of it. '''Not a single thing'''! '''Going Overboard''' is well deserving of its place on IMDB's Bottom 100, and if you know what's good for you, '''never ever watch it''', not even if you're a die-hard Adam Sandler fan!"''

->''"'''Film/TheDilemma''' is horribly misconceived from the premise up. The fact of the matter is infidelity is a very, very [[DudeNotFunny hard subject to make funny]] and that's clear from the way the film gasps like a fish; struggling to raise even a smirk, let alone a laugh, inventing a whole manner of contrived set pieces that are completely ridiculous and implausible. [[Creator/RonHoward Ron Howard's]] inexperience at directing comedy really shows and it isn't helped by the fact that Creator/VinceVaughn is left completely unchecked to take over the film with his self-indulgent monologuing, including that dreadful toast scene. The other cast members are wasted; including Kevin James in a part that seldom requires him to be funny, and Channing Tatum is the best thing in it, but is only in a handful of scenes."''

->''"'''Breaking Wind: Part 1''' is one of the worst spoof movies ever made and definitely one of the worst comedies I've seen in general too. [[ShallowParody It has nothing to say about its topic]], which it hates to the point of being dismissive. All the jokes [[DudeNotFunny are below the belt]] and if they thought this was at all edgy or adult, then they should be downright ashamed of themselves. In addition, the terrible direction and acting oversell every single repetitive joke, to the point that it becomes almost unbearable. Craig Moss needs to stay away from doing anymore of these spoof movies, because he's frankly so abysmal that the art of comedy needs to file a restraining order. And really, if you want to laugh at '''Literature/{{Twilight}}''', go watch the first, second, and fifth films since they're pretty much unintentional comedies anyway. All watching this does is award the filmmakers lack of effort and encourage them further. And pray they don't make a part two. Or to put it in a way that this movie frankly deserves... (Film Brain starts BlowingARaspberry [[FlippingTheBird while giving a two-fingered gesture at the camera]])"''

->''"'''Project X''' is a ''detestable'' little film -- and that's frankly if you can even ''call'' it that, [[ExcusePlot because it barely has enough plot to fill a 2-minute trailer, let alone a feature film]]. What passes for a script here probably amounts to about 10 pages tops, [[ReferenceOverdosed half of which are references to much superior films in the genre]]. Every single thing about the movie is ugly, [[TooBleakStoppedCaring from the nasty pustules passing for characters]], including [[TheScrappy Costa, possibly one of the worst seen on screen in the last ten years]], [[SpecialEffectsFailure to the camerawork due to its badly executed found footage gimmick]]. But by far the most ill-judged thing is its tone. This could have made a terrific social parody if they actually showed the consequences, but the film depressingly plays it straight, and actually endorses and celebrates the increasing depravity, and even encourages emulation to top the partying bar. And to cap it all, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking the party just looks overcrowded and crappy]]. This is basically a vile film that seems to be aimed at [[{{Sociopath}} sociopaths]] and [[{{Jerkass}} pricks]], and is skin-crawling for all the wrong reasons. I mean if you want to go to a party, you don't have to live vicariously through this movie. Just to go one. I guarantee you'll have a much better time."''

