History Funny / ZeroPunctuation1

* "Yes, it's real-time strategy; a genre which, as the whinier of my correspondence have repeatedly made me '''''[[SurpriseCreepy very]]''''' much aware, I have neglected up to now."

* When comparing the two protagonists: "I had to laugh at a moment when I was on a mission, plowing a tank through a crowded street, and over the agonized screams, Alex said: "Gawrsh, I sure hope this is the right thing to do!" It's like if Series/MrBean were a mass murderer."
* "A sandbox is only as good as the method by which you get around it, and Cole has a tendency to get bogged down with climbing, while Alex can shoot blood out of his wrists at jet engine velocity and ''fly'', like emo Peter Pan." ("THINK WHINY THOUGHTS")

* While talking about the development team, Team Ninja: "...''VideoGame/DeadOrAlive: Extreme Beach Volleyball'', or, as it's sometimes known, ''BOING!''"

* Admitting that he can't find any serious problems with ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}'': "This is the most fun you'll have with your PC until they invent [[ADateWithRosiePalms a force-feedback codpiece]]."

* His praise of "Sightjacking" as an interesting concept, [[VisualPun portrayed as an eyeball]] on ADateWithRosiePalms.

-->"So what's the point of having two different experience levels?" you ask. "Well, it's like my right hand on a Sunday night," I say. "Why's that?" you ask. [[ADateWithRosiePalms "IT BEATS THE FUCK OUT OF ME!"]]

** "...Then at the end of your shift, the game instructs you to drive straight home with nothing to do but [[GottaCatchThemAll collect]] ''Magazine/{{Playboy}}'' centerfolds that the adult equivalent of the EasterBunny has left lying around, before having [[HyperactiveMetabolism a quick sandwich]] and [[ADateWithRosiePalms a wank]] before bed. Some people have said this should be [[OopNorth judged]] as an interactive drama rather than a game, but this only works if the drama repeatedly switches between two different theaters that are five-minutes drive from each other."

'''Ed:''' [[ADateWithRosiePalms Wanks daily]][[note]]And after Jim turns evil and decapitates him, Ed's personality description naturally changes to "[[CaptainObvious Is dead]]"[[/note]]\\

* ''"Umbrella Chronicles'' is a heavily cut-down retread of [[VideoGame/ResidentEvil three of]] [[VideoGame/ResidentEvil3 the major]] [[VideoGame/ResidentEvil0 Resident Evil games]], starring WesternAnimation/JohnnyBravo[[note]]Albert Wesker[[/note]], a prostitute[[note]]Jill Valentine[[/note]], an idiot[[note]]Chris Redfield[[/note]], a mullet[[note]]Billy Coen[[/note]], a [[LadyLooksLikeADude nine year-old boy]][[note]]Rebecca Chambers[[/note]], a brick shithouse[[note]]the Tyrant[[/note]], and [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg Carlos]][[note]][[CaptainObvious Carlos Oliveira]][[/note]]."

* Yahtzee states that the clearest sign he knew he'd hate the game was when it made a ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}'' ShoutOut [[DiscreditedMeme in]] [[WereStillRelevantDammit 2010]].

* The opening TakeThat towards Christianity, and how ancient cultures are much more interesting.

* Yahtzee deciding to roleplay his experience of the game with this review, complete with the sassy 50's jazz music playing in each interlude between the days spent in the game world.

** Made funnier by the fact that [[https://v1.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/video-games/columns/extra-punctuation/6228-Yahtzee-s-Prototype-vs-InFamous-Challenge Sucker Punch and Radical actually went through with it.]]

* The scene which introduces the Imp character, also works as a perfect demonstration of Yahtzee's wit and prose at its best.

* The scene which introduces of the Imp character, also works as a perfect demonstration of Yahtzee's wit and prose at its best.

-->Drake is generically handsome beneath his strategically placed grime and inexplicably green designer stubble, supernaturally athletic despite his ceaseless grunts of exertion and retarded gibbon arm-flailing jumping technique, and constantly spouts appalling wit and panicky self-effacements in the hope that you don't notice that he is a remorseless career thief who kills more foreigners than malaria, although having rid the world of blacks, Asians and Latinos in the last game he has now moved on to non-American whites.

* "Personally at this point, I’d only consider buying the full version of ''The Darkness'' if it came down to budget price. And they threw in [[VideoGame/BeyondGoodAndEvil another, better game.]] And some cake. And Belgium."

* Yahtzee casually drops the fact that the EvilBrit BigBad dies near the end and is replaced by "a more ethnic final boss".

** The actual comparison comes up when Yahtzee ponders on how the Sims inhabiting the town are very easily to make happy:
--->I set out to make a brutal, authoritarian dictatorship because it makes my balls feel big. So all my workplaces were things like thought police headquarters and all the venues were propaganda theaters, and most of the gormless fuckers were still "content" or "elated". ''Christ'', this must be how Nazi Germany started!\\

--> "I remember wondering why no one wanted to live in the nice houses I built right next to the nuclear power station. It made sense to me; it meant the electricity wouldn't have to travel so far, and as such would be less tired and more efficient. I also had difficulty grasping the notion that further-away buildings had to be connected to the station with wires. [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I just assumed the little flashing lightning bolt icon meant the people in the house were listening to]] Music/{{ACDC}}." ''*cue his avatar looking on and saying "SWEET"*''

* Yahtzee struggling to come up with a witty zinger towards ''VideoGame/{{Bayonetta}}:

* "VideoGame/{{Bayonetta}}! As in 'Hey, yo' betta not play this game-' OH, FUCK YOU!"

* [[ItMakesSenseInContext Hookers don’t wear suits of armor… except at [=E3=].]]

-->'''Yahtzee:''' Also, there’s a subplot about [Sam’s] missing wife, and the twist that resolves that subplot ''is officially the most retarted thing I’ve heard'' since I called the Walrus Hotline!

** Topped during the middle of the video when he "finishes" the review, where [[spoiler: [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment Yahtzee shaking his butt to "Soul Bossa Nova" with googly eyes glued to his boxers]]]].

* After going on about how he doesn't care about the only new release games (''Street Fighter IV'' and ''Killzone II'') because of {{Sequelitis}}, he moves on to the game he wants to review:
-->It's a ''Spider-Man'' game, which admittedly there have been around thirty of, but I'm validated as long as there's no number on the end, although I may feel the need to ''[[{{Emo}} cut myself and weep]].''

* "...there's a paradigm system that lets you change the AI behavior in battle, but I still feel my grip on events is rather loose, and it all feels about as involving as Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots." ''[imp punches one black FFXIII character like a Rock 'em Sock 'em Robot]''