History Quotes / AnAssKickingChristmas

->Then there's "Blizzard of Balls", a Christmas-themed [[SlippySlideyIceWorld snow level...]]the best part it killing Santa and using his body as a sled.

->''"I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but let's be real: There's a reason we have Christmas, and it's time we acknowledge that. And that reason is that Batman reversed time to stop the Earth from being blown up by antimatter."''

->''"The idea of Santa as an immortal being who’s been delivering Christmas presents for centuries is ridiculous, of course, but the truth behind the legend is much darker than most people can imagine. In fact, 'Santa' has been a whole succession of different individuals down through the centuries. In this way 'he' is kind of like [[ComicStrip/ThePhantom the Phantom]]; but whereas the Phantom’s identity passes down peacefully from father to son over the generations, Santa-ness must be ''[[YouKillItYouBoughtIt taken]]''', with each new Santa defeating his predecessor in single combat to the death. And now notorious asshole and megalomaniac {{ComicStrip/Heathcliff}} has come to violently insert himself into this ancient tradition."''

->''"[[Creator/ChuckNorris Chuck]] comes out shooting, brandishing [[GunsAkimbo twin Uzis holstered at his sides]] in a custom leather harness... He takes cover in Santa's Village and then carries out a protracted gun battle using the fake snow banks as cover. I'm serious. Even funnier, the battle spills over past Santa's house and into the nearby Nativity scene."''

->''"After all, where else do you see a ''Planet of the Apes'' ape crush Nazi John Turturro’s head in between his thighs? Where do you see jet pack wearing rats driving motorcycles with Gatling guns on the front? Where do you see a shark killed with fluorescent lighting as a means of highlighting the Nazis' plan to kill toy-kind? The festive holiday world of ''Nutcracker in 3D'' that’s where!"''

->''"Because this is what you think of when you think of Christmas, right? People beating the shit out of each other."''

->''"Because it wouldn't be Christmas without guns and homicidal tendencies!"''
-->-- '''Linkara''', ''WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall''

->''"It's Christmas. [[PreAssKickingOneLiner Take 'em to Church.]]"''

->''(stormtrooper topples off balcony)''
->'''Jack:''' OH! You died.
->'''Rich:''' That's what I like in ''my'' Christmas specials: '''''DEEEEEAAATH!'''''

->"''Oh, let's have a PatrickSwayze Christmas this year\\

-->--''WebVideo/BestOfTheWorst'' on the ''StarWarsHolidaySpecial''

->'''Rich:''' OH! You died.

->''"The idea of Santa as an immortal being who’s been delivering Christmas presents for centuries is ridiculous, of course, but the truth behind the legend is much darker than most people can imagine. In fact, “Santa” has been a whole succession of different individuals down through the centuries. In this way 'he' is kind of like {{the Phantom}}; but whereas the Phantom’s identity passes down peacefully from father to son over the generations, Santa-ness must be ''[[YouKillItYouBoughtIt taken]]''', with each new Santa defeating his predecessor in single combat to the death. And now notorious asshole and megalomaniac {{ComicStrip/Heathcliff}} has come to violently insert himself into this ancient tradition."''

->''"[[PreAssKickingOneLiner It's Christmas. Take 'em to Church.]]"''

->''"This is it. Another Christmas in the trenches."''
-->-- '''Kevin [=McCallister=]''', ''HomeAlone'' ''2: Lost in New York''

->''"I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but let’s be real: There’s a reason we have Christmas, and it’s time we acknowledge that. And that reason is that Batman reversed time to stop the Earth from being blown up by antimatter."''
-->--'''Chris Sims''' [[http://comicsalliance.com/bizarro-back-issues-the-true-meaning-of-christmas-2009/ on]] ''BatmanTheBraveAndTheBold''

->''"This is it. Another Christmas in the trenches."''
-->-- '''Kevin [[=McCallister=]]''', ''HomeAlone'' ''2: Lost in New York''

->''"This is it. Another Christmas in the trenches."''
-->-- '''Kevin [[=McCallister,=]]''', ''HomeAlone'' ''2: Lost in New York''

->''You better watch out\\

Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass''

->'''Joel''': Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas... \\
'''Crow''': Hey! What, like a good action sequence don't belong at Christmas?! \\
'''Joel''': Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of a action sequence in a Christmas carol...

-->--'''CraigFerguson'''

->''"[[ChuckNorris Chuck]] comes out shooting, brandishing [[GunsAkimbo twin Uzis holstered at his sides]] in a custom leather harness... He takes cover in Santa's Village and then carries out a protracted gun battle using the fake snow banks as cover. I'm serious. Even funnier, the battle spills over past Santa's house and into the nearby Nativity scene."''
-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/invasion-usa/ on]] ''InvasionUSA'''

-->--'''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Miles Antwiler]]''' [[http://moviemoses.wordpress.com/2010/12/07/the-nutcracker-in-3d-2010-andrey-konchalovskiy/ on]] ''Film/TheNutcrackerIn3D''

->'' After all, where else do you see a ''Planet of the Apes'' ape crush Nazi John Turturro’s head in between his thighs? Where do you see jet pack wearing rats driving motorcycles with Gatling guns on the front? Where do you see a shark killed with fluorescent lighting as a means of highlighting the Nazis' plan to kill toy-kind? The festive holiday world of ''Nutcracker in 3D'' that’s where!''

-->-- '''Tony Stark,''' IronMan3

->'' After all, where else do you see a Planet of the Apes ape crush Nazi John Turturro’s head in between his thighs? Where do you see jet pack wearing rats driving motorcycles with Gatling guns on the front? Where do you see a shark killed with fluorescent lighting as a means of highlighting the Nazis' plan to kill toy-kind? The festive holiday world of ''Nutcracker in 3D'' that’s where!''

----

-->-- '''Linkara''', ''WebOriginal/AtopTheFourthWall''

-->-- '''{{Mystery Science Theater 3000}}''', [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZyJCV_dyug "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"]]

-->-- '''Linkara''', ''AtopTheFourthWall''

->''"'Oh, this doesn't have anything to do with the Christmas Spirit!' Fuck you! It's ''Film/DieHard''!"''
-->-- '''TheNostalgiaCritic'''

-->'''Joel:''' Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas... \\
'''Crow:''' Hey! What, like a good action sequence don't belong at Christmas?! \\
'''Joel:''' Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of a action sequence in a Christmas carol...\\
-- '''{{Mystery Science Theater 3000}}''', ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZyJCV_dyug Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas]]''

-->''Because it wouldn't be Christmas without guns and homicidal tendencies!''\\
-- '''Linkara''', ''AtopTheFourthWall''

-- '''{{Mystery Science Theatre 3000}}''', ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZyJCV_dyug Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas]]''