History Main / TheyreCalledPersonalIssuesForAReason

* ''Manga/AyakashiTriangle'': Suzu and Matsuri have been close friends [[ChildhoodFriends since early childhood]], but Matsuri never bothers to talk about his personal life apart from what she directly sees. For instance, Suzu had no idea Matsuri's mother moved away for work--even though he stayed to be with Suzu. She finds this a bit irritating, feeling as if Matsuri doesn't want her to be part of her life. The reality seems more that Matsuri is so overfocused on Suzu, [[InsecureLoveInterest he doesn't treat his own life as worth bringing up]].

* Kaoru says something along these lines at the beginning of ''Manga/RurouniKenshin'' when she invites Kenshin to live at the dojo with her, basically saying that what happened in his past is none of her business.

* ''Anime/CowboyBebop''. ''Everyone'' on the Bebop has issues (except Ein). Everyone knows that all the other people have issues too, but not what caused them. And none of them ever pry because Jet and Spike both believe heavily in this trope, Faye and Ed don't care, and Ein's a dog so it's not like he can just play therapist. The overall arc of the show is seeing how their old deeds come back to haunt them and how this slowly, gradually, makes them open up to each other.
* At the end of ''Anime/EdenOfTheEast'', after Saki successfully finds [[spoiler:Takizawa's mother, who abandoned him when he was five]], she vanishes without a trace. Saki brushes this off with "I guess she has reasons she can't tell anyone."
* Averted in ''Manga/{{Saiyuki}}'', surprisingly. At first glance, it seems like this would be the case since all four main characters [[WithFriendsLikeThese don't always get along]] and all have some extremely fucked up issues they definitely keep from everyday conversation. A couple situations help subvert it though. The first is that Goku HATES people keeping secrets from him, as seen when Gojyo's backstory is revealed (though it is Hakkai that tells that particular tale, Gojyo isn't the type to mind Goku knowing). The other is that the one who's most touchy about his issues, Hakkai, and who [[StepfordSmiler tends to bottle things up]] had all the others playing active roles in his backstory. In a [[WordOfGod profile]] of Hakkai, Minekura did state that Hakkai desperately wishes he could employ this trope sometimes.

* ''Manga/AyakashiTriangle'': Suzu and Matsuri have been close friends [[ChildhoodFriends since early childhood]], but Matsuri never bothers to talk about his personal life apart from what she directly sees. For instance, Suzu had no idea Matsuri's mother moved away for work--even though he stayed to be with Suzu. She finds this a bit irritating, feeling as if Matsuri doesn't want her to be part of her life. The reality seems more that Matsuri is so overfocused on Suzu, [[InsecureLoveInterest he doesn't treat his own life as worth bringing up]].

* In ''[[Fanfic/{{Cinderjuice}} The Bug Princess]]'', [[WesternAnimation/{{Beetlejuice}} Lydia]] is not in the least afraid to hang out with a bunch of dead people, nor even to be [[spoiler:partially turned into one through a MagicallyBindingContract]]. What does she fear? Nothing she's willing to discuss.
* ''Fanfic/ButYouGottaGetUpAtLeastOnceMore'': After finally confronting Bakugou about his bullying, Izuku needs time to process what happened. Unfortunately, Ochako isn't willing to give him that time or space, driven by a desire to find out exactly what happened between them out of the belief that knowledge could help her fix matters. This refusal to be LockedOutOfTheLoop ultimately hurts far more than it helps.

-->'''Charlie:''' What happened?
-->'''Left Ear:''' I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it, ''I'm'' deaf!
* ''Film/XMenFilmSeries''