->''"'''Film/StrangeWilderness''' is basically a celebration of stupid, ignorant people who are too lazy to even make an effort but still feel a sense of entitlement regardless. What little characterization there is, especially the two leads, is [[DesignatedHero annoying and obnoxious]]. [[QuestionableCasting And that's a shame because this is an actually fantastic cast but they're all terrible here.]] Even Steve Zahn resorts to shouting and overacting when he's not coasting, and it squanders his talent. But then again, you can't turn a sow's ear into a purse, especially when large chunks are [[ThrowItIn clearly improvised with no direction whatsoever]]. The whole thing looks and feels cheap and ugly, but somehow scenes run too long, even when the film itself barely scrapes 80 minutes. Even if it's a stoner comedy, this is poor stuff because the good ones in this subgenre, your '''Film/{{Harold and Kumar}}s''' and '''[[Creator/CheechAndChong Cheeches and Chongs]]''' are genuinely funny and don't require you to be baked to find them so. There's always that old trap of you're enjoying each other's companies so much that it doesn't rub off of the audience, and Justin Long hits that in his sort of defense of the film: '''"The first few times I saw it, I loved it. And I don't often see movies that I've done multiple times, but I kept going. [...] And then I saw it once when I wasn't stoned and I was like, woah. This is a mess! This doesn't make a shred of sense! [...] But stoned it's the funniest, and I think I have so much love for it because it's the most fun I've ever had shooting."''' So does it deserve its 0%? Ehhh, it's really, really bad, but [[DamnedByFaintPraise it's not quite the same level of agonizingly awful]] as, say, '''Film/FatSlags''' or '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise'''. That doesn't mean I recommend the trek by any means."''

->''"'''Film/JustGoWithIt''' is just horrible in almost every way, which makes it hard to know where to start. How about another insufferable, smug, self-centered "performance" from Creator/AdamSandler, rivaled only by [[TheScrappy the infuriating Nick Swardson]] and those [[CreepyChild creepy pod-people children]]? How about the naked cynicism of setting your movie in Hawaii for no reason other than a [[VacationDearBoy paid holiday]], or the sheer idiocy of the plot, that the title itself seems like a taunt to our [[WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief suspension of disbelief]]? Oh no, let's lay it right down on the feet of director Creator/DennisDugan, whose work is especially awful here. He has no flair for the material, no connection, nothing. For a guy working in directing comedy for two decades, I don't understand how he can edit a movie this witless and overlong. This doesn't need to be just under two hours. The only thing I liked was Creator/JenniferAniston who is so [[WomenAreWiser down-to-earth]] that it's the only believable character; that she doesn't so much anchor the proceedings, but seem to be in a completely different universe entirely. This is a terrible sitcom episode stretched into feature film purgatory and I found close to utterly unbearable. Listen, I don't mind if you had fun making a movie with your friends together, but can you at least make it enjoyable for us lowly peasants who had to watch your putrid end results?"''

->''"Is '''Film/JackAndJill''' the worst thing ever? No, I've seen worse. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's '''bad'''. It's downright awful, but so is '''Film/JustGoWithIt''' and if you made me choose, I would probably pick this one over the latter because it's much shorter. Even Creator/DennisDugan must have known how bad it was because it's only ninety minutes. That said, even with the short running time, this has absolutely dreadful pacing issues, hideous comedic dead-spots, and at times, barely cohesive. Creator/AdamSandler manages to be utterly detestable in two equally terrible roles, which dominate much of the film and its cast. For a film aimed at younger audiences, this is a total failure. They might vaguely relate to [[ManChild Jill]], but I don't think they would be at all interested in the stuff between her and Creator/AlPacino; a lot of which is actually [[WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids really inappropriate]] for a family comedy. Speaking of Pacino, [[TookTheBadFilmSeriously he is actually trying here even with the awful material]], injecting a lot of [[HamAndCheese misplaced intensity]] into something he could have just HOO-HAH'd his way through in his sleep. But mostly this was just horribly misguided from before Sandler even remotely put on his fake boobies. I mean even in Happy Madison's work, it's debatable whether '''Jack and Jill''' is actually worse than '''Bucky Larson''', '''Film/ThatsMyBoy''' or '''[[Film/GrownUps Grown Ups 2]]'''; but I won't be finding out just yet because I've had just enough of Sandler's mug for some time now."''

