History Main / ToughLove

* ''Franchise/MassEffect'': If he survives the [[VideoGame/MassEffect1 first game]], this is essentially Urdnot Wrex's approach as leader of the krogan. Wrex is absolutely uncompromising and quite harsh in putting his reforms in place, because he knows that they are vital to survival of the krogan people and they face an imminent extinction if changes are not made and they don't convince the rest of the galaxy that they deserve a second chance. He may not win all of the popularity contests with the krogan, but everything he does is to their benefit. In the [[VideoGame/MassEffect3 third game]], if [[PlayerCharacter Shepard]] has supported his approach unwaveringly, he succeeds and the krogan are on the path to a new golden age.

* ''Franchise/MassEffect'': If he survives the first game, this is essentially Urdnot Wrex's approach as leader of the krogan. Wrex is absolutely uncompromising and quite harsh in putting his reforms in place, because he knows that they are vital to survival of the krogan people and they face an imminent extinction if changes are not made and they don't convince the rest of the galaxy that they deserve a second chance. He may not win all of the popularity contests with the krogan, but everything he does is to their benefit. If [[PlayerCharacter Shepard]] supports his approach unwaveringly, he succeeds and the krogan are on the path to a golden age and cultural renaissance.

* ''Film/{{Character}}'': Evidently Dreverhaven's whole motivation in how he treats his illegitimate son. Having not been involved in his son's life, he resolves to continually screw with him, apparently in the belief that it will make Jacob stronger. And it works, as Jacob becomes a successful lawyer largely to spite his father.

* One reading of ''Film/JacobsLadder'' applies this trope. [[spoiler:The monsters tormenting Jacob aren't actually monsters, but angels, working to break his grip on his material concerns as he dies so that he can enter Heaven free of all baggage. Another theory is that Louis is also an angel, and acting as the "carrot" to the monstrous angels's "stick".]]
* ''Film/LegendsOfTheFall'' has the Ludlow brothers who at first are rivals for their father's affections and then later on over the token [[TheChick chick]].

* Gayle in ''Film/SaveMe'' really, really believes she's employing this trope. It's, uh, a little more complex than that.
* ''Film/WonderWoman2017'': Diana's CoolAunt Antiope disobeyed her sister's orders and started training her niece in secret, and when Hippolyta finds out, she gives this as her reason. Antiope loved Diana as much as Hippolyta did, but knew that, regardless of what they wanted for her, [[spoiler:a confrontation with Ares was inevitable]]. Antiope felt the best way to protect Diana was to teach her how to protect herself. Hippolyta sways to her way of thinking and subsequently demands that Antiope train Diana harder than any Amazon before her, and won't settle for anything less than her daughter surpassing her sister as the Amazon's greatest warrior.

* ''Manga/JoJosBizarreAdventure'': George Joestar felt had to be stricter with his son Jonathan when Dio is adopted into the family. This unfortunately had some dire consequences, because Dio secretly takes advantage of his to torment Jonathan. He redeems himself when he [[HeroicSacrifice takes a knife to the back]] [[PapaWolf to protect his son]] when Dio attempts to stab Jonathan and become a vampire.
** Keicho Nijimura of Part 4 is incredibly harsh to younger brother Okuyasu. He regularly insults him and even almost killed him in one instance. It was all an effort to get Okuyasu to become more independent, but he veers toward being an AloofBigBrother a little touch much.

* ''Anime/{{Pokemon}}'': Misty would often encourage physical pain on her Psyduck in order to make it have a headache. That doesn't mean that she wanted to hurt it, but rather activate its psychic powers, which is a result from powerful headaches. However, she would be a little excessive when trying to do so.
** Downplayed, as this did fade after a while, She did also show this behavior to Ash (even if she was right, at the time before "Pokemon Black & White" came out, it came off as unnecessary).

* One might consider this as [[TheMeanBrit Simon Cowell's]] raison d'etre.

This trope is frequently used as justification for the actions of a KnightTemplarParent or sometimes the SinkOrSwimMentor if the relationship is neither familial nor quasi-parental. There can be a thin line to walk between practicing this trope and just coming off as another example of AbusiveParents. Expect a parent who HadToBeSharp while growing up to regard doing this as passing on vital experiences to their children, regardless of whether such skills are necessary in the current day. Wiki/TheOtherWiki has its own definition [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tough_love here]]. See CruelToBeKind for this trope taken to its extreme. In the GentleTouchVsFirmHand philosophy, this trope definitely leans to the latter. It's fondly used by a DrillSergeantNasty. Can lead to WasTooHardOnHim. Expect these kind of characters to believe that MiseryBuildsCharacter.