* In ''Literature/InheritanceCycle'', Murtagh was fully prepared to spend his entire stay with the [[LaResistance Varden]] in "some rat hole chewing on hardtack" due to his refusal to allow them to read his memories. Although he had confided in Eragon beforehand, he didn't want the knowledge to spread that he was [[spoiler: the son of Morzan, the Rider who helped bring {{Big Bad}} Galbatorix to power.]]
* In ''Literature/RedeemingLove''--set in the Old West during the Gold Rush--once she's reformed and in love with Michael, Angel refuses to tell anyone about her past career as a prostitute. She deliberately dances around the subject when they meet their new neighbors, or when she acquires a job as a cook. They know she's hiding something, but are mostly kind enough not to press her too hard. [[spoiler: it eventually turns out that almost all of the people she deliberately hid it from found out at some point along the way and never held it against her.]]
* In ''Literature/TheKingkillerChronicle'', a great deal of the problems that the hero, Kvothe, has with his close friends and LoveInterest Denna stem from the fact that the evil group he's chasing isn't just terrifyingly powerful and to all appearances immortal, but so determined to staying secret that most people think they're mythological bogeymen. As such, none of his friends know the secret that is driving him. He also hides his [[PerpetualPoverty money troubles]] and his history as a [[OrphansOrdeal miserable, orphaned street child]] from his friends for fear of it colouring their relationships; for their part, they know he has some sort of DarkAndTroubledPast but choose to respect his privacy.
* In ''Literature/ToKillAMockingbird'', the sheriff makes the case for this on Boo Radley's behalf, arguing against making a heroic deed of his known to the rest of the town on the basis that he really does just want to be left alone and would not appreciate even exposure to public ''praise''. Everyone else concedes the wisdom of this, and the exact nature of his DarkAndTroubledPast is never made clear, which suggests this is the author's opinion as well.

* ''LightNovel/AscendanceOfABookworm'': This gets defied. When Myne is so worried about a conflict between her best friend Lutz and his parents that it distracts her from helping her mentor Ferdinand do his paperwork, Ferdinand decides it's his business and helps Myne figure out a possible solution.

** A straighter example is when Robin finds out that [[spoiler:she's infertile.]] She doesn't want to tell anyone because she thinks that their sympathy would just make things worse.
* In the third season of ''Series/{{Leverage}}'', it turns out that Eliot [[spoiler: used to work for the {{Big Bad}} that they've been chasing for most of the season]] and has not seen fit to enlighten the rest of his crew. He's not willing to elaborate on the details.
-->'''Eliot:''' The worst thing I ever did in my entire life, I did for Damien Moreau. And I-I'll never be clean of that.
-->'''Parker:''' What did you do?
-->'''Eliot:''' Don't ask me that, Parker. Because if you ask me, I'm gonna tell you. So please, don't ask me.
* Morgan from ''Series/{{Criminal Minds}}'' is willing to risk jail time and the destruction of his career rather than admit to his teammates that [[spoiler: he was sexually abused by the [[MonsterOfTheWeek UnSub of the week]]]]. [[TheProfiler They figure it out anyway]].
** DiscussedTrope at one point:
--->'''Hotch:''' There are larger implications. I can't have someone on this team who keeps secrets.\\
'''Gideon:''' Come on, Hotch, we all have secrets. Would you want us profiling you?

* ''Series/BrooklynNineNine'' has Rosa, who loathes telling people anything about herself. She'll mention personal details in the context of giving her opinion to other members of the precinct but goes into crisis mode when faced with the prospect of a dinner party where she'll have to talk about her family extensively.
-->'''Rosa''': (''with visible effort'') I have...''two'' sisters.
* ''Series/TheBarrier'': Rosa, the head servant of the house in which Hugo and Julia are part of the help, conisders that personal problems are allowed to exist, but should stay at home and not affect one's work.

* In-game at ''Roleplay/AbsitOmen'' the greatest example would be how Casey O'Doherty keeps his backstory hidden. Being born WrongGeneticSex and physically weak in a family of stereotypically evil Slytherins prompts an attempted super masculine outward persona in most of his interactions. This is coupled with different gendered personas as a form of mental rebellion. No matter which identity he acts under, Casey doesn't want anybody to find out who he really is.

* ''VideoGame/KingdomHearts358DaysOver2'' uses this as a handwave in Olympus Coliseum after Phil finds out that Roxas wasn't, in fact, referred to him by Hercules.
* Squall in ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVIII'' takes this attitude for a good half of the game, believing that everyone has to deal with their own personal issues on their own and there's no point in discussing them. The rest of the cast disagrees.

