History Quotes / BadMovieBeatdown

18th Jul '16 11:02:42 AM DeepthroatGhoul
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->''"[[Film/TheTimeMachine2002 This]] certainly isn't the Creator/HGWells [[Literature/TheTimeMachine novel]] in '''any shape of form'''. It's not even that I have a problem with, it's the fact it's not even Wells' message! At least keep intact the original spirit. They simply made some crappy little sci-fi flick about time travel, and slapped a name on it. It's a terrible, terrible adaptation, a true bastardisation! The issue is not the film is remade, but the fact that the film had so much potential. This isn't even the worst film featured on this programme by far, but it's still a bad movie just managing to turn a literary great into a boring and idiotic action film! H.G. should be doing cartwheels in his grave about now!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/TheTimeMachine2002''
23rd Jun '16 10:49:03 AM DeepthroatGhoul
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->''"Even as a fan of the [[Franchise/DieHard franchise]], '''Film/AGoodDayToDieHard''' is not only a disgrace to its namesake, it's also one of the worst big-budget action movies in recent memory. As much as it pains me to say this, it's abundantly clear that the Die Hard well has completely dried up by this point. There is barely the faintest echo of the [[Film/DieHard original classic]] in this soulless embarassment that has virtually no connection to the earlier movies, but damages it by association. Even without the name, this is an incompetent action movie, as director Creator/JohnMoore's awful camera work and editing turns the whole film into a headache, the villains are lame and thinly-drawn, and the cobbled-together script is clearly an afterthought between mind-numbing set pieces. But the worst thing about the film is [[Creator/BruceWillis Willis]] himself, who's phoned-in and disinterested reprisal of his StarMakingRole sees him barely show up as a sidekick in his own movie to Creator/JaiCourtney's lunkhead replacement, and John [=McClane=]'s become this massively unlikable wanker that gets his kicks out of hurting people, especially as they don't speak his language. '''This''' is radioactive waste that makes the [[Film/LiveFreeOrDieHard fourth film]] look like the first by comparison! In the end, it's a good day to put this series out of its own misery!"''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Film/AGoodDayToDieHard''
1st Jun '16 9:53:29 AM DeepthroatGhoul
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->''"'''Film/{{Gamer}}''' deserves to be switched off. It is a [[CrapsackWorld nasty]], [[KillEmAll mean-spirited movie]] posing as satire. It condemns its target audience "gamers" for their bloodlust, then wallow in the imagery themselves with lots of shock shots for no reason in the narrative. The characters are shallow idiots with poorly written spiteful dialogue played by great character actors with nothing to do. The worst part of the movie is the action scenes which are frankly incomprehensible shite combining all the worst aspects of modern action movies. Shaky cam, poor editing and the lack of any sort of goal. Oh, and the ending is a complete insult. Just because they were trying to make a social statement, doesn't excuse them for bad film making."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/{{Gamer}}''



->''"'''Film/{{Gamer}}''' deserves to be switched off. It is a [[CrapsackWorld nasty]], [[KillEmAll mean-spirited movie]] posing as satire. It condemns its target audience "gamers" for their bloodlust, then wallow in the imagery themselves with lots of shock shots for no reason in the narrative. The characters are shallow idiots with poorly written spiteful dialogue played by great character actors with nothing to do. The worst part of the movie is the action scenes which are frankly incomprehensible shite combining all the worst aspects of modern action movies. Shaky cam, poor editing and the lack of any sort of goal. Oh, and the ending is a complete insult. Just because they were trying to make a social statement, doesn't excuse them for bad film making."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/{{Gamer}}''
1st Jun '16 9:51:21 AM DeepthroatGhoul
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->''"'''2 Fast 2 Furious''' is too lame and too stupid to be enjoyable. It's clear that this was a script that was hastily written to cash in on the [[Film/TheFastAndTheFurious first film]], and is extremely limited by the fact that almost none of the cast return. It already has '''barely anything''' to do with street racing by this point, it uses CGI cars instead of the real thing, it's so dipped in neon, I thought I was watching '''Film/BatmanForever'''! Creator/PaulWalker is his usual unbelievably bland self, and Tyrese Gibson is an irritating and inadequete replacement for Creator/VinDiesel. The only humour this movie has is the [[HoYay macho subtext]], which the movie lays on so much, I'm almost convinced the filmmakers did it intentionally. At least '''that''' makes it more enjoyable to watch than its predecessor."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''2 Fast 2 Furious''
1st Jun '16 9:38:18 AM DeepthroatGhoul
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->''"Although it isn't as bad as some of the heinous sequels it spawned, it does deserve this review for being so dull. I mean you can't just have fast cars take the plot. There has something going on behind it. It takes itself too seriously and is no fun. Paul Walker might need checking for termites judging by his acting. And the film is already heavily dated and only eight years after its release due to its migraine-inducing soundtrack. The new movie, '''Fast & Furious''', is being depicted as a return to form for the series. From terrible to just plain mediocre. Yeah, just some comeback. Now if you excuse me, I need to go rev my engine."''