* ''Manga/KenichiTheMightiestDisciple'' gives poor Kenichi six masters, all of them incredibly brutal in their own way. All of them care a great deal about their disciple but still push him to the point of nearly dying from his training on a daily basis. As the story continues, the teachers [[UpToEleven increase the training]] for him to survive just the ruthless delinquents that come after him. When the Yami organization appears, however, the training [[SerialEscalation continually increases]]. However, the masters only go so far as they know Kenichi can take: if he's ever up against something that he honestly cannot handle, they ''will'' step in to save him. [[spoiler:That said, they have been known to kill him a few times; fortunately one of his masters can heal just about anything short of decapitation.]]

* In ''Manga/SailorMoon'': Rei Hino is notorious for this for her treatment of Usagi (especially in the 90s dub where her insults were taken Up to Eleven). She has done various rude things: insulting her hair style (90s dub) or intelligence (Viz dub and sub), crushed on Mamoru (this was before they even knew they liked each other but still), and is just overly harsh (to the point where next to Mamoru and Chibi-Usa, she is the most despised HateSink character). Now while sans Sailor Pluto, [[ButtMonkey everyone has been harsh with her]], Rei is iconic for this. Where does Tough Love come in because: she is shown (in the later seasons) to actually care a huge deal about Usagi, and even sounds more like a Tsundere at times.[[AwLookTheyReallyDoLoveEachOther In the Season 1 finale, she states how she did ENJOY fighting with her before dying. In "Sailor Stars", it's Rei who Usagi confines in with her relationship problems and Rei actually doesn't know why anyone would hurt her.]] So she clearly cares about her. This is also what 90s Rei fans use if anyone actually complains about it on a non-fanfiction site.
** Downplayed in "Sailor Moon Crystal" where due to her personality going back to being her original Kuudere self rather than her 90s Hot-Headded Tsundere self.
*** Even when Season 3 brought it back, it's treated more like teasing or BrutalHonesty than what her 90s counterpart would often dish out. However, her admiration for her is a lot more shown here.

* In ''VideoGame/Fallout4'', Strong the super mutant has a rather twisted (yet well-meaning, in his mind) way of this trope: [[BloodKnight by fighting and killing]].

** With ''{{VideoGame/Persona 4}}'''s [[LevelUpAtIntimacyFive Social Links]], the player is encouraged to do this with the use of {{Dialogue Tree}}s -- the Social Links all revolve around helping a person overcome their own issues, and the protagonist essentially serves a role like a therapist. Being [[BrutalHonesty blunt and honest]], but also fair and not belittling or insulting, is generally considered the best option, and will result in the most positive response and allow quicker progression through the Link. Many of the more blunt options require a certain amount of Courage, Expression, or Understanding to perform. By contrast, coddling or ignoring the problems will result in the worst responses, and make the Link slower to complete. This tie's into the game's CentralTheme of uncovering truths both about the world and about yourself, no matter [[AwfulTruth how terrible they may be]].

*** PlayerCharacter Joker gets this from Sojiro, his guardian while he's on probation in Tokyo. Since Joker's situation is ''extremely'' precarious and any trouble will result in him going to juvenile hall, Sojiro is quite strict at first, and is hesitant to trust Joker with anything. Furthermore, since Joker got in trouble while saving a woman from a drunk man [[spoiler:who happens to be a very powerful politician that eventually runs for Prime Minister]], Sojiro insists that Joker keep his head down and not cause any trouble for anyone. Late in his Confidant, Sojiro admits that he may have been wrong about this approach.
*** Sae Niijima, a prosecutor who ends up [[PromotionToParent looking after her younger sister Makoto after their father's death]], does this with Makoto. She's fairly strict with Makoto and [[EducationMama often insists that Makoto focus on her studies]], but it's shown that this is because Sae believes that the world is a harsh and competitive place, especially for women. Unfortunately, while Sae does love Makoto, her intentions are tainted because of her obsession with getting a promotion and her jealousy of Makoto, [[spoiler:desires that are distorted enough for Sae to have a Palace of her own]].

It should be noted that Tough Love is ''still'' an abuse trope, because the practice can be damaging and dangerous even if the one dishing it out [[WellIntentionedExtremist explicitly means well]]. YouAreNotAlone.

* ''Anime/CrossAnge'': Ange gives her bratty (and sadistic) little sister Sylvia some potshots after ''shooting a civilian in the face''. This makes her walk again and realize her own mistakes to the point that she ends up ''earning'' her royalty by butchering all the other bandits in the post-apocalyptia with some former royal staff, instead of bitching and whining like she did from episodes 9 to 23.