* Tragically used in ''VideoGame/BlazBlue''. Litchi Faye-Ling presents herself as a kindhearted and all-compassionate doctor, but she has a personal issue of contracting the corruption of the Boundary in her personal quest to save a friend, Arakune, to absolve her guilt and grief of losing him and is in danger of becoming a blob like him. She ''absolutely'' refuses to tell this personal issue to anyone else to not let them throw themselves in danger to help her, to the point that in almost everyone's eyes that actually knows what's going on (Kokonoe, Rachel, and even a portion of fandom), she comes off as an obsessed, egotistical, selfish woman who is too blinded by love to the point of stupidity, and the enemy team exploited that to [[ForcedIntoEvil get her to join them as much as she didn't want to.]]
* Alistair, in ''VideoGame/DragonAgeOrigins'', is unwilling to speak about his past prior to joining the Grey Wardens. If the [[PlayerCharacter Warden]] asks him about it, he obfuscates with silly stories about flying dogs who hated cheese. The plot of the game eventually forces him to reveal his secret to the player. [[spoiler:He's the bastard half-brother of the recently slaughtered king, and technically, the rightful heir to a throne he very much does not want.]]

* This trope comes into play in ''WebVideo/WhereTheBearsAre'', namely Todd's reasons for [[spoiler: not wanting to talk to the police in Season One.]] In Season Two, we find out that [[spoiler: his uncles were in the Mafia back in Philadelphia, he was in a gang, he has a record, and he came to Los Angeles to get away from all that.]]

** In ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverseFuture'', Steven only discovers months after the fact that Sadie and Lars [[OffscreenBreakup have not only broken up]], but that the former has already found a new romantic partner. [[ShipperOnDeck Steven]] is distressed by this development and assumed they had avoided talking to each other since Lars came back to Beach City. Both respond that they ''had'' been talking to each other the whole time, but felt no obligation to inform Steven of the details.

** In ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverseFuture'', Steven only discovers months after the fact that Sadie and Lars [[OffscreenBreakup decided not to hook up romantically]]. [[ShipperOnDeck Steven]] is distressed by this development and assumed they had avoided talking to each other since Lars came back to Beach City. Both respond that they ''had'' been talking to each other the whole time, but felt no obligation to inform Steven of the details.

** Luffy makes it clear that he doesn't care about the past when it comes to his TrueCompanions. This tendency is so strong that on the couple of occasions when a character's backstory has to be related in order to explain the current situation, Luffy simply ''falls asleep'', not to bother waking back up until the talking's over. This was first seen in the Arlong Park arc, when Nami's sister, Nojiko, prepares to explain Nami's past to the Straw Hats, only for Luffy to say that he doesn't care before immediately leaving on a walk. When Luffy's own past is revealed, it turns out this tendency has roots: [[spoiler: his first set of TrueCompanions were his two surrogate brothers -- one a nobleman in a setting where AristocratsAreEvil, and one the son of the infamous Pirate King -- who were raised by Luffy's grandfather, a Marine hero, alongside a dreaded mountain bandit.]] Because of this unusual background, Luffy firmly believes that a person's past doesn't matter at all.

* ''Webcomic/TheInexplicableAdventuresOfBob''. When Fructose Riboflavin is at a very low point, alone in a dark room, he starts muttering to himself about the [[FreudianExcuse childhood tragedy]] that started him on his road to villainy. When he realizes Bob overheard him, Riboflavin [[http://bobadventures.comicgenesis.com/d/20100911.html doesn't take it well.]] He takes it even [[http://bobadventures.comicgenesis.com/d/20100914.html less well]] when Bob points out that said tragedy doesn't justify any of his crimes.

** ''Film/XMenFirstClass'': There's a hint that Charles had an unhappy childhood, but he simply chooses not to speak of it. After Erik makes a snide remark about his friend's wealth, Xavier's expression is a mixture of annoyance with a little bit of hurt, and Raven steps in between two men as if to "shield" her brother from Erik's not-so-nice comment. Although she says, "It was a hardship softened by me" in a light tone, there is no sarcasm in her voice, and Charles kisses her on the cheek as a quiet "thank you" for her support and understanding in what is a very sensitive matter to him.