to:

->''"Although it isn't as bad as some of the heinous sequels it spawned, it does deserve this review for being so dull. I mean you can't just have fast cars take the plot. There has something going on behind it. It takes itself too seriously and is no fun. Paul Walker Creator/PaulWalker might need checking for termites judging by his acting. And the film is already heavily dated and only eight years after its release due to its migraine-inducing soundtrack. The new movie, '''Fast & Furious''', is being depicted as a return to form for the series. From terrible to just plain mediocre. Yeah, just some comeback. Now if you excuse me, I need to go rev my engine."''
22nd May '16 10:39:27 AM Dancedom
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->''"'''Ghosts of Mars''' suffers from many, many crimes. The fact that it feels incredibly derivative even within [[Creator/JohnCarpenter Carpenter's]] own work feels like a result of laziness both in Carpenter's co-written screenplay and his direction. The framing device is incredibly ill-conceived and feels tacked-on, with the scenes being superfluous because they are explaining stuff the audience already knows. Not just because the story told us them, but because we're familiar with them from other films. The performances from the entire cast are as atrocious and unconvincing, even the charismatic Creator/JasonStatham suffers from spending half the movie doing cheesy pickup lines. Worst of all, it isn't scary nor suspenseful for a second, it's just actors running around on cheap sets. Part sci-fi, part horror, part western, part heavy metal, it all adds up to complete crap."''
-->--'''Film Brain''', on ''Film/GhostsOfMars''.
21st May '16 6:38:25 AM Dancedom
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->''"Damn it, ''One Night Stand'' you are infuriating! This drama is completely confused. The issue of infidelity is a tricky subject and the treatment here doesn't do it justice. The performances are excellent, especially Creator/RobertDowneyJr, but the characters are largely unlikable and the plot is ludicrously convoluted. I really don't get who this was supposed to be aimed at, it's not lurid and exploitive as you might first think, but it doesn't really satisfy some mature drama because it constantly shies away from making tough decisions or actually having a viewpoint. This culminates in a preposterous cop-out twist that is absolutely rage-inducing. The AIDS scenes are absolutely harrowing but they deserve a better, different movie that isn't using the topic to make itself feel so usually important. I also found the directing style irritating and aggravatingly pretentious. The film is basically a time capsule of 90s filmmaking both for better and for worse."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''One Night Stand''.
17th Mar '16 5:30:24 AM bobpiecheese
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->''"[[Film/{{Cobra}} This]] is so completely ridiculous, it's hysterical! No cliche or left-wing stereotype is left untouched; the product placement is shameless and intrusive, the violence is completlely gratuitous, and the plot is farfetched, even by [[Creator/SylvesterStallone Stallone]]'s standards. The whole thing feels cheap and sleazy, and has aged badly. So, all in all, this is Stallone's '''Film/{{Commando}}''', except it takes itself so damn seriously, that it makes it even funnier!"''

to:

->''"[[Film/{{Cobra}} This]] is so completely ridiculous, it's hysterical! No cliche or left-wing stereotype is left untouched; the product placement is shameless and intrusive, the violence is completlely completely gratuitous, and the plot is farfetched, even by [[Creator/SylvesterStallone Stallone]]'s standards. The whole thing feels cheap and sleazy, and has aged badly. So, all in all, this is Stallone's '''Film/{{Commando}}''', except it takes itself so damn seriously, that it makes it even funnier!"''



->''"'''Film/{{Driven}}''' needs to be put on the hard shoulder. Yes, it's commendable that [[Creator/SylvesterStallone Stallone]] made himself a supporting player in his own movie, but [[DesignatedHero Kip Pardue]] is a [[{{Narm}} charmisa black hole from which there is no escape]]. [[TheScrappy The characters are not developed or likeable enough]], and the races are ludicrous! There's so many damn crashes, and they're all so overdone, it is nothing short of hilarious! And if that's not bad enough for race fans, it's filled with glaring inaccuracies. The special effects in this movie are atrocious! '''Driven''' makes '''Film/DaysOfThunder''' look like '''Film/LeMans'''."''

to:

->''"'''Film/{{Driven}}''' needs to be put on the hard shoulder. Yes, it's commendable that [[Creator/SylvesterStallone Stallone]] made himself a supporting player in his own movie, but [[DesignatedHero Kip Pardue]] is a [[{{Narm}} charmisa charisma black hole from which there is no escape]]. [[TheScrappy The characters are not developed or likeable enough]], and the races are ludicrous! There's so many damn crashes, and they're all so overdone, it is nothing short of hilarious! And if that's not bad enough for race fans, it's filled with glaring inaccuracies. The special effects in this movie are atrocious! '''Driven''' makes '''Film/DaysOfThunder''' look like '''Film/LeMans'''."''