->''"This is one of the most uncomfortable rom-coms to come out since, well, '''Film/TheUglyTruth'''. And boy does it have ugliness to it right down to the central conceit, which has flagrant abuse of the Patriot Act as the basis of humor, in a way that is unsettlingly casual and strangely uncritical about. Creator/ReeseWitherspoon hasn't been this zealously pursued since '''Film/{{Fear|1996}}'''. Creator/ChrisPine & Creator/TomHardy have good chemistry together, but that's little consolation with what they have to work with. Pine comes off as an abusive, arrogant sleaze that you want to punch off the screen, and Hardy is crazily miscast as the plain one yet still the best thing about the movie, but this is way beneath him even if he was only in it to do something lighter. [=McG's=] direction is aggressively awful throughout; from the sex-filled rom-com shtick mostly provided by the heinously unfunny Chelsea Handler, to the inept action sequences that feel slapped on at about 10 minutes, and bathes it all in garish, perky colors. In fact, it often feels like an R-rated movie awkwardly shoehorned into a PG-13. Til Schweiger's bad guy in non-existent. But by far the worst off is Reese Witherspoon, who is basically a prize and has to act so dumb that she can't even make a decision; and certainly never makes the right one, which is to run away from them as far away as possible, just as everyone should've done from this project and so should you. It's a movie that will unite men and women in just how much they hate it. The action part is clumsy and infrequent, but the rom-com part is enough to make you a paranoid agoraphobic.''

->''"This [[Film/GetCarter2000 remake]] was clearly made by people who didn't understand what '''Film/GetCarter''' was about; crucially, that revenge doesn't work, which it does in this movie! [[Creator/SylvesterStallone Stallone]] is miscast, and the supporting cast don't really get enough to do, they've muddled the story by taming Carter, and adding tacked-on action scenes that hinder the story rather than drive it forward. But worst of all is the direction; it's full of Creator/MichaelBay-style tricks, and the film's been edited to an inch of its life. Even if you haven't seen the original, it's still a dull, badly-paced movie. And shame on Creator/MichaelCaine for appearing on this piss stain on his legacy; he should've known better."''

->''"Not that dignity is a thing that anyone escapes with in [[Film/WhenInRome this movie]]. The movie's basically written like a cartoon, with these broad one-note characters who do stupid things repeatedly '''over and over again''', when it often doesn't make any sense in context. [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency This cast of talented comedians are both completely wasted and incredibly irritating]], and the film's idea of love and romance is startlingly naive, even by Hollywood's standards. The film shows clear signs that someone hacked it to pieces, trying to salvage it, but there is nothing to rescue but dusty old romcom clichés and dismal slapstick. Not even the charms of Creator/KristenBell could save it for me..."''

->''"'''Film/TheHappening''' is a bizarre film. It seems to have been made by an alien, because everything is so... off. The script is full of things that people would never say or do, acted unconvincingly by [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency mis-cast actors]] [[{{Narm}} delivering their worst performances ever]]. Creator/MarkWahlberg, with his soft voice, is completely humiliated, and Creator/ZooeyDeschanel makes googly eyes throughout the whole film that make her look braindead. The science of the film is shoddy, but that's not surprising considering the green message of the film, which is laid on with no subtly or respect for the audience. '''"Man and Science is weak, and we should all respect the power of Nature and Love!"''' Its saving grace is being so incredibly unintentionally funny, because it's a ridiculous film approached with a po-faced seriousness, and lack of humour that is so gloriously pretentious. The film tries to make a comment on paranoia, but it just ends up becoming a farce. After this, [[Creator/MNightShyamalan M. Night]]'s descent into complete madness was sealed by his adaptation of the cartoon '''[[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Avatar]]''' - not related to Creator/JamesCameron's [[Film/{{Avatar}} work]] obviously - into '''Film/TheLastAirbender''', which was critically panned and destroyed at the box office, putting his writer/director days to an end presently. He has since produced '''Film/{{Devil}}''', which, whilst mediocre, is certainly a step-up for a director who sums up once and for all, how the mighty can fall."''

