History Funny / UrinatingTreeThisWeekInSportsballNFL2

* The Steelers-Ravens matchup is a close affair of the two dominant powers in the AFC North, and Tree covers the game with the gravitas such contest deserves. But when the dust settles, his beloved Steelers are standing tall as the only remaining undefeated team in the NFL, awakening from it's slumber a force not seen in almost two years:

* Special guest [=Hiei2k7=] (AKA One Angry Meathead)[[note]]A moderator of the [[{{Website/Reddit}} /r/[=UrinatingTree=] subreddit]].[[/note]] channels the late Billy Mays as the Bears' offense grinds to a halt in a 24-17 loss to the Titans:

'''UT''': ''[in RattlingOffLegal voice]'' To order, please send cash, cheque, or a sealed blood contract to Virginia [=McCaskey's=] Soul Chamber, 1920 Football Drive, Lake Forest, IL 60045. Products ordered will be delivered in roughly two to four weeks. The maker of this product is not responsible for the corruption of the team in question or desire to undo past drafting mistakes. Offer not valid in Michigan, Minnesota, or Wisconsin.[[note]]The respectiv e home states of the other NFC North teams: the Lions, the Vikings, and the Packers.[[/note]]

''[At 1st and 10 on their own 35-yard line, Washington's Kyle Allen fires a pass to running back Antonio Gibson, who makes it to the Giants' 44-yard line before being tackled by Blake Martinez... and, as comedy music begins playing, Gibson fumbles the ball to the "Franchise/{{Sonic|TheHedgehog}} loses all of his rings" sound effect; the Giants' David Mayo tries to grab the ball, but it slips out of his hands with a ''Sonic'' "pinball bumper" sound effect; his teammate Isaac Yiadom can't get to the ball in time and falls over trying to turn around with, respectively, the stock "BRUH!" and "Oh NO!" clips; Washington's Logan Thomas reaches the ball and tries to grab it... and it slips out of his hands with another "pinball bumper" sound effect as he falls over with a slide whistle effect; players on both teams pile onto the ball with ''Madden'' sound effects, then a ''Sonic'' "wrong way" buzzer as the ball slips from under the pile; Washington's Terry [=McLaurin=] makes another grab for the ball while still on the ground, but it slips out of his hands with another "pinball bumper" sound effect; ''finally'', the Giants' Jabrill Peppers gets control of the ball on his team's 19-yard line with a ''VideoGame/SuperMario64'' Thwomp sound effect. All in less time than it takes to read this description]''\\

'''UT''': Just like raising a Jets fan, there would be nothing but abuse. The Patriots win and keep their playoff hopes alive. Jets fans celebrate and gain false hope that their shithole organization won't utterly ruin whomever they draft. ''[as Nick Folk kicks a 51-yard field goal as the clock runs out to hand the game to the Patriots, 30-27]'' Everyone else is livid because they can't dunk on a former dynasty. The New York Jets, everyone!\\

* Special guest [=Hiei2k7=] AKA One Angry Meathead channels the late Billy Mays as the Bears' offense grinds to a halt in a 24-17 loss to the Titans:

* New season, new intro for Sportsball - Tree eschews the NFL on FOX theme for the Monday Night Football theme with the highlights being a multitude of fumbles, dropped passes, Andy Reid's gigantic face shield, Cincinnati's kicker pulling his hamstring missing a game-winner, and the cherry on top is Kevin Harlan's gleeful cry of "I'M CALLING BOTH GAMES" from the last regular season week of the 2019 season as Miami beat New England.