->''"I'm going to put this briefly, because I've said everything I wanted to say already. [[Film/GoodLuckChuck This]] is a hateful sexist movie that operates in a complete moral vacuum that is painfully unfunny, largely due to the smug overracted performance of Creator/DaneCook, who fails to be likeable. The sex is a coarse and uncomfortable fit with the mean-spirited slapstick comedy, and the script is astonishingly dumb. Dan Fogler delivers the worst comic performance I've ever seen. I '''hated''' this offensively terrible movie! The fact that this got made in 2007 is frankly astonishing."''

to:

->''"I'm going to put this briefly, because I've said everything I wanted to say already. [[Film/GoodLuckChuck This]] is a hateful sexist movie that operates in a complete moral vacuum that is painfully unfunny, largely due to the smug overracted overacted performance of Creator/DaneCook, who fails to be likeable. The sex is a coarse and uncomfortable fit with the mean-spirited slapstick comedy, and the script is astonishingly dumb. Dan Fogler delivers the worst comic performance I've ever seen. I '''hated''' this offensively terrible movie! The fact that this got made in 2007 is frankly astonishing."''



->''"Not that dignity is a thing that anyone escapes with in [[Film/WhenInRome this movie]]. The movie's basically written like a cartoon, with these broad one-note characters who do stupid things repeatedly '''over and over again''', when it often doesn't make any sense in context. [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency This cast of talented comedians are both completely wasted and incredibly irritating]], and the film's idea of love and romance is startlingly naive, even by Hollywood's standards. The film shows clear signs that someone hacked it to pieces, trying to salvage it, but there is nothing to rescue but dusty old romcom cliches and dismal slapstick. Not even the charms of Creator/KristenBell could save it for me..."''

to:

->''"Not that dignity is a thing that anyone escapes with in [[Film/WhenInRome this movie]]. The movie's basically written like a cartoon, with these broad one-note characters who do stupid things repeatedly '''over and over again''', when it often doesn't make any sense in context. [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency This cast of talented comedians are both completely wasted and incredibly irritating]], and the film's idea of love and romance is startlingly naive, even by Hollywood's standards. The film shows clear signs that someone hacked it to pieces, trying to salvage it, but there is nothing to rescue but dusty old romcom cliches clichés and dismal slapstick. Not even the charms of Creator/KristenBell could save it for me..."''



->''"So that was '''Bear'''. It was completely un''bear''able. The characters are all completely unlikable sacks of shit who lie, cheat, and betray each other. The bear ends up being the most likable character. The characters constantly make stupid, implausible decisions because the script is dumb and repetitive; having to repeatedly engineer ways for why the characters haven't escaped the scenario. This culminates in a twist that is [[ShockingSwerve preposterous and nonsensical]], and I can't believe this extremely pretentious horror flick expects us to swallow such nonsense. On a technical level this movie completely falls apart, particularly because of their budget. It's almost like a crash-course on how not to make a film, and should be avoided because it's a total waste of time."''

to:

->''"So that was '''Bear'''. It was completely un''bear''able. The characters are all completely unlikable unlikeable sacks of shit who lie, cheat, and betray each other. The bear ends up being the most likable likeable character. The characters constantly make stupid, implausible decisions because the script is dumb and repetitive; having to repeatedly engineer ways for why the characters haven't escaped the scenario. This culminates in a twist that is [[ShockingSwerve preposterous and nonsensical]], and I can't believe this extremely pretentious horror flick expects us to swallow such nonsense. On a technical level this movie completely falls apart, particularly because of their budget. It's almost like a crash-course on how not to make a film, and should be avoided because it's a total waste of time."''



->''"'''Film/TheHappening''' is a bizarre film. It seems to have been made by an alien, because everything is so... off. The script is full of things that people would never say or do, acted unconvincingly by [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency mis-cast actors]] [[{{Narm}} delivering their worst performances ever]]. Creator/MarkWahlberg, with his soft voice, is completely humilated, and Creator/ZooeyDeschanel makes googly eyes throughout the whole film that make her look braindead. The science of the film is shoddy, but that's not surprising considering the green message of the film, which is laid on with no subtly or respect for the audience. '''"Man and Science is weak, and we should all respect the power of Nature and Love!"''' Its saving grace is being so incredibly unintentionally funny, because it's a ridiculous film approached with a po-faced seriousness, and lack of humour that is so gloriously pretentious. The film tries to make a comment on paranoia, but it just ends up becoming a farce. After this, [[Creator/MNightShyamalan M. Night]]'s descent into complete madness was sealed by his adaptation of the cartoon '''[[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Avatar]]''' - not related to Creator/JamesCameron's [[Film/{{Avatar}} work]] obviously - into '''Film/TheLastAirbender''', which was critically panned and destroyed at the box office, putting his writer/director days to an end presently. He has since produced '''Film/{{Devil}}''', which, whilst mediocre, is certainly a step-up for a director who sums up once and for all, how the mighty can fall."''