->''"'''Film/StrangeWilderness''' is basically a celebration of stupid, ignorant people who are too lazy to even make an effort but still feel a sense of entitlement regardless. What little characterization there is, especially the two leads, is [[DesignatedHero annoying and obnoxious]]. [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency And that's a shame because this is an actually fantastic cast but they're all terrible here.]] Even Steve Zahn resorts to shouting and overacting when he's not coasting, and it squanders his talent. But then again, you can't turn a sow's ear into a purse, especially when large chunks are [[ThrowItIn clearly improvised with no direction whatsoever]]. The whole thing looks and feels cheap and ugly, but somehow scenes run too long, even when the film itself barely scrapes 80 minutes. Even if it's a stoner comedy, this is poor stuff because the good ones in this subgenre, your '''Film/{{Harold and Kumar}}s''' and '''[[Creator/CheechAndChong Cheeches and Chongs]]''' are genuinely funny and don't require you to be baked to find them so. There's always that old trap of you're enjoying each other's companies so much that it doesn't rub off of the audience, and Justin Long hits that in his sort of defense of the film: '''"The first few times I saw it, I loved it. And I don't often see movies that I've done multiple times, but I kept going. [...] And then I saw it once when I wasn't stoned and I was like, woah. This is a mess! This doesn't make a shred of sense! [...] But stoned it's the funniest, and I think I have so much love for it because it's the most fun I've ever had shooting."''' So does it deserve its 0%? Ehhh, it's really, really bad, but [[DamnedByFaintPraise it's not quite the same level of agonizingly awful]] as, say, '''Film/FatSlags''' or '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise'''. That doesn't mean I recommend the trek by any means."''

->''"You can see the seeds of '''Film/TheLoveGuru''' in the '''Film/AustinPowers''' sequels that increasingly relied on crude humor and penis jokes, but this takes it to a whole new level. I hate to place all the blame on Creator/MikeMyers, but when he's the main creative force and is in virtually every scene, it's hard not to. He's downright insufferable in this movie, a giggling nutcase who is so desperate, it makes you wonder if Myers was ever really funny. He's so the center of attention here, that he forgets to give many of his supporting players any material of their own, [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency despite a cast of talented actors and comedians who flail around just as badly]]. The paper-thin plot is simply all about the gags in the movie disregarding logic, sense, or continuity, which is the crucial context of making them funny. Compounding this is despite Myers' hiatus, many of them are recycled old material from '''Austin Powers''', including Verne Troyer himself, while you're beaten over the head with crass sex jokes over and over, just like all the other lame pieces of humor in this movie, and it makes it seem as though Myers' sense of humor stopped developing at age 10. The worst thing is, this movie sells Myers' talent short as a comedian, and it's so dispiriting because we know he can do so much better. The only real positive is that at least it's less than ninety minutes, no doubt thanks to some heavy trimming. UK comedian Omid Djalili [[AdvertisedExtra gets prominent billing]] [[DeletedRole despite having all his lines cut in the one scene he appeared in]], and given he was playing Guru Satchabigknoba, I think maybe we should all be thankful for that. All I know is that somewhere in the deepest, darkest pits of Hell, '''this''' and '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise''' are playing as the most punishing double feature ever made, and if you don't want to take your memory of Mike Myers, stay as away from this as humanly possible!"''

->''"This is one of the most uncomfortable rom-coms to come out since, well, '''Film/TheUglyTruth'''. And boy does it have ugliness to it right down to the central conceit, which has flagrant abuse of the Patriot Act as the basis of humor, in a way that is unsettlingly casual and strangely uncritical about. Creator/ReeseWitherspoon hasn't been this zealously pursued since '''Film/{{Fear}}'''. Creator/ChrisPine & Creator/TomHardy have good chemistry together, but that's little consolation with what they have to work with. Pine comes off as an abusive, arrogant sleaze that you want to punch off the screen, and Hardy is crazily miscast as the plain one yet still the best thing about the movie, but this is way beneath him even if he was only in it to do something lighter. [=McG's=] direction is aggressively awful throughout; from the sex-filled rom-com shtick mostly provided by the heinously unfunny Chelsea Handler, to the inept action sequences that feel slapped on at about 10 minutes, and bathes it all in garish, perky colors. In fact, it often feels like an R-rated movie awkwardly shoehorned into a PG-13. Til Schweiger's bad guy in non-existent. But by far the worst off is Reese Witherspoon, who is basically a prize and has to act so dumb that she can't even make a decision; and certainly never makes the right one, which is to run away from them as far away as possible, just as everyone should've done from this project and so should you. It's a movie that will unite men and women in just how much they hate it. The action part is clumsy and infrequent, but the rom-com part is enough to make you a paranoid agoraphobic.''