'''UT''': Guess what? The team that fumbled four times in one quarter is coming back on them! You wonder ''why'' they keep getting by the big boys in business and in life? It's because of bullshit like this! 'Now Tree,' you say, 'you're being too harsh. [[TemptingFate Atlanta won't blow this onside kick]].' ''[with less than two minutes remaining and only behind 37-39, Dallas made their onside kick and no Atlanta player made a dive for it, making it a successful attempt by Dallas, musical stinger as [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehogSpinball Robotnik's laughter is heard]]]'' Oh my gentle Jesus, just '''[[SuddenlyShouting FALL ON THE FUCKING BALL, YOU USELESS LITTLE SHITS]]!''' Oh, god. ''[the win probability chart appears, [[EpicFail with Atlanta having a 99.9% chance of winning with three minutes remaining]]]'' The Falcons blew another big lead. The Falcons choked again! ''[UT laughs as the Series/CurbYourEnthusiasm theme plays, a literal dumpster fire and SarcasticClapping appears, Mr. Kincade from the WesternAnimation/SouthPark episode "Guitar Queer-o" says "You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!", the Cowboys score the game-winning field goal as the game ends]'' Good work, Atlanta, for this failure leads you to being our Lolcow of the Week! This team is a fucking joke!\\

-->'''UT''': Buffalo isn't even making this into a contest, as they posted a twenty-eight to- [[DoubleTake twenty-eight to three]]? Oh my god, OH MY GOD! The fools have no idea what they've done! I have to warn them! ''[phone dials, some indecipherable chatter is heard on the other side of the line as the Rams begin to rally]'' Is this the Pentagon? Get me the President! No, I don't care if I have clearance or not, the Buffalo Bills have walked right into a trap! Don't ask me how I got this number, I don't know, either! Just send the message to the Bills! They need to know before it's too late!... Yes, I'll have a stuffed crust pizza with extra pepperoni...and breadsticks, too. Yes, yes, I'll clean up my room. I love you too, mom. [''phone disconnects as the Rams are now only behind 25-28 and on the verge of scoring a touchdown''] Goddammit, I couldn't get the message to them! Now the Bills have pissed away a 25-point lead ''[Film/BillyMadison yells "YOU BLEW IT!"]'' and have to come back in a game they should have easily won.[[note]]Unlike Super Bowl 51, the Bills would go on to win the game 35-32 due to the Rams getting flagged for a questionable pass interference call, and the Bills scoring the game winning TD with seconds to play.[[/note]]

-->'''UT''': [''1st and Goal with just over a minute to go, Falcons only behind 16-14''] All they have to do is burn clock and- ''[[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Todd_Gurley Todd Gurley]] successfully runs down the middle and scores a quick touchdown, making it 16-22]'' GURLEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE GIVING DETROIT THE BALL BACK, YOU '''FOOL'''! [''cue past footage of Gurley running way back to close to his own end zone before being tackled''] Weren't you the one that made that really smart play two years ago with the Rams?\\

* Special guest [=Hiei2k7=] AKA One Angry Meathead channels the late Billy Mays as the Bears' offence grinds to a halt in a 24-17 loss to the Titans:

'''UT''': ''[in RattlingOffLegal voice]'' To order, please send cash, cheque, or a sealed blood contract to Virginia [=McCaskey's=] Soul Chamber, 1920 Football Drive, Lake Forest, IL 60045. Products ordered will be delivered in roughly two to four weeks. The maker of this product is not responsible for the corruption of the team in question or desire to undo past drafting mistakes. Offer not valid in Michigan, Minnesota, or Wisconsin.[[note]]Home states of the other NFC North teams: respectively the Lions, the Vikings, and the Packers.[[/note]]

* This week's Tank Division (''i.e.'', NFC East) matchup, subtitled "Tank Bowl X", pits the New York Giants against the Washington Football Team. The tone is set by a hilarious display of ineptitude by both teams in the first quarter as a fumble recovery goes comically awry (so much so that it made this episode's opening montage):

''[at 1st and 10 on their own 35-yard line, Washington's Kyle Allen fires a pass to running back Antonio Gibson, who makes it to the Giants' 44-yard line before being tackled by Blake Martinez... and, as comedy music begins playing, Gibson fumbles the ball to the "Franchise/{{Sonic|TheHedgehog}} loses all of his rings" sound effect; the Giants' David Mayo tries to grab the ball, but it slips out of his hands with a ''Sonic'' "pinball bumper" sound effect; his teammate Isaac Yiadom can't get to the ball in time and falls over trying to turn around with, respectively, the stock "BRUH!" and "Oh NO!" clips; Washington's Logan Thomas reaches the ball and tries to grab it... and it slips out of his hands with another "pinball bumper" sound effect as he falls over with a slide whistle effect; players on both teams pile onto the ball with ''Madden'' sound effects, then a ''Sonic'' "wrong way" buzzer as the ball slips from under the pile; Washington's Terry [=McLaurin=] makes another grab for the ball while still on the ground, but it slips out of his hands with another "pinball bumper" sound effect; ''finally'', the Giants' Jabrill Peppers gets control of the ball on his team's 19-yard line with a ''VideoGame/SuperMario64'' Thwomp sound effect. All in less time than it takes to read this description]''\\