to:

->''"'''Film/TheHappening''' is a bizarre film. It seems to have been made by an alien, because everything is so... off. The script is full of things that people would never say or do, acted unconvincingly by [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency mis-cast actors]] [[{{Narm}} delivering their worst performances ever]]. Creator/MarkWahlberg, with his soft voice, is completely humilated, humiliated, and Creator/ZooeyDeschanel makes googly eyes throughout the whole film that make her look braindead. The science of the film is shoddy, but that's not surprising considering the green message of the film, which is laid on with no subtly or respect for the audience. '''"Man and Science is weak, and we should all respect the power of Nature and Love!"''' Its saving grace is being so incredibly unintentionally funny, because it's a ridiculous film approached with a po-faced seriousness, and lack of humour that is so gloriously pretentious. The film tries to make a comment on paranoia, but it just ends up becoming a farce. After this, [[Creator/MNightShyamalan M. Night]]'s descent into complete madness was sealed by his adaptation of the cartoon '''[[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender Avatar]]''' - not related to Creator/JamesCameron's [[Film/{{Avatar}} work]] obviously - into '''Film/TheLastAirbender''', which was critically panned and destroyed at the box office, putting his writer/director days to an end presently. He has since produced '''Film/{{Devil}}''', which, whilst mediocre, is certainly a step-up for a director who sums up once and for all, how the mighty can fall."''



->''"'''[[Film/TheToothFairy Tooth Fairy]]''' is about as cheerful as a trip to the dentist, but at least the gas might make you laugh more than the film does. I'm probably going to have a dozen complaints from people saying I was too hard on it because it's a kid's film, and generally, I avoid doing them so I don't get criticised for that. But even still, it shouldn't be an excuse for laziness. They could've took their silly idea in interesting and playful directions, but they made it as mundane and boring as possible! The film's single joke dries up fast, and it ends up relying on their incredible cast to liven up non-existant material, and it ends up drowning in sub-plots. There's just no feeling of magic. They've made the fairy world into an accounting department that will bore kids. It looks heavily re-edited, but the most egregious thing is the blatant abuse of amnesia as a cheap "get out free" clause that shows massive disain for the audience. Again, this took '''five writers to come up with'''?! Oh, and seldom a date passes where someone on Twitter doesn't ask me whether I've heard of the InNameOnly sequel '''Tooth Fairy 2''' starring Creator/LarryTheCableGuy. Well, yes I have, and quite frankly, it makes me wake up in cold sweats just thinking about it. In short, this movie bites. [[DontExplainTheJoke Get it? 'Cause you bite down with your teeth and]]... Sorry."''

to:

->''"'''[[Film/TheToothFairy Tooth Fairy]]''' is about as cheerful as a trip to the dentist, but at least the gas might make you laugh more than the film does. I'm probably going to have a dozen complaints from people saying I was too hard on it because it's a kid's film, and generally, I avoid doing them so I don't get criticised for that. But even still, it shouldn't be an excuse for laziness. They could've took their silly idea in interesting and playful directions, but they made it as mundane and boring as possible! The film's single joke dries up fast, and it ends up relying on their incredible cast to liven up non-existant material, and it ends up drowning in sub-plots. There's just no feeling of magic. They've made the fairy world into an accounting department that will bore kids. It looks heavily re-edited, but the most egregious thing is the blatant abuse of amnesia as a cheap "get out free" clause that shows massive disain disdain for the audience. Again, this took '''five writers to come up with'''?! Oh, and seldom a date passes where someone on Twitter doesn't ask me whether I've heard of the InNameOnly sequel '''Tooth Fairy 2''' starring Creator/LarryTheCableGuy. Well, yes I have, and quite frankly, it makes me wake up in cold sweats just thinking about it. In short, this movie bites. [[DontExplainTheJoke Get it? 'Cause you bite down with your teeth and]]... Sorry."''



