History Funny / TheWire

** When Kima comes asking for it, right as Valchek receives a photograph of it from California, Valchek has to invent a lie on the spot and say that [[DoubleSpeak the Southwest]] has the van on loan. His uneasiness is priceless.

'''Levy:''' Why'd you shoot Mike-Mike in his, um... "hind parts", Mr. Little?\\
'''Omar:''' Let's say we had "a disagreement".\\

'''Omar:''' Well, you see, Mike-Mike thought he should keep that cocaine he was slingin' and the money he was makin' from slingin' it. I thought otherwise.

* Omar in court in general. Levy tries to paint him as a unreliable witness against Bird, but Omar just keeps his cool and gets plenty of chance to show off his sharp tongue. To wit, when Levy reads his ListOfTransgressions, which includes several changes on illegal possession of weapons and a change of attempted murder, Omar has this comment:

'''Omar:''' Let's say we had a disagreement.\\

* Colvin trying to convince Parenti that studying older criminals is a bad idea because they're "too seasoned". Parenti blows him off until Colvin takes him to interview a prisoner at the Western DEU; not five minutes into the interview before the prisoner attempts to attack Parenti with his own pen for simply taking notes. As Parenti runs out of the room as fast as his legs will move and Colvin subdues the prisoner, he chuckles and says to the prisoner "Thank you for being you".

* Bunk and Beadie go to the Port of Philadelphia to try and find a security guard who can identify some of the Greeks to help in their murder case. The security guide they find is a bit slow on the uptake and when they ask for the security guard who was there that night he states [[HypocriticalHumor "Walt's not as up to speed as the rest of us."]] When Bunk and Beadie prepare to leave disappointed, he then states since they came all this way "you might wanna have a looksie at the videotapes."

--->'''Daniels''': Did he do that thing where he stares at you over the top of his reading glasses? You know, with that look that says "I'm the father you never had ''and [[WellDoneSonGuy I don't want to be disappointed on you ever again]]''".

-->"If I do good here, they'll reach down to me ''[hand gesture pointing to his crotch area]''..."
*** As predicted, Royce decides to call Burrell to get Herc promoted up. As he's waiting for Burrell to pick up:

* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6vgiwLZk8Y entire scene]] where [=McNulty=] and Bunk re-create the Deirdre murder. Essentially five straight minutes of absolutely nothing but gratuitous use of the word "fuck" and variations thereof. ''And it still makes sense!''

** It's not helped by the little hurt swelling in Cheese's voice when he replies to Bunk's impression of his crying with, "Man, y'all some cold ass motherfuckers". He legitimately believes they brought him in just to fuck with him about his dog.

** You can tell that Bunk's lost it when he starts talking to one of the foreign guys, and this "language" includes the phrase "[[WesternAnimation/TheFlintstones yabba-dabba-daba-doo]]."

** Bunk tells [=McNulty=], "You're famous behind this, you know that? As a pervert, this report is gonna make you a BPD legend." In season 5, [[BrickJoke Dozerman brings it up to [=McNulty=], to which he half way denies.]]

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_X4tdPa1iU McNulty vs Rawls]], round one:

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZekrhML4frI McNulty thanking Bunk for fucking him gently]].

* Lester and Bunk realize that [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSqSvzTi2A8 McNulty is there]] to smugly show off his deductive motherfucker skills, so they start explaining the case in third person for him before [=McNulty=] can say another word of his Johnny-come-lately bullshit, as they already have figured most of it by themselves.

** Bunk tells [=McNulty=], "You're famous behind this, you know that? As a pervert, this report is gonna make you a BPD legend." In season 5, [[BrickJoke Dozerman brings it up to McNulty, to which he half way denies.]]

* Beadie's kids call McNulty... McNulty. Bunk recites a litany of possible names for ol' Jimmy, and Beadie's son just repeats "McNulty" while giving him a look that just screams "we just roll with it, man".

* A call back to season 2 when [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nboDElbfMKY Dozerman asks McNulty about a rumor he heard of him in a threesome during a whorehouse sting.]]

* Two police officers on patrol [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jy0kHmk7yj8 catch McNulty banging a random blonde in the hood of his car]]. [=McNulty=] just pulls out his badge, flashes it and then [[CoitusUninterruptus continues about his business]]. The beat cops are not surprised to learn he is from CID (Investigation Dept.) and just drive off.

