History Main / AsbestosFreeCereal

* After the gluten free craze, a lot of products have started proudly claiming to be gluten free, that never would contained any gluten under any stretch of the imagination. Like corn products, fruits, and ''Salt'' (see non-GMO salt above).

** One frozen pizza brand brags about its "plant-based" cauliflower crust, as though traditional pizza crusts have always been made from pressed ham (for those who are slow on the uptake, bread is usually made from grains and grains are, indeed, also plants).

** A restaurant sign extols passersby to "try our new gluten-free fries!" Potatoes normally don't have any gluten.

** Another spotted-in-the-wild example of gluten fever: gluten-free shredded coconut. And, in the same shop, gluten-free lentils. Not even a grass, people.
** Same shop, same manufacturer -- gluten-free ''baking soda''. Which has no right to be contaminated by gluten in any way during production, because it's made by, basically, mixing two chemical solutions and waiting for the soda to appear.
** Also spotted in the wild: gluten free pizza. In and of itself, understandable (as there are people with gluten sensitivities). But the fine print: "Not suitable for individuals with celiac disease." Which is the main reason someone would avoid gluten to begin with! That's like selling insulin and saying it's not suitable for anyone with diabetes.
** Gluten free ''markers'', however, are just absurd.

* The label on bottled mineral waters, such as [=Hydr8=], boast that it's completely free of sugar, calories and colouring. Of course, this is true of water in general. You might as well brag that "This novel from Random House all include words that you can read to get a story!" The only difference is, it's possible to make an unreadable book. If you've managed to make water that contains one of those ingredients without additives, then you're a RealityWarper and [[ReedRichardsIsUseless what are you doing selling water in the first place?]]

** Nutella's main sales-argument is 'gives you energy'; yeah, refined sugar tends to do that. Sugar is also the main ingredient in 'energy-drinks', with the caffeine and taurine more of an afterthought.
** In the US, they claim that being made with "hazelnuts, skim milk, and a hint of cocoa" mean it's a great snack for your kids, and that it can be put on healthy foods to make them taste better. Problem is, they leave out the large amount of sugar, and that you'd probably be better off using peanut butter on your whole-grain toast (see above for why that's not necessarily a great claim, either).
** The reason for this advertising? Nutella was marketed as "gives you energy" in post-UsefulNotes/WorldWarII Italy, where its dense calorie content was helpful for giving Italian children a cheap, quick rush of energy with their breakfast. In America? Not so much.
** If one looks at the calorie count for Nutella, it's true, it really does give you energy. If you're using it on a sandwich, maybe more than a quarter of all your energy in the day, maybe more than half!

* An advertisement for a device amplifying one's hearing starts out by cheerfully saying "Wouldn't you love to have SONIC HEARING?!" 'Sonic' is, by definition, a part of hearing.

* A brand of cheese advertises that it's made with "100% fresh milk". Given that cheese is milk that's gone bad, fresh milk isn't exactly an asset when making it.

* Many fast-food joints will also make a big to-do about "fresh, never frozen" meat in their marketing. Putting fresh meat in your home freezer will make a very noticeable difference in quality, since the process is slow and the water inside will form big ice crystals, rupturing cell walls and causing a lot of moisture to weep out upon thawing, giving you dry and less flavorful meat. Customers are meant to assume this is what restaurants who use frozen meat are doing, too, but that is false. Pre-frozen foods are always instantly flash-frozen using extreme cold, meaning that ice crystals don't have time to form and the meat thaws out with the same consistency and texture it had when fresh; anyone with a refined enough palate to tell the difference probably isn't eating fast food to begin with.

* Any time an item is described as "military-grade," such as weaponry, camping gear, baggage, and so on, this is a meaningless marketing buzzword that anyone can slap on a label. If the item is actually used by the military, that means the government gave the contract to the lowest-bidding company and the item is dirt-cheap, offering the barest minimum level of acceptable function and reliability. "Military-grade" is the floor in terms of quality, not the ceiling, and people that have served will ''avoid'' such items in their civilian lives. At best, the claim is used to jack up the price for people who don't know better. At worst, the claim is actually true.

* Any time an item is described as "military-grade," such as weaponry, camping gear, baggage, and so on, this is a meaningless marketing buzzword that anyone can slap on a label. If the item is actually used by the military, that means the government gave the contract to the lowest-bidding company and the item is dirt-cheap, offering the barest minimum level of acceptable function and reliability. "Military-grade" is the floor in terms of quality, not the ceiling, and most people that have served will ''avoid'' such items in their civilian lives. At best, the claim is used to jack up the price for people who don't know better. At worst, the claim is actually true.

* Any time an item is described as "military-grade," such as weaponry, camping gear, baggage, and so on, this is a meaningless marketing buzzword that anyone can slap on a label. If the item is actually used by the military, that means the government gave the contract to the lowest-bidding company and the item is dirt-cheap, offering the barest minimum level of acceptable function and reliability. "Military-grade" is the ground in terms of quality, not the sky, and most people that have served will ''avoid'' such items in their civilian lives. They know that at best, the claim is a lie used to jack up the price for people who don't know better. At worst, the claim is actually true.

* Any time an item is described as "military-grade," such as weaponry, camping gear, baggage, and so on, this is a meaningless marketing buzzword that anyone can slap on a label. If the item is actually used by the military and is thus "military grade," that means the government gave the contract to the lowest-bidding company and the item offers the barest minimum level of acceptable function and reliability. Not exactly a glowing endorsement. In fact, most people that have served will ''avoid'' anything deemed military grade in their civilian lives. At best, the claim is a lie used to jack up the price for people who don't know better. At worst, the claim is actually true.