->''"You know, Wesley Snipes is actually right about a lot of [[Film/BladeTrinity this movie]]. David S. Goyer's script for the film is an absolute mess! A bunch of plot points thrown together and often forgotten about for long periods of time with frat boy humour only making things worse. The inclusion of the Nightstalkers, obviously intended to launch a spin-off, hinders the film due to their lack of credibilty, especially Creator/RyanReynolds, [[TheScrappy who I found insufferable]]. Goyer's direction is ropey, and the over-long running time isn't helped by [[{{Padding}} loads of minor scenes that they really just should've cut]]. The inclusion of {{Dracula}} is a disappointment, partly due to the bad writing, and partly due to the fact that Dominic Purcell is a completely charmisa-less block of muscle. Even the action is weak, and it's positively anemic compared to the [[Film/{{Blade}} other]] [[Film/BladeII two]] films. But Snipes himself deserves blame too; his central perfomance brims with obvious disdain for the film, and whilst it wouldn't have been good even on his A-game, he ends up making the film implode around him. Clearly aimed at a younger mainstream audience, '''Blade: Trinity''' is a failure of a climax for fans of two otherwise decent films in this [[Film/BladeTrilogy series]]."''

to:

->''"You know, Wesley Snipes is actually right about a lot of [[Film/BladeTrinity this movie]]. David S. Goyer's script for the film is an absolute mess! A bunch of plot points thrown together and often forgotten about for long periods of time with frat boy humour only making things worse. The inclusion of the Nightstalkers, obviously intended to launch a spin-off, hinders the film due to their lack of credibilty, credibility, especially Creator/RyanReynolds, [[TheScrappy who I found insufferable]]. Goyer's direction is ropey, and the over-long running time isn't helped by [[{{Padding}} loads of minor scenes that they really just should've cut]]. The inclusion of {{Dracula}} is a disappointment, partly due to the bad writing, and partly due to the fact that Dominic Purcell is a completely charmisa-less charisma-less block of muscle. Even the action is weak, and it's positively anemic anaemic compared to the [[Film/{{Blade}} other]] [[Film/BladeII two]] films. But Snipes himself deserves blame too; his central perfomance performance brims with obvious disdain for the film, and whilst it wouldn't have been good even on his A-game, he ends up making the film implode around him. Clearly aimed at a younger mainstream audience, '''Blade: Trinity''' is a failure of a climax for fans of two otherwise decent films in this [[Film/BladeTrilogy series]]."''



->''"'''Film/GoneFishin''' never really aspired to be much, just a light buddy comedy that's inoffensive and innocent with an easy charm. I would say harmless, but I've watched it and it's anything but. [[DudeNotFunny This is comedy at its most painfully misfiring, and it goes wrong in every conceivable way]]. Creator/DannyGlover and Creator/JoePesci are, suffice to say, not a modern day Laurel and Hardy. In fact, they don't have much chemistry at all, with Pesci doing overed O-faces, and Glover being so relaxed, he's borderline sleepwalking, and that's before he literally does so due to the terrible material. Their rasping renders the dialogue barely intelligable, but most of it is endlessly repetitive, shouting each other's names at the end of every line, or name catchphrases, and that's when they're not setting up jokes that can be seen from space! In short, this film stinks like fish and should be thrown back, where it'll probably sink like a stone!"''

to:

->''"'''Film/GoneFishin''' never really aspired to be much, just a light buddy comedy that's inoffensive and innocent with an easy charm. I would say harmless, but I've watched it and it's anything but. [[DudeNotFunny This is comedy at its most painfully misfiring, and it goes wrong in every conceivable way]]. Creator/DannyGlover and Creator/JoePesci are, suffice to say, not a modern day Laurel and Hardy. In fact, they don't have much chemistry at all, with Pesci doing overed O-faces, and Glover being so relaxed, he's borderline sleepwalking, and that's before he literally does so due to the terrible material. Their rasping renders the dialogue barely intelligable, intelligible, but most of it is endlessly repetitive, shouting each other's names at the end of every line, or name catchphrases, and that's when they're not setting up jokes that can be seen from space! In short, this film stinks like fish and should be thrown back, where it'll probably sink like a stone!"''



->''"'''Film/INowPronounceYouChuckAndLarry''' is one of the most hypocritical films I've ever seen! This is a film that pays lip service to emoting acceptance of homosexuality and tolerance, but apparently is taking the time to learn that lesson itself. It consistently goes to cheap jokes aimed at the most common denominator at the expense of the very people it puports to help, and as a result, its racial, gender, and sexual politics all feel like they're at least thirty years out of date. It's downright shocking that this was made in 2007! There's no subversion, insight, or wit given to the subject matter, and the film patronises it to compensate. It's all the usual traits in [[Creator/AdamSandler Sandler]]'s work taken to their most offensive extreme. Whilst Kevin James is a likeable lead despite the woeful material, Adam Sandler is as most obnoxiously egotistical with his ladies' man persona feeling like a self-inserted fancy build on insecurity. There's very, very brief glimpses of a smarter film trying to escape, but that's too often snuffed out by tastelessness and deeply lackluster direction, and is way, way too long at nearly two hours! I often found '''Chuck and Larry''' to be deeply unpleasant, and even felt ashamed to be watching it at points. It's '''that''' bad!"''

to:

->''"'''Film/INowPronounceYouChuckAndLarry''' is one of the most hypocritical films I've ever seen! This is a film that pays lip service to emoting acceptance of homosexuality and tolerance, but apparently is taking the time to learn that lesson itself. It consistently goes to cheap jokes aimed at the most common denominator at the expense of the very people it puports purports to help, and as a result, its racial, gender, and sexual politics all feel like they're at least thirty years out of date. It's downright shocking that this was made in 2007! There's no subversion, insight, or wit given to the subject matter, and the film patronises it to compensate. It's all the usual traits in [[Creator/AdamSandler Sandler]]'s work taken to their most offensive extreme. Whilst Kevin James is a likeable lead despite the woeful material, Adam Sandler is as most obnoxiously egotistical with his ladies' man persona feeling like a self-inserted fancy build on insecurity. There's very, very brief glimpses of a smarter film trying to escape, but that's too often snuffed out by tastelessness and deeply lackluster direction, and is way, way too long at nearly two hours! I often found '''Chuck and Larry''' to be deeply unpleasant, and even felt ashamed to be watching it at points. It's '''that''' bad!"''



->''"'''Strange Wilderness''' is basically a celebration of stupid, ignorant people who are too lazy to even make an effort but still feel a sense of entitlement regardless. What little characterization there is, especially the two leads, is annoying and obnoxious. [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency And that's a shame because this is an actually fantastic cast but they're all terrible here]]. Even Steve Zahn resorts to shouting and overacting when he's not coasting, and it squanders his talent. But then again, you can't turn a sow's ear into a purse. Especially when large chunks are clearly improvised with no direction whatsoever. The whole thing looks and feels cheap and ugly, but somehow scenes run too long, even when the film itself barely scrapes 80 minutes. Even if it's a stoner comedy, this is poor stuff because the good ones in this subgenre, your '''{{Harold and Kumar}}s''' and '''[[Creator/CheechAndChong Cheeches and Chongs]]''' are genuinely funny and don't require to be baked to find them so. There's always that old trap of you're enjoying each other's companies so much that it doesn't rub off of the audience, and Justin Long hits that in his sort of defense of the film '''"The first few times I saw it, I loved it. And I don't often see movies that I've done multiple times, but I kept going. [...] And then I saw it once when I wasn't stoned and I was like, woah. This is a mess! This doesn't make a shred of sense! [...] But stoned it's the funniest, and I think I have so much love for it because it's the most fun I've ever had shooting."''' So does it deserve its 0%? It's really, really bad, but it's not quite the same level of agonizingly awful as, say, '''Film/FatSlags''' or '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise'''. That doesn't mean I recommend the treck by any means."''

to:

->''"'''Strange Wilderness''' is basically a celebration of stupid, ignorant people who are too lazy to even make an effort but still feel a sense of entitlement regardless. What little characterization there is, especially the two leads, is annoying and obnoxious. [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency And that's a shame because this is an actually fantastic cast but they're all terrible here]]. Even Steve Zahn resorts to shouting and overacting when he's not coasting, and it squanders his talent. But then again, you can't turn a sow's ear into a purse. Especially when large chunks are clearly improvised with no direction whatsoever. The whole thing looks and feels cheap and ugly, but somehow scenes run too long, even when the film itself barely scrapes 80 minutes. Even if it's a stoner comedy, this is poor stuff because the good ones in this subgenre, your '''{{Harold and Kumar}}s''' and '''[[Creator/CheechAndChong Cheeches and Chongs]]''' are genuinely funny and don't require to be baked to find them so. There's always that old trap of you're enjoying each other's companies so much that it doesn't rub off of the audience, and Justin Long hits that in his sort of defense of the film '''"The first few times I saw it, I loved it. And I don't often see movies that I've done multiple times, but I kept going. [...] And then I saw it once when I wasn't stoned and I was like, woah. This is a mess! This doesn't make a shred of sense! [...] But stoned it's the funniest, and I think I have so much love for it because it's the most fun I've ever had shooting."''' So does it deserve its 0%? It's really, really bad, but it's not quite the same level of agonizingly awful as, say, '''Film/FatSlags''' or '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise'''. That doesn't mean I recommend the treck trek by any means."''