->''"'''Film/{{Gamer}}''' deserves to be switched off. It is a [[CrapsackWorld nasty]], [[KillEmAll mean-spirited movie]] posing as satire. It condemns its target audience "gamers" for their bloodlust, then wallow in the imagery themselves with lots of shock shots for no reason in the narrative. The characters are shallow idiots with poorly written spiteful dialogue played by great character actors with nothing to do. The worst part of the movie is the action scenes which are frankly incomprehensible shite combining all the worst aspects of modern action movies. Shaky cam, poor editing and the lack of any sort of goal. Oh, and the ending is a complete insult. Just because they were trying to make a social statement, doesn't excuse them for bad film making."''

->''"If Creator/AdamSandler had his way, every copy of '''Film/GoingOverboard''' would be lying at the bottom of the ocean, and you know what? I'd be right alongside him chucking them in! It's pretty easy to peg this movie very early on in terms of how it got made and how it went wrong. It's pretty clear that he didn't have any real plan aside from a ship, some swimsuit-clad women, and [[IdiotPlot a plot that could fit on a postage stamp]]. As a result, this movie is [[ThrowItIn clearly and painfully improvised]], with actors desperately pulling funny faces to try and earn laughs and [[{{Padding}} pad out the running time]], and no-one telling them that [[DudeNotFunny their ideas are terrible]]. [[TheScrappy Everyone is super annoying as a result]], and Adam Sandler comes off particularly badly. [[DesignatedHero He's supposed to be the underdog]], but the impression is that of someone delusional about their abilities. There is nothing more brutal than unfunny comedy, and there is no redeeming value in any of it. '''Not a single thing'''! '''Going Overboard''' is well deserving of its place on IMDB's Bottom 100, and if you know what's good for you, '''never ever watch it''', not even if you're a die-hard Adam Sandler fan!"''

->''"'''The Cavern''' not only surpasses '''Bear''' as the worst horror film I've ever seen, but may well be the worst film period. I reviewed racist, sexist, unfunny, and downright unpleasant films before, but this is a special kind of film: '''It's unwatchable'''. I don't care if it's low-budget, that doesn't mean you forget basic principles of lighting or cinematography. I know the film's creators though they were being iterative, but that's because no one was dumb enough to do it before. The film [[SpecialEffectsFailure has an ugly, over-produced digital look]], the script is [[IdiotPlot woefully incomprehensible nonsense]], and the ending is [[GratuitousRape reprehensible]]. Even at 80 minutes, this is sheer torture that makes your home movies look professional by comparison. Every single copy of '''The Cavern''' should be thrown in the deepest, darkest pit imaginable, so that it never blights a TV screen EVER AGAIN."''