* By all accounts, UsefulNotes/RichardNixon never shared his personal issues with anybody, including his closest friends, or even his wife. Considering how paranoid the man was - it was his paranoia that made him go through with [[{{Scandalgate}} the Watergate Hotel scandal]] - it makes a scary amount of sense.

* ''LightNovel/AscendanceOfABookworm'': This gets defied. When Myne is so worried about a conflict between her her friend Lutz and his parents that it distracts her from helping her mentor Ferdinand do his paperwork, Ferdinand decides it's his business and helps Myne figure out a possible solution.

** Likewise, Season 2 and 3 reveal Sabine never told the ''Ghost'' crew about her past beyond that the Empire did something to her family and that she was a disillusioned Imperial cadet. When she's forced to return home for the sake of the Rebellion, she reveals with some prying from Kanan that [[spoiler:she's responsible for creating a WeaponOfMassDestruction specifically meant to kill Mandalorians]].

KeepingSecretsSucks. We all know that. However, sometimes, the only thing that sucks more is telling those {{Dark Secret}}s. Not as common as some other StockAesops due to its status as a somewhat [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop Family-Unfriendly one]]. It serves as either a [[SubvertedTrope subversion]] or [[AvertedTrope aversion]] of the common belief that friends don't keep secrets from friends. The idea behind this is that everybody has certain things that they'd really rather not have to say, and it isn't right to force people to say those things just to satiate one's curiosity. Say TheAtoner wants to start over after his DarkAndTroubledPast, for example. Or say someone doesn't want anyone to find out about a tragedy that affected them previously and offer [[DontYouDarePityMe undesired sympathy]]. On the other hand, this usually does come with an exemption for if there's something they're keeping secret that affects you directly.

KeepingSecretsSucks. We all know that. However, sometimes, the only thing that sucks more is telling those {{Dark Secret}}s. Not as common as some other StockAesops due to its status as a somewhat [[FamilyUnfriendlyAesop Family Unfriendly one]]. It serves as either a [[SubvertedTrope subversion]] or [[AvertedTrope aversion]] of the common belief that friends don't keep secrets from friends. The idea behind this is that everybody has certain things that they'd really rather not have to say, and it isn't right to force people to say those things just to satiate one's curiosity. Say TheAtoner wants to start over after his DarkAndTroubledPast, for example. Or say someone doesn't want anyone to find out about a tragedy that affected them previously and offer [[DontYouDarePityMe undesired sympathy]]. On the other hand, this usually does come with an exemption for if there's something they're keeping secret that affects you directly.

[[folder: Anime and Manga ]]

* Averted in ''Manga/{{Saiyuki}}'', surprisingly. At first glance it seems like this would be the case, since all four main characters [[WithFriendsLikeThese don't always get along]] and all have some extremely fucked up issues they definitely keep from everyday conversation. A couple situations help subvert it though. The first is that Goku HATES people keeping secrets from him, as seen when Gojyo's backstory is revealed (though it is Hakkai that tells that particular tale, Gojyo isn't the type to mind Goku knowing). The other is that the one who's most touchy about his issues, Hakkai, and who [[StepfordSmiler tends to bottle things up]] had all the others playing active roles in his backstory. In a [[WordOfGod profile]] of Hakkai, Minekura did state that Hakkai desperately wishes he could employ this trope sometimes.

[[folder: Fan Works ]]

[[folder: Film ]]

** ''Film/XMenDaysOfFuturePast'': By 1973, Charles had never revealed to anyone--not even Raven, Erik or Hank--that as a nine-year-old kid, he thought he was going insane after his telepathy became active, and he didn't learn until he was twelve that he could in fact read other people's minds.

[[folder: Literature ]]

* During ''Literature/DrFranklinsIsland'' Semi and Miranda become very close, culminating in their first meeting in the white space. They'd had basically no secrets, but in that place everything is laid bare. Semi is angered to find Miranda is so much less confident and more desperate and pitiable than she had believed. Miranda is frightened by Semi's anger at this and at people who seem more confident than her. They reconcile, but don't like to be in the white space. Sometimes, you don't need all your secrets shared.