'''UT''': Just like raising a Jets fan, there would be nothing but abuse. The Patriots win and keep their playoff hopes alive. Jets fans celebrate and gain false hope that their shithole organisation won't utterly ruin whomever they draft. ''[as Nick Folk kicks a 51-yard field goal as the clock runs out to hand the game to the Patriots, 30-27]'' Everyone else is livid because they can't dunk on a former dynasty. The New York Jets, everyone!\\

** This intro is later amended in Week 4, replacing Parkey's "double doink" with Matt Gay's missed field goal at the end of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' game against the New York Giants (captioned '''Y[-OU HAPPY,-] C[-HICAGO?-]''') and adding the '''N[-O SYMPATHY FOR YOU,-] P[-ATRIOTS-]''' caption to the Miami Miracle.

'''Headline''': ''[SickeningCrunch, stock groan of agony, and more shaking and beeping from the Buttfumble Detector]'' '''A[-FTER-] C.J. M[-OSLEY LEAVES WITH GROIN INJURY,-] J[-ETS FALL APART-]'''\\

'''Headline''': ''[SickeningCrunch]'' '''J[-ETS'-] C.J. M[-OSLEY,-] Q[-UINNEN-] W[-ILLIAMS OUT VS.-] B[-ROWNS WITH GROIN, ANKLE INJURIES-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''F[-ORMER-] B[-RONCOS-] QB T[-REVOR-] S[-IEMIAN TO START FOR-] N[-EW-] Y[-ORK-] J[-ETS IN WEEK 2-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''T[-HEY WILL PLAY THE-] P[-ATRIOTS TWICE, THE-] C[-OWBOYS, AND THE-] E[-AGLES-]'''\\

'''Headlines''': '''J[-ETS'-] J[-AMAL-] A[-DAMS CONFIRMS HE WAS BENCHED IN MONDAY NIGHT BLOWOUT VS.-] B[-ROWNS-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''N[-OT A DYNAMIC PLAYER, EH,-] G[-REGG-] W[-ILLIAMS?-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''T[-HREE DAYS REST!-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''F[-REEDOM OF CHOICE!-]'''\\
'''Headline''': '''M[-IKE-] V[-RABEL:-] R[-YAN-] T[-ANNEHILL WON'T REPLACE-] M[-ARCUS-] M[-ARIOTA DESPITE WEEK 3 LOSS-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''G[-ARDNER-] M[-INSHEW GETS BIZARRE $1 MILLION OFFER FROM PORN SITE-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''J[-ALEN-] R[-AMSEY NOT PRACTICING WITH-] J[-AGUARS DUE TO ILLNESS, AS TRADE REQUEST STILL LINGERS-]'''\\

'''Caption''': ''[flashing, accompanied by the "win" bell from Series/ThePriceIsRight]'' '''F[-REE WIN!!!-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''L[-UKE-] F[-ALK FOLLOWS IN FOOTSTEPS OF IDOL-] T[-OM-] B[-RADY, GOES TO-] T[-ITANS WITH PICK NO. 199-]'''\\

'''Caption''': ''[as 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo misfires a pass straight to Steelers linebacker T.J. Watt]'' '''T[-HANKS FOR THE FREE PICK, SIR.-]'''\\

'''Caption''': ''[Steelers WR Johnny Holton runs for a 9-yard gain]'' '''T[-HIS WAS THE BEST OFFENSIVE PLAY OF THE FIRST HALF.-] Y[-EAH.-]'''\\

