History Funny / Touhou

* Marisa [[{{CompletelyMissingThePoint}} not quite getting it.]]

--->'''Marisa:''' I messed up. I mean, "shoot and I'll move". In a hurry.

-->'''Alice:''' Ah, I -- KNIVES?!

* Most spellcards are named after historical events or items, or supernatural phenomena. Then you get some that are blatantly a [[{{TakeThat}} Take That!]] against a character the user doesn't like, such as Reimu's 'Exorcism of the Newspaper Subscription Solicitors', which consists of a GIANT 'no newspaper subscriptions, please' seal, or Mamizou's 'Pseudo-Exorcism of the Stupid Shrine Maiden', where she transforms into Reimu and spams her trademark homing bullets.

--->'''Flandre''': "Here I am."\\
'''Marisa''': "And you are?"\\
'''Flandre''': "Before you ask someone else's name..."\\
'''Marisa''': "Oh, me? I'm [[BlatantLies Reimu Hakurei. A shrine maiden.]]"\\
'''Flandre''': "I am Flandre, miss Marisa. (There's no way you could be a shrine maiden.)"

* From the same game, there's the choice between each branch of the RoadCone, which really encapsulate Marisa's ("Go kick Eirin's ass! (Final A) / Blow up everything you can! (Final B)") and Youmu's ("Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final A) / Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final B)") personalities.

* Most spellcards are named after historical events or items, or supernatural phenomena. Then you get some that are blatantly a [[{{TakeThat}} Take That!]] against a character the user doesn't like, such as Reimu's 'Exorcism of the Newspaper Subscription Solicitors', which consists of a GIANT 'no newspaper subscriptions, please' seal, or Futatsuiwa's 'Pseudo-Exorcism of the Stupid Shrine Maiden', where she transforms into Reimu and spams her trademark homing bullets.

-->'''Futatsuiwa''': "You... I shall have my revenge upon you! What is your name?"

-->'''Futatsuiwa''': "Marisa Kirisame? I'll remember that."

* And then later:
-->'''Marisa:''' Okay, okay, I give up. You're right. The endless night, stealing the full moon, hiding the human village, and putting hats on stone statues. It's all Alice's fault. Now, ''bitch, get out of the way!''

-->'''Marisa:''' Okay, okay, I give up. You're right. The endless night, stealing the full moon, hiding the human village, and putting hats on stone statues. It's all Alice's fault. Now, bitch, get out of the way!

-->'''Cirno''': Huh, all of you really are here.
-->'''Luna''': The three of us are as one!
-->'''Sunny''': Though a single arrow is broken easily, if you bundle three together...
-->'''Star''': You'll run out of arrows three times as fast! :D

-->'''[[Cloudcuckoolander Kotohime]]:''' Okay, I will! ♥

* Sakuya vs. Alice in ''[[{{Touhou}} Perfect Cherry Blossom]]'':

* Same game, Reimu vs. Chen:
-->'''Chen:''' You can't leave once you wander in.
-->'''Reimu:''' Is that so? By the way, I hear that Mayohiga's items bring you good fortune if you take them home.
-->'''Chen:''' Yeah, that's true...
-->'''Reimu:''' ''Then let the plundering begin!''
-->'''Chen:''' Uh... ''what!?''

* Hey, what happened to the classics!? They're pretty plentiful there too! Here's one from ''Phantasmagoria of Dim.Dream'':
-->'''Chiyuri:''' Do as I say, if you value your life.
-->'''Mima:''' No. ♥
-->'''Chiyuri''': ......... *sweatdrop*
* Same cutscene, different player character:
-->'''Chiyuri:''' You'd better do as I say, if you know what's good for you.
-->'''[[CloudCuckooLander Kotohime]]:''' Okay, I will! ♥
-->'''Chiyuri:''' Couldn't you show a little resistance?

-->'''Sanae:''' True nuclear fusion isn't meant to power hot springs. It's meant to be used to establish a self-sustaining energy source. Do you know where Gensokyo's energy comes from?\\
'''Reimu:''' From getting your three square meals a day.\\
'''Marisa:''' And booze.\\
'''Sanae:''' o_o

* The discussion of Gensokyo's energy policy in the second chapter of ''Wild and Horned Hermit''. Made even funnier when you remember how ZUN usually draws inspiration.

'''Marisa:''' And boose.\\

'''Sanae:''' o_o

'''Marisa:''' And boose.

-->'''Cirno''': "I'll cryo-freeze you along with some english beef!"

-->'''Alice''': "So, for what reason do you worry? About yourself."
-->'''Sakuya''': "Because I'm carrying only three changes of clothes. For myself."
-->'''Alice''': "Ah, good reason."
-->'''Sakuya''': "That, [[KnifeNut and a spare set of knives too.]]"
-->'''Alice''': "Ah, I -- KNIVES?!"
** Same game, Reimu vs. Chen:
-->'''Chen''': "You can't leave once you wander in."
-->'''Reimu''': "Is that so? By the way, I hear that Mayohiga's items bring you good fortune if you take them home."
-->'''Chen''': "Yeah, that's true..."
-->'''Reimu''': ''"Then let the plundering begin!"''
-->'''Chen''': "Uh... ''what!?''"

--->'''Alice''': "Why the stuttering? Just yell at her like you always do. ''Bitch, get out of the way!'' Like that.
--->'''Marisa''': No, don't! We'll be in for it if she gets mad!
** And then later:
--->'''Marisa''': Okay, okay, I give up. You're right. The endless night, stealing the full moon, hiding the human village, and putting hats on stone statues. It's all Alice's fault. Now, bitch, get out of the way!
** From the same game, there's the choice between each branch of the RoadCone, which really encapsulate Marisa's ("Go kick Eirin's ass! (Final A) / Blow up everything you can! (Final B)") and Youmu's ("Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final A) / Go where lady Yuyuko says (Final B)") personnalities.

--->'''Marisa''': Whew... This is so hot. So hot I could die!
--->'''Alice''': (Are the dolls okay?)
--->'''Marisa''': Yeah, but it's so hot I wouldn't be surprised if they burned up.
--->'''Alice''': (I think the dolls themselves will be fine, but it would be bad if the gunpowder inside caught fire.)
--->'''Marisa''': Why the hell did you stuff gunpowder in 'em?!

--->'''Chiyuri''': Do as I say, if you value your life.
--->'''Mima''': No. ♥
--->'''Chiyuri''': ......... (sweatdrop)
** Same cutscene, different player character:
--->'''Chiyuri''': You'd better do as I say, if you know what's good for you.
--->'''[[CloudCuckooLander Kotohime]]''': Okay, I will! ♥
--->'''Chiyuri''': Couldn't you show a little resistance?

--->'''[[CloudCuckooLander Kotohime]]: Okay, I will! ♥

** Quite a few bits of dialogue from the Touhou series in general are really amusing. Like this one from ''Imperishable Night'' against Reimu:

*** And then later:

** And again, Alice and Marisa, in ''Subterranean Animism'':

** Hey, what happened to the classics!? They're pretty plentiful there too! Here's one from ''Phantasmagoria of Dim.Dream'':

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