->''"Watching '''Lawnmower Man 2''', your mind makes an easy parallel to another infamous sequel, '''Film/HighlanderIITheQuickening'''. The two are very similar in some respects: the baffling dystopian future, the spitting in the face of existing continuity, the endless plotholes, and mincemeat editing that seems to have crucial plot scenes missing. I think the only reason this doesn't share the same notoriety is that luckily, no-one saw it. The film so drastically changes everything, especially the ending from the [[Film/TheLawnmowerMan first movie]], that fans would feel completely alienated, and teenagers will cringe at the lame stereotypes spouting things like "Radical". The acting from them is especially atrocious, but it is in general, from Patrick Bergin's daft "Dances with Wires", to Matt Frewer dusting off '''Series/MaxHeadroom''' for a totally mis-cast toe-curling performance. As a standalone movie, it's still mind-numbing stuff, and come on, they were screwed the moment they started making a sequel to something with a closed ending! It doesn't seem like a movie made by people who even vaguely know computers. The script seems to have been written by taking random phrases out of the glossary of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Internet". Lastly, the CGI effects are a step down from the original despite the obvious technical advances, because at least the first movie was wholy digital rather than the constant shortcuts here making it look worse. Even for 1996, this movie was irrelevant. By today's standards, the technophobia of '''The Lawnmower Man''' movie seems downright quaint. Hell, if Jobe really wanted people to flock to virtual reality, he should've just taken a page out of the modern Internet's book and offered an endless supply of porn! Jacking indeed."''

to:

->''"Watching '''Lawnmower Man 2''', your mind makes an easy parallel to another infamous sequel, '''Film/HighlanderIITheQuickening'''. The two are very similar in some respects: the baffling dystopian future, the spitting in the face of existing continuity, the endless plotholes, and mincemeat editing that seems to have crucial plot scenes missing. I think the only reason this doesn't share the same notoriety is that luckily, no-one saw it. The film so drastically changes everything, especially the ending from the [[Film/TheLawnmowerMan first movie]], that fans would feel completely alienated, and teenagers will cringe at the lame stereotypes spouting things like "Radical". The acting from them is especially atrocious, but it is in general, from Patrick Bergin's daft "Dances with Wires", to Matt Frewer dusting off '''Series/MaxHeadroom''' for a totally mis-cast toe-curling performance. As a standalone movie, it's still mind-numbing stuff, and come on, they were screwed the moment they started making a sequel to something with a closed ending! It doesn't seem like a movie made by people who even vaguely know computers. The script seems to have been written by taking random phrases out of the glossary of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Internet". Lastly, the CGI effects are a step down from the original despite the obvious technical advances, because at least the first movie was wholy wholly digital rather than the constant shortcuts here making it look worse. Even for 1996, this movie was irrelevant. By today's standards, the technophobia of '''The Lawnmower Man''' movie seems downright quaint. Hell, if Jobe really wanted people to flock to virtual reality, he should've just taken a page out of the modern Internet's book and offered an endless supply of porn! Jacking indeed."''



->''"You can see the seeds of '''Film/TheLoveGuru''' in the '''Film/AustinPowers''' sequels that increasingly relied on crude humor and peens jokes, but this takes it to a whole new level. I hate to place all the blame on Creator/MikeMyers, but when he's the main creative force and is in virtually every scene, it's hard not to. He's downright insufferable in this movie, a giggling nutcase who is so desperate, it makes you wonder if Myers was ever really funny. He's so the center of attention here, that he forgets to give many of his supporting players any material of their own, [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency despite a cast of talented actors and comedians who flail around just as badly]]. [[IdiotPlot The paper-thin plot is simply all about the gags in the movie disregarding logic, sense, or continuity]], which is the crucial context of making them funny. Compounding this is despite Myers' hiatus, many of them are recycled old material from '''Austin Powers''', including Verne Troyer himself, while you're beaten over the head with crass sex jokes over and over, just like all the other lame pieces of humor in this movie, and it makes it seem as though Myers' sense of humor stopped developing at age 10. The worst thing is, this movie sells Myers' talent short as a comedian, and it's so dispiriting because we know he can do so much better. The only real posivite is that at least it's less than ninety minutes, no doubt thanks to some heavy trimming. UK comedian Omid Djalili [[AdvertisedExtra gets prominent billing]] [[DeletedRole despite having all his lines cut in the one scene he appeared in]], and given he was playing Guru Satchabigknoba, I think maybe we should all be thankful for that. All I know is that somewhere in the deepest, darkest pits of Hell, '''this''' and '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise''' are playing as the most punishing double feature ever made, and if you don't want to take your memory of Mike Myers, stay as away from this as humanly possible!"''

to:

