History Funny / TheWitcher3WildHunt

* In Blood And Wine, you get hit with a doozy of a literary shout out. Your first sight in Toussant is of a knight charging at a windmill...or rather, at the giant that crashes through the windmill. Then you look at your map and see that the place is titled 'Dulcinea Windmill'. [[Literature/DonQuixote If none of that strikes you as funny, try brushing up on knightly stories.]]

* A meta example: [=PCGamer=] became infamous enough for using images of Geralt in the bathtub for their Witcher 3 articles that [[AscendedMeme CD Projekt decided to]] [[http://www.pcgamer.com/bathtub-geralt-is-real/ send them a custom statue of bathtub Geralt]]...who also has a rubber duck and an issue of [=PCGamer=] magazine with him.

-->'''Baron:''' ...They say he's ploughing his goat.

* The many allies you can bring to your final fight involve [[TeethClenchedTeamwork the most unlikely pair]] (recruited separately): Vernon Roche and [[spoiler: Letho]] . Roche is not pleased with this, especially because of the best comeback in the game:

'''Vivaldi:''' ...[[IResembleThatRemark Aye, I play]].

** Turns out that you ''can'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJJmnH9JxzU find him in the game]]...[[{{Troll}} and repeatedly disturb him]]. Of course, he'll get mad, transform, and fight you.[[note]]The quest is ''very'' well-hidden and obscure, pretty much requiring AllThereInTheManual to find it and almost qualifying as an EasterEgg given it was featured in a trailer.[[/note]]

-->'''Geralt:''' A master monster slayer in the largest city in the world...looking for rat shit. Sheesh.

** Sigi tells a runaway mage that tears only diminish her beauty. Geralt retorts Sigi mustve's cried a lot then. Sigi replies that nah, he was just born ugly.

** It can include, based on player choices, Lambert impersonating their mentor Vesemir, Geralt drunkenly happy saying straight to Lambert's face: ''"You're an ass, but I really love you, brother"'' and a game of "[[INever I've never...]]"

** The dopler, a thief, was also apparently so emboldened by his success that he took on the form of a giant humanoid cat. [[RefugeInAudacity In broad daylight in a busy market.]] There's also the fact that the merchant believes the thief to be an imp, which Geralt dismisses outright as ridiculous. Because in a world of unicorns, dragons, griffons, and witches, [[ArbitrarySkepticism imps are just silly fairy tale creatures.]]

-->'''Ciri:''' Were you... ''spying?''\\

** Even better in that the Northern songs really are marching songs of the Polish Army.

* The troll quest near Oxenfurt is like straight out of the ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' novels. You run into a troll singing Northern military songs, and when questioned, you find out that he was drafted into the Redenian army. The soldiers told him to protect boats they had taken from peasants, but when the peasants came back for them, his attempts to gently nudge them and soldiers apart ended up killing every single one. He then got hungry and made some soup out of the corpses, and decided that since he's the only one around, he must now be the commanding officer. He then made fences out of the boats to keep the whole mess from happening again and wants Geralt to bring him paint to put the Redanian crest on them to make it official. If you do, he asks Geralt to paint it, and Geralt being no artist, the crest ends up looking like a cartoonish child's drawing. The troll's sincere enthusiasm and Geralt's deadpan delivery just make the whole thing a barrel of laughs.
** If Geralt convinces [[ThirdPersonPerson Trollololo]] to paint the crest instead, he actually does a good job -- though he considers it "ooguly" and [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments thanks Geralt for humoring him.]]

* Although the game is loaded with pop culture references, hearing a pair of the Baron's guards randomly talking about [[Film/PulpFiction bringing out the gimp]] is particularly funny.

* Geralt attempting to speak Troll language.

** Then the trio of drunk Witchers gets the '''''brilliant''''' idea to "invite girls who aren't Yennefer," Geralt, Lambert, and Eskel [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucFh1I2r-NQ decided to dress up in Yennefer's clothes and start drunk-dialing on her megascope]].

** When the incantation goes through, the Hierarch looks at them in confusion, before screaming for the guards, as he thinks the trio of drunken, cross-dressing witchers means that the Lodge of Sorceresses is actually coming after him! If they didn’t bother rummaging through Yen’s clothes first he assumes the three witchers he’s seeing were sent to kill him.

** It should be noted that for much of this mission ("No Place Like Home"), Geralt's voice actor mostly abandons the emotionless, sarcastic tone the character usually adopts in favor of a drunk, happy Geralt.

** One way to get through the bureaucracy faster? [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRp19icVpk8 Seduce the bank teller!]] ''And it works!''

** One way to get through the bureaucracy faster? [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4LR4XpJQ8Q Seduce the bank teller!]] ''And it works!''

* Geralt can choose to tell Monsieur de Borbeau when he takes offense to Geralt's...everything...to file a complaint with Kaer Morhen Customer Service. [[https://imgur.com/a/dAFyx A fan decided to actually show said Customer Service in action using storyboard mods.]]

* The scene from the game-play trailer where Geralt and a scholar find a higher vampire in a sarcophagus:

** Turns out that you ''can'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJJmnH9JxzU find him in the game]]...[[{{Troll}} and repeatedly disturb him]]. Of course, he'll get mad, transform and fight you.[[note]]The quest is ''very'' well-hidden and obscure, pretty much requiring AllThereInTheManual to find it and almost qualifying as an EasterEgg given it was featured in a trailer.[[/note]]

* Geralt's version of a formal bow consists of sort of awkwardly crouching while looking at the floor and flinging one arm wildly to the side in a pose that looks amazingly awkward. Especially funny when you consider that Geralt is actually ''superhumanly'' graceful, so either he really is that inept when it comes to courtly manners, or (more likely) he just absolutely refuses to make any kind of effort at things he despises.

** When the incantation goes through, the Hierarch looks at them in confusion, before screaming for the guards, as he thinks the trio of drunken, cross-dressing witchers means that the Lodge of Sorceresses is actually coming after him!

* On Temple Isle, in Novigrad, there is a priest who is also an alchemist. Geralt will inadvertently say the password ("that incense is making me nauseous") causing the priest to reveal his trade. Should you choose to make fun of his pass phrase, he goes off on a ClusterFBomb [[RantInducingSlight rant]], wishing all sorts of unspeakable acts on [[GroinAttack Geralt's privates]], before telling Geralt that if he snitches on him, he will do everything in his power to ensure Geralt is put on the pyre next to his, [[EvilIsPetty just so that he can blow on Geralt's so that he will go up in flames first.]] [[ActuallyPrettyFunny Geralt finds the whole rant amusing, and actually compliments the priest on his cursing, before asking to see his stock.]]

'''Lambert:''' What about that sorceress you talked to? Think about it. We turn on the megascope, cordially invite her... she teleports here... maybe brings some friends! How's that sound?\\

** In a bit of BlackComedy, Geralt learns from Elihal -- Dandelion's cross-dressing elven tailor -- that Kalkstein, the alchemist from the first game was [[spoiler: burned at the stake, but managed to get the last laugh. He had magical flares hidden in his clothes and as he was burned they spelled to the sky: "Radovid sucks flaccid cock". This may be a reference to ''Good Omens'', which had a prophetess burned at the stake, but she had stuffed her skirt with gunpowder that morning]].