History Main / RamblingOldmanMonologue

->''"We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. Now where were we...oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."''
-->-- '''Abraham 'Grandpa' Simpson''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "[[Recap/TheSimpsonsS4E17LastExitToSpringfield Last Exit to Springfield]]"

** "I've actually got an interesting story about that, although I guess it's not so much interesting as it is long... and boring..."

---> ''"My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say 'dickety' 'cause ''[[[UsefulNotes/ImperialGermany the Kaiser]]'' had stolen our word 'twenty'. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. ... Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks, to discuss how I invented the 'terlet' (toilet)!"''

[[folder:Real Life? Real life will sneak up on ya, sonny! You gotta have reflexes like a cat! But not like our old barn cat. Ol' Sleepy, we called him, because he was always lazing about, didn't even try to catch rats...]]

[[folder:Radio? We used to call those things the "talk boxes!" Back during the war, we'd tune in between shifts to hear how our boys were doing over there. Why, it was the patriotic thing to do, by gum...]]

* ''The Last of How It Was'' is this, if the title didn't clue you in.
* Mr. Wojakowski in Connie Willis' ''Literature/{{Passage}}'' has a tendency of rambling off into WWII stories when he should be talking about his Near-Death Experiences. Then again, his WWII stories are mostly made up...
* OlderThanRadio: Creator/SamuelTaylorColeridge's ''Literature/TheRimeOfTheAncientMariner'', from 1798. The entire poem is the titular Ancient Mariner ([[Really700YearsOld seriously ancient]]) telling a young man on the way to a wedding how he came to be cursed...though he is actually compelled to do this rather than just rambling on senilely to anyone who will listen.
* Creator/MarkTwain's ''The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County''. The entire story is this. The narrator is looking for an acquaintance named Leonidas W. Smiley asks an old man named Simon Wheeler about him. Wheeler says he doesn't know Leonidas but does know a Jim Smiley. He then proceeds to tell the narrator the story of the jumping frog. When that story ends, Wheeler tries to tell the narrator another story about Jim's one-eyed crow as the narrator attempts to escape.

* The outdoor humorist Creator/PatrickMcManus has discussed this trope in some of his short stories. And in later years, offered up straight-up examples of it.

* In ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour'', when Winston Smith asks an elderly prole what life was like before the Party, he's unable to get a straight answer because the man keeps lapsing into these.
* ''Everybody'' in Joan Hess's Maggody mystery series talks like this, young or old. This makes questioning people insanely frustrating for Chief Hanks, or anyone else who wants a straight answer for that matter.
* The poem ''The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock'' reads as the ramblings of a lonely, forgetful, indecisive fellow.
* Victor Hugo's ''Literature/LesMiserables'' is made of this. Entire chapters, like "Waterloo", stem from this trope.

The tendency of an old person to go off on a long-winded rambling speech about no subject in particular at the drop of a hat. Somehow the old man never seems to actually get boring, though for some reason he has a hard time staying on topic, mixing in admonitions of today's youth with fond recollections of the past, anecdotes about fashion, detours into politics, and pretty much any other subject imaginable. If things get ''really'' bad, he'll start repeating himself.

* ''VideoGame/{{Bloodborne}}'', [[OldMaster Gehrman]] took it UpToEleven and does this all the time when he's '''''sleeping'''''.

* Abraham Simpson from ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' is a master of these. The one quoted at the top of the page, from "Last Exit to Springfield", is the most famous.

** In another episode, Abraham let Homer have one of these.

[[folder:Radio? We used to call those things the "talk boxes!" Back during the war, we'd tune in between shifts to hear how our boys were doing over there...]]

[[folder:Web Comics? Well ain't that interesting. You're saying I can just go on the internet and read comics without havin' to worry about getting ink on my hands? That reminds me of the time I fought a squid for his wristwatch....]]

[[folder:Live Action Films? Back in the day, those films only cost a quarter, and they let you come back as many times as you wanted before the theater closed for the day. Why, you could get a whole bushel of pop-o-corn for a nickel, you could!]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV? I didn't have a TV back in your day! When we wanted entertainment, we'd gather around the radio and tune in for the weekly thrillers. Least till my pa sold the radio to buy a tractor and a few cows for the farm.]]

[[folder:Music? Ah, that reminds me of the good old days, listening to the big jazz bands at the concert hall. Of course, I'm not allowed into the concert hall after I fought that possum for a scrap of Satchmo's shirt, but it was WORTH it, damn it!]]

[[folder:Video Games? I didn't have any newfangled video games to pass the time! If we wanted action, I'd get my toy peashooter out and play Cowboys n' Injuns with my brothers! I was always a cowboy of course.]]

[[folder:Live Action Films? Back in the day, those films only cost a quarter, and they let you come back as many times as you wanted before the theater closed for the day...]]

!!Examples? Back in my day, we had real examples! And we had to walk through the snow to get to them, uphill both ways!

* OlderThanRadio: Creator/SamuelTaylorColeridge's ''Literature/TheRimeOfTheAncientMariner'', from 1798. The entire poem is the Mariner telling a young man on the way to a wedding how he came to be cursed.

''[[DescribeTopicHere What? You want me to describe Rambling Old Man Monologue here? Well it was back in 1946, when I had just gotten my first tractor for the farm. My sister was getting ready for her first date, with Bob down the street. I remember when we'd used to play catch in the Wilkins' backyard, and had to run off every time their dog...]]''

[[folder:Music? Ah, that reminds me of the good old days, listening to the big jazz bands at the concert hall. Of course, I'm not allowed into the concert hall after I fought that possum for a scrap of Satchmo's shirt, but that fight was WORTH it, damn it!]]

* In ''Series/GameOfThrones'' Grand Maester Pycelle launches into a lengthy reminiscence about all the kings he's served. [[spoiler: To make Petyr, who Roz is spying for, [[ObfuscatingStupidity think he's going senile]] and declare his loyalty.]]

->''"We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. Now where were we...oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. I didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."''

[[folder:Literature? Kids these days don't know good literature if it bit them in the ear! Did I ever tell you about the time I hit Kaiser with a copy of ''To Kill a Mockingbird'' when he tried to steal my button collection?]]

[[folder:Literature? Kids these days don't know good literature if it bit them in the ear! Did I ever tell you about the time I hit Kaiser with a copy of ''To Kill a Mockingbird'' when he tried to steal my mustache collection?]]

!!Examples:

[[folder:Anime & Manga]]

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]

[[folder:Literature]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]

[[folder:Music]]

[[folder:Radio]]

[[folder:Video Games]]

[[folder:Visual Novels]]

[[folder:Web Comics]]

[[folder:Web Original]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]

[[folder:Real Life]]