->''"You can see the seeds of '''Film/TheLoveGuru''' in the '''Film/AustinPowers''' sequels that increasingly relied on crude humor and peens penis jokes, but this takes it to a whole new level. I hate to place all the blame on Creator/MikeMyers, but when he's the main creative force and is in virtually every scene, it's hard not to. He's downright insufferable in this movie, a giggling nutcase who is so desperate, it makes you wonder if Myers was ever really funny. He's so the center of attention here, that he forgets to give many of his supporting players any material of their own, [[WhatTheHellCastingAgency despite a cast of talented actors and comedians who flail around just as badly]]. [[IdiotPlot The paper-thin plot is simply all about the gags in the movie disregarding logic, sense, or continuity]], which is the crucial context of making them funny. Compounding this is despite Myers' hiatus, many of them are recycled old material from '''Austin Powers''', including Verne Troyer himself, while you're beaten over the head with crass sex jokes over and over, just like all the other lame pieces of humor in this movie, and it makes it seem as though Myers' sense of humor stopped developing at age 10. The worst thing is, this movie sells Myers' talent short as a comedian, and it's so dispiriting because we know he can do so much better. The only real posivite positive is that at least it's less than ninety minutes, no doubt thanks to some heavy trimming. UK comedian Omid Djalili [[AdvertisedExtra gets prominent billing]] [[DeletedRole despite having all his lines cut in the one scene he appeared in]], and given he was playing Guru Satchabigknoba, I think maybe we should all be thankful for that. All I know is that somewhere in the deepest, darkest pits of Hell, '''this''' and '''Film/TheMasterOfDisguise''' are playing as the most punishing double feature ever made, and if you don't want to take your memory of Mike Myers, stay as away from this as humanly possible!"''
17th Mar '16 5:20:11 AM bobpiecheese
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->''"You know, Wesley Snipes is actually right about a lot of [[Film/BladeTrinity this movie]]. David S. Goyer's script for the film is an absolute mess! A bunch of plot points thrown together and often forgotten about for long periods of time with frat boy humour only making things worse. The inclusion of the Nightstalkers, obviously intended to launch a spin-off, hinders the film due to their lack of credibilty, especially Creator/RyanReynolds, [[TheScrappy who I found insufferable]]. Goyer's direction is ropey, and the over-long running time isn't helped by [[{{Padding}} loads of minor scenes that they really just should've cut]]. The inclusion of {{Dracula}} is a disappointment, partly due to the bad writing, and partly due to the fact that Dominic Purcell is a completely charmisa-less block of muscle. Even the action is weak, and it's positively mememic compared to the [[Film/{{Blade}} other]] [[Film/BladeII two]] films. But Snipes himself deserves blame too; his central perfomance brims with obvious disdain for the film, and whilst it wouldn't have been good even on his A-game, he ends up making the film implode around him. Clearly aimed at a younger mainstream audience, '''Blade: Trinity''' is a failure of a climax for fans of two otherwise decent films in this [[Film/BladeTrilogy series]]."''

to:

->''"You know, Wesley Snipes is actually right about a lot of [[Film/BladeTrinity this movie]]. David S. Goyer's script for the film is an absolute mess! A bunch of plot points thrown together and often forgotten about for long periods of time with frat boy humour only making things worse. The inclusion of the Nightstalkers, obviously intended to launch a spin-off, hinders the film due to their lack of credibilty, especially Creator/RyanReynolds, [[TheScrappy who I found insufferable]]. Goyer's direction is ropey, and the over-long running time isn't helped by [[{{Padding}} loads of minor scenes that they really just should've cut]]. The inclusion of {{Dracula}} is a disappointment, partly due to the bad writing, and partly due to the fact that Dominic Purcell is a completely charmisa-less block of muscle. Even the action is weak, and it's positively mememic anemic compared to the [[Film/{{Blade}} other]] [[Film/BladeII two]] films. But Snipes himself deserves blame too; his central perfomance brims with obvious disdain for the film, and whilst it wouldn't have been good even on his A-game, he ends up making the film implode around him. Clearly aimed at a younger mainstream audience, '''Blade: Trinity''' is a failure of a climax for fans of two otherwise decent films in this [[Film/BladeTrilogy series]]."''
15th Mar '16 9:01:18 AM DeepthroatGhoul
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->''"Finally, a movie that celebrates the cold-blooded slaughter of your enemies. You can see how this might have worked. I mean, the concept has this sense of wish fulfilment. It's hard to get past the bad taste it leaves in the mouth, and the execution here is terrible. It's badly directed and edited, and it looks and feels cheap, wasting most of the cast. The supporting cast only have one or two small scenes to set up their asshole-ness, and then get killed off in ways that aren't funny, as much as the score tells us so. The whole thing, especially the score, looks like it's escaped from the 1970s."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Parting Shots''

to:

->''"Finally, a movie [[Film/PartingShots movie]] that celebrates the cold-blooded slaughter of your enemies. You can see how this might have worked. I mean, the concept has this sense of wish fulfilment. It's hard to get past the bad taste it leaves in the mouth, and the execution here is terrible. It's badly directed and edited, and it looks and feels cheap, wasting most of the cast. The supporting cast only have one or two small scenes to set up their asshole-ness, and then get killed off in ways that aren't funny, as much as the score tells us so. The whole thing, especially the score, looks like it's escaped from the 1970s."''
-->-- '''Film Brain''', on ''Parting Shots''
''Film/PartingShots''
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