[[folder: Live-Action TV ]]

* Was sort of the aesop of a ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'' episode where Robin didn't want the group to know why she hates malls. Her secret eventually came out anyway thanks to Barney dredging it up, but she gets over it pretty quickly. So... the episode was about this but in the end there wasn't that much a point made either way because Robin ultimately didn't seem to mind that much that everyone found out.

* ''Series/BrooklynNineNine'' has Rosa, who loathes telling people anything about herself. She'll mention personal details in the context of giving her opinion to other members of the precinct, but goes into crisis mode when faced with the prospect of a dinner party where she'll have to talk about her family extensively.
--> '''Rosa''': (''with visible effort'') I have...''two'' sisters.

[[folder: Manhwa ]]

[[folder: Play-by-Post Games ]]

* In game at ''Roleplay/AbsitOmen'' the greatest example would be how Casey O'Doherty keeps his backstory hidden. Being born WrongGeneticSex and physically weak in a family of stereotypically evil Slytherins prompts an attempted super masculine outward persona in most of his interactions. This is coupled with different gendered personas as a form of mental rebellion. No matter which identity he acts under, Casey doesn't want anybody finding out who he really is.

[[folder: Video Games ]]

* Tragically used in ''VideoGame/BlazBlue''. Litchi Faye-Ling presents herself as a kindhearted and all-compassionate doctor, but she has a personal issue of contracting the corruption of the Boundary in her personal quest to save a friend, Arakune, to absolve her guilt and grief of losing him and is in danger of becoming a blob like him. She ''absolutely'' refuses to tell this personal issue to anyone else to not let them throw themselves in danger to help her, to the point that in mostly everyone's eyes that actually knows what's going on (Kokonoe, Rachel, and even a portion of fandom), she comes off as an obsessed, egotistical, selfish woman who is too blinded by love to the point of stupidity, and the enemy team exploited that to [[ForcedIntoEvil get her to join them as much as she didn't want to.]]

[[folder: Visual Novels ]]

** In Tsumihoroboshi-hen, Rena is distrustful of Keiichi because she learns that before he moved here [[spoiler:he started firing at little kids with an airsoft gun.]] He hadn't brought it up before because he was really guilty about it, but after this he goes and tells everyone else. None of them wanted to know since it frankly has nothing to do with them, rejecting Keiichi's assumption that friends should tell each other everything. Mion flat-out states that if having friends means confessing every single wrong you've ever done (particularly ones that don't matter anymore), then she doesn't want any friends.

[[folder: Web Comics ]]

[[folder: Web Original ]]

[[folder: Western Animation ]]

[[folder: Real Life ]]

* Ann Patchett was subject to this after writing a memoir about her friendship with the late poet Lucy Grealy. Grealy's family was upset that Patchett wrote about the ways their friendship was sometimes exhausting and unhealthy, and felt that it would leave a bad final impression of her on anyone who read it.

* Anak from ''Webcomic/TowerOfGod'' keeps it a secret that [[spoiler: her mother was a Princess of Zahard who eloped with a man and her parents were assassinated for that reason]]. [[MagnificentBastard Koon]] finds out and only indicates that Anak has some issues. [[TeamDad Ship Leesoo]] tells her it's alright to keep those secrets with her.

* ''WesternAnimation/SheRaAndThePrincessesOfPower'': Bow has known Glimmer for years without giving any details of his background or family [[spoiler:because Bow's family are pacifist [[DontTellMama who wouldn't approve of him fighting in the Rebellion]]]]. Glimmer doesn't have any problem with respecting his privacy, and when Adora tries to pry, she tries to stop her lest it damage their friendship.

** In ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverseFuture'', Steven only discovers months after the fact that Sadie and Lars [[OffscreenBreakup decided not to hook up romantically]]. [[ShipperOnDeck Steven]] is distressed by this development and assumed they had avoided talking to each other since Lars came back to Beach City. Both respond that they ''had'' been talking to each the whole time, but felt no obligation to inform Steven of the details.