* in ''Manga/SailorMoon'': Rei Hino is notorious for this for her treatment of Usagi (especially in the 90s dub where her insults were taken Up to Eleven). She has done various rude things: insulting her hair style (90s dub) or intelligence (Viz dub and sub), crushed on Mamoru (this was before they even knew they liked each other but still), and is just overly harsh (to the point where next to Mamoru and Chibi-Usa, she is the most despised HateSink character). Now while sans Sailor Pluto, [[ButtMonkey everyone has been harsh with her]], Rei is iconic for this. Where does Tough Love come in because: she is shown (in the later seasons) to actually care a huge deal about Usagi, and even sounds more like a Tsundere at times.[[AwLookTheyReallyDoLoveEachOther In the season 1 finale, she states how she did ENJOY fighting with her before dying. In "Sailor Stars", it's Rei who Usagi confines in with her relationship problems and Rei actually doesn't know why anyone would hurt her.]] So she clearly cares about her. This is also what 90s Rei fans use if anyone actually complains about it on a non-fanfiction site.
** Downplayed in "Sailor Moon Crystal" where due to her personality going back to being her original Kuudere self rather than her 90s Hot-Headded Tsundere self.
*** Even when Season 3 brought it back, it's treated more like teasing or BrutalHonesty than what her 90s counterpart would often dish out. However, her admiration for her is a lot more shown here.

* In ''WesternAnimation/TheLionKingIISimbasPride'', [[WellDoneSonGuy Nuka]] endures this treatement from his mother [[EvilMatriarch Zira]], thinking that she favours Kovu as Scar's "Chosen One". This leads to an intense rivalry with Kovu, [[spoiler:eventually leading to Nuka's death when he tries to gain Zira's affection by killing Simba, only for him to be crushed by the falling logs that were meant to kill Simba]]. This is followed by Zira's first [[spoiler:and last]] on-screen act of affection for Nuka [[spoiler:when she frantically tries to save him and holds him as he dies]].

* ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire'' has several examples, played straight, subverted and even averted at times.

* Michael's father in the ''Literature/KnightAndRogueSeries'' is a firm believer of this. To give his son the steady, comfortable job of a steward, he's willing to crush Michael's dreams and even strip him of legal rights so he'll have no option but 'the best'.
* In ''Literature/TheDosadiExperiment'' by Creator/FrankHerbert ''loving parents'' (italics his) treat their offspring harshly to give them the strength and will to survive in a hostile and unforgiving world.
* Baloo the bear from ''Literature/TheJungleBook'' (not the [[WesternAnimation/TheJungleBook1967 Disney]] one) is the teacher of the young wolves of the pack ([[MyFriendsAndZoidberg and Mowgli]]), and he'll often cuff the wolves on the head or spank Mowgli for misbehaving. When Bagheera the black panther objects to the bear's stern methods towards Mowgli, Baloo remains firm in his belief of discipline.
--> "Better he should be bruised from head to foot by me who love him than that he should come to harm through ignorance."
* In ''Literature/TheDivineComedy'', the audience is made to expect Lady Beatrice to be graceful and lovely as any pure damsel could be, only for her to express her love to Dante by drilling him on his sins until he bursts into tears. The angels pity the poet, but Beatrice remains stern as an admiral while maintaining only tears can allow Dante to survive the entry into Paradise.

* A memorable example occurred in a season 6 episode of ''Series/{{Friends}}'' with Creator/BruceWillis's character demonstrating ManlyTears whilst reminiscing with [[TheDitz Rachel]] over his relationship with his father. Too bad this led to an excessive display of tears leading Rachel to dump him.

** With ''{{VideoGame/Persona 4}}'''s [[LevelUpAtIntimacyFive Social Links]], the player is encouraged to do this with the use of {{Dialogue Tree}}s - the Social Links all revolve around helping a person overcome their own issues, and the protagonist essentially serves a role like a therapist. Being [[BrutalHonesty blunt and honest]], but also fair and not belittling or insulting, is generally considered the best option, and will result in the most positive response and allow quicker progression through the Link. Many of the more blunt options require a certain amount of Courage, Expression, or Understanding to perform. By contrast, coddling or ignoring the problems will result in the worst responses, and make the Link slower to complete. This tie's into the game's CentralTheme of uncovering truths both about the world and about yourself, no matter [[AwfulTruth how terrible they may be]].

* In the backstory for ''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaBreathOfTheWild'', [[spoiler:King Rhoam treated Zelda with this as she strove to awaken her RoyaltySuperPower that she needed to defeat Calamity Ganon. On top of pushing her to undergo TrainingFromHell that involved extensive prayer at sacred springs (including one icy spring in which she had passed out), he also became a FantasyForbiddingFather, denying her the opportunity to study the ancient Sheikah {{Magitek}} that was being uncovered at the time so she would concentrate more on her training. Not only did Rhoam realize and deeply regret how this was ruining his relationship with his daughter, he also started slowly realizing that it was not helping her unlock her powers. Unfortunately, the very day he resolved to start treating her more kindly and maybe even let her study the Sheikah tech is the day Ganon returned, killed him, and destroyed Hyrule.]]
* In ''VideoGame/Fallout4'', Strong the super mutant has a rather twisted (yet well-meaning, in his mind) way of this trope: [[BloodKnight by fighting and killing]].