'''Caption''': ''[Garoppolo throws an incomplete pass to running back Jeff Wilson]'' '''E[-RROR:-] K[-YLE-] J[-USZCZYK'S STIFF ARM FOOTAGE NOT FOUND-]'''\\

'''Caption''': ''[sure enough, Steelers running back James Conner loses control of the ball, and 49ers defensive tackle [=DeForest=] Buckner recovers it]'' '''W[-HAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE-] S[-TEELERS O-LINE?-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''P[-ICTURED: DESPERATE MANAGEMENT-]'''\\

-->'''Caption''': '''N[-EVER CHANGE,-] P[-HILLY.-] N[-EVER CHANGE.-]'''

'''Headline''': '''B[-ILLS'-] J[-OSH-] A[-LLEN SUFFERS HEAD INJURY VS.-] P[-ATRIOTS; REPLACED BY-] M[-ATT-] B[-ARKLEY-]'''\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' '''A[-T LEAST IT'S NOT-] P[-ETERMEME?-]'''\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' '''W[-HERE IS-] T[-RENT-] E[-DWARDS?-]'''\\

'''Buffalo Optimism Meter 2019.3.0''': ''[fart noise]'' '''E.J. M[-ANUEL?-] A[-NYONE?-]'''\\

''[fart noise]'' '''I [-ONLY DESIRE SWEET, MERCIFUL DEATH-]'''\\

'''Caption''': ''[at an angle in the top left]'' '''P[-URE AGONY 11/10 PAIN-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''J[-ETS SENT DOCTORS-] MRI[-S OF-] K[-ELECHI-] O[-SEMELE'S SHOULDER, [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer BUT THEY WERE BLANK]]-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''J[-ETS FINE-] K[-ELECHI-] O[-SEMELE FOR NOT PRACTICING THROUGH TORN LABRUM, REPORT SAYS-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''J[-ETS INJURY REPORT:-] CJ M[-OSLEY,-] K[-ELECHI-] O[-SEMELE OFFICIALLY DOUBTFUL FOR SUNDAY VS.-] E[-AGLES-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''K[-ELECHI-] O[-SEMELE,-] NFLPA [-MAY TAKE "ACTION" AGAINST-] J[-ETS' TEAM DOCTOR AFTER SURGERY-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''P[-ITTSBURGH SURPRISINGLY DIDN'T START THIS-]'''\\

'''T[-ENNESSEE-] T[-ITANS: PLAYOFF BOUND!-]''' ''[a graphic of confetti appears and a cheap noisemaker sounds]''\\

'''T[-ENNESSEE-] T[-ITANS: 9-7!-]''' ''[a graphic of confetti appears and a cheap noisemaker sounds]''\\

'''D[-ALLAS-] C[-OWBOYS: ELIMINATED!-]''' ''[a StockScream can be heard over black spit being thrown on the team logo, as UT laughs hysterically over the whole thing and he can also be heard mockingly letting out a "HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS!" in the background]''\\

'''Headline''': ''[glass breaking]'' '''NFL [-WEEK 1 BETTING PREVIEW:-] S[-TEELERS REMAIN 6.5-POINT UNDERDOGS VS.-] P[-ATRIOTS-]'''\\

'''Headline''': '''S[-TEELERS'-] B[-EN-] R[-OETHLISBERGER (ELBOW) OUT FOR THE YEAR-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''Q[-UESTIONABLE, EH?-]'''\\

'''Caption''': ''[below a headline stating Quinn says that the Falcons know the onside kick rules]'' '''I [-CALL BULLSHIT FOR $500, -] A[-LEX-]'''\\

'''Caption''': ''[accompanying the headline where Falcons owner Arthur Blank contradicted Dan Quinn]'' '''E[-VEN THE TEAM OWNER IS CALLING BULLSHIT,-] D[-AN-]'''\\

-->'''UT''': So Tyrod didn’t get a reaction, but the team doctor botched a routine injection?\\
'''Headline''': '''R[-EPORT:-] C[-HARGERS TEAM DOCTOR ACCIDENTALLY PUNCTURED-] T[-YROD-] T[-AYLOR’S LUNG ON-] S[-UNDAY-]'''\\

* The fact that there were so many injuries over the week’s slate of NFL games that Tree’s usual background music ({{Taps}}) was ''too short''. And counted among the injuries were a power outage in Miami that interrupted the CBS broadcast of the Bills-Dolphins game, and the 49ers MRI truck breaking down.
** That said, the [[DroneOfDread background music]], the sheer length of the injury list, and [[AuthorExistenceFailure the]] [[DownerEnding ending]] could just as easily push this into either NightmareFuel or TearJerker territory.