->''"'''Film/JustGoWithIt''' is just horrible in almost every way, which makes it hard to know where to start. How about another insufferable, smug, self-centered "performance" from Creator/AdamSandler, rivaled only by [[TheScrappy the infuriating Nick Swardson]] and those [[CreepyChild creepy pod-people children]]? How about the naked cynicism of setting your movie in Hawaii for no reason other than a [[VacationDearBoy paid holiday]], or the sheer [[IdiotPlot idiocy of the plot]], that the title itself seems like a taunt to our [[WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief suspension of disbelief]]? Oh no, let's lay it right down on the feet of director Creator/DennisDugan, whose work is especially awful here. He has no flair for the material, no connection, nothing. For a guy working in directing comedy for two decades, I don't understand how he can edit a movie this witless and overlong. This doesn't need to be just under two hours. The only thing I liked was Creator/JenniferAniston who is so [[WomenAreWiser down-to-earth]] that it's the only believable character; that she doesn't so much anchor the proceedings, but seem to be in a completely different universe entirely. This is a terrible sitcom episode stretched into feature film purgatory and I found close to utterly unbearable. Listen, I don't mind if you had fun making a movie with your friends together, but can you at least make it enjoyable for us lowly peasants who had to watch your putrid end results?"''

->''"You can see the seeds of '''Film/TheLoveGuru''' in the '''Film/AustinPowers''' sequels that increasingly relied on crude humor and penis jokes, but this takes it to a whole new level. I hate to place all the blame on Creator/MikeMyers, but when he's the main creative force and is in virtually every scene, it's hard not to. He's downright insufferable in this movie, a giggling nutcase who is so desperate, it makes you wonder if Myers was ever really funny. He's so the center of attention here, that he forgets to give many of his supporting players any material of their own, [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency despite a cast of talented actors and comedians who flail around just as badly]]. [[IdiotPlot The paper-thin plot is simply all about the gags in the movie disregarding logic, sense, or continuity]], which is the crucial context of making them funny. Compounding this is despite Myers' hiatus, many of them are recycled old material from '''Austin Powers''', including Verne Troyer himself, while you're beaten over the head with crass sex jokes over and over, just like all the other lame pieces of humor in this movie, and it makes it seem as though Myers' sense of humor stopped developing at age 10. The worst thing is, this movie sells Myers' talent short as a comedian, and it's so dispiriting because we know he can do so much better. The only real positive is that at least it's less than ninety minutes, no doubt thanks to some heavy trimming. UK comedian Omid Djalili [[AdvertisedExtra gets prominent billing]] [[DeletedRole despite having all his lines cut in the one scene he appeared in]], and given he was playing Guru Satchabigknoba, I think maybe we should all be thankful for that. All I know is that somewhere in the deepest, darkest pits of Hell, '''this''' and '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise''' are playing as the most punishing double feature ever made, and if you don't want to take your memory of Mike Myers, stay as away from this as humanly possible!"''

->''"No. No, you didn't. You did not just end your movie '''[[NoEnding MID]]-[[GratuitousRape RAPE SCENE]]'''! How dare you! And I know, that was what the earlier sex scene in the cave was leading towards, and the film thinks its clever by ending on a rape scene. Well no, it isn't clever! You didn't think about the weight of including a rape scene. You just used it as a cheap shock tactic, and that's deplorable. The movie itself beforehand was so bad, but this just leaves [[UpToEleven a truly rotten taste in the mouth]], and I can say, without hesitation, that this movie can go '''[[PrecisionFStrike FUCK ITSELF]]'''!"''

->''"'''The Cavern''' not only surpasses '''Bear''' as the worst horror film I've ever seen, but may well be the worst film period. I reviewed racist, sexist, unfunny, and downright unpleasant films before, but this is a special kind of film: '''[[UpToEleven It's unwatchable]]'''. I don't care if it's low-budget, that doesn't mean you forget basic principles of lighting or cinematography. I know the film's creators though they were being iterative, but that's because no one was dumb enough to do it before. The film [[SpecialEffectsFailure has an ugly, over-produced digital look]], the script is [[IdiotPlot woefully incomprehensible nonsense]], and the ending is [[GratuitousRape reprehensible]]. Even at 80 minutes, this is sheer torture that makes your home movies look professional by comparison. Every single copy of '''The Cavern''' should be thrown in the deepest, darkest pit imaginable, so that it never blights a TV screen EVER AGAIN."''