* In ''VideoGame/DeusExHumanRevolution'', Adam Jensen can use this trope in certain instances of TalkingTheMonsterToDeath - it's literally one of the selectable options in the case of [[spoiler:Sandoval]].
* Deconstructed in ''VideoGame/TheBrainsAndTheBrawn'' with Mayor James P. Ravena, who made his son, [[spoiler:Gale Ravena]], do hard, literal backbreaking labor (it was so severe that it gave his son constant back pain) and treated him as essentially a slave who does everything his father demands. When confronted about this by the titile duo, he claims that he did it to turn his LazyBum son into a hard worker who will be ready for the task of running Ravena. Instead, his son runs away from home and hates him so much that [[spoiler:he becomes the BigBad who masterminds the entire takeover of Ravena as a revenge plot, while also [[TheChainOfHarm becoming abusive]] to his girlfirned Jeanne and trying to make her capture and kill his father]].

* ''Webcomic/{{Drowtales}}'':
** This may be the case for how Quaintana views how she raises her children. However, her children (''not to mention readers of the comic'') view it as quite [[AbusiveParents the opposite]].
** A milder example comes from Chrystel's attempts to mold Faen into a stronger person. [[SubvertedTrope It worked about as well as you'd expect]].
* Eric Sakai from ''Webcomic/SoulSymphony'', a sophomore in high school, was forced to start learning to play violin by his grandparents when he was seven, was doing solo recitals at concert halls by twelve, and forced to start learning MORE string instruments by thirteen. He didn't want to, but it made him a [[ChildProdigy prodigy.]]

* ''WesternAnimation/AdventureTime'': The aim of the videos left behind by Finn and Jake's father in "Dad's Dungeon" was intended to make Finn tougher (he calls Finn a whiny baby and also makes Jake do the same). [[spoiler:It is only revealed at the end of the episode that Finn's father does, in fact, love him and was trying to make him tougher so that he may be stronger when fighting evil.]]

* ''WesternAnimation/BigHero6TheSeries'': [[SternTeacher Professor Granville]]. When Hiro thinks he can't complete an assigment because he's no good at it, she encourages him to try harder by saying "Mr. Hamada. ''I'm'' the one that gets to tell people they're no good. Don't take my favorite part of the job away."
* ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'': {{Deconstruction}} with Filbrick. His rough treatment of Stanley and Stanford did make them stronger, but it also left emotional scars that were so deep they carried them into their sixties. That and the fact that he [[TheSociopath didn't actually care]] [[AbusiveParents for either of them]].

* When Della Duck returns in ''WesternAnimation/DuckTales2017'', one of her flaws is being too lenient with Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Mrs. Beakley tries to stress to her the importance of tough love. She finally gets it at the end of the episode, "Timephoon!" when she puts her foot down and grounds Louie when one of his schemes goes too far and causes a rift in space and time, and nearly blinks the whole family out of existence.
* Shadow Weaver uses this as a justification for her [[AbusiveParent A+ parenting]] of Catra in ''WesternAnimation/SheRaAndThePrincessesOfPower'', claiming that her handling of a young Catra (which included regularly paralysing her with an immobilisation spell that clearly inflicted pain) was [[HadToBeSharp to make her strong enough to survive in the Horde]]. However, because Shadow Weaver [[UnreliableExpositor lies as easily as she breathes]], [[ItsAllAboutMe jettisons people the moment they are no longer useful to her]], and [[ManipulativeBastard says this while attempting to manipulate Catra]], it's hard to tell how much of it was genuine, if twisted, affection and how much of it is Shadow Weaver just ''genuinely being that awful''.

* In ''WesternAnimation/TheLionKingIISimbasPride'', [[WellDoneSonGuy Nuka]] endures this treatement from his mother [[EvilMatriarch Zira]], thinking that she favours Kovu as Scar's "Chosen One". This leads to an intense rivalry with Kovu, [[spoiler:eventually leading to Nuka's death when he tries to gain Zira's affection by killing Simba, only for him to be crushed by the falling logs that were meant to kill Simba.]] This is followed by Zira's first [[spoiler:and last]] on-screen act of affection for Nuka [[spoiler:when she frantically tries to save him and holds him as he dies.]]

* One reading of ''Film/JacobsLadder'' applies this trope. [[spoiler:The monsters tormenting Jacob aren't actually monsters, but angels, working to break his grip on his material concerns as he dies so that he can enter Heaven free of all baggage. Another theory is that Louis is also an angel, and acting as the "carrot" to the monstrous angels's "stick".]]