* [=McNulty=]'s "serial killer" manages to end up catching the FBI's attention and they do a psychological rundown. [=McNulty=] listens in silence [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn0ylNZhOJI as the agent reads a profile]] [[IResembleThatRemark that sounds like a perfect description of McNulty]]:
-->So what we conclude from a behavioral analysis of the known forensics is the following: The suspect is likely a white male, in his late twenties to late thirties. He likely is not a college graduate, but feels nonetheless superior to those with advanced education. And he is likely employed in a bureaucratic entity, possibly civil service or quasi-public service, from which he feels alienated. He has a problem with authority and a deep-seated resentment of those who he feels have impeded his progress professionally. The minimized sexual activity suggests that this is not a primary motive for the killings. In fact, the bite marks on the last found victim - lacking the D.N.A. and saliva - indicate to us possible postmortem staging. The suspect has trouble with lasting relationships and is possibly a high-functioning alcoholic, with alcohol being utilized as a trigger in the commission of these crimes. His resentment of the homeless may stem from a personal relationship with someone who is in that cohort, or his victimization of vagrants might merely present an opportunity for him to assert his superiority and intellectual prowess.

** It's not helped by the little hurt swelling in Cheese's voice when he replies to Bunk's mockery of his voice with, "Man, y'all some cold ass motherfuckers". He legitimately believes they brought him in just to fuck with him about his dog.

-->'''Herc''': He's a complicated man, and no one understands him but his woman.

* [=McNulty=] in a lesbian bar. After two rather unseemly butch ones make him twist his face in disgust, he finally scans a hot blonde.

* Bodie coming to Stringer to explain Hamsterdam. Stringer listening skeptically, thinking Bodie was wired, and only replying with a beatiful movement of ears and the line "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyUoH_V9kS0 Yeah, well, you shouldn’t sell drugs]]." This is then followed by Bodie showing his stomach is bare and then when Stringer still seems skeptical, going to unbuckle his ''pants''.

[[caption-width-right:340:''"The machine tells the tale, son."'']]

--> '''Cheese''': Omar had one of them commando squads with him, man. I mean, he had this one hoe pullin' guns out her pussy, Unc! The shit was ''unseemly'', man.

--> '''Tommy Carcetti''': Hey there, Jim. Tom Carcetti here, remember me? We met at your sister's house, you know, the one that's married to that republican cunt? ''[laughs]'' I know you don't remember me, I know you don't have any use for fucking politicians and, frankly, I don't give a flying fuck about what you think or what your concerns are. But I do care about what your cute little blonde wife thinks about so many things. But, Jim, the reason I'm calling is because I want you to write me out a check for $4,000, the maximum allowed by law, and because we don't trust you to actually mail that check, we're gonna send over a couple of furloughed DPW workers to beat the check out of you.

* "Our Lady of the re-up"

--> '''Cheese''': Omar had one of them commando squads with him, man. I mean He had this one ho pullin' guns out her pussy, Unc! The shit was ''unseemly'', man.

-->'''Bunk''': Son, they gonna beat on your White ass like it was a Rented Mule.

* Slim Charles [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xiL95jR44E chastising Gerard and Sapper]] with style after the fiasco of Omar's grandma.

-->'''Joe''': I'm doing like one of them marriage counsellors. Charge by the hour to tell some fool he need to bring some flowers home. Then charge another hour telling the bitch she oughta suck some cock every little once in a while. You know, keep a marriage strong like that. ''(Omar walks up]'') Speaking of cocksuckers...

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArhD7CqVgeE BNBG]]: "Big Negro, Big Gun."

* Late at night, Major Colvin goes for a drive through his district, in-uniform, in an unmarked but obvious police car. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxEKRI5oxOk Some dumbass kid named Justin still tries to sell him drugs.]] He's so stunned initially that he just responds [[FlatWhat "What?"]]. The kid asks again, so Colvin turns up his police radio. The kid asks ''again'', so Colvin puts on his uniform hat, at which point the kid '''finally''' figures it out and his friends start howling with laughter.

-->'''Lester:''' Mishy Gishy Mushy Gushy Mishy Motherfucker... Negro, you cannot travel halfway around the world and not speak any motherfucking English! [[Film/PulpFiction English, motherfucker!]]

* The UncomfortableElevatorMoment between Jimmy "serial killer" [=McNulty=] and Deputy Daniels... "to be continued"

'''Omar:''' I shot the boy Mike-Mike in his hind parts, that all. ''(the jury laughs)'' Fixed it so he couldn't sit right. ''(Judge Phelan barley surpresses a chuckle)''\\

* Some of the stevedores decide to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHybA8n2b8A play a prank on Ziggy]]. They serve him with a "paternity suit," which includes a telephone number for a lawyer. Nicky makes the phone call to "the lawyer", and Maui answers from across the room, "Shyster, shyster and shyster." The guys made sure some very apropos music plays in the background: "Love child, never meant to be"

'''Rawls''': Yeah, and I seen one take a shit on my carpet, too. And don't give me that he's-got-that-fire- in-the-belly garbage, either. [...] Jesus, Lieutenant. When I said "anything," I meant I'd let you have a kiss feel my tits or something, you know? But not this.

-->'''Carver''': I'm at a desk outside the roll call room on the first floor of 1034 North Mount. My feet are facing west and my dick is pointing south-southwest!