'''Caption''': ''[a headline saying Dan Quinn is focused on 'finishing better' rather than his job status]'' '''M[-ORE CLICHES...-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''A[-ND IT WAS AGAINST-] D[-ETROIT, TOO?-] J[-ESUS-] C[-HRIST, MAN...-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''B[-EHOLD: YOUR-] P[-YRRHIC VICTORY.-] L[-ET THE FALSE HOPE CONSUME YOU.-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''T[-HEY PROBABLY WOULD'VE MISSED THE FIELD GOAL IF THEY DIDN'T SCORE.-]'''\\

'''Caption''': '''F[-REE-] M[-ATT-] R[-YAN AND-] J[-ULIO-] J[-ONES.-] N[-OW.-]'''\\

* With injuries piling up already, Tree used 49ers vs. Jets to debut the Injury Bowl, where the theme involved "Roundball Rock" punctuated with bones crunching and stock screams. The footage used included [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixMVuOslebI a golf cart running over a group of reporters during a Texas high school championship game]], the video of the ambulance running into a group of players in ''[[VideoGame/MaddenNFL Madden 92]]'', and a rib breaking cutscene from [[VideoGame/BlitzTheLeague Blitz The League 2]]. It ended with the two team logos collapsing with an ambulance in the background as [[VideoGame/CommandAndConquer "Unit lost!"]] plays.

* The fact that there were so many injuries over the week’s slate of NFL games that Tree’s usual background music (“Taps”) was ''too short''. And counted among the injuries were a power outage in Miami that interrupted the CBS broadcast of the Bills-Dolphins game, and the 49ers MRI truck breaking down.

'''UT''': You can't just fire random assistants and pretend shit's gonna change! Period! You've earned these epic chokes! Stop wasting all your talent and let them go to teams that give a shit already! ''[[[[VideoGame/FarCry3 Vaas]] saying "Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?", followed by a clip saying "You blew it! Goodnight!"]''

** (over the Daniel Jones trip) LOOK OUT DANNY THE GHOSTS OF DERPS PAST ARE COMING TO HAUNT YOUR DREAMS!

'''UT''': Guess what? The team that fumbled four times in one quarter is coming back on them! You wonder ''why'' they keep getting by the big boys in business and in life? It's because of bullshit like this! 'Now Tree,' you say, 'you're being too harsh. [[TemptingFate Atlanta won't blow this onside kick]].' ''[with less than two minutes remaining and only behind 37-39, Dallas made their onside kick and no Atlanta player made a dive for it, making it a successful attempt by Dallas, musical stinger as [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehogSpinball Robotnik's laughter is heard]]]'' Oh my gentle Jesus just [[SuddenlyShouting FALL ON THE FUCKING BALL, YOU USELESS LITTLE SHITS]]! Oh god. ''[the win probability chart appears, [[EpicFail with Atlanta having a 99.9% chance of winning with three minutes remaining]]]'' The Falcons blew another big lead. The Falcons choked again! ''[UT laughs as a literal dumpster fire and SarcasticClapping appears, Mr. Kincade from the WesternAnimation/SouthPark episode "Guitar Queer-o" says "You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!", the Cowboys score the game-winning field goal as the game ends]'' Good work, Atlanta, for this failure leads you to being our Lolcow of the Week! This team is a fucking joke!\\

'''Caption''': ''[accompanying the headline where Arthur Blank contradicted Dan Quinn]'' '''E[-VEN THE TEAM OWNER IS CALLING BULLSHIT,-] D[-AN-]'''\\

'''UT''': Ha, fuck you Spanos.