--->'''Greg:''' Well, I fell in love with Rose Quartz, and she fell in love with Mr. Universe. Sure, she never told me she used to [[spoiler:be Pink Diamond]], but, heh, I never told her [[MeaningfulRename I used to be Gregory DeMayo]].

* By all accounts, UsefulNotes/RichardNixon was this. He never shared his personal issues with anybody, including his closest friends, or even his wife. Considering how paranoid the man was - it was his paranoia that made him go through with [[{{Scandalgate}} the Watergate Hotel scandal]] - it makes a scary amount of sense.

* In the ''WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender'' episode "Zuko Alone", the farmer who takes in Zuko says that his past is his own business. True enough, the revelation to the whole village that Zuko is the Fire Nation prince makes them all turn against him. In addition, while the Gaang know most of each others' tragedies, they have no idea how bad Zuko's childhood was (unless he told them offscreen).

** Luffy makes it clear that he doesn't care about the past when it comes to his TrueCompanions. This tendency is so strong that on the couple of occasions when a character's backstory has to be related in order to explain the current situation, Luffy simply ''falls asleep'', not to bother waking back up until the talking's over. This was first seen in the Arlong Park arc, when Nami's sister, Nojiko, prepares to explain Nami's past to the Straw Hats, only for Luffy to say that he doesn't care before immediately leaving on a walk. When Luffy's own past is revealed, it turns out this tendency has roots: [[spoiler: his first set of TrueCompanions were his two surrogate brothers -- one a nobleman in a setting where AristocratsAreEvil, and one the son of the infamous Pirate King -- who were raised by Luffy's grandfather, a Marine hero, alongside a dreaded mountain bandit.]] Because of this unusual background, Luffy firmly believes that a person's past doesn't mater at all.

* Tragically used in ''VideoGame/BlazBlue''. Litchi Faye-Ling presents herself as a kind hearted and all-compassionate doctor, but she has a personal issue of contracting the corruption of the Boundary in her personal quest to save a friend, Arakune, to absolve her guilt and grief of losing him and is in danger of becoming a blob like him. She ''absolutely'' refuses to tell this personal issue to anyone else to not let them throw themselves in danger to help her, to the point that in mostly everyone's eyes that actually knows what's going on (Kokonoe, Rachel, and even a portion of fandom), she comes off as an obsessed, egotistical, selfish woman who is too blinded by love to the point of stupidity, and the enemy team exploited that to [[ForcedIntoEvil get her to join them as much as she didn't want to.]]

** In ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverseFuture'', Steven only discovers months after the fact that Sadie and Lars [[OffscreenBreakup decided not to hook up romantically]]. [[ShipperOnDeck Steven]] is distressed by this development and assumed they had avoided talking to each other since Lars came back to Beach City. Both respond that they ''had'' been talking to each the whole time, but it wasn't something they felt obligated to keep Steven updated on.

** Luffy makes it clear that he doesn't care about the past when it comes to his TrueCompanions. This tendency is so strong that on the couple of occasions when a character's backstory has to be related in order to explain the current situation, Luffy simply ''falls asleep'', not to bother waking back up until the talking's over. This was first seen in the Arlong Park arc, when Nami's sister, Nojiko, prepares to explain Nami's past to the Straw Hats, only for Luffy to say that he doesn't care before immediately leaving on a walk. When Luffy's own past is revealed, it turns out this tendency has roots: [[spoiler: his first set of TrueCompanions were his two surrogate brothers -- one a nobleman in a setting where AristocratsAreEvil, and one the son of the infamous Pirate King -- who were raised by Luffy's grandfather, a Marine hero, alongside a dreaded mountain bandit. Because of this unusual background, Luffy firmly believes that a person's past doesn't mater at all.]]

* In ''Anime/GhostInTheShellStandAloneComplex'', Paz's DayInTheLimelight episode revolves around [[TheCasanova his habit of sleeping around]] and [[spoiler:[[StalkerWithACrush a girl]] he wanted to stay with but couldn't or so he told her]]. He basically tells everyone it's a personal matter (when he realises what's going on) and leaves behind an address so they can clean up the aftermath;