History Main / FunnyAnsweringMachine

When a character lives in a modern setting, how do you show the audience or reader how quirky he or she is? Make that character an entertaining answering machine or voicemail message for callers to hear! They're also good for showing the audience a hint of the character's personality.

* {{Inverted}} with [[HatesSmallTalk Gibbs]] on ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', reinforcing his nature as TheQuietOne.

* If Joey and Chandler's answering machine in ''Series/{{Friends}}'' isn't enough ("Here comes the beep, you know what to do" - since it doesn't say who it is, allowed Chandler to date a woman who called the wrong number), Ross attempted one that made the duo groan ("[[{{Queen}} * stomp, stomp, clap!* We will, we will, call you back!]]").

* On ''Series/{{One Day at a Time|1974}}'' the family is going away for a Christmas vacation so they borrow an answering machine for the duration. The girls decide to record their greeting to the tune of "Silent Night."

* On ''Series/OneDayAtATime'' the family is going away for a Christmas vacation so they borrow an answering machine for the duration. The girls decide to record their greeting to the tune of "Silent Night."
-->''Leave your number when you hear the bee-ee-eep''
-->''U-unless you are a creep''

--'>''Malice:''' "Hello dere. Single, white, French-Canadian guy looking for married, Black, English girl dat, uh, oh, uh, bad message. Leave me somet'ing, I get it back to you."

-->''Buns:'' "You have reached my video voice mail, please leave me a message. And Gumpy, if this is you, leave me a message like the last one, I will send you a reply that explodes on impact. I am not kidding."
-->''Steroid:'' "Robert Gontarski is ummm... UNAVOIDABLE right now. Tell me who you are and what you want and maybe I put him in touch with you, maybe not."
-->''Fox:'' You've reached Cynthia Guzzman. I'm kind of... -giggle- tied up at the moment, but leave me a message and I'll call you. If you would rather not hear from me, breathe heavily. Just '''once'''.
--> ''Fidel:'' How this thing work? Fidel no here now... OK, I am here now, but I no be here when you get message, because if I here, you no get message, you get Fidel... One thing for sure, Fidel like to kill. And Fidel like money.
-->''Malice:'' "Hello dere. Single, white, French-Canadian guy looking for married, Black, English girl dat, uh, oh, uh, bad message. Leave me somet'ing, I get it back to you."

* SelfDemonstrating/TheJoker has one in ''WesternAnimation/BatmanTheAnimatedSeries''. Naturally, it's also disturbing ([[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WQqstqo4Sw Watch here]]).

* Vincent Martella has gone on record as having recorded his family's answering machine message in character as [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb Phineas Flynn]], which has caused several sound only [[DoubleTake Double Takes]].

** Castiel also complains about Sam's voicemail being "too long, and the sound of your voice is grating." From the numerous times we've heard Sam's message over the course of the series, it's not particularly long.
*** At the time, Castiel had recently drunk a liquor store, so his irritation and perception of a grating voice could have just been an utterly massive hangover.

* On WWE Raw, ShawnMichaels doesn't show up one night, so TripleH decides to call his cell phone and ends up getting his [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp-jLUKCBS0 voicemail]]. HilarityEnsues.

* During the 1990s, when answering machines came down in price and became more common in American households, several companies released novelty answering machine greetings. Standard comedy skits and parodies of famous characters were used in greetings, in lieu of the standard, "Hello, you've reached (name); we're not able to answer now, so please leave a message and we'll call back as soon as possible." Popular for a time, many people soon found the dull-but-tried-and-true greetings worked best and gave the most favorable impression.

When a character lives in a modern setting, how do you show the audience or reader how quirky he or she is? Make that character an entertaining answering machine message for callers to hear! They're also good for showing the audience a hint of the character's personality.

* In ''{{Zits}}'', Jeremy Duncan makes a message where he simply farts into the phone: "Leave a message at the sound of the 'frap'." And in an early strip, "You have reached the number you called. Blah, blah, blah. If you actually need further instructions, well, that's just pathetic."