-->'''UT''': ''[with the dumpster fire being superimposed over the Bears' game-winning touchdown]'' You know, I wanted you dead when you blew ''one'' 15-point lead in the 4th quarter, but to shit the bed in such a fashion '''[[SuddenlyShouting IN CONSECUTIVE WEEKS?!]]''' ''[Mr. Kincade from the WesternAnimation/SouthPark episode "Guitar Queer-o" says "You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!"; explosion sound as the superimposition was changed into the Georgia Dome being imploded]'' What in the literal ''fuck?!'' '''''WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, MARINE?!''''' Do you have a fetish for getting shit on or something? [[https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/odell-beckham-jr-jokes-about-his-alleged-poop-fetish-news.117447.html You trying to make OBJ into a prude]]? [''as yet another chart showing the Falcons' >99% chance of winning in the dying minutes appears''] Another game with an over 99% chance on winning AND YOU CHOKE ON THE AIR AGAIN?! The Falcons wanna make the same fuck-ups in the 4th quarter, well, they can be our Lolcow of the Week again! Every week this shit keeps going on is a failure on Arthur Blank! His refusal to make necessary changes when they need to be makes him look weak and afraid of change! And guess what happens when you don't change? The league eats you for fucking breakfast! Dan Quinn should've been fired last year! Dimitroff should've been fired years earlier!\\

* This week's Tank Division (''i.e.'', NFC East) matchup, subtitled "Tank Bowl X", pits the New York Giants against the Washington Football Team. The tone is set by a hilarious display of ineptitude by both teams in the first quarter as a fumble recovery goes comically awry:

* The Atlanta Falcons blow ''another'' double digit lead---this time, a 26-10 lead to the Chicago Bears, who also changed quarterbacks in the second half, using Nick Foles in place of Mitch Trubisky. Understandably, Tree went ballistic in another TheReasonYouSuckSpeech.

'''UT''': Does game intelligence choke when it comes to Atlanta too? Now you have to trust the defense to get a fucking stop! It goes about as well as you would expect! And now on the icing on the cake. ''[Matt Stafford successfully completes his touchdown pass to [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T._J._Hockenson T. J. Hockenson]] just as the game ends, Tree laughs hysterically with the SarcasticClapping playing as the Lions successfully convert their extra point attempt, Tree catches his breath but is still laughing through his words for the remainder of the section]'' I once thought that the Falcons were worthy of scorn, but now I see. They're a comedy. They easily choked a winnable game again. The third time in six weeks! ''[the chart showing the Falcons' win probability quickly evaporating from the 96.6% chance of winning when the Lions were forced to spike the ball with half a minute left]'' A 96.6% chance of winning!\\

'''UT''': You can't just fire random assistants and pretend shit's gonna change! Period! You've earned these epic chokes! Stop wasting all your talent and let them go to teams that give a shit already! ''[''[[[VideoGame/FarCry3 Vaas saying "Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?", followed by a clip saying "You blew it! Goodnight!"]'' saying "Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?"]], followed by a clip saying "You blew it! Goodnight!"]''

--->'''UT''': [''1st and Goal with just over a minute to go, Falcons only behind 16-14''] All they have to do is burn clock and- ''[[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Todd_Gurley Todd Gurley]] successfully runs down the middle and scores a quick touchdown, making it 16-22]'' GURLEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE GIVING DETROIT THE BALL BACK, YOU '''FOOL'''! [''cue past footage of Gurley running way back to close to his own end zone before being tackled''] Weren't you the one that made that really smart play two years ago with the Rams?\\

'''UT''': You can't just fire random assistants and pretend shit's gonna change! Period! You've earned these epic chokes! Stop wasting all your talent and let them go to teams that give a shit already! ''[[[VideoGame/FarCry3 Vaas saying "Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?"]], followed by a clip saying "You blew it! Goodnight!"]''

'''UT:''' [- How ''the hell'' did you make bail? -]

'''UT''': Guess what? The team that fumbled four times in one quarter is coming back on them! You wonder ''why'' they keep getting by the big boys in business and in life? It's because of bullshit like this! 'Now Tree,' you say, 'you're being too harsh. [[TemptingFate Atlanta won't blow this onside kick]].' ''[with less than two minutes remaining and only behind 37-39, Dallas made their onside kick and no Atlanta player made a dive for it, making it a successful attempt by Dallas, musical stinger as [[VideoGame/SonicTheHedgehogSpinball Robotnik's laughter is heard]]]'' Oh my gentle Jesus just [[SuddenlyShouting FOLLOW THE FUCKING BALL, YOU USELESS LITTLE SHITS]]! Oh god. ''[the win probability chart appears, [[EpicFail with Atlanta having a 99.9% chance of winning with three minutes remaining]]]'' The Falcons blew another big lead. The Falcons choked again! ''[UT laughs as a literal dumpster fire and SarcasticClapping appears, Mr. Kincade from the WesternAnimation/SouthPark episode "Guitar Queer-o" says "You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!", the Cowboys score the game-winning field goal as the game ends]'' Good work, Atlanta, for this failure leads you to being our Lolcow of the Week! This team is a fucking joke!\\

* With injuries piling up already, Tree used 49ers vs. Jets to debut the Injury Bowl, where the theme involved "Roundball Rock" punctuated with bones crunching and stock screams. The footage used included [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixMVuOslebI a golf cart running over a group of reporters during a Texas high school championship game]] and an ambulance running into a group of players in ''[[VideoGame/MaddenNFL Madden 92]]''. It ended with the two team logos collapsing with an ambulance in the background as [[VideoGame/CommandAndConquer "Unit lost!"]] plays.

--->'''UT''': ''[with the dumpster fire being superimposed over the Bears' game-winning touchdown]'' You know, I wanted you dead when you blew ''one'' 15-point lead in the 4th quarter, but to shit the bed in such a fashion '''[[SuddenlyShouting IN CONSECUTIVE WEEKS?!]]''' ''[Mr. Kincade from the WesternAnimation/SouthPark episode "Guitar Queer-o" says "You blew it! You had it all and you blew it!"; explosion sound as the superimposition was changed into the Georgia Dome being imploded]'' What in the literal ''fuck?!'' '''''WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, MARINE?!''''' Do you have a fetish for getting shit on or something? [[https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/odell-beckham-jr-jokes-about-his-alleged-poop-fetish-news.117447.html You trying to make OBJ into a prude]]? [''as yet another chart showing the Falcons' >99% chance of winning in the dying minutes appears''] Another game with an over 99% chance on winning AND YOU CHOKE ON THE AIR AGAIN?! The Falcons wanna make the same fuck-ups in the 4th quarter, well, they can be our Lolcow of the Week again! Every week this shit keeps going on is a failure on Arthur Blank! His refusal to make necessary changes when they need to be makes him look weak and afraid of change! And guess what happens when you don't change? The league eats you for fucking breakfast! Dan Quinn should've been fired last year! Dimitroff should've been fired years earlier!\\

--->'''UT''': Buffalo isn't even making this into a contest, as they posted a twenty-eight to- [[DoubleTake twenty-eight to three]]? Oh my god, OH MY GOD! The fools have no idea what they've done! I have to warn them! ''[phone dials, some indecipherable chatter is heard on the other side of the line as the Rams begin to rally]'' Is this the Pentagon? Get me the President! No, I don't care if I have clearance or not, the Buffalo Bills have walked right into a trap! Don't ask me how I got this number, I don't know, either! Just send the message to the Bills! They need to know before it's too late!... Yes, I'll have a stuffed crust pizza with extra pepperoni...and breadsticks, too. Yes, yes, I'll clean up my room. I love you too, mom. [''phone disconnects as the Rams are now only behind 25-28 and on the verge of scoring a touchdown''] Goddammit, I couldn't get the message to them! Now the Bills have pissed away a 25-point lead ''[Film/BillyMadison yells "YOU BLEW IT!"]'' and have to come back in a game they should have easily won.[[note]]Unlike Super Bowl 51, the Bills would go on to win the game 35-32 due to the Rams getting flagged for a questionable pass interference call, and the Bills scoring the game winning TD with seconds to play.[[/note]]