* In TheWolfAmongUs, BeautyAndTheBeast have an answering machine that says ([[OverlyLongGag at considerable length]] and in [[StepfordSmiler an incredibly over-the-top happy tone]]) that they can't come to the phone right now because they're out having a great time. Considering they're [[spoiler: neck-deep in debt to a loan shark they're trying to avoid, the message is not only BlatantLies, but when the enforcer harassing them is ''finally'' able to leave his own message, the first thing he does is threaten dire repercussions if he has to listen to it one more time]].

* To promote ''Series/JessicaJones2015'' season two, Marvel Studios posted [[https://twitter.com/JessicaJones/status/688775449359421440 the name and phone number]] of Jessica's detective agency online. People who dialed the number would hear this greeting:
-->'''[[Creator/KrystenRitter Jessica]]:''' Alias Investigations. We've got cases sand shit, so leave a message.

* A ''Series/KidsInTheHall'' sketch revolves around a couple trying to record their outgoing message. The wife wants a simple, straightforward message while the husband wants something clever. While attempting to record their message, they have an argument while the tape is still running. A friend calls in and hears their message, which contains the argument. The caller laughs and congratulates the couple on creating their funniest message yet.

** An actual strip (April 27, 2008) has Liz call and hear him fighting with Garfield in the recording (and it's implied that he'd JUST been recording it a short while before). As in the ''KidsInTheHall'' example, she likes it and says it's funny.

* "Hi, this is Suzy. I'm not at home, but please leave a message at the tone... Unless you're [[{{Garfield}} Jon Arbuckle]], in which case the machine will automatically hung up."
** An episode of ''GarfieldAndFriends'' had a message where Jon was being assaulted by Garfield and Odie while recording.

* ''{{Swingers}}'' features a funny answering machine, even though the message is completely normal. It seems the main character has his machine to spout out encouragements to him, as after he checks it says, in its robotic voice, comments like "She's not worth it" and "There are other fish in the sea."
* In ''TheDinnerGame'', (French: ''Le Diner De Cons''), François Pignon has such a message.

* ''MeetTheFockers'' has Greg calling his parents and getting the machine, which includes the standard message and then his parents yelling about how to turn the recorder off.

* Hilariously subverted in ''LAStory'', in which Steve Martin answers the phone in a pitch perfect parody of an answering machine message:

* George's classic [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caoYdiq3kak message]] from ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}'', sung to the tune of the theme from ''TheGreatestAmericanHero''.

* In a sketch on the ''TheTraceyUllmanShow'', Tracey played a single girl whose recorded calls all indicated that her answering machine message made her sound sick or depressed (one, a wrong number, referred her to a suicide hotline). In response Tracey hired a studio band and recorded an elaborate message to the tune of "Something's Coming" from ''Theatre/WestSideStory''. When she came home the next day and eagerly prepared to listen to her messages, all she received was a long line of beeps, indicating that the callers had gotten fed up waiting for the song to end and hung up.
* In one episode of ''MamasFamily'', Mama gets an answering machine and each person's attempt to record an outgoing message reflects their personality: Iola does it in a drab monotone, Naomi does it in a sexy, seductive voice with a kiss at the end (Mama: "It's supposed to be a phone message, not foreplay!"), Bubba shows off by doing it Elvis-style, and Vint just describes the machine on his message. They finally settle on Mama's short but not-so-sweet "It's your dime, spill it!"
* Not always funny, but on ''TheRockfordFiles'', Jim Rockford's message machine was the introduction to the episode, often leaving the audience with an idea of either the trouble Jim was up to or the personality of Jim's new client.

* On the show ''Sisters'', when after one sister's husband is killed, we see her sitting alone in their bedroom, repeatedly listening to their answering machine message, which includes him mock-angrily demanding that callers leave them alone, since they're newlyweds.

* A ''KidsInTheHall'' sketch revolves around a couple trying to record their outgoing message. The wife wants a simple, straightforward message while the husband wants something clever. While attempting to record their message, they have an argument while the tape is still running. A friend calls in and hears their message, which contains the argument. The caller laughs and congratulates the couple on creating